Author's note: I know this is very late. I've been sick for days and haven't felt like writing. Then early this morning I had burnt the back of my hand. It's not serous, but it's still painful. Next week's update will be moved back to the week after because of the Easter holiday, but I will try to get that chapter in the Friday after. On a plus note I will be continuing the one shot collection and I will update that either late today or tomorrow. Disclaimer, I only own Cassandra and a few other characters, everyone else belongs to Doyle. Reviews are really wonderful, flames will be used to heat my tea.

"To keep the body in good health is a duty...otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."

Buddha

Chapter 10

I believe I owe you, gentle reader an explanation for my hastily departure. About two weeks before the accident of Lord Findley, Sherlock Holmes had suffered from a collapse. He had been lecturing me on his latest study when he grown pale and silent. I had looked up from the notes I was taking in time to see him fall.

Watson had decided a specialist needed to be called in. It was reported Holmes was overworked, malnourished, and there were signs of an overindulgence of his habit. Dr Agar had ordered that Holmes needed rest otherwise his body would give out. It would leave him in a position where any sort of work, both physical and mental, in the future would be impossible for him to do.

After much debate, Mycroft, Watson, and I had decided the best thing was for Holmes to go on holiday away from London and away from cases. He needed rest and was not to do anything that would be stressful. The telegram from Watson had declared Holmes not only had started a case, but had taken cocaine as well. The entire journey on the train to peninsula did nothing to calm my temper.

When I steeped off the train, Watson was there to greet me, and he was just as angry as I was.

"He refuses to listen to me." He informed after we had gotten my bags. "I am at wit's end, Cassandra."

"Has he been taking it out on you?" I asked.

"Nothing he has not said to me before."

"Watson-

"I am used to his remarks, Cassandra. It's his actions, I have had enough of." Watson admitted tiredly. "I told him he was not to take a case, I pleaded even. Nothing, nothing I had said to him or had done got through that thick skull of his. When Sherlock Holmes has his mind set, no one can change it."

I sighed. "I know, I know. He also tends to resort to insulting people instead of actually listening to them. Was he in such a mood when you first arrived here?"

"No, he was fine at first." Watson noted. "He was so excited about this little project of his he wanted to work on while he was here. He was quite content walking the paths and working on a new monograph. I left him alone one afternoon and when I returned there was the cocaine case."

"He had the cocaine case." I exclaimed outraged.

"He did. I told him it was not helping him, more now than ever. He waved me away and said I was to keep out of his affairs. When he had his back turned I took it."

"At least someone had some common sense. I'm sorry, please tell me what happened next."

"The vicar came is what happened. I should have sent the man away as soon as I had seen him. At first he was a pleasant fellow. Invited us to supper with him which we had accepted. Than the next day was when Cornish Horror occured. The vicar knew the family and asked if Holmes would look into it."

"To which he had accepted." I sighed.

Watson nodded his head. "He did."

We got a dog cart to take us to the cottage Holmes and Watson were staying in. Watson explained to me everything about the case thus far to the best of his knowledge. A woman and her two brothers had turned mad during the night. The woman was dead and the brothers carted off to the nearest institution. There were no signs of anyone breaking inside and the maid had not heard anything the night before. However, Holmes had discovered some powder and had taken a sample.

"I really lost my patience when he told me he wanted to test what it was." Watson admitted. "I told him he was not to do anything else with the case until you arrived. I even took the powder as a precaution."

"That is a small relief." I shook my head. "Watson, what had been wrong with our plan? I thought we had covered everything."

"We had not expected the vicar or for there to be a case."

"You cannot be held responsible for what happened, Watson. Holmes would have looked into the matter whether the vicar came or not. What I don't understand is the cocaine. How did he get it? We had gotten it all out of the flat and I had spoken to the druggists around Baker Street. They know not to give anything of the sort to Holmes. I suppose I over looked checking his bags before you left."

"You have done everything you could, Cassandra." Watson assured as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe, but I suppose I had expected too much of him too fast."

"We had little choice under the circumstances."

"How could we not have seen what was happening to him, Watson?" I wondered. We should have known."

Watson hugged me. "I don't know, Cassandra. This may have been overlooked because we were so accustomed to his habits. For years Holmes has been scolded about his health, but no one had done anything to see that he improves it until now when it had been threatened."

When we reached the cottage all was quiet. Watson volunteered to stay outside as I talked with Holmes. While I would like noting more than to have Watson's presence when confronting my mentor, I knew he would see it as Watson and I working together against him. Holmes was sitting in a chair meditating when I walked into the sitting room. He did not move, but I knew he was aware of my presence.

"There was no need for you to have been sent for." Holmes spoke after a moment.

"I thought we had agreed on the cocaine."

"You and Watson had agreed on it. I had no say on the matter. It seems my life is not longer mine to make choices."

"Not this again, Holmes." I sighed. "You know we only have your best interest at heart. Watson and I want to help you so you can get better and stay that way. It will be helpful if we had your cooperation instead of you fighting against us every moment. We are concerned about your health."

"You are becoming distressed over nothing." Holmes said. "Watson should never have sent for you. He had no reason and no right to bother you. You have enough to do without having to come here."

"Don't bring Watson into this. I was not sent for. I came here on my own accord."

"After he told you everything I have been doing here."

"Yes, I admit I had been told of this case you decided to take on. You were given strict orders to stay away from work."

"You and Watson are worried for no reason." Holmes declared.

"No reason? You are on the verge of an absolute breakdown, Holmes! I was present when Dr. Agar had announced this." I folded my arms over my chest. "He had ordered for you rest and suggested that it was to be somewhere more quiet. You are to take on no work of any kind and nothing that causes stress."

"You do not need to concern yourself over me. I can care for myself."

"Holmes, there lays the problem. You don't care for yourself. You detach body from mind while on a case. You allow no feeling while you are in your thoughts."

"I admit the matter was overlooked…"

"It had been overlooked? Holmes, this isn't some small error on an equation. You had passed out because you had not eaten for two days and had decided to keep watch out in the rain for at least six hours. This is not a mere mistake of overlooking something. You had been too busy to care about yourself, too busy to take notice of the very things you need to survive. You had placed your life at risk."

Holmes stood and towered over me. "I need to focus while on a case. You know I will put all of my energy into it. Sending me here to rest is not what I need. I need problems, I need logic, I need to work. You know what will happen if I cannot work."

"If you continue on the path you are on, you will not be able to work for much longer!" I exclaimed. "It will only be for a few weeks, I don't understand how you cannot rest for a short time. Some people would be overjoyed about it while you sit here and mope about it."

"Enough of this, Cassandra. You are overreacting." He firmly accused.

"Then you leave me no other choice. As soon as this case is finished, I will inform Mycroft of this behavior and he shall take a few days away from London to come here. Then I will tell Lestrade no cases are to come to the door, if anything urgent comes I will handle it at the Yard personally. I will see to it no client reaches you until you are well again."

Holmes glared darkly at me. "You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I? I will not allow you to become foolish and get yourself killed. Even if it means having to take charge and to banish you from doing anything which will interfere with your health." I decided.

"One word from a doctor and you become quite the mother hen."

"You collapsed once already. Your body cannot take that kind of stress again. And you will not be using that damnable drug again. If anything it will make you even worse. You know this, Holmes. You know the extent of the damage of what you are doing to yourself, but you are refusing to do anything to prevent it again."

"I admit I may have pushed past my limits, but I am fine now." Holmes affirmed.

"You still cannot strain yourself to reach to the point of those limits being pushed. It cannot happen again otherwise the damage will be more permeant. Now, I'll make you some tea and you can tell me about this case so I may be finish it."

"You cannot come in the middle of a case. You will not see everything. There is too much you are unaware of." My mentor protested.

"Then, explain it to me so I can handle the case without too much of a problem. Give me your thoughts on the matter and I will do what you think is best, but you will be noting more than a consult. Now, you like sugar in your tea, don't you?"

"You do not need to look after me."

I turned around and faced him. "Of course I do. Holmes, I am concerned and I do not want anything to happen to you."

"There is no obligation for you to care after me."

His words had hit me hard. I took a step back. "Obligation? What do you mean by an obligation?"

"I am not your father, Miss Brennan."

"I know,"

"Do you? You seem to believe you have the right to make such orders about me, my health to be precise."

"I know you are not my father." I remarked coldly.

"You believe I am about to make some sort of mistake. The last time someone in your life had made such a life changing was your father before he died. And as you were not able to do anything about his decision, you are trying to protect me. I do not need nor do I want it. You are the foolish one, not I."

I shook my head. "As always, Holmes, you are right. You are not my father and I can't stop you. However, don't you dare think I will sit here and watch you destroy yourself. I do not need to visit someone else in the asylum."

I left him alone in the cottage and met Watson outside. "Did you settle him-Cassandra, what happened?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot talk to him anymore. I think I will take a walk."

He touched my shoulder. "Whatever he told you, you know he did not mean it."

I was still for a moment. "We both know deep down, those words were his own and he did mean them."

"Let me talk to him," Watson offered.

"He's angry, Watson. Nothing we say to him will matter at this point and time." I spoke tiredly.

"I will speak to him. Why don't you take a walk, the scenery around here will do you some good."

I left the small cottage and went for a short walk near the cliffs. There have been many arguments between Holmes and I as the reader knows. We have said hurtful things before, but never had Holme brought up the murder of my father. Had I the power to go back I would have done everything I could to stop my father from leaving.

Rather this change in Holmes was due to his weakened state or the damned drug, I did not know. However, I knew Holmes was not his normal self and it bothered me. If he continued down path, within a year I would lose my dearest friend. He would succumb to the very same illness which had cost me my mother.

Holmes was right in his remarks as cruel as they had been said. I was trying to prevent the event where I would lose him, because I had failed to do so for my father. Had I the chance to stop my father from leaving the lab that day, I would have fought him. I would have done everything in my power to keep him with me. But, how much would things have changed if my father were still alive?

Would I have the relationship I had with Holmes as I did now? I never would have met Jess or the other Irregulars. I doubt I would have met Mycroft. I might have studied more with James Moriarty, or have been sent to a school for further education. I may have had the chance to speak with my friend Eric again. My career path would have not been the same and no one would have helped my clients.

If I had been asked when I was a child if I would rather have my father back, I would have answered yes. If I was asked now, I would have to say no. I loved my father, and I still did. However, I also had those whom I loved now. I had been the only person who had helped those who needed it and their stories would have been more tragic. I would never have my father again, but I had Holmes and I would need to help him now just as he had been there to help me in the past.

As I came upon the cottage the hairs on my neck stood. There was a strange sense of stillness in the air. Something was wrong. I rushed down the lane just as Watson holding up Holmes, bust outside. A thick cloud followed the men out as they collapsed onto the ground.

I ran over to them. "Are you all right?"

"We are fine." Watson answered in between coughs.

I looked over at the cottage and noticed there was a cloud of white smoke. The smoke was still pouring out of the small house. Puzzled by it, I stood up and started to make my way over to it when Holmes grabbed my hand firmly.

"Don't...do not go inside that cottage." He wheezed out.

"What happened?" I asked concerned. "Holmes, are you all right?"

Holmes only yanked on my hand, pulling me down beside him. He then threw his arms around me and embraced me tightly. "I am sorry. I am so very sorry, Cassandra." Holmes whispered softly.

"Holmes? Holmes, what…" I slowly pulled away. "You used the powder on yourself didn't you? Damn it, Holmes how could you do this without even knowing what it was?"

"At least we know what had caused the madness to the male siblings." Watson commented. "They suffered slowly from madness from the poison."

"My God, Holmes. There is no telling how long these effects can last."

"I admit it was an unjustifiable experiment even for one's self, even more so for a friend to under go." Holmes admitted.

"As vexing as you are, Holmes, one could not simply leave you behind. You would only come back to haunt me." Watson said.

After a moment, both men started to laugh. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "You are the only men who would laugh about nearly getting yourselves killed."

"A candid observer would certainly declare that we were already mad before we embarked upon this experiment." Holmes chuckled.

"Mrs Hudson and I would be willing to testify that notion in court. We have the holes in the wall to prove it."

My comment only erupted more giggles. When they had finally gained their level of normalcy, I left them out on the grass to dispose of the remains of the experiment. When I returned the sun was beginning to set and man was walking from the yard. Holmes and Watson were staring at the man's back as he made his retreat. I approached them just as Holmes said.

"If the woman I loved had met such an end, I might act even as our lawless lion hunter has done."

"Is this ghastly business finally at it's end?" I asked making my presence known.

"So it would seem."

"And the conclusion?"

"An independent ending to the madness." Watson answered.

"Ah, best for me not to know then."

"Indeed." Holmes commented.

Later that night I woke and could not go back to sleep. I crept into the sitting room and found Holmes staring out the window.

"You could not sleep?" He asked me without turning around.

"No," I admitted.

"A nightmare?"

I folded my arms over my chest. "No, not of that sort. It's a bad memory. It's about my mother, I believe. I hear her screaming for me, but someone is pushing me away from her. I keep trying to go to her, but I am being held back. I want to help her, to go to her, but I can't."

"You believe it is a bad memory?" He questioned.

"It can't be anything else. It's no secret that I suffer from such dreams. More so when I am working too hard on a case or I am under stress. I...I haven't had dreams about her since I was little."

Holmes turned and gestured to two chairs. I sat in one while I had taken the other. "What had brought this on?"

Deciding it was best to say as less as I was able about the case, I said, "Before I arrived, I was working on this case. It was nothing really, I was able to handle it. But, I pressed too hard and a woman killed herself in front of me."

"I see. Did the situation call for your actions to be harsh?"

I shook my head. "There lays the problem I don't know if the actions I had made had been correct."

"Tell me what happened."

"Two children were in danger. I needed the woman to let go of a weapon, because she was not in the right state of mind. It was possible she would have turned the revolver on them if it was still in hand. If she just lost her grip long enough for me to take it away...Lestrade tried telling me it was not my fault. He said I did the right thing in the end, because I couldn't have known what she would do. But, a part of me wonders if I did see something, but acted regardless."

Holmes was silent for a long moment. "You cannot blame yourself for every action you take, Cassandra. The woman killed herself, yes, but did everyone else make it out safely?"

"Yes," I answered. "But a life was still lost, Holmes. She believed the lies I had told her and had ended her life because of them. How can I not be held accountable?"

"There was nothing else you could have done differently. You must not question yourself rather your decision had been worth it."

"How can I take so much control over the outcome of someone's life and then to act as if I am not accountable?"

"You merely look at it, and choose the most logical answer."

I stared at my hands in my lap and did not say anything for a long time. Holmes stood up and was about to leave when I asked. "And what is your decision on the issue at hand? If it's the more destructive route…" I shook my head. "Please, Holmes, please don't. You are right. I cannot stand by and do nothing as I did the day Father was killed. I don;t want to fight with you either on this, not when all we do is hurt each other. Altogether I cannot stand by and have you in some hospital bed for the rest of your life. I cannot do this again."

A warm hand rested on my shoulder and I looked up as Homes knelt down in front of me. "I know you and Watson both mean well. I admit have mistreated you both these past few weeks and it is unfair of me to do so, especially when you are trying to help. I should not have said what I did. I am sorry for hurting you in such a way, little cat. And I am afraid this will not be easy as my irritability is bound to become worse as the next few days will show. Withdrawal as you know is not something cured quickly nor easily."

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. "Just let us help you, Holmes. Please let me help you."

He held me tightly. "As if I would have any others help me, my dear girl."