I am so sorry that this has taken so long to update. I have been struggling to concentrate for more than 5 minutes at a time, and didn't want to upload a chapter that I wasn't happy with.

Hopefully this chapter is worth the wait…

/

It was nearing 4pm, and Callie knew that she had to make her way out of the covers in the on call room towards the break room on the third floor. The room where every staff event was held. The leaving celebration for Arizona going to Africa. Callie's baby shower. And now the leaving celebration for Callie and Penny. Callie felt a little bit sick at how fast the move seemed to have come around.

Callie liked the feeling of being caught up in the whirlwind of love, or like, or whatever it was that she had with Penny. She liked the butterflies and feeling like she was something to someone. She liked to be needed as well as wanted. She liked it all so much that when a crazy idea came up, she went with it, said yes and fantasized about moving across the country. Actually preparing to move? That was a whole different thing.

Sure Callie had moved before. Moving from Miami to Seattle had been easy - Callie was young with no ties. She had just finished med school and was ready for change. But now Callie was in a completely different place in her life. She had a daughter, a career. She hated to admit it but maybe everybody was right. Maybe it was completely ridiculous for Callie to be following this woman across the country, this woman she had known for maybe 18 months, this woman who Callie had definite like or love for.

The second Callie had agreed to move, she felts the pressure begin. How could she let the bright eyed, bushy tailed redhead down? There was so much hope in her eyes, so much joy in her smile. Callie let herself go further and further down the rabbit hole. She allowed Penny to get excited about the move, to look forward to the move. She couldn't pull out now. She couldn't let Penny lose the light in her eyes, not how she let Arizona lose the light in her eyes in that airport.

Oh crap. This was Africa, 2.0.

Callie threw her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes. How did she get back into this pattern of self-destruction? Callie knew she was a strong woman, she didn't need to rely on anyone, so why was she pinning all of her options on this? She knew she was being silly, but she didn't know how to stop what she had already started. Maybe it was nerves that made her feel so anxious about this all? Maybe it would all be fine once she got to New York…

Or maybe Callie was delusional and needed a therapist stat.

The alarm on Callie's phone went off, tearing her thoughts away from the self pity she had been burying herself in. It was time to face the music. Time to say goodbye to her colleagues. Time to make the move real.

Callie took her time walking along the corridors, taking in the faces of the nurses and fellow doctors, taking in the sights and smells of the hallways she had grown to love over the years. This was where she learned her trade. This was where she had made friends, and lost friends. This was where she grew up and learned how to be a functional human adult. Callie felt a deep sorrow in her heart, and bit the inside of her mouth to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. She couldn't break down, not today. Callie had already planned the point at which she would allow herself to break down - the first day Penny went off to work and Callie would be left alone in a city so large and vibrant that a lone person would be swallowed into nothingness.

Callie stopped dead in her tracks when she turned the final corner before the room where the leaving celebration would be happening. Callie took a large breath, trying to steady her nerves and cement her smile into her face. She went to take a step when someone came crashing into the back of her.

"Ouch!" Callie looked over her shoulder to see Arizona taking a backwards step.

"Sorry." Callie offered a half smile.

"Don't be." Arizona looked up at the brunette. "Just maybe don't stand where people can't see you next time."

Callie walked to the other side of the corridor. "It probably wasn't my greatest idea ever."

"You think?" Arizona raised her eyebrow. "Anyway I should get…" Arizona pointed to the room with the leaving celebration. "Hang on, shouldn't you be in there by now?"

Callie shrugged. "I suppose."

"Then you're not because of what we spoke about earlier?"

Callie tilted her head. Arizona sighed with an air of impatience.

"What I said earlier still stands Callie. You need to be thinking about you." Arizona stated before turning on her heel. "Are you coming?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

Callie stood in the corridor, eyes fixed on the skirting board. There was no chance of catching anyone's eye if she kept her gaze low. No chance of difficult questions and more difficult answers. She could pretend that the world was standing still and nothing was happening. It was a moment of peace. Literally a moment before Meredith turned the very same corner that Arizona had not long turned.

"Callie! What are you doing out here?"

Callie tried to smile at Meredith, tried to put on a face for her friend. She had enough issues of her own, and had already been enough of a rock for Callie. Callie didn't want to put more on her friend than necessary.

"I was just letting Penny have her moment in there. And I needed some quiet." Callie swiftly changed the topic, lightening her tone of voice instantly. "How is your patient?"

Meredith paused. "Lizzie is going to be okay, and so is her unborn child. Arizona performed a miracle in that OR today."

"I heard you two had a little… heated discussion earlier." Callie offered.

"You could call it that." Meredith smirked. "I guess I didn't agree with Blake being taken off a surgery on her last day. It was a bit tense in the OR, but the patients are alive and that's what matters, right?"

"Right." Callie nodded.

"So, are you going to tell me what you're really doing out here?" Meredith persisted.

Callie paused, before shaking her head. "It doesn't matter. Come on, lets go."

With that, Callie turned and walked ahead of her friend, relieved to not have to explain herself to someone who had been so positive about the move. With every step, Callie told herself that everything would work out, and New York would be great. With every step, she wished that she could believe what she was telling herself. By the time she opened the door, Callie almost believed that she could believe herself. She believed that she could be convincing when talking to anybody in the room about the move.

After all, it's not lying if you truly believe something, right?