Part 2, Chapter X: Wild

Disclaimer: I like to play pretend in the house Stephanie Meyer created but I really like to do renovations because I don't particularly like the finishes or the majority of the house (is that a witty enough way to say I don't own shit and think that the Twilight Universe has promise? Yeah, I think so).

Warning: This story contains Adult Content. Beware.

Summary: Charlie Swan went missing on the 12th of November 2005. They found no blood, and no body but the police had stopped looking. That's why I was coming back to Forks. I had to find my father. Follow Bella in this dark exploration of what the Twilight Universe could be when faced with the reality of wolves pretending to be boys, and monsters pretending to be high school students.

Missing Youth

by: brbbbe (Emily)

Leave this blue neighbourhood
Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh
And it drives me wild

'Cause when you look like that
I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh
It drives me wild

You're driving me wild, wild, wild
You're driving me wild, wild, wild

You're driving me wild

Troye Sivan - Wild

Previously:

"You need to leave, Bella."

I shook my head, hatred consuming me as I glared at him. Moving back to where Jacob was, I grabbed his jaw and pulled his head up – refusing to leave without him at least meeting my eyes. I forced myself to look into his charcoal eyes, the eyes that I could so easily get lost in, when I spat the words.

"I hate you."

And that was when everything exploded.

JACOB

I was fourteen when I first phased.

I could still remember what it felt like. I could still remember how my muscles felt new, spasming and vibrating as I stumbled through the house. I could remember how I heard my Dad's voice … from a mile away. I could remember how the smell of pine, and tobacco overwhelmed me like never before. It was as if everything around me was suddenly magnified, and I was victim to it.

I could still remember how my nails, sharpened and refined, had torn into the wood of the kitchen bench. I had screamed. I had cried. I had begged for death. But death never came.

Something worse did.

Becoming a wolf is unlike anything I had ever experienced. My skin felt on fire, and my mind? My mind was unraveling. My mind was spinning, and everything that I knew about myself was soon becoming void. Jacob Black, as I knew him, ceased to exist after that night.

Sam called it becoming the wolf. Once you phase, there will be two of you. Permanently. There's you, the human part of you, the part that has logic and memories. And then there's the wolf, a feral being separate from who you are, and who you ever will be. But the wolf was a part of you – the wolf was as much you as the human part.

And that was disturbing.

The first phase was the worst. My bones, tired from the growth spurt that had seen me go from 5'11 to 6'7 in a few months, stretched beyond natural reason until I broke. Figuratively and literally, my skin stretched too far that my bones would puncture outward and break, again and again. 206 bones in the body, and each one would break with the phase.

My genetics had cursed me to a half-life. One half of my life was normal; I went to school, I hung in the garage, I fought with my sisters. My life was normal. And then everything changed. My genetics had sentenced me to become a freak; an animal that even nature rejected.

Our wolves didn't resemble normal wolves. We were designed to kill the supernatural, so of course we mirrored our enemy. We resembled bears in height, and width but we were undeniably wolves. Our teeth were made to tear at marble skin, our paws made to rip leech's heads. We were, in every way, the perfectly made killer.

The wolf was dominant. The human become second.

After the phase was the worst. Our human bodies, stretched too far and too thin, struggled to adapt to the phase. Trembling fingers with uncontrollable strength behind them, and a jarred mind that could hardly transition from kill mode, was what you were left with. On top of that, you were bare of clothes because of course American Apparel didn't make clothes that would survive the phase.

I almost laughed at that thought. I barely survived the phase; I couldn't imagine some American Apparel piece of shit shirt surviving it. Most of my clothes now were jeans I had torn apart, and a few pairs of beat up sneakers.

"So, do you get it?" I asked, looking to the newest recruit.

His name was Collin Littlesea, and he was thirteen. The kid viewed this whole thing as an adventure – as if we were some sort of superhero's. He was overly enthusiastic, reminding me of Seth Clearwater. I had had to pull him out of his biology class before he had phased in the woods behind the school.

He was my Aunts kid.

Another boy lost to the La Push gang.

That's what they would say of course. There were ten of us now – ten freaks that were imprisoned in this hellhole because of our genetics. Well, there were ten of us. Now, there was only nine.

"Yeah, Jake," He said, nodding enthusiastically. "I think I got it from that weird mind thing we did."

I nodded, knowing how overwhelming the pack mind could be. Being Alpha magnified it by ten, even in human form. I couldn't hear everyone's thoughts as I could when I was my wolf, but I could still sense them. If I focused enough I could hear the buzz; the sound of each pack members heart beating. "Get used to it, kid."

"So I wasn't imagining that, then? Vampires and all that shit, its real?"

I nodded, looking over my bike. "Yep."

"Awesome," He murmured, his eyes wide as he looked over my bike. "But I can't tell anyone."

I shook my head. "No. Your parents will be informed by the council elders, to explain why you won't be seeing them for the next month."

"I won't be seeing them for the next month?" He repeated, his eyes wide. "Why? Why can't I see my Mom and Dad?"

It was then that it became jarringly obvious that Collin was, and is still, nothing more than a child. A child who didn't want to leave home, or take on the responsibility of what it really meant to be a wolf. He might think it cool now, when everything is new and amazing, but when reality hit, it would be hard. Children shouldn't have to deal with this.

"You're too unpredictable," I explained gently. "I can't have you phasing in front of your Mom because she told you to take the trash out. It's too dangerous."

"But you said my Mom and Dad are gonna know anyways, so what will it matter?" He questioned, confused.

Emily Young's face sprung to my mind.

"It matters," I murmured. "Trust me. Do you remember Emily Young?"

XXX

"Hey, boss!"

I looked over my shoulder to see Embry stalking towards me, a smile on his lips. I couldn't understand how he still smiled – his mother had threatened to kick him out last night. And he had come close to hitting her. Embry Call, the kid who had once been afraid of hurting a butterfly, had nearly phased in front of his mother. And it wouldn't have been a mistake.

No, Embry had wanted to hurt his mother. Embry had wanted to grab her by the hair, and throw her against the wall. He would never admit so, but in that moment, he had wanted to kill the woman who had raised him. Embry was tired of the constant nagging, of the constant questions. The decision had been made, when Embry had first phased, that no non-Quileute should know the secret.

And that included Tiffany Call.

When I had become Alpha, I had told him he could tell his mother. Parents should at least know where there parents were going at night, I had thought, but Embry refused. He said his relationship was too far gone to recover now.

Embry had tried to hide his thoughts when I had dragged him from his home, his mother sobbing. He could hide them from the others, if he concentrated, but I was his Alpha. He couldn't hide his thoughts, or emotions from me. I guess that was a sick advantage of having the entire tribes safety on your shoulders. It didn't matter, anyway; I didn't have to be a wolf to know Embry was on the verge of hurting his mother.

I had felt it all the way from my room, at my own house, as I tried to sleep. The rage, the hatred, the resentment, I had felt all of it. And Embry's mother's voice had been screaming inside my head, screaming for answers, screaming for her son, and screaming for herself.

I nodded in greeting, turning back to my bike. The thing was falling apart without my attention, and as of late, my attention had either been on sleeping or on the pack. Being Alpha wasn't exactly a 9 to 5 – it was every day, every minute, every second of my life. I couldn't turn it off, unless … I stopped myself from thinking about that, not wanting to remember his thoughts, or his actions.

"Bike still fucking up?" Embry questioned.

I gave a gruff nod. "Yep. Fucking Leah pushed it over on Tuesday after we caught that trail and I think she loosened one of the bolts."

"Shit," Embry said, before he flopped down on the ground next to me. "How's Collin?"

"Sleeping like a baby," I said, motioning to the house. My house had become where the pack slept, ate, fought, etc. It had become pack, and pack meant that it was shared. Like everything in my life.

"Brady too?" Embry questioned.

I shook my head. "Nah, I put the kid on with Paul. He's a bit too cautious – I'm hoping Paul can rile him up a bit, maybe make phasing in a bit easier. He's struggling to phase in-"

"Yeah, Jared was saying."

"You seen Jared?" I questioned, sighing as I felt the tremors in my hand, the screw that I was holding falling from my hands. "Fuck sakes'."

Embry watched as I grabbed a smoke, and lit it – putting the small cylinder between my lips and lighting it. The side effects of the phase this morning were still hard to shake off, and the tremors didn't help anything. I was practically crippled, and it fucking infuriated me. I couldn't do shit – I couldn't even work on my own bike anymore because I couldn't hold a fucking screw.

"Yeah, I saw him this morning," Embry carried on, knowing I didn't like to focus on the tremors. "Fucking prick was chasing his tale 'cause Kim's angry at him."

"Again?" I asked. "What the fuck did he do this time?"

Embry shrugged. "I dunno, you know how imprints are Jake. She'll scream because he fucked up and then he'll be fucking her by tonight, and we'll have to endure it for days."

I narrowed my eyes. "I am well aware of how an imprint works, Embry."

Embry's expression deflated, and his shoulders slumped. "Fuck, Jake, I'm sorry."

Jared had imprinted on Kim in history class. She had been crushing on Jared for years, and took the whole wolf thing well. Until it became reality. That was what happened with most of our wolves – the first two weeks were amazing. New senses, new strength, new body. And then you start to notice the tremors after the phase, or the irritability that lasted for hours, no, days after you phase. You begin to notice the fact that your body will be set off at the slightest of anger, the slightest of panic.

You notice that sleep no longer comes easy, and when it does, you're dreaming as the wolf. Any smell is overwhelming, and food is all you want. And there is the kill – the chase of the leech's. It would be fine if our lupine senses, designed to kill those that come on our land and threaten our people, were only used then. But hours after the chase, you still weren't satisfied unless you killed.

I was a fucking animal, we all were, and nothing could glamourize that.

Despite this, Kim had stuck around. Yeah, things were hard, but she loved Jared – completely and utterly. With every ounce of her being, Kim loved her wolf; she breathed for him and he breathed for her. His every thought led back to her, and while it annoyed the other wolves, I understood.

On the 12th of July, 2004, I had imprinted on Isabella Swan.

Isabella Swan, the daughter of the chief of police, was my imprint. I had been in wolf form at the time, and coming home from patrol. It had been easier back then – I was just one of the wolves, and Sam was in control. Being a wolf wasn't easy, but then, it was easier. Being Alpha magnified every lupine sense, and forced you to confront it daily.

She had walked from the house, her shoulder length hair flowing in the breeze and her cardigan pulled tightly around her torso. She wore jeans, and scuffed converse, and her face – her beautiful, flushed face – had been screwed tightly as the wind hit her face. I knew she was the one from the moment I had smelt her. Freesias and strawberries had consumed my mind, and my heart had pulled in my chest. The wolf had decided that had whoever smelled like that was his mate. His imprint.

Her chocolate gaze had met mine, and then I was tied to her, forever and always. When Sam had explained imprinting to me – the rare occurrence of finding a 'soul mate' – he had said it was like feeling gravity for the first time. She was gravity. Nothing held you to the Earth anymore but her; sanity, love, life, they all belonged to her now.

I had laughed when he had first told me about gravity. I couldn't laugh about it now. Not after what happened to his imprint.

"Billy says she's coming back, Jake," Embry murmured, meeting my eyes. "She's coming back for Charlie, boss."

I shook my head, my fist clenching around a pipe. "I won't see her. Not after what happened."

"You're not Sam, Jake," Embry said. "She's your imprint – you can't deprive yourself of her. If you see her, maybe your wolf will feel better. You're jacked up, constantly – when was the last time you actually slept?"

I shook my head, throwing the pipe at the wall. "Don't you understand, Embry? It doesn't matter. I need to keep her safe."

"Sam made one mistake," Embry murmured. "One mistake, Jake."

"One mistake that got his imprint killed," I snarled. "It got her bitten. He knew there could have been leeches there, and he still fucking risked her. They had been teasing us for weeks, ever since we got that blonde motherfucker."

"It could have happened to any of us-"

"He was the ALPHA!" I shouted, turning to Embry. "He was the Alpha, and he was blinded by love. He went willingly into that forest because Em wanted to have a picnic. A fucking picnic! He could have told her no. He could have explained that because we had fucked off those vamps by killing the blonde, it wasn't safe to be off the reservation. He should have listened to his instincts, and to his gut. His wolf should have been alert and instead it was thinking about its imprint. It got her killed, Embry. I won't bring Bella- I won't sentence Bella to this shit of a life."

"Jake-"

"And then he wouldn't even finish it," I spat, my hatred for what happened, for what haunted me, flaring up. My hands trembled violently, and I shook my head. "I need to phase."

"Go," Embry said, nodding. "I'm sorry, Jake."

I didn't hear anything else before I burst out of the doors, exploding from my skin. I could hear the faint buzz of Paul and Brady, amplified now that I phased. I ignored their questioning thoughts, blocking them from my mind as I ran through the forest. I darted through the woods, jumping from lug to dirt – my paws digging into the earth as I listened.

I could hear the water from the stream, and the birds high in the pines. The faint sound of a radio blaring from the highway infiltrated my mind – some rap song filling the air. And then there was the sound of human voices, a woman and a man locked in an argument. She wanted to have purple curtains but he thought it was too gender specific, or some crap like that.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was lurking in the wood near the Swan house. I could still see the yellow tape around the yard, prohibiting the prying eyes from seeing the crime scene. I could no longer smell Bella here, but when Charlie was still here, sometimes she'd call and I'd hear her voice.

God, Jake, you're beginning to sound like Jared, Paul snickered, and I wondered why I had him around.

Fuck off, Paul, I sneered back, not wanting Paul to draw away from her.

Gag me, fuck, Paul snarked back, See, Brady? This is the shit you have to put up with. At least he's better than Sam was.

Hey, I warned, not wanting this to become another argument about the Sam.

Look, Jake, I'm sorry, but it's not like we can avoid the subject forever, Paul thought, but you know we can't control our thoughts and sometimes I think back to Sam. It's not like we can ignore what happened.

Of course we can't ignore what happened, I growled, I think about it every second of the day, so can you please shut the fuck up?

Brady was quiet, but I could hear his thoughts coming at me like a train. I could feel his curiosity, and his want to see our own thoughts. He wanted to see what Emily looked like … after. I couldn't bare to think of it, the horror of what we had done – what I had done – it was too much.

But it was too late. As soon as Brady had thought it, Paul was thinking it. He was remembering what we had done to our friend. I could see the memory playing out, could hear Emily's screams, could hear Sam's. I could hear Sam begging for death, and I could hear Leah sobbing.

Enough, I ordered, my own mind reeling as I heard Brady vomiting, he's seen enough, Paul.

Sorry, Jake, Paul thought, guilt consuming him.

I shook my head, hushing him. It wasn't Paul's fault – of course it wasn't Paul's fault. It was mine. It had been my fault. I never should have- it's always my fault. Don't think about it, I thought to myself, suppressing the tremor that went through me. I could hear Paul assuring Brady that this was normal – that because I was Alpha, I felt things more intently.

Fucking understatement

It was then I heard it; the sound of a car tumbling down the street, and the sound of breathing. Her breathing. The part of myself I had suppressed for so long, the part of myself that belonged to her, was alive and screaming to be let loose. The wolf was pacing, no, the wolf was prancing with excitement. It practically sung 'she's back' in my ear.

I got as close as I could, but that still wasn't close enough. I could hear Paul shouting in the background, telling Brady to get the others, but I didn't' care. She was here – after a year without her, she was hear. Almost suddenly I could breathe again – just the knowledge that she was here, safe, and in my protection was enough to have my wolf purring.

She was wearing the same converse as the year before, but this year, her hair was tumbling past her shoulders and to just below the swell of her breast. She was wearing jeans again, and a thin cotton T-shirt. She should have been wearing a jacket – it was way too cold out for her to be wearing just a simple shirt. Even she seemed to feel the cold, as her hands absentmindedly stroked her bare arms.

She eyed the truck out front before ducking under the yellow tape, her wide chocolate eyes searching the house she had once called home. I could barely control myself, let alone stop myself from bounding over to her. I phased out, suppressing the scream of pain that rippled through me as I snapped back into human form.

As soon as I took a step, naked and purring, I felt two hands wrap around my arms, holding me back. I snapped back, a growl still stuck in my throat as I stared at Embry and Jared. "Let me go."

It wasn't an alpha order, but it was enough of an order for Embry to flinch. Jared, as my beta, wasn't so easily moved, although he too looked unnerved at disobeying his Alpha.

"Jacob," Jared said. "You don't want this. You don't want to be near her, remember? Remember what you told me, Jake."

I remembered then.

I had been coated in blood, Emily's blood, and had been trembling from my head to my toes. It was half from taking the command from Sam, and half from what I had just done. I had been crying, sobbing actually, and Jared had forced me to go back home. Out of everyone who had been there that day, he was the only one who could look at me.

He had gabbed a hose, and washed me of the blood that had labeled me a killer. He had commanded me to take the Xanax, and had given me clothes. Jared was my best friend, that day, and also the best wolf out of all of us. In my drunken state – drunk on grief, drunk on power – I had slurred a command to Jared.

"Never let me near her," I had said, choked on my sobs. "I can't ruin Bella. I won't. Don't let me do to her what Sam did to Emily."

"She's my imprint," I spat, wanting to forget what I had commanded of Jared.

"And I'm your Beta," He spat back, pulling me back. "If you truly, truly want to go see her, we'll come with you. Okay?"

I nodded, but my wolf was snarling. He didn't like that Jared was ordering me around – he was the Alpha, not Jared. I tried to hush him, focusing on Bella instead. I was almost bursting with eagerness, until the sane part of me reminded the wolf that Bella was not safe around us. Bella could not be around me.

Breathe, I told myself, trying to suppress the wolf inside me.

I was going to see Bella.

And I couldn't contain myself.

Preview:

Jacob Black," She said, her eyes widening. "You're Jacob Black, aren't you?"

Her words were a dagger to my heart, and a treat to my wolf. He yapped and pranced, before settling. I felt like screaming – no, my wolf couldn't settle. My wolf had to constantly be alert. My wolf had to protect the tribe. I had to protect my tribe. I had to protect Bella.

A/N: IT'S FRIDAY! And we have Jacob's POV! Did you guys like it? Does it answer some of the questions? I'm so excited to be sharing this with you! Please give me some feedback, I'm dying to know what you think :)