fall and fail

{essence of fear}

He didn't mean for it to happen. He hadn't wanted it to happen. Barbara Gordon had always been that one thing that grounded him to the normal world, and now she was another part of his convoluted double life. Not that she realized it, of course. She wanted to be a vigilante for her own reasons, different reasons than Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, and Jason Todd. Barbara wanted to help people. She had no personal vendetta against anyone, but simply a natural thirst for justice.

Maybe that was why he'd left her a stash of real batarangs after helping her get home the night they saved her father from Ivy. She wouldn't notice them unless she looked, but he thought it would be a nice gesture. She'd appreciate them, and she wouldn't need to cut her fingers anymore trying to make them herself. It was only to keep her busy, Dick told himself. She could just practice aiming with them.

"Her birthday is coming up," Jason whispered one night, after they'd once again met with the redheaded 'Batgirl' on patrol. Robin and Nightwing had agreed to try and keep her away from Batman, if possible, though they were sure the man knew already.

"I don't need you to tell me that, Jaybird," Dick muttered, sinking into his chair as he watched the television screen flicker in the darkness.

"Yeah, well, I was thinkin'… she keeps getting nicked and shit with that crummy outfit. Plus, she looks silly in it." Jason rolled onto his side, peering up at Dick curiously in the darkness of the room. His round face glowed faintly white from the glare of the screen, and he smiled cockily. "Maybe she should help her out."

Dick sighed. They were supposed to be trying to sway Barbara away from being a hero. In truth, they were only making the situation worse by encouraging her. Dick knew that showing their support of her activities were the worst thing they could do now, but how could they not? She wasn't doing any harm, and she helped more than they wanted to admit. The truth was, it seemed, that Jason and Dick just didn't have the heart to put effort in stopping her. It was silly, and dangerous, but Dick liked having Barbara around. It made everything seem lighter.

"Maybe that's not such a good idea, Jay," Dick said quietly.

"Oh come on!" Jason sat up, his eyes widening at his older brother. He scowled, and folded his arms across his chest. "No one has stopped her yet! You wanna know why? 'Cause secretly we all like the idea of having her around— even Bruce has done, like, close to nothing to stop Babs from doing this."

That wasn't true. Bruce was truly trying to keep Barbara off the streets— but unless he told her father, it simply just was not going to happen. They all knew it, but none of them wanted the repercussions of that action. Dick and Bruce knew how the Commissioner would handle it— they wanted Barbara out of heroing, not put on actual house arrest.

"We really shouldn't."

Jason groaned, slapping his forehead in exasperation. Dick smiled a little, but it was getting out of hand. Jason really thought Barbara deserved to be a hero. Dick… didn't know how he felt about it. Part of him loved the idea, proud and somewhat envious of his good friend, who held such a strong resolve for what she believed to be right. But another part of him feared for her safety, and for her grip on the situation.

"Yeah, okay," Jason said. "Maybe we shouldn't. But we're not gonna do shit to stop her, so why put her in any more danger? She's gonna get hurt if we don't help her out."

"Because…" Dick shook his head and laughed uneasily. "Well, come on, do you really want Babs to come on patrols with us? We'd have to train her properly, you know."

"I gladly volunteer for that." Jason smirked, and Dick's eyebrows rose as he laughed louder, slipping from the chair to the ground so he was beside the boy. He quirked an eyebrow up suggestively as he prodded Jason's side.

"Do you now?" Dick grinned as the boy yelped and swatted at him. That only caused him to persist, snatching Jason by the shoulders and catching him in a headlock. "Sounds to me like Jaybird's got a crush on Babs!"

"Agh!" Jason squirmed and kicked, though he was laughing himself. "Me? I've got a crush on her? Can you define denial for me?"

"Not nial?" Dick offered. "Jay, I've been friends with Barbara since like… well, pretty much as long as I've been in Gotham! It's not like that between us."

Jason scoffed, his eyes rolling up at Dick in the darkness, and he lurched forward, flinging Dick over his head. He landed with a soft gasp on his back, and he grinned as he dodged Jason's fists as they tried to catch his chest. "Jay," he gasped through his laughter, wincing as the boy caught his ribs with his bony knuckles.

"I'll admit," Jason said after calming down, and flopping down on his back beside Dick. "Babs is really hot. But I dunno if I wanna ruin the asterous relationship you two have."

Dick sat up and stared down at the boy, a large, goofy grin on his lips. "You just said it! You used one of my words!"

Jason rolled his eyes and turned onto his side so he wouldn't have to look at Dick's silly expression. "Yeah," Jason said. "Ironically. I was making fun of you, Dickie, not being serious with it."

"I don't care." Dick smiled brightly. "You said one of my words."

"You're a tool."

By the time school started, Dick had gone to Barbara Gordon's window five times since his promise in the hospital. Only two out of those five was he Dick Grayson. Still, she didn't seem to mind either way. She trusted Dick more than Nightwing, but she smiled coyly at him either way, never inviting him past the lintel. In fact, it took three visits for her to pop the metal screen that divided their faces out of the window, just so they could speak without the obstacle obscuring their faces.

"Hey BG," he whispered, poking the screen until it rattled. He prodded at it until her face appeared behind the porous metal, broken apart by tiny holes. Still, he saw her eyes in the glow of the street lamp, and her smile as she tilted her head. "I've got something for you."

"Oh?" She shifted her position, the springs in her mattress squeaking quietly. He leaned against her window frame, his knees resting on the sill as late summer rain drizzled all around them, pattering softly against the rusted fire escape. "Gosh, Nightwing, you sure spoil me. None of you have lectured me in nearly a week! Is it a taser?"

"No. What is with you and tasers? Do you really want one that badly?" He smirked as she reached up, her fingers flicking the locks on the metal screen, and she carefully pried it from the window. It rattled softly as she rested it on the floor. He saw that her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, flared out at the crown of her head in messy red curls that slid forward as she moved, bouncing ceaselessly. Dick didn't know what it was about red hair. For the longest time, his best friends were three redheads: Babs, Wally, and Roy. Kaldur had been the oddity to jump in late, but those three had been the most influential friendships he had made in his early life, post-circus.

"Yes," she replied, her fingers drumming softly against the windowsill. "Is Robin lurking around out there too? Are you two going to try and bar my windows again?"

"That was a joke!" Kind of. They'd been running out of ideas to shake Barbara off, so they tried a more interesting approach. It hadn't worked.

"I'm not Harry Potter, okay, you can't pull that stuff on me." Barbara scowled, her eyes narrowing at him, judging him. "But seriously, is he out there? I don't want you guys to be all creepy and Bat-like with me outside my window. Anywhere else, I get, but not here."

"I'll remember that." Dick smirked, resting his head against the top of the window frame, watching her glare at him as he got a little too close to crossing the line into her bedroom. "No, Rob's with Batman. I'm all alone tonight."

"Hmm," she hummed, leaning away from the window. "I knew you'd come around, Nightwing. Guess you just can't deny my charm."

"Hey, I'm not asking you to patrol with me," he laughed. She rolled her eyes.

"Really? Darn. And here I thought we were going to have a real sleepover. Braiding hair, talking about boys—"

"Not quite," Dick said, amused. "Though, I would take you up on the sleepover bit— that is if you ever actually let me in your room."

That seemed to make her uncomfortable. Yeah, she was fine with flirting with Nightwing. Until it came down to letting the strange masked boy into her bedroom. All in all, Barbara was still smart enough to keep him at a distance, and he admired that. "I'm joking," he assured her. He watched her visibly relax, and look around sheepishly. "So, do you want my gift?"

"Depends," she said. "I still have a bunch of those batarangs— did I ever thank you for those? Well, thanks. They're pretty useful."

"You're welcome." Nightwing dragged the box closer to him, setting it carefully on his lap. Jason had wanted to be with them when he gave it to her, but it wasn't his fault Batman wanted Robin with him tonight. He smiled as she stared at it, her eyes going wide, most likely because it was a real gift, all wrapped up with ribbon and a bow. "What? Have you never seen a present before?"

"No, it's just…" She faltered, and she pressed her lips together nervously, her eyes flitting quickly to her door. "I wasn't expecting it to be… a real present. It's weird. I don't really know you."

"Oh, please. We've been flying together. We might as well make a blood oath." Nightwing grinned and held out the box to her. She stared at it, looking uncertain and a little frightened.

"Look… Nightwing, I don't think…"

"Take it," he insisted, forcing it into her hands. She stared at him, her fingers tightening slowly around the tightly wrapped package, chipped red nails brushing his gloves. "It's a birthday present from me and Robin."

"How did you—?"

"Detective." He rolled his eyes and gestured to himself, causing her to laugh cynically.

"Yeah, okay. Might as well have said 'stalker'. Stalker." She smiled though, fingering the ribbon curls gently with a strange fascination. When she tentatively began to unwrap it, Nightwing stood up and flipped over the side of the fire escape, clinging to the bottom of it and curling into a crouch as he listened to the sound of paper tearing. Then he heard her gasp.

"But this is—!" She cut herself off, probably realizing Nightwing was no longer with her. "Oh."

He smiled and took off, springing quietly into the night. Bruce might yell at him later, but Jason had been right. If they weren't going to stop Barbara, they needed to make sure she didn't get herself caught or killed. Still, her birthday wasn't actually until midnight, which was only an hour or so away.

He leapt from building to building, keeping an eye out for trouble. The night was chilly, the faint taste of autumn and death creeping across the Gotham horizon. School had arrived, and the temperature was dropping, and life went on without a hitch. Missions were deployed, Jason still stayed in Gotham, and the Team grew a mile a minute. Since the arrival of Aquagirl, Tempest, and Beast Boy, Bumblebee— that was, Karen Beecher, a friend of Conner and M'gann— had made an appearance. She was funny, and snippy, and she seemed to enjoy working with the team a lot. Apparently something had happened during Conner and M'gann's first week of their senior year, and that was how Karen had found out about the Team. Also, her boyfriend. But they were still trying to convince him that he didn't need to be with Karen during missions, because he'd only hinder the progress.

His communicator buzzed softly, and Nightwing smirked as Robin's voice rang in his ear. "Rob to Wing," he said, "Scarecrow's finally giving us a show. Just a heads up."

Nightwing pressed his finger to his ear, nodding a little to himself. "Got it. Need an extra pair of hands?"

"Um…" Robin paused, and Nightwing knew he was looking to Batman for instruction. "Not yet. We're kind of just following the carnage right now, but I'll radio you when we find him. Oh! And be careful. On your own, I mean."

"I will." Nightwing smiled as he listened to the soft rustle of a cape against the wind, and he turned around. She was watching him with large eyes, her fingers taut around the tick fabric of the cape, and in one hand she held out a small holocomputer. Yeah, maybe they'd gone a little overboard. Batman was going to hang their skins in the Batcave for this… but he didn't really care. Nightwing twisted his communicator in his ear, fiddling with it until he felt it click. He'd cut off Batman from listening for a few minutes. "But I'm not alone."

That earned a laugh from his younger brother, though it was faint and a little envious. Nightwing grinned and flicked the com off, folding his arms across his chest as she stood stonily at the edge of the building, one foot still on the fire escape. She looked unsure, and apprehensive at best, but there was something else glowing in her face as she took a step toward him. Gratitude.

"You didn't have to—"

"Yeah, I did." He shrugged, smirking at her as she fiddled with the end of the cape nervously, eyes wide and confused. Jason and Dick had managed to procure an entire batsuit for their friend in secret. It had taken weeks, but Dick knew how to get around Bruce's careful eye, and by the time he figured it out, it would be much too late. Now she looked like she belonged on the roof, the material of the suit fitting her every curve, and the bat on her chest was muted, but still very much there. She had a real cowl, pronged and shiny and new. There had been much debate, but Jason and Dick had decided to allow Barbara's eyes to be visible. They figured she'd like it better that way.

"I've been fighting with you guys over this for…" She laughed, shaking her head fast. "You know, it's been over a month I think? Why now? Why do you accept me now?"

"Well… Rob and I like you, BG. We appreciate what you're trying to do for Gotham, even though you're pretty sucky at it."

"Gee, thanks." Barbara rolled her eyes. "And… Batman?"

Nightwing watched her, keeping himself very still. Her eyes narrowed, and she looked away, scowling at the ground. "Yeah, I thought so."

"It takes a while for Batman to warm up to anybody," he said, hoping to assure it. It didn't. She only looked even more dejected. "Look, don't worry about him. Personally, I think he secretly likes the idea of you seeking justice in unorthodox ways. He just doesn't like the idea of… well, you. Getting hurt, mostly, or maybe he just hates the idea of dragging another kid into all this. I wish I could tell you what goes on in his head, but really… he's a mystery."

"I've noticed." She sighed, fiddling with the holographic computer in her palm, and she looked up at him. "So… I can patrol with you? Seriously?"

You need to train, Dick thought. Desperately. I shouldn't be letting you out tonight without giving you a lesson. But it's your birthday, officially, so…

He smiled. "Just do exactly what I say. If I tell you to run, you run. That means even if I'm hurt, or about to get captured."

"But…"

"Exactly as I say, or I'm confiscating the suit."

She glared at him, and she stalked up to his side, tucking the holocomputer into the utility belt they had given her. She took a deep breath, her eyes flickering across the cityscape, bright and wild and awestruck. Still, she was bothered by him, he could tell. She didn't seem to know whether or not she wanted to trust him. She trusted Robin and Batman, because they were Robin and Batman, and she knew them by their names and their tales, but Nightwing was a stranger. He was a boy who had come into her life without an invitation and given her the thing she wanted most, and she probably hated him for that. She didn't trust him, not fully, and it hurt a little more than it should have.

"Okay," she said. "But only if you… help me get better. At this hero thing, I mean."

"Deal." He smiled, pulling his grappling gun from his waist. She perked up at the sight of it, and he grinned broadly, aiming and shooting it. He turned to her, giving he a sweeping bow, his body balancing on the building's skinny ledge. "Shall we go, m'lady?"

That had earned a laugh from her, though she looked confused. "Together, Romeo?" she asked, playfully swatting his arm away. "Don't I have one of those… somewhere in one of these pockets?"

"Yeah, well they take some getting used to. I'll teach you how to use it when we have more time— also, training means no patrolling. This is a one time thing until you can use that suit properly, kay?"

"That isn't fair!" Barbara took a step away from him, but when she noticed the look he was giving her, she seemed to relent. "I can fight…"

"Not well enough." Nightwing held out a hand, which she glared at warily for a few moments before sighing. She took it, allowing him to spin her into his arms and adjust his grip so his arm was around her waist. She reached up and grabbed the gun, her gloved fingers sliding over his, and she smiled excitedly. "Ready?"

She nodded. They'd done this quite a few times before, so it was becoming a natural feeling to have the girl holding onto him as they both pushed off from the building, sailing through the night with the ease of some kind of bird. When they paused on the topsides of buildings, Nightwing would begin to explain the uses of her utility belt. Some part of him knew this was troubling, the idea that Barbara was becoming… well, a Bat. The thing was, she didn't need Batman's blessing. She could do it. Dick knew she could.

After about an hour of quiet patrolling and harmless teasing, Nightwing realized there was something wrong. He could hear the softness of breath against a mask, scratchy and heavy, and immediately Nightwing reached out, tugging Barbara hard. She fell back against his chest, gasping in surprise as a dart whizzed past where she had been standing seconds before. She blinked up at Nightwing, thanking him silently, and she looked around for the source of the dart. He was still in the shadows, but he was watching, searching, assessing their movements carefully. Nightwing gripped Barbara's arms a little tighter.

"Nightwing," she murmured. "What—?"

"Scarecrow," he stated, his eyes narrowing as the man lurched from the darkness, his face masked by the horrible, burlap inspired sack that was stitched and ugly and fearsome. He heard Barbara let out a little breath, her eyes widening as she took in the psycho's appearance. The last big name villain she had faced was Ivy— who wasn't super big on Arkham's crazy list. In fact, she was only kept there when she was caught in Gotham. If Ivy was apprehended anywhere else, by anyone other than Batman, she went straight to Belle Reve. Scarecrow, however, was actually insane. Dangerously insane.

"I know you," chuckled the man behind the mask. "It's been a bit of time, mind you, but I know you. The Boy Wonder isn't so boyish anymore."

"Please tell me he's not going to give a lecture," Barbara breathed against Nightwing's neck. "Can't we just fight him?"

"Shh," he whispered. "Don't be so eager to fight."

"And a Girl Wonder as well. I see, Robin, I see…" The man's chuckles grew louder, his voice rasping and knowing and crawling in Dick's ears, hissing softly and scratching at his thoughts, gnawing at his heart. He held Barbara tighter to his chest, his muscles going rigid.

"Robin?" Barbara whispered. "You?"

"The first," Nightwing explained hastily. "Not important right now."

"Oh. Right." Barbara pried herself from his grasp, her fingers already digging through one of the pockets of her new utility belt. By the time she'd produced three batarangs, Nightwing had already flung six, and was whirling around Scarecrow, careful not to get stuck by his pitchfork. Briefly Nightwing wondered where Scarecrow kept the weapon, but the only logical thing he could come up with was time lord pockets.

Nightwing kicked Scarecrow back, flipping away from him as he flung several darts his way. This was nothing but play, Nightwing knew. Scarecrow was holding out until Batman got there… or…

"Batgirl!" Nightwing gasped, diving over Scarecrow's head as he whacked his friend in the stomach with the staff of his pitchfork, knocking her back against the building's ledge. He rolled to a stop and reached out, his heart pounding as she tripped over the sharp edge, her body falling backwards. He saw her already moving into a position where she'd be able to control her body, but luckily he caught her first. He fingers slid around her wrist, and her body halted in its descent toward the ground, almost vertical as her hair and cape flared over the edge of the building. Dick felt a wave of déjà vu. By the bewildered stare she was giving him, she felt it too.

Nightwing pulled her to her feet, watching as she took a deep breath and dove away as more darts were thrown their way. He slid away from Scarecrow, his finger to his ear as he switched on his communicator again. He watched Barbara weave around the darts and jump kick the Arkham escapee right in the face.

"Scarecrow," he gasped, pressing against his com. He smiled at Barbara, who had wrenched the pitchfork away from him and smacked him in the ribs. "Engaging."

"Tracking your signal," Batman replied. "Robin—"

"No!" Nightwing gasped, as Scarecrow tossed a pellet at Barbara. She dodged it, and it landed beside her. "BG, move!"

She did. But she wasn't fast enough. Nightwing snatched a gasmask from his waist, jamming it over his mouth as he fought his way through the cloud of fear gas that bloomed from the little pellet, enveloping Barbara in seconds. Regret bubbled in his chest, and he wanted to slap himself for bringing her out tonight. He could hear her startled gasp, soft whimpering at first, that grew louder and louder until her screams were the only thing he could hear.

When the gas cleared, he felt himself freeze. Barbara was still screaming, her body writhing and squirming, but now she was in Scarecrow's grasp, his fingers in her hair, and he rocked her side to side, showing her off to Nightwing. A batarang was already in hand, but there was nothing he could do, not when he was using her as a human shield. He could see her eyes, big and horrorstruck as the drug took full effect, turning her worst nightmares into a reality.

"Let her go," Nightwing growled.

"Oh?" Scarecrow pulled Barbara up, and she kicked the air wildly, twisting and clawing angrily, fearfully, screaming all the way. Then Scarecrow grabbed her by the neck and stuck her out over the edge, her feet dangling dangerously in midair as the wind caught her cape and her hair, dancing and howling and carrying a drizzle of rain and screams. "Okay. I'll let her go."

"No!" Nightwing swore to himself, his body itching to leap forward and punch Scarecrow so hard that his mask would permanently be stuck inside the crater that was left of his face.

"Come now, Robin," Scarecrow said, his voice slithering against the catacombs of Nightwing's mind, and it took a lot for him not to wince. "I know you. I know what you fear. This is it, isn't it? I can see it in your face, hear it in your voice— you fear flight, and you fear falling. You fear your own failure… and you fear for your little bird. Should I go on? Is this enough for you? I don't need fear gas for you, when it's so simple to see you squirm. Listen to her scream, and tell me if I'm wrong. If you lie, I'll drop her."

He did listen to her scream. They were strangled and harsh, and she kicked helplessly at open air. Barbara wasn't helpless, though, and that's what made this all the more disturbing. This was his fault. If Barbara had been trained before this encounter, she could have defended herself better. He'd been thoughtless and stupid. He deserved whatever lecture he was getting from Bruce later.

"You're not wrong," Nightwing said, his voice raw. No. He was far from wrong. In fact, he was entirely right, and that scared him almost as much as Barbara's choking screams as she dangled from Scarecrow's extended arm.

Scarecrow sounded amused. "No," he said, his voice high and drunk on the fear that rolled from both teens, one screaming from a drug, the other locked in utter helplessness. "I thought not."

And then he dropped her.

Nightwing lurched forward, speeding to the edge as Scarecrow moved fast to apprehend him. Nightwing slipped his grasp easily and dove over his head, planting his hands on the man's shoulders and pushing off, allowing him to build momentum as he leapt over the side of the building. He ditched the gasmask, reaching, reaching, his eyes on the flutter of yellow and whip of red as it sailed through the air. He caught her, his arms tightening around her flailing body as he rolled them in midair, sending them spiraling into a ratty awning. He held her closer, trying to hush her screams as his their bodies tore through the canopy, and he landed painfully against a metal table, his back connecting with it and knocking it over, sending him toppling onto his head.

He groaned, blinking away stars as he looked down at Barbara. She was safe, luckily, and he'd taken in most of the impact. He had been too late in the fall to pull his grappling gun, and he had been too panicked to think of anything else. His head was pounding now, and her screams were dying into soft gasps, whimpers, as the drug grew worse and worse, silencing her to mute horror. He searched his belt for the pouch that kept all the antidotes— to Joker Venom, fear gas, Ivy's mojo, etc. He pulled out a vial, and a syringe that bore a resemblance to an epipen, and he slid the vial full of frothy solution into a slot. It clicked, and he took a deep breath, pulling her closer to him. Her head lolled in the crook of his arm, and he winced at the sight.

"Please work," he whispered, praying Scarecrow hadn't changed the recipe of his gas. He stabbed the syringe into her arm, thankful that it was made to pierce Bat armor, and he watched in silence as the little vial drained. Then, she went silent, and her body went limp, and her breath rattled softly against his chest as he cradled her. He could hear fighting from above, a signal that Batman had arrived.

He took a deep breath, finally figuring that the cure had worked, and he stood up, his muscled objecting vehemently to the action. She stirred, groaned, and she took a few deep breaths as she rested her forehead against his chest. He began to move then, quickly slipping into the night before anyone dropped down from the building above.

"Dick…?" she mumbled into his chest. He froze, skidding to a stop and staring down at her. She wasn't looking at him, but he could hear her breathing, feel the heat of her gasps against his neck. "I… feel really bad— why…?"

"Shh," he said. He shook his head, hoping to clear it of all his jumbled thoughts and guilt and confusion. "Shut up, Babs. I need to make sure you've got all of the toxin out of your system."

"Mmm…" she replied. "You… why didn't you…?"

"Shut up, Babs."

She did. She curled up against him, looking a little dazed and plenty confused, but she allowed him to carry her, and said not another word about his identity. He knew how she had figured it out. It had been obvious from the look in her eyes when he'd caught her by the wrist that she recognized this action. She recognized him. It was only a matter of time, and it didn't matter now. He was already in a shit ton of trouble.

He got back to the Batcave before Bruce and Jason. That gave him enough time to scan Barbara for any excess fear toxins, as well as prepare her for Bruce's wrath. He also made sure to warn her that the suit was only from him, not Robin, no matter what he said before. She agreed quietly, though she looked a little peeved about it. He'd taken his communicator out to avoid explaining things, but eventually he sent the message that he was safe back at the cave. Just so they wouldn't worry.

"I knew it," she mumbled, hugging her cape around herself. She seemed to have a perpetual chill.

Dick had peeled his mask away after much prodding from her, and the small smile on her lips was a little startled and shaken. Her cowl had been pushed back, and she was sitting on a table he'd cleared off to lay her on until she got her senses back. After a few minutes of strained silence, Dick called Alfred to bring down a hot chocolate.

When he appeared with a tray, he took one look at Barbara, and he tilted his head. "Master Richard," he said, "I do believe you are going to be subject to punishment."

"I know, Alf," Dick said quietly. "Do me a favor, though. Don't be down here when it happens. I don't want you to get in trouble too."

Alfred stared at him for a few moments, his old eyes looking tired, and sad. "Of course, sir," he said, smiling gently. He set the cup down beside Barbara and left the cave without another word.

"Bruce," Barbara said quietly. "And Jason. Of course it's Jason. That makes so much sense— and you being Robin! Why did I never see that?"

"Maybe you're just oblivious to anything that isn't staring you right in the face?" Dick offered, smirking as she glared at him, gripping her hot chocolate with white knuckles.

"Ha ha ha," she said, venomously. "You are so funny. I cannot contain my laughter."

"So… uh…" Dick shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, ignoring he biting words. "Pretty shitty start to your birthday, huh?"

"No."

"No?" His eyebrows rose as she smiled, taking a sip of her hot chocolate to hide it. "You're crazy, you know that? Absolutely crazy."

"Uh huh, well you used to dress up in scaly underwear and pixie boots. I think I sound pretty sane in comparison." She grinned wickedly up at him as his face flushed, and he groaned, slapping his forehead in exasperation.

"That was for like, four months! And it wasn't my choice! Bruce is really, really shitty at costume designing!"

"Uh huh," she repeated. She looked down, her hair brushing against her pale cheeks. She looked sickened, pallid and scared and tiny, her fingers trembling against the mug, and her eyes flitting around the cave every time a bat screeched or stretched its wings above. "I wish… you would have told me."

"I'm sorry." He closed his eyes, leaning back against one of the many monitors in the room. "I couldn't. It's just… no one is allowed to know. It puts you in danger. It puts us in danger. It's stupid, and selfish, but we can't risk it. We're paranoid, and only human, and we're better off this way. Do you get it?"

"No. I think you should have told me. Asshole." But she was smiling, though it was timid, and she blinked and sighed, her body stiff and unyielding. "This was… a pretty fun start, though."

"What?"

"To my birthday." She rolled her eyes, and smiled a little brighter. "Scary, but… well, it was pretty educational. Now if I ever go up against him again I'll know better."

"You are definitely crazy," Dick laughed. She laughed too, though it sounded a little hollow and shaky. She jumped at the sound of the batmobile as it rolled in, and Dick rested a hand on her shoulder. "I can call Alfred down here to drive you home. You don't have to deal with—"

"Shut up," she hissed. "If you can deal with him, so can I."

Dick smiled bitterly. Well, she'd faced her greatest fears tonight. Batman probably scared her less than an ant at the moment. He looked up as Jason flipped out of the car, running toward them with a baffled expression. He ran his red fingers through his hair, and he looked between the two of them, looking suddenly very relieved.

"Oh," he breathed. "Oh. Okay. He was bluffing. That's good."

"Scarecrow?"

Jason nodded mutely, and he stiffened as Batman appeared behind him, glowering down at Dick and Barbara with such intensity, he felt her body go rigid beneath his fingers. He found himself staring at the ground, unable to meet his gaze. Barbara, however, was glaring up at him, her eyes dark and challenging. She set down her mug and straightened up.

"Barbara," Batman said. "Alfred will take you home."

"No."

Dick winced, and he felt the need to step away from her, step away from the fire zone, but it was too late. He felt himself moving closer to her, squeezing her shoulder. "Babs—" he whispered.

"No," she repeated, jumping to her feet. Her cape slid with her, dancing around her legs. "Don't blame Dick for this. It was my choice to start doing this, and it was my choice to go out tonight. Oh, and he only took off his mask because I guessed who he was. He's my best friend, it really wasn't that hard."

"Barbara," Batman growled. She looked taken aback for a moment before she regained her composure and continued to glare. "Your recent indiscretions have been subtle at best, but this has gone too far."

"That's not your call," she said quietly. Jason stood on her other side, look up at her sadly.

"Yes. It is." Batman loomed over the three of them, and Dick looked up at him, meeting his gaze, and he wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock and never come out again. "Dick shouldn't have let you fight tonight. You shouldn't have been out at all. You aren't like us, Barbara, you have no training, and you could have gotten yourself killed."

That made her wince. She took a deep breath, and she shrugged Dick's hand from her shoulder. She stared up at Batman, her eyes alight with some kind of fire that fueled her very existence. She stared at him with fury and determination, and she clenched her fists at her side, her body squaring.

"I can do this," she said. Her voice was thick with exhaustion, but her raw resolve was something to be reckoned with. "People keep telling me that I can't do things— fight crime, be Batgirl, be strong, be a hero— but I can. You can't tell me that I can't, because I don't believe you. I know I can! I know what I want to do with my life, and this is it!"

Batman studied her, his eyes narrowing behind the cowl. "You faced Scarecrow tonight," he said darkly. "He got you."

She averted her eyes quickly, nervously, and she bit her lip. Dick could see she was still weak, and she probably was barely standing on her own. But still, she persisted, and she looked back at him and nodded. "That was a mistake," she said softly. "I'll admit it, I made a mistake. But now I know better."

"Until your next mistake." Batman's voice was cold, and Dick was staring between them wide-eyed and frightened. He didn't know how to help. "Which could easily cost you your life. If Dick hadn't been with you, you'd be dead. I know he's trying to help you, but your best chance is to stop this before you do anymore damage."

"You aren't listening," Barbara spat. She was shaking, and Dick moved forward, his arm hovering around her in case she collapsed. "I'm not going to stop! Do you want the suit back? It won't keep me from doing this. I'll do it without the suit. Nothing you say is going to change my mind!"

Batman was silent for a few moments. Then, slowly, he pressed his hand to his ear. "Call Commissioner Gordon," he growled. Barbara's eyes flew wide, and she shook her head, her legs giving out beneath her. Dick dropped with her, holding her close to him as she stared up at Batman in horror.

"No!" she gasped. "No, please, you can't!"

"Bruce!" Dick cried, finally finding his voice. "Stop it, okay? Don't tell him anything, it'll just make things worse."

"Yeah," Jason agreed, also finding his voice. He looked angry, and he ripped his mask from his eyes, glaring up at Bruce defiantly. "Barbara deserves a chance. You didn't give me this much trouble, and I didn't know anything when I came here! Babs knows how to fight, and she's good at it. Why can't we let her help?"

Dick shot Jason a grateful look, and he gave Barbara's shoulders an encouraging squeeze. She was quivering pretty badly, the aftereffects of the fear toxin still plaguing her. Barbara stared at Bruce, looking terrified and pleading. It was enough. Bruce had paused, his finger still against his communicator. He took a deep breath and slid his cowl back, his dark eyes flashing dangerously at the three children, before he shook his head and put on a signature Bruce Wayne smile. Faint, but coy, with a hint of vapidity.

"Hello, Commissioner," Bruce said, his voice light and airy. They all stared at him blankly. "This is Bruce Wayne."

The three children looked at each other, wide-eyed and uncertain. Bruce shot them each their own glower, which forced Barbara to grip Dick's arms, which were still firmly around her shoulders. Jason simply glared back, while Dick felt incredibly uncomfortable, and he found himself wishing someone would hug him.

"Yes, I know it's late, but I just wanted to inform you that your daughter is here— oh, don't worry. She's fine. A little shaken up, I think, but she's fine. Yes, it was Batman and Robin, I believe. She didn't want to go home to an empty apartment, Jim, you can't blame her— please don't worry, she's perfectly fine. She's sleeping right now, and I insist she stay the night. Yes, I realize it's a school night. Don't worry, Commissioner, she'll be in school tomorrow with Dick and Jason. I promise you, I will personally see her to school in the morning. No, please don't bother yourself, Jim, she's had a long night, and I think it's best if we just let her sleep. Yes, I'll speak to you in the morning. Thank you."

Bruce sighed as he pulled the communicator from his ear, tossing it onto the table beside the mug. He looked down at the three children who stared up at him in awe and fear. Bruce looked directly at Barbara, and his frown deepened. "Every night, six sharp," Bruce said. "You'll have proper training alongside Dick and Jason— and you won't be going on anymore patrols until further notice. Got it?"

Barbara nodded eagerly, her eyes large with wonder and surprise. She was smiling suddenly, and she looked like she wanted to hug him. Of course, she didn't, but she might have. She looked up at Dick, wide-eyed and excited as he helped her to her feet. As they moved away from Bruce, Barbara twisted her head and kissed Dick on the cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered, her eyes bright. "This was the best birthday present ever."

To think I wanted to be done with this story by the tenth chapter. Okay, okay, first things first. How the hell did I do with Scarecrow, because I was literally making up his entire personality from scratch. Maybe he could have been crazier? I wanted him to have this creepy all knowing vibe to him, like, ooooh, yes, i know your deepest fears because i am a psychologist. i imagine he tells that to himself often, like how when people mimic Dick they say 'I'M AN ACROBAT!'

Trying to remember the timeline. So... almost autumn 2012? Tim doesn't join the team until 2015. So I've got a ways to go still (I don't plan on going that far in the story, but it's a good marking point). I'd also like to point out that Greg said it was early in 2015, which means Tim was on the team almost an entire year before he lead a squad for a mission. And he STILL questioned himself.

I'm going to add Barbara as one of the characters for this story, because she's going to be pretty damn important from here on out. And Jason doesn't have a character thing. Which depresses me.

Soo... Review, please? =]