November 1
Common Room
7:35 AM
My neck hurts. And my back.
Stupid couch with it's odd bunchy parts and springs that like to dig into my back. Stupid girls that made me sleep on it just because they all seem to think I have something going on with Sirius Black.
STUPID SIRIUS BLACK!
…
For future reference, kicking the couch out of anger is not a good idea. Especially when still barefoot after sleeping.
…
Owie.
…
Right, well, I'm going to go down to breakfast. Or limp, as the case may be.
And they'd better have something good for breakfast, otherwise I'm gonna kick them.
…
Who 'them' is is still undiscovered. But I'll do it. Don't you think I won't.
I'm crazy like that.
8:13 AM
If I was hoping that everyone would forget that little incident last night with the whole my breaking up with Lucius thing and the whole being kissed rather senseless…. er, being kissed without my permission by quite the most awful man, then I was sorely mistaken.
As soon as I got into the Great Hall I was accosted by many people glaring at me. All the Slytherins were glaring at me because I had broken up with Lucius –even though I didn't do anything- and all the girls were glaring at me 'cause stupid Black had kissed me –even though I really didn't do anything. He's the one who kissed me. I did nothing to encourage him- and all of Gryffindor was glaring at me 'cause I had rejected their arsehole of a poster child.
It was so much worse than Snape glaring at me in the beginning of the year, let me tell ya.
And what made it worse was the fact that Black kept looking over at me with his stupid, unattractive, evil, selfish face with an expression that made my brain hurt trying to figure out what it meant. It was some sort of beseeching, angry, self-loathing, and puppy-doggish thing.
And notice what emotion wasn't featured? Yea, that's right, blame, guilt, and responsibility were all missing on his face.
AND HE STILL HAD HIS STUPID SMIRK!
That stupid arsehole. Honestly, if I wasn't such a good person, I'd have him strung up from the ceiling by that hair that he's always making sure is perfect saying the alphabet over and over and over again until he forgot the order.
…
And if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to eat the runny poached eggs –Ok, how does that happen? Runny poached eggs? Are the house elves all in love with Sirius Black and out to get me too?- I heared Rowania Foxkithia talking with her cronies about how she once walked in on me and Sirius in the broom closet on the fourth floor, "going at it".
Going at what, is what I'm still trying to figure out. Although, after last night, I think it might be "going after each others' tongues."
WHICH WASN'T FUN!
It's totally scarred me for life, and I wouldn't be surprised if I am no longer able to completely function in life. I mean, I may never be able to date anyone ever again 'cause I'll always have the fear –yes, fear- that Sirius Black will come and muck it up by kissing me. And then all my boyfriends will leave me for Rowania Foxkithia and I'll die an old and lonely spinster living in the Forbidden Forest with thousands of unicorns at my beck and call.
…
That's it. I've fully gone over the deep end.
…
It's times like this that I really wish I had a more extensive four-letter vocabulary.
…
Is self-pity counted as having only four letters, or is that two sets of four, or eight letters and a hyphen? 'Cause if it's four letters, I'm already reaching my goal.
…
I really do hate myself.
Though I hate Sirius Black more!
…
Where was I? Oh, yes, the disgusting rumor that Rowania has been sending out. Well, after I heard that, I threw the poached egg at her head and walked out of the Great Hall.
…
Not necessarily the most mature thing to have done in the situation, but it sure made me feel better to hear her shrieking. And the splat the runny devil made when it hit the ground was rather satisfying as well.
And after that I decided to come up here and play hooky for the rest of the day. Not very Ravenclawy of me, I admit, but then again, when have I ever lived up to the Ravenclaw way of life?
Never! And that's why I feel justified in just lying about in my pajamas staring into the fire –do they keep those things running 24/7? That can't be very cost-efficient- bemoaning my life.
And really, who can blame me?
Nurse's Office
7:15 PM
Everyone was looking at me funny when they came back to class, so I decided to go to the Nurse's office. I've claimed that I've had a horrible headache, and even though Madame Pompfrey would normally just give me a headache cure and send me on my way, she's letting me sleep in here.
…
How sweet is that? It's nice to know that some people still care in this world.
…
Though, in retrospect, it could really just be to spite Sirius Black. I heard that the two of them don't really like each other, as BastardPants is always sending people to Pompfrey to be mended, and Pompfrey always has to do the mending.
And if she's only being nice because she hates Sirius Black, well, then, who am I to stop her? Nobody, that's who!
And honestly, it only makes her go higher up in my esteem.
Though if she would give me some sleeping draught and possible rub my feet, that would make her go up even higher. However, I think that might be pushing the boundaries of the nurse-patient thing. I wouldn't want her to get sued. 'Specially since she's been so cool and all.
…
Have just realized I'm rambling.
Maybe I should go to sleep? Who knows when I'll next be able to sleep on an actual bed?
November 2
Nurse's Office
8:03 AM
Have decided to ditch again today. Can't face seeing my peers, and all that rot.
More like I don't want to see smarmy Sirius Black's face have that expression that I don't know what it means 'cause I'm too naïve or just too stupid to decipher it, even though I'm in Ravenclaw and I'm SUPPOSED to be smart and observant even though I think we've successfully unlinked those qualities to my character all because I don't know what in Merlin's Beard Sirius Black's face means and I'd really like to know 'cause I think it would make my life a whole lot easier and really, where does he get off telling me that he didn't like seeing me and Lucius together when that was between me and him and NONE OF HIS BUISNESS.
…
…
Went a little overboard there.
Won't happen again.
…
Sirius Black is a smarmy arse and if I knew any hexes or curses that he didn't know the counter curse to he'd be done in so fast, don't think he wouldn't.
…
Smarmy Arse.
10:26 AM
OK, I know I said that I was going to ditch and just lay around and do nothing and think of absolutely nothing in order to wash my sorrow away –though I don't think I said those exact words- but really, the nurse's office is BORING! I don't know how Madame Pompfrey does it everyday. Merlin knows I would have Avada'd myself by now if I was a nurse. Or a teacher, for that matter.
…
I just had to wipe Teacher off of my prospective list of careers. Though really, I think that's wise. Who would trust me around kids, telling them what to do, how to live their lives? I can't even do that with myself.
Ugh. My life sucks.
11:00 AM
La La La La LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I feel compelled to make noises as it is FAR TOO QUIET IN HERE!
You know when the silence is so strong that it's almost deafening? Yea, that's what going on in here, and it's DRIVING ME BATTY!
11:23 AM
Have resorted to making odd mewling noises every once in while to keep sane.
And really, I think it's working. I haven't thought about killing Sirius Black or kissing Sirius Black for four minutes. I think I'm making progress.
…
…
DAMN!
Just thought about the kissing.
…
I hate myself.
12:46 PM
Spit bubbles are fun.
12:53 PM
Especially if you levitate them and make them go over by the window. Light flashes through them and you can see rainbows.
And the rainbows are preeeeeeeeeeeetty.
1:01 PM
That's it, Sirius Black has officially killed all brain cells that were once floating around my head. And all because of a kiss that WASN'T EVEN THAT GOOD TO BEGIN WITH!
…
Not that I've had a lot to compare it to. You know, besides my arm and the back of my hand I haven't had anyone else to practice my wiles on.
Though it must be said, those two never seemed to mind very much.
And nether did Sirius. In fact, if I remember correctly, he had a smile on his face afterwards. And I've heard it's hard to make the notorious Black pleased.
…
That's it. I'm officially hitting myself in the head with a bed pan.
1:02 PM
An unused bed pan, to be precise.
1:04 PM
Not that I would actually do it.
Hit myself in the head with a bed pan, I mean. I may be crazy, but I'm not that crazy.
1:05 PM
Plus, I couldn't find one.
Those buggers are tricky, let me tell ya.
1:59 PM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
…
I dunno.
2:07 PM
OK, I can't take it anymore. I need to leave. I need to fly. I need to be free!
…
That's it, I'm rebelling against the silence.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
…
Doodle.
…
The whole rebelling thing would have been more effective if I had actually yelled.
…
Whatever.
Common Room
3:23 PM
Yea, so I came back.
Not because I couldn't face the students –because I think I can. After feeling as if I was in a time-out that lasted forever, I think I can manage- but because I smelled like the inside of Sirius Black's ego.
…
And yes, that is a bad smell.
How wrong of you to think otherwise.
8:23 PM
Since I was sick today… it stands to reason that I don't have to go to Detention. Which means I don't have to stack books on tall ladders while Sirius Black gives me that weird expression so many times that it will be PERMANENTLY ENBLAMED IN MY MIND!
…
Emblamed isn't a word, is it?
Hmm, no matter. It's not like anyone is going to read this thing, anyway.
8:26 PM
People are staring at me again.
And frankly, I don't like it.
8:34 PM
But I'm not going to go back to the nurse's office. 'Cause I just got rid of that form of torture, thank you very much, and I don't much relish going back to it.
Besides. I'm stronger than that.
9:00 PM
That's it. I'm going to go sleep in the bathroom.
November 3
Common Room
7:16 AM
Ok…. so I didn't go and sleep in the bathroom. After I wrote that, everyone seemed to get up and leave the room, so I stayed and slept.
…
It seemed a fair trade, really.
…
And when I woke up, I didn't have any ink marks over my face, which means today is going to be a good day.
I can feel it.
Great Hall
8:12 AM
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times.
I AM TOO OPTIMISTIC BY HALF!
UGH!
…
And what's even worse, I think I got that phrase wrong.
Dammit.
History of Magic Classroom
9:23 AM
So let me tell you the rumors I've heard from the Great Hall to here.
Sirius Black and I have been secretly dating since our fourth year.
Sirius Black and I are having a love child, and we were trying to pass it off as Lucius' so we could ruin him¸ all the while saving ourselves.
Sirius Black and Lucius got into a heated debate over me, where they both took turns having "their way" with me before I had to pick which one I wanted to be with forever.
I played an interesting game with them called "Dice" where I had to roll the dice and whatever number came up I had to… er… pleasure them both that many times.
I am only with Sirius Black to get to his brother, Regulus.
I am only with Sirius Black to get to his family connections, even though mine are as, if not more, stellar than his.
Sirius Black and I have been promised to each other since birth, and we've both always hated Lucius, so we decided to worm me into his heart before breaking it.
I am secretly a reporter for the Daily Prophet, writing a piece to see it's like to be a teenager living the lie of dating two people at once.
I wanted all the glory of being the one person to break up Slytherin house. And I'm a little tart who will have sex with anything with legs, Hippogriffs included.
Now, how many of these rumors are true? NONE!
How many people do I want to beat with a fake leg for saying these slanderous lies? EVERYONE!
Who feels really small and hurt inside?
…
Me.
Transfiguration Classroom
12:01 PM
I am seriously going to beat someone. I have a heard a new rumor that makes me feel especially bad, because I think it might be true.
Black was only paying attention to me because he knew how Lucius felt about me and wanted to get back at him, and the quickest way to do that was to mess around with me.
…
…
…
That's it. I'm killing someone.
Dumbledore's Office
12:54 PM
Ok, yelling in the middle of the corridor that you hate Sirius Black and none of the rumors are true and everyone needs to be hexed into next week if they believe any of them? Yea, not the smartest thing to do.
Especially when there are teachers around.
…
Especially when there are teachers around who really, really, REALLY hate you.
…
Namely Slughorn.
…
Because then you get a detention for, "Disturbing the peace within these hallowed halls," and are sent to the headmaster's office.
And when you have a slight problem concerning authority figures –namely, being deathly afraid of them- this is doubly bad.
…
Oh Merlin, I hear the door opening. Must hide you…
Some Random Classroom
1:13 PM
I'm in detention.
…
Before this year, I had a great school record. You know, minus the whole fifty points being lost and the near death of the Quidditch Star and the burning of the whole fifth year's notes.
…
But other than that, I had a great reputation.
…
Eh, the door is opening. Must be Slughorn, coming to dish out my punishment.
…
OH DEAR MERLIN.
Common Room
7:16 PM
OK, that person that I thought was Slughorn? Yea, it most DEFINITELY WAS NOT SLUGHORN.
IT WAS SIRIUS BLACK.
WITH ALL OF HIS CRONIES!
AKJHDFAJKDHFAJKDHFALDJFHAJLKDHFALJDFHALJDFHAJDF!
…
So, I was sitting at the desk in the front of the classroom, writing, and as soon as I heard the door open I stared at them with a look on my face that was probably most unattractive. It was silent for a few moments before I heard Remus Lupin say quietly, "Hullo Pippa."
…
Now, let me tell you something about Remus Lupin. If you recall, in my first entry I was talking about not wanting to go to school as it would surely be bad for me –I was a smart cookie, even then- and the only reason I decided to go was because of a certain seventh year Gryffindor that should have been placed in Ravenclaw.
Um, yea, Remus Lupin is that guy.
…
Now, just because I once had a crush on the guy –I think I can safely say that that little thing is done and over with. Another thing that Sirius Black has ruined. … Not that he's ruined it because I love him and want to have babies with him. He's ruined it because he's friends with him and he's tainted him just like he's tainted me. … Hmm, morbid- doesn't mean I wanted to see him. 'Specially when I was busy trying to not kill the guy next to him.
…
So yea. They walked in and Remus said hi, and I said "Hi back" and decided to start leafing through my little journal here. (My stupidity is something we're going to have to talk about later). And then they sat down, all of them in the back of the room, and we ignored each other.
…
And then the whispering started happening.
"Padfoot, just go up and talk to her."
"Sirius, you need to stop looking over at her. You're going to scare her."
"Sirius, I sat on my hand and now it hurts really badly."
And my favorite: "Padfoot, I don't know what you see in her. She's a little… well, frumpy-chub. Heh, frumpy-chub. That means she's frumpy and chubby."
…
Yea, that made me feel very good.
Although, hearing James Potter get smacked on the head was certainly satisfying.
…
Yes, I'm blood-thirsty.
…
Anyway, after the smack I heard rustling and pretty soon I smelt a familiar scent -… wait, I know his scent now? Oh, Merlin- and looked up and there in front of me stood… Dun Dun Dun… SIRIUS BLACK!
YAY!
Not.
He just stood there, staring down at me for what seemed like forever as I leafed through this here little journal. And something occurred to me as I looked through this. In almost every single update there is some mention of Sirius Black.
…
Honestly. EVERY SINGLE ONE!
UGH!
And with me looking at his name over and over and him standing there, engulfing me in his scent, standing really really close, I got angry all over again. So angry I was almost shaking with it.
…
And I don't get angry. I'm shy and meek, remember?
And with my shaking, and the fact that my hair was covering my face, the stupid dumbarse Black seemed to think I was crying. Honestly. CRYING.
"C'mon Princess. Don't cry."
…
Seriously. That's what he said. "Don't cry". As if I would cry over that… that…. Libertine
Hearing the bastard telling me what to do again, I stood up calmly –or… as calmly as I could manage. The word should probably regally. Yea, I like that. Regally- and looked him in the eye and said…
Are you ready for this? It was quite spectacular, let me tell you. I said…
"Don't tell me what to do, Sirius Black. I'm sick and tired of your prancing around like you're the King of the Universe and I'm your little slave that you can boss around. Well, I'm not your slave, Mr. Black, and I'm not going to be treated like one. I'm not going to let you tell me what to do and just go along with it because I'm a good person and I want to believe that everyone is nice on the inside. Well, thanks Sirius Black, because I can't think that everyone is nice when you're around. Because you aren't a nice person. You're selfish and mean and bossy and you think you should get everything you want. Do you even know what you want? I doubt it." And this is where I snorted. But I foraged onwards. "Grow up, learn what you want, get the poker out of your arse, and maybe then I'll talk to you." My glare, I am proud to say, was magnificent as I finished with, "AND DON'T CALL ME PRINCESS!"
And then I stomped away, my back ram-rod straight as I walked passed Black, his friends, and towards the door.
…
Then my rather amazing exit was cut off as the door opened and Slughorn walked in. Then he started giving out our detentions, which was for us to separate dragon bowels, hearts, brains, and blood into an orderly type of arrangement.
And while I may not have been able to escape the company of The Smarmy Arse, I certainly made him quiet as he cleaned. And the reason I know I made him quiet was 'cause while his friends were all whispering and talking about me –I'm not an idiot. I know they were- he was silent and just did his share.
Then… we all left, me going here, and them going to Gryffindor Tower. And let me tell you, it was really satisfying, seeing him shuffle away all dejected.
So satisfying that not even the fact that I have detention for two weeks during lunch can take this high away.
And trust me, it's nice to feel good for once. I just hope this high lasts forever.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'll be depressed again by tomorrow.
But as for now, I'm feeling pretty good.
Disclaimer: Um… yea, not J.K Rowling.
Author's Notes: Well… hiya there, kiddies. How ya doin'? I'm good, I'm good. And so is Pippa, what with the touch love for Sirius all over again. But I'm sure he'll get over it just fine.
And speaking of Sirius… I've posted the first chapter of his journal. Sirius Corruption of the System: A Journal can be found if you click that little button that says "First Of The Geeks" and look for it. It's there, and it's good. So you should... go and read it. ;-)
So, what'd ya think of the chapter? Tell me in a review, and I'll love you forever.
And as for the typos ignore them... I really need a beta. (Hint... Hint... :-P)
Melissa