"Hi, Jack. I was just making some tea, do you want some?" Zoe peered into Jack's face. "Or maybe something harder. I have beer, and scotch somewhere."
"I've never met a woman who drank scotch," Jack said. It seemed like such an idiotic thing to be talking about.
"Habit I picked up from my ex-husband. Got all his good stuff in the divorce," she added with an impish smile. "Come in." Jack followed her through the house into the kitchen, and she poured them both scotch and cokes. "I expected you earlier," she said.
"My shift didn't finish until six," he protested. It was only quarter to seven.
"And it's twenty minutes between the hospital and here," Zoe said. "Half an hour with traffic."
"I circled the block four times," Jack admitted. It was a little disconcerting that Zoe had been expecting him. "Look, I'm sorry if I was abrupt with you today," he said.
She waved her hand away. "It's fine. I was just as surprised as you were. I don't expect it's a period of your life that you care to remember."
Jack shook his head slightly. When he thought about those weeks following Gabrielle breaking up with him – "Look, I can trust you not to say anything, can't I?" he asked.
"Jack, even if I was the town gossip, I'm still bound by law not to say anything to my patients," Zoe reminded him.
"I know that in my head. It's just... you and Jane are the only two people who know about it."
"Jane Grey?" Zoe asked. Jack nodded. "You still keep in touch with her?"
"She's the reason I ended up at All Saints, basically." And Jack told her about Mary.
"You know she was the main reason I argued for your release," Zoe said. "I had this instinct that you'd be safe in her care. Paediatrics is exactly something I can see her in."
"I can't thank you enough for everything you did for me," Jack said.
"It was my job."
Jack smiled sadly. "I've had plenty of people in my life whose job it was to take much better care of me than you did. So excuse me for thinking that you did something pretty special."
"Can I...?" Zoe asked, holding her arms out on the table, palms up. Jack mirrored the gesture so Zoe could inspect his wrists. "You know, I can't see the scars and I saw you open the wounds half a dozen times."
"I could have been better behaved," Jack admitted ruefully.
"Oddly enough, I do actually understand," Zoe said. "I can't believe it took me as long as it did to work it out. Did they ever prosecute the guy who did it?"
"Patrick? No. At least, not as far as I know. I don't exactly keep track of where I came from."
"I noticed." Jack looked at her quizzically. "You've taken elocution lessons," she commented.
"Just hung out with the Greys long enough. My dad reckons I sound like a snob, which is good enough for me."
"You really don't like where you came from, do you?"
Jack shook his head. "My dad, stepmother and Patrick Wesley between them ruined my life. And I had this crappy working-class accent, too."
"At least some things you can change," Zoe said dryly. "I'm glad you're doing well." Or at least as well as someone who had been through what Jack had could be expected to do. There was a pregnant pause, and Zoe sensed there was something Jack wasn't telling her that contradicted his claim that he was 'doing well'. "Jack," she pushed him gently.
"The girl, it's Gabrielle," he blurted out.
"Pardon?" Zoe asked.
"The girl I slit my wrists over – it's Gabrielle. Gabrielle. Jaeger. Your NUM," he clarified.
Zoe's eyes went wide with comprehension. "Jesus," she said. "I thought there was a vibe between you. How did that happen?"
"Sheer dumb luck. I'm trying to give her space but everytime I'm near her... And it gets worse." Jack explained about Bianca. "I don't think she came to All Saints deliberately. But I feel like I'm waiting for things to explode in my face. I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone who holds a grudge for so long... and can't take responsibility for her actions." Someone like that was sure to make Gabrielle a target for her long-simmering resentment sooner or later.
Bianca eyed Gabrielle critically. That uniform did nothing for her, and she appeared to have put on weight. Not that she had been a super-slender teenager in the first place.
And then there was the fact Jack could barely keep his eyes off her. That was the worst part. She knew she had never been able to make Jack look at her like that, even when he had been drunk. And yet here was this dumpty girl from the country who could make him look at her like that without even trying, without even wanting it.
Bianca hated her.
And needled her mercilessly. About her experience, about her intelligence, about her looks, a dozen zingers aimed in her direction while the two women were forced to work together on an emergency trauma patient. "You married, Giselle?" Bianca asked at one point, deliberately getting her name wrong again.
"No," Gabrielle said through gritted teeth.
"Boyfriend?" Gabrielle shook her head, knowing what Bianca was getting at. "I suppose you've always got your career to fall back on, then," she said. Bianca had already made it clear she thought nursing was a skill like waitressing, so lowly and poorly-paid that there would always be work available.
Jack's heart broke for Gabrielle when he saw her flinch slightly but otherwise hide her reaction to the cruelty of Bianca's words. "You want me to hit her?" he offered later in the tea room. "I've never hit a woman in my life, but I'm happy to make an exception."
"Thanks, but the last thing I need is you antagonising her even more," Gabrielle said bitterly. "Sorry," she said the second the words were out of her mouth. "I know it's not your fault. Was she always this much of a bitch?"
"From what Jane says, yeah. Jesus, Gabs, I'm so sorry. We've put you through enough already." He reached out and squeezed her hand, and was gratified that she didn't pull away. "I swear, if I have to destroy her, she's not going to hurt you anymore."
He left Gabrielle to her job and called Jane. "I give you permission to be as much of a bitch as you can manage," he said. "I want her gone." And Jane knew by the tone of her voice that he meant Bianca.
"What the hell are you playing at?" Dan asked Bianca later that night. "What the fuck was that little display about?"
"I don't like her," Bianca said coolly. "She's far too young to have a position of authority."
"She's only five years younger than you," Dan pointed out. Actually, Jack had been gleefully telling everyone that Bianca was nearly thirty and none of the bitchy comments in the world would change that. "Do you have a history with her?"
"That plain Jane?" Bianca sniffed haughtily. "When would I ever have had anything to do with her?"
"Well, you and Jack were at uni around the same time, and he was with Gabrielle at that point. Did you guys know each other?"
"As if," Bianca said coolly, "I'd waste my time with either of them. They're both younger than me. I knew Jack vaguely," she finally conceded, "and I knew he was dating someone... inappropriate."
"She's two years younger than him," Dan pointed out.
Bianca shrugged. "She's not exactly in our league," she said, and Dan knew she meant in the league of someone who had studied at AUMEL. He didn't like it when she said things like that – and she was saying things like that with increasing frequency. If Gabrielle was beneath 'them' for being a mere nurse involved with an AUMEL graduate, what did that say about what she thought about him?
"Whatever," Dan said. "I'd stop provoking him if I were you. Jack really doesn't give a shit about what people say about him, but he cares about Gabrielle a lot, and you don't want to push him too far."
Zoe had managed to make it to Cougars a week after her first shift at All Saints, and she was glad she had made the effort. She had known Jack and Jane were strongly in sync, but watching them work in tandem, united against Bianca, was fascinating. Zoe was beginning to think she shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss the sibling claim; they were almost like twins.
It didn't take her long to realise what they were doing. They were displaying their easy, good-natured camaraderie with enjoyable banter that engaged people in a way that Bianca, with her haughtiness and arrogance, could never do... and all without mentioning Bianca. It was easy to let her nastiness speak for herself.
"Jack was full of himself," Jane teased. "Can't say I wouldn't be if I were as smart, but God you were full of yourself."
"You were just jealous," Jack retorted.
"Of a sixteen year old whose idea of fun was reading War and Peace in Russian was fun?" Jane asked. "Yeah, a little."
"Wait – you can read War and Peace in Russian?" Bart asked, impressed.
"It was how he skipped year ten," Gabrielle put in. "He skipped year four by terrorising eight-year-olds by reciting chunks of Lord of the Flies."
There were a few snickers from that, and Jack got defensive. "They were wusses," he said. Mind you, he had witnessed far scarier things by age eight than a fictional story about stranded English schoolboys in the second world war.
"Jack, I was seventeen and you could scare me. Honestly, I don't know how you got the library to get those books out."
"Caught a bus to the next shire, made a pile of Famous Five books and they left me in peace to read whatever I liked," Jack said smugly.
"You know," Jane said, "I think I'm more concerned that you went to so much effort to read books way above your age level than the fact you were reading them in the first place." But her tone was affectionate. "The first time we met Jack, he was reading War and Peace in the tavern like he belonged there. I think the university was too pleased to have a student who read Russian literature in Russian to kick him out."
"That's unusual," Bart asked, a little disappointed. Like almost every doctor in the country, he had harboured hopes of going to AUMEL, and the place had long since taken on a legendary element in his mind.
"We had just as many hard-core partiers as any other university in the country," Jane said. "Possibly more. We attracted every arrogant doctor, engineer and lawyer in the country. This is the twenty thousand smartest people in Australasia, the competition was pretty fierce. We used to give Jack so much flack for his age."
"When?" Jack asked indignantly, who had gone to a lot of effort to assimilate himself with people two years and more older than him – contributing to the difficult situation he'd found himself in with Gabrielle.
"Behind your back," Jane said sweetly. "Bianca was just clever enough to know not to say it to your face."
"Bianca?" Dan echoed dumbly. Used to give him so much flak? "I thought you didn't know her well," he said. That didn't sound like not knowing someone well.
"We were close through most of uni," Jane said. "Lost touch after we graduated." And she made up a whole lot of crap about Mary, Jane added silently. She was surprised at how little that mattered anymore. She was beginning to see why Jack felt sorry for her; she was a beautiful, brilliant woman with a phenomenal career in front of her, but so consumed by bitterness that she had nothing better to do wither time than insult a lovely girl for an imagined slight committed years ago.
Charlotte grinned. "So – you knew Jack when he and Gabrielle were together?" she asked.
"That would be – "
"None of your business," Jack and Jane finished in unison. Zoe smirked at that. Also at the fact Jack had managed to drape his arm across the back of Gabrielle's chair, and Gabrielle hadn't objected, or was looking the least bit uncomfortable over it. In fact, she seemed to be rather enjoying herself. For the first time since she had started working at All Saints, she understood how close Jack and Jane were – and wasn't the least bit jealous. It was quite clear that while they were deeply fond of each other, there was no romantic or sexual chemistry between them. She instinctively knew that despite their short-lived engagement, there was no heat between them.
Not the way there was heat between her and Jack right now, the way he was brushing his fingertips across the bare skin on her back that her shirt didn't cover. And maybe it was the two pints she had consumed, but she liked it.
Another hour passed, and Gabrielle said she needed to get home. Julia was over for a week and had agreed to watch Ben, but Gabrielle knew she had to be getting back to her son. "I'll give you a lift," Jack offered. He had watched what she drank – she could handle alcohol no better now than she could when she was seventeen – and didn't want her driving home. Besides, it was a great opportunity to be alone with her. Gabrielle was immediately torn between the fact she wanted Jack to drive her home – both because she knew she wasn't fit to drive herself, and she felt a thrill at the idea of being alone with him – and her brain telling her it wasn't a good idea. "Fine, then, I'll walk you to your car," Jack offered when Gabrielle protested.
The short walk to her car forced her to admit that she wasn't fit to drive herself home. "I assure you I won't hit on you, if that's what you're worried about," Jack said graciously, muttering under his breath, "unless I think you want me to."
She got into his car. "You traded up," she said.
"Mike shamed me into it. Threatened to fire me, actually, said no surgeon of his was being seen in a rust bucket."
Gabrielle took note of the booster seat in the back, "I think it was actually Jane, and she told you that you couldn't drive Mary around in it, and you caved," she said, and laughed when Jack looked sheepish. "Thanks for tonight," she said. Without saying a word against Bianca, Jane and Jack's camaraderie and banter had told everyone at the table – except maybe for Dan, who was reluctant to see the truth about his lover – that the woman was a mean-spirited, vengeful human being holding onto imaginary slights, and that Jack had been devoted to Gabrielle, and whatever resentment Bianca felt stemmed from that. Over just a few hours people had looked at her differently. Especially since Jack's arm had hardly left her back.
It was a heady feeling.
"It's only what I owed you," Jack said. "You don't deserve the crap she's dishing out to you, and people know it. She's made a lot of enemies – Jane included."
"But not you."
"I wouldn't have a thought to spare her if she wasn't being such a bitch to you," Jack said with vehemence that warmed her despite the undertone of violence in his voice. "She's got no reason to be angry about the way I feel about you."
"The way you feel about me?" Gabrielle echoed.
"Felt about you," Jack corrected. But the words were out there and couldn't be taken back... and neither of them wanted them to be.
He arrived at her place. "I'm surprised you bought here," he said. "Seems a bit too much for you."
It was a family-oriented suburb, a well-kept four-by-two, Jack could see that just from the drive. "I'm a farm girl, I settle in for life," Gabrielle lied smoothly, having already rehearsed in case anyone, least of all Jack, thought it was odd that she needed such a big house in a not-exactly-cheap suburb all for herself. "I figured I'd buy in an area I'd want to raise a family in to start with rather than needing to move somewhere nicer five or ten years from now."
Jack took the lie at face value. "I'll walk you to the door," he said, not willing to let her go just yet.
"Jack, that's not – " she started to say before seeing the futility of protesting when he was out of the car before her. It was just like when he had insisted on driving home. If she hadn't, deep down, wanted him to, she would call him obnoxiously persistent. He walked her to the front door and she knew she couldn't let him go any further. She had already let him come too far; all Ben had to do was start one of his screaming fits if Julia had forgotten to give him his medication. She fished her keys out of her bag, feeling out the house key, intent on sending him on his way. "Thanks for bringing me home," she said, feeling suddenly breathless now that he was so close to her – closer than he had been in the car – and it was almost over. "You're right, I wasn't fit to drive."
"You're welcome," he said, and kissed her. She should have known he would try – had known, deep down... and had wanted him to. Her brain started to formulate the words to push him away, but her body was responding having his so close, the feel of his mouth gently on hers, his tongue running over her lips, gently probing her mouth, searching it out with his, moving even closer against her so her body was wedged between his and the wall...
She had forgotten just how good a kisser he was, how good it felt when she was in his arms, how wonderful he smelled, that combination of soap and deodorant, the feel of his hands on her waist, simultaneously chaste and deeply sensual at the same time. He was clean-shaven – he used to cultivate facial hair, probably because he was so sensitive about how young he was – and it was a pleasant change to feel his bare chin against hers. She felt herself become lightheaded and knew it wasn't because of the alcohol. At least, not entirely. "Jack," she gasped. "Jack, no..." Even to her own ears she knew how unconvincing she sounded.
"Yes," he grunted, hearing the lack of conviction in her voice and feel her body pushing up against his to tell him what she actually wanted. He started kisses her face and neck with abandon. It had been over six years since he had last kissed her, but it felt both like it was yesterday and like he had been starved a lifetime of her at the same time. How could he have believed that any of the women he had been with made him feel the way he felt about Gabrielle? How could he have believed that he could love someone like he loved her?
Despite herself, Gabrielle responded to his kisses, wrapping her arms around his neck, running her fingers – one hand still holding the keys – through his hair. "No," she said again, even more weakly.
Jack didn't even bother to saying yes again. He pulled the keys out of her hand, handling the house key with ease, getting it into the lock with remarkable skill given he had his eyes shut and wasn't exactly concentrating on unlocking the door. Dimly, Gabrielle realised what Jack was going to do, and knew she had to stop him. "Jack, no," she said, this time far more forcefully. "Please, not like this."
Her words had the desired affect, triggering off a memory in Jack's brain. He knew what it was like not to be in your right mind when you made decisions about sex. He had destroyed his relationship with Gabrielle over it. He didn't want to push her into something she would regret later.
He pulled away. "This isn't the end of it," he said quietly. "But I don't want you to do something you'll regret 'cos you've had a few." He spoke those words ruefully, and she knew he was thinking about the disastrous decision he had made with Bianca after he had 'had a few'. Gabrielle nodded, and watched Jack go before letting herself into the house.
"How was it?" Julia asked. She knew Gabrielle had been wanting to join her colleagues for after-work drinks, but couldn't because she needed to pick Ben up from daycare; she had offered to spend some time with her godson instead.
"Good," Gabrielle said, feeling breathless as well as lightheaded.
"You OK?" Julia asked, a trifle concerned. She could smell the alcohol on Gabrielle. And she wasn't the steadiest on her feet right now, either. "You didn't drive home like that, did you?" They had both seen the result of drink-driving, coming from a farming community. With an absence of taxis or pubs (or even mates) in walking distance, the temptation to drink after having 'had a few' was great.
"No, Jack drove me home," Gabrielle said before she'd thought her words through.
Julia raised one eyebrow. "Jack Quade?" she asked. "Ben's dad?" Gabrielle didn't need to answer; she looked like a giddy schoolgirl, and that was answer enough for Julia. "So, what, you decided to make out with the father of your son without actually telling him about his son?"
"Don't judge me," Gabrielle said testily.
"Honey, I'm not judging you. I'm the one who told you to hear him out, remember?" she reminded Gabrielle. Gabrielle had filled her in of every exchange she had had with Jack since starting at All Saints, and Julia was getting the impression of a man who was going out of his way to make her feel at ease – and who still cared about her. Which didn't particularly surprised Julia; she had only met Jack briefly, but he didn't seem the type to callously crew around. He had done a terrible thing but it was very possible he had done it out of a combination of alcohol and immature entitlement. He had never struck Julia as a compulsive philanderer like Steve Taylor. And Julia had never felt comfortable with Gabrielle's decision not to tell Jack about Ben. Cheating – especially what was possible a single, drunk indiscretion – was hardly an automatic disqualifier for good parenting. And to find out that Jack had been trying to get in touch with Gabrielle, not once but several times over several years- well, surely that was a sign that he still cared, not to mention that he had a right to know about Ben?
So Gabrielle found herself telling Julia what had happened that night. "It sounds like he still cares about you a lot," Julia said. "Do you believe him, that it was the only time?"
"I want to," she admitted. "And I don't know if I want to 'cos I actually believe him and how much is 'cos he still makes me feel pretty incredible and I have these – these thoughts about us as a family."
Of course she would have such thoughts. Julia had met Jack, she knew him to be a charming, good-looking man, how could Gabrielle not have such thoughts about him? "Whatever you're feeling," she said, "he has to know about Ben." Hell, maybe he would have something to say about the way Gabrielle was keeping Ben heavily medicated. Julia was familiar with the angry, uncooperative brat that Ben Jaeger was without the meds, but it was such an unnatural way for a child to be.
"Is Jack here today?" Gabrielle asked Zoe the next day.
"He volunteers at White's on Wednesdays as a tutor," Zoe replied.
"Who or what is White's?"
"White's Academy. It's an independent primary and high school for gifted children. He volunteers there for kids whose families can't afford to pay for tutors."
"I've never heard of it."
"That doesn't surprise me. It's pretty exclusive – people tend not to hear of it until they fancy their kid to be a prodigy and start looking at the best schools to send them to. It's very competitive and Jack likes to make things more equal for kids who aren't from wealthy backgrounds."
"I don't get it. If it's such a great school, why didn't Jack get in?"
"He did," Zoe said, looking at Gabrielle with surprised. She had thought the younger woman knew that already. "His dad wouldn't let him go. It's part of why he got emancipated. I thought you knew that."
"No," Gabrielle said, because she had first met Jack when he had been nineteen and since he didn't talk much about his childhood, other than to say his step-mother hated him and the sooner he had gotten out of her house, the better, she had never given it much thought. "I didn't. How do you know?" Gabrielle looked intently, her mind ticking over. Zoe was too old for Jack to have gone to uni with her, and as far as she could figure, their paths wouldn't have otherwise crossed. "You were his doctor at one point," she surmised.
"That would be confidential," Zoe said with cool professionalism, having let slip too much already in her mistaken belief that Gabrielle knew more than she did.
"It was over our breakup, wasn't it?" Gabrielle asked. Of course. She had been an idiot to think a university like AUMEL would let a prize student like Jack defer for a year on such short notice without a damn good reason. He had 'burnt out' enough to be hospitalised over it – enough that Zoe remembered him after all these years. "What do you know?" Gabrielle asked. "I could tell the board you breached doctor-patient confidentiality," she threatened.
Zoe knew it was an empty threat. Gabrielle wasn't about to do such a thing, and even if she did, she doubted Jack would be that pissed off about it. "I know about him and Bianca," she said. "Though I don't know why he's not just telling everyone what her problem is. People are always much more inclined to see the woman as the slut in the story – believe me, I know," she said ruefully, although in this case, Bianca really was to blame. "I know he was devastated after you broke up with him. And I know he still cares about you," she added. "I don't even have to know anything about him other than the way he was looking at you at Cougars last night. Or that little interaction between him and Doctor Grey last night. What does it say to you that he'll let Bianca badmouth him all over town, but all she has to do is say something mean to you and he's on the warpath? I take it he didn't just drop you home last night?" Zoe asked.
"Not exactly," Gabrielle admitted. It pleased her more than she cared to admit to hear from someone who had known Jack at the time – someone other than Jane, who she could never quite trust – was telling her how sorry Jack had been, and how much he still cared about her.
"I thought so." Zoe even seemed to know that their liaison had been limited to a few kisses at the front door; a limitation that she had placed. "I know that sometimes once the trust is gone, it's gone," she said, thinking about her own infidelity. But that had been different; it had been a full-blown affair, not a drunk indiscretion, and her husband had been too macho to ever get over it. "But is there any possibility that you could learn to trust him again?"
"I want to," Gabrielle admitted.
"Then at least give him a chance. Will a date really kill you? Or, for that matter, just talking to him?"
The following day, Jack knocked on the door of the office Gabrielle shared with Frank. "I hear you and Zoe were talking," he said with a rueful grin. Zoe was almost as big an advocate of his and Gabrielle's reconciliation as Jane was – and Jane had good reason to see them reconciled.
"You have a fan in her," Gabrielle said.
"She was my doctor for a while, when I wasn't in the best of places," Jack said cautiously. "I think all doctors like seeing their patients happy, no matter how much time passes. I hope she didn't, uh, make you feel you had to feel a certain way."
"You mean you hope she wasn't pressuring me to go out with you?" Gabrielle offered. Jack smiled sheepishly. "It feels like I've met a million well-meaning people who think it's so romantic that we were teenage sweethearts and want to see us back together – most of which I'm sure have never met either of us except in passing. At least Zoe and Doctor Grey know you well enough to have your best interest at heart." There was a lengthy paused and, grappling for something to talk about, she blurted out, "Zoe says you volunteer as a tutor."
"At White's Academy, yeah. Some of the kids are so bright but their parents can't afford the same advantages like tutors or internet access like the richer kids have. I like knowing I'm helping to bridge the wealth gap. Jane went there, you know, and we're hoping we can get Mary in. I wish I could have gone," he said wistfully.
"Between you and Charlotte, I'm sure you would have had a very smart baby," Gabrielle said. "You'd be like – who's that surgeon who never reconciled himself with his daughter becoming a nurse?"
"Richard Craig," Jack supplied. "And no. My step-mother resented me for being so smart and my dad resented me for not being interested in mechanics. I never want my kids to feel they have to be like me, either because they aren't smart enough or they just don't have the interest in medicine."
Gabrielle was pleased to hear that, although she couldn't quite leave it there. "What if you had a kid with a severe disability?" she asked. "Like Downs Syndrome?"
"Kathleen Campion – Frank's daughter – has Downs and he doesn't love her any less for it," Jack said. "If I could have my daughter with Charlotte on the condition that she had Downs, or spina bifida, or anything like that – I wouldn't hesitate in saying yes, and anyone who would say no doesn't deserve to be a parent, in my opinion." He spoke the words with quiet, intense sincerity that made Gabrielle shiver. "It's not exactly a pleasant subject, why do you ask?" Jack asked.
"No reason," she forced herself to say. If he didn't care about Downs or spina bifida, then why would he care about ADHD and less-than-average intelligence? "Look, about Bianca – was she really the only one? And the only time?"
"Yes," Jack said, thinking it wasn't that much of a lie. She had been the only one, that was the truth, and there wasn't much difference between once and twice, so that wasn't much of a lie, was it? And something told him that Gabrielle wasn't the type to accept that he had gone back to her after having sex with someone else. One drunk indiscretion she might be able to forgive, but two? "It was just her and only once and I haven't regretted anything more in my life. And if it's worth anything to you, there wasn't anyone else for months and months after we broke up – I didn't want that on my conscience in case you took me back – and there hasn't been anyone since you started working here, everyone else paled in comparison to you."
Gabrielle let Jack's words sink in. She believed him. "Look, about Tuesday night – "
"I'm sorry," Jack said. "You were drunk and I was so desperate to get close to you that I overlooked it. But for what it's worth, I don't think you can deny that we have chemistry and I'd love to take you out properly. Dinner and there's this comedy show that my sister keeps raving about and – have you seen the harbour yet? Lake Burley-Griffin has nothing on it at night."
"I'd like that," Gabrielle said shyly.
"Really?" Jack asked, scarcely able to believe that she had said yes, after all this time.
"Really," she repeated.
"Really? Oh, wow," he said, and without thinking, leaned in to kiss her. It was meant to be a quick peck on the lips, but the moment their lips touched, it was like bringing two magnets close to each other and expecting them not to snap together. It was a law of gravity, and she opened her mouth to welcome his kiss, meeting his tongue with hers, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Gabrielle," he whispered huskily. This was so much better without her tasting like beer, and knowing that she was perfectly sober, and he wasn't glad that he hadn't pushed things on Tuesday night.
"Jack," she whispered back, running her hands down his back, feeling him arch his body involuntarily, the muscles clenching and relaxing under his touch. "Jack."
The door swung open and Jack pulled away. It wasn't like they were doing anything, just kissing, and God knew, Frank had busted him kissing his staff enough times that the fear had receded, but still, there was something special about what he had with Gabrielle that he didn't want witnesses to it. Especially not witnesses that they worked with.
Especially not Bianca.
Bianca scowled when she saw what she had interrupted. She had heard all about Jack and Jane's little stunt at Cougars on Tuesday night. Without saying a word against her, they had made it clear that she wasn't someone they cared to associate with. The very fact they hadn't explained why they didn't care to associate with her meant that people talked about it even more. And there were plenty of people to talk about how Jack hadn't been able to keep his eyes of Gabrielle – or his hands. Or the fact that he had insisted on taking her home.
Bianca had fumed when she had heard that. That plain little thing who wasn't smart enough to get into medical school, let alone AUMEL – what the hell did Jack see in her? Was it simply that she had rejected him, making her more desirable? Did Jack not want her because she had been too forward? Did the hypocrite see nothing wrong with men indulging sexually but everything wrong with women doing the same thing.
Bastard. Bastard. Bastard. But she still wanted him, and failing that, she definitely didn't want Gabrielle to have him. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. And now seeing them, seeing the way he touched her, seeing the way he looked at her, like he had never stopped being in love with her, made Bianca's insides curdle with jealousy and hatred. "I was looking for Frank," she said coolly.
Gabrielle felt the hatred in her glare, the contempt in her sneer, and shivered slightly. But Jack relished it. She was slipping, he knew. Her only advantage had lain in not pushing Jack or Jane so far that they spoke out against her, and she had been stupid enough to push them. "He's not here," Jack replied, just as coolly. He instinctively brought his arm around Gabrielle's back, wanting to protect, or at least reassure her, enjoying the way it made Bianca's scowl deepen.
Bianca flounced off. "I don't like her," Gabrielle admitted.
Jack laughed dryly. Only Gabrielle could walk in on her boyfriend screwing another woman, have that other woman use her power and considerable intellect to make her miserable several years later, and say she didn't like her. "If it makes you feel better, she must be miserable if she's being such a bitch to you. Happy people tend not to go out of their way to make others unhappy."
"But what's she got to be unhappy about?" Gabrielle asked, genuinely perplexed. "She's gorgeous, brilliant – "
"And bitter as a lemon. I think it's something to do with her childhood. Her dad wasn't around much and she never forgave the world for it. Jane says we had a lot in common growing up."
"You're kidding me."
"We both had jerks for dads, both had no-one but ourselves to get us to uni. The difference is she at least had a mum who loved her. And she's still a first-class bitch. Some of us are just made that way, I guess, but at the end of the day, I feel sorry for hers. She can't be happy."
Gabrielle let that information sink in. Jack felt sorry for Bianca, even though their drunk indiscretion – the one she had instigated – had cost him his relationship with Gabrielle and sent him spiralling down far enough to be hospitalised. That said a lot about him. So did the fact they he and Bianca had come from similar childhoods... but Jack's had been worse and he still had the good grace not to blame the world about it.
She found herself impressed with this new insight of him.
"Gabrielle, if I promise not to seduce you, will you let me come in?" Jack asked. "I'm too old and too tall to do this in the back of my car."
It had been a wonderful date. He had taken her, as promised, out for a wonderful meal – even better than the one he had taken to on their first date, all those years ago – and then to a very funny improve comedy show that had made her peal with laughter, and then for a walk along the foreshore which was, as he had promised, much prettier than lake Burley-Griffin.
She couldn't remember a more enjoyable night.
And now they were in the back of his car, making out, and he wanted to come inside. She believed him that he wouldn't try to seduce her, but she couldn't let him in the house just yet. She couldn't introduce him to Ben like this. Thanks for the great night, and, by the way, this is your five-year-old son. Kinda slipped my mind to tell you, sorry about that. She wasn't sure exactly how she would go about telling Jack about Ben, only that she couldn't tell him just yet. "I think we should call it a night," she said huskily. "Before things go too far."
Obediently, Jack pulled away. He knew she was attracted to him, knew she wanted him – but didn't want to seduce her into doing something she wasn't quite ready to do. When they went to bed together, he wanted it to be because she wanted it with her heart and soul and not because she was hot and heavy after making out with him. He walked her to her door and gave her a chaste kiss goodnight. "I'll see you tomorrow at work," he said huskily, and she squirmed with pleasure.
"How was it?" Julia asked, although the look on Gabrielle's face was all she needed to know. "That good, huh? So you trust him?"
"Yeah," Gabrielle said, "I do. I believe him when he said it was only one time, and that he's regretted it ever since." And just as importantly, she believed that he felt sorry for Bianca, and that he wouldn't be bothered by his son not being as smart as he was.
Jack got home in a jubilant mood – the home he shared with Dan, as opposed to Jane's where he had been crashing for the last few weeks. Everything felt right with the world. He couldn't believe how much of his life had been missing without Gabrielle. Whatever he had felt about other women in his life since her, none of them had made him feel the way she did. A piece of his life had been missing that had slotted perfectly into place.
He had seen as soon as he drove in that Bianca was over – and parked in his spot, too. He thought about parking behind her, like he had once when he'd had the next day off and then had gotten Rebecca to pick him up and go out on the town, leaving Bianca parked in until he felt the desire to go home, but tonight, he wanted her away from his house, and wasn't about to do anything that would give her reason to linger.
He banged on Dan's door, not caring if he pissed both of them off in the process. Bianca had pissed him off – not to mention Gabrielle and Jane – plenty of times in the last month, and Dan should have been less selfish in having her over all the time. "Doctor Miller!" he yelled through the door, enjoying using her maiden name – and reminding Dan that she was married. He made a face at that, wondering what Dan saw in her that he was willing to overlook her vows. She wasn't that good in bed. "I want to sleep in my own bed tonight so get the fuck out of my house."
It felt good to say those words; he couldn't believe he hadn't thought to say them before. Oh, yeah, because he had wanted to protect Gabrielle, and he had thought that Bianca had enough self-preservation to understand the phrase don't talk shit about her and I won't talk shit about you. Well, the stupid woman was too angry at him to demonstrate common sense, and she would find out to her detriment just how pissed off Jack could get.
He banged on the door again. "Daniel!" he yelled. "I can stay out here all night." And he meant it. He was in a fighting mood. He felt invigorated. He had spent far too much time being nice, he thought, trying to deal with someone who was basically a bully in the last way you should deal with a bully – supplication.
A second later the door opened. "What?" Dan hissed, "are you doing?"
"Politely asking you to get rid of her so I can get some sleep. I'm tired of staying at Jane's because you want to avoid Doctor Miller's husband." Jack spoke the words with relish, taking perverse pleasure at watching Dan flinch at the bald way her referred to Bianca's marital situation.
"Someone clearly didn't get laid," Bianca said snippily, coming up behind Dan. "You jealous?"
"Of Dan?" Jack said sweetly. "I wasn't that drunk that I don't remember you're nothing to be jealous of."
Dan took a deep breath in. "What?" he asked. But he could tell by the way Bianca was bridling at the insult that Jack was speaking the truth. He turned to her. "You and Jack?" he asked. "When?" But the pieces were already falling together. They had been at uni together along with Jane Grey, so it would have been then. Had Bianca been the woman Jack had cheated on Gabrielle with? She was, Dan realised.
"My nineteenth," Jack replied to Dan pleasantly like they were talking about something pleasant and not something Jack had referred to as one of the biggest mistakes of his life. "I was really drunk... but not that drunk," he added, enjoying the way Bianca was spitting at him with her eyes. "You still don't get it, do you?" he asked, turning his attention to Bianca. "I never cared about you. I can't. How can anyone? You're the most selfish, spiteful person I ever met – and given my father is an alcoholic womaniser, that's quite a call – and it killed you that I'd rather be with Gabrielle, didn't it?" He was taunting her now, and enjoying it. It felt good to have the upper hand on her. "You know what? I had more fun with her not having sex with her than I ever did being with a metre of you."
Dan was surprised – and disgusted – to see how angry Bianca was at the force of Jack's rejection. "Fuck you," she spat.
"No, thankyou," Jack said cheerfully. "I like not having syphilis." And with that he walked off.
Dan turned to Bianca. "How much of that was true?" he asked coolly. Bianca was shaking with fury at the way Jack had just spoken to her, like – like – like she wasn't his boss – like she was some tramp he had discarded. "Did he cheat on Gabrielle with you?" Dan pressed. He didn't need Bianca to reply. "You manipulative slut," he hissed at her. "What, so all of this – was it just to get back at Jack?"
"No, of course not."
Maybe it hadn't been – not all of it. But she had been gunning for Jack, and Gabrielle, from day one. Come to think of it, she hadn't gotten along with anyone but him. Was she still carrying her resentment of Jack for rejecting her? She had to be; nothing else made sense. "You should leave," Dan said flatly.
She held out her arms to him. "You aren't seriously going to believe him, are you?" she asked indignantly.
He thought about how he had banished Jack to Jane's place so he could have Bianca over; how neither of them had said a word against Bianca, while Bianca had shot her mouth off against them. Jack had made some bad choices in the past, but Dan had never known him to be anything but honest and well-intentioned. Which was a lot more than could be said for Bianca. "Yeah, I am," he said. "And you know what? If I were you, I would stop needling Jack, He's not someone you want to cross when it comes to someone they care about... and I don't think he's ever stopped caring about Gabrielle. See yourself out," he said, walking away from Bianca.
He headed for Jack's room. He was sitting on his bed, a book resting on his lap and a beer on the dresser, and Dan remembered how he had let Bianca help herself to Jack's beer and go through his books so Jack had installed a bar fridge and moved everything into his room and installed a lock on the door. He really should have remembered how private Jack was, and how anal he was about his stuff being respected as his stuff, except it was so easy to forget when Bianca was making fun of Jack.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Dan asked.
"It didn't matter that she was married, so why would it have mattered that I'd slept with her?" Jack asked with cool logic.
Dan cringed. The difference was, of course, that having her in common with some faceless husband was a hell of a lot different to having her in common with his housemate, but you couldn't exactly try and argue that something that had happened years ago was worse than the fact she was married. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have made you feel unwelcome. I shouldn't have made you feel you couldn't be honest."
Jack shrugged. "I'm kind of used to Bianca being a cunt," he said, which shocked Dan in itself, because it was a word he tended to reserve for his step-mother. "She's spent the last four years telling everyone who knows Jane and I that I'm Mary's father. Not that I mind exactly, but it's just the kind of person she is."
"Why?"
"Jane knew her better than I did. Actually reckons we have a lot in common – she grew up about three blocks from me. Bianca, I mean. Her dad played around a lot, too, and left her mum when she was about ten, I think. Jane's theory is that it made her bitter and entitled."
"You're not."
"I saw what dad's behaviour did to Stella. She was a bitch, but no-one deserves to be treated like that. When I think about what I put Gabrielle through... but some people don't think like that."
Some people try and stop the cycle, and some people repeat it, Dan thought, feeling a wave of disgust with himself. Jesus Christ, what had he been thinking? "Sorry," he said again.
Jack smiled ruefully. "I've been far more inconvenienced in my life than having to stay with a friend so my would-be best friend could get laid." He couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Dan, who was looking very forlorn. "You want a beer?" he asked.
"I'd love one."
Jack gestured in the direction of his desk, which meant for Dan to pull up the chair. Dan pulled it close to Jack's bed and helped himself to a beer, making a mental note to buy him a carton to make up for what Bianca had helped herself to... and the aggro she had caused him. "Things went well with Gabrielle, then?" Dan asked. For him to be so forgiving about Bianca, let alone letting him in his room – Jack was deeply private, and letting someone into his room was as open as he got. Things had to have gone well for him to be this easy-going.
"Yeah, they did. I think she wanted to invite me inside but she didn't entirely trust me not to seduce her."
"You can't exactly blame the girl, Jack," Dan pointed out. He didn't have a good reputation with women, either in general or with Gabrielle.
"I don't. I can wait until she's ready."
Despite his resolution to treat Jack better, Dan snorted derisively at that. "You, wait?" he asked. "When was the last time you let something go to a second date without getting laid?" he asked. After all, this was a man who, in absolute seriousness, had declared that there was no point in organising a second date if you didn't know you were sexually compatible.
"I screwed things up with her the first time 'cos I couldn't wait."
"Huh?"
Jack realised he had only told Dan about the second time he had been with Bianca – the time he had been caught. "Never mind," he said. No point in giving a juicy titbit of information like that to Dan. "I screwed things up 'cos I was too full of myself to appreciate her. I'm not going to do that again. If she doesn't want to have sex with me yet, I'm not going to push her."
Dan took a sip of his beer. He had never expected to hear such a sentiment from Jack, but then, he had never expected to see him have such a connection with anyone.
Bianca let herself out of the house, shaking with fury. For Jack to interrupt them like that – to tell Dan all about them – to be all but thrown out of the house. Worse than that – for Dan to just walk away, like he didn't care anymore.
It was just one more thing Jack had taken from her.
Well, she would return the favour.
She made her way to the ED the next day and sauntered into the office Gabrielle shared with Frank like she shared it with them. "I hear you had a hot date last night," she cooed.
"None of your business," Gabrielle said coolly.
Bianca took note of the marks on her neck that weren't covered by her uniform shirt, and her eyes narrowed jealously. Jack had touched her intimately. She wondered if they had slept together, whatever he had said. "It doesn't bother you? About us, you mean?"
"Bianca, I may be an inexperienced country girl, but even I know that one night doesn't count as an 'us'."
Bianca smiled with sweet venom. "Two," she corrected.
"Sorry?"
"Two nights. It was two nights."
Gabrielle tried not to look affected, tried to remain calm, tried to tell herself that Bianca was just trying to rile her up. "It's not something I'm ever going to forget," she said honestly, because no matter how much she trusted Jack now, it wasn't exactly something you could forget. "It was Jack's twentieth."
"That was the second time," Bianca said, drawing out her words with calculated cruelty. "Do you remember New Years?"
Gabrielle felt her heart stop. Yes, she remembered that New Years. All too well, when Jack had gotten her drunk and tried to have sex with her like – well, the horny teenager that he was. She had walked out on him before the new year had ticked over... and with a sickening feeling in her stomach, it occurred to her six plus years later that maybe Jack, being a drunk, horny teenager, had simply found someone else to accommodate his desires.
Bianca watched Gabrielle's expression change with fascination. She had to have her suspicions – now at least, even if her seventeen-year-old mind had been too naive to think of it. "He never told you about that, did he?" Bianca crowed. "You really weren't very smart, you know, holding out on him like that. He was a man, and he needed a real woman – someone who was willing to satisfy him. I mean, why do you think he got bored of you? 'Cos you were so boring – not to mention completely inept in bed. Christ, I'm surprised it took him that long to cheat on you again."
"You're lying," Gabrielle said through gritted teeth. Jack had promised, promised that it had only been the one time; he had known how important it was to be honest with her. She didn't know what was worse, the thought that he had slept with Bianca and then gone back to her – or the thought that he had lied about it. No, it couldn't be true.
"Ask him yourself," Bianca said airily, and walked off, the damage done.
Later that day, Jack knocked on the door. "You've been asking to see me?" he asked.
"Shut the door," Gabrielle said. Jack shut it, and he went to kiss her. She pushed him away. "I need to ask you something," she said. "That New Years party you had – when we had the fight over sex and I walked out. Did you have sex with Bianca?"
"What?" Jack asked, suddenly numb with fear. Of course, he should have realised that Bianca would tell Gabrielle about New Years.
Gabrielle took note of the fact that he hadn't denied it. "New Years. Did you have sex with her."
"Did she tell you that?"
That was the second time she had avoided answering her. "Did you?" The look on Jack's face was all the answer she needed, and she felt the anguish of betrayal and humiliation fill up in her like she was witnessing it all over again.
Jack watched her face crumble and knew he was breaking her heart all over again. "I wanted to tell you, but I was scared you couldn't forgive me."
"What, so you thought you just wouldn't tell me – Jesus Christ, Jack, you had sex with her and then you came back to me and had sex with me like nothing had ever happened."
"I wanted to pretend like it hadn't happened! I felt awful and I didn't want you to know about that part of me. I wanted – you'd look at me like I was this awesome guy and I didn't want you to stop looking at me like that."
"What, so you lied instead?"
"I didn't lie!"
"Neglecting to tell your girlfriend that you had sex with someone else is lying by omission, Jack." She raked her fingers through her hair, seeing Jack with completely different eyes. The man who she had made out with last night was a cheater and a liar. "Get out, you disgust me," she spat at him.
"You're breaking up with me?" he asked.
"Oh, one date does not make a relationship, Jack, especially not one that was obtained through lies."
"I did not – "
"Shut up!" she screamed at him. "Just – shut – up! Get out of my sight! I don't want to see you again! If you touch me again I'll have you charged with assault. You – disgust – me. I hate you! I hate you! I hate–"
Jack silenced her by grabbing her roughly and mashing his mouth against hers with violence which would have scared him if he wasn't so single-minded in wanting to prove that she wanted him – and that if she wanted him, she couldn't hate him or be disgusted by him all that much. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and she kissed him back just as hungrily, knowing that what she was doing was wrong and also knowing that nothing had ever felt so good as being with Jack... even when Jack was bad for her.
He grabbed her hips and hoisted her onto the table, wedging his hand between her thighs, using his thigh to wedge open her knees, feeling her wrap her legs around his waist. He pulled impatiently at the buttons on her shirt, opening it up, pushing it down over her shoulders, revealing her bra. "Do you want me?" he asked gutturally.
"Yes," she said.
"Say it!"
"I want you!" she screamed at him, hating herself for still being so attracted to him despite everything he'd done, and hating him for using that against her.
"Good girl," he grunted triumphantly. Maybe now she knew what it felt like to be him, wanting her constantly. He shuddered as she brought her hands under his shirt, her fingers splayed across the bare skin of his chest. How had he ever stopped at making out last night? "Baby, baby, baby," he cried. He remembered their first time together, at Lake Burley-Griffin. He'd never waited so long for someone, or wanted them that much.
Until now.
"Frank, I – oh, shit, sorry," Bart said, walking in on them in his search for his mentor. He backed out of the room, embarrassed.
Gabrielle jumped down from the table and turned so her back was to Jack and started doing up her shirt again. Even with her back turned, Jack could tell how tense she was. He saw her tremble, and knew she was close to tears. "Hey," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder, a gentleness in his touch and his tone that belied for the hungry, frenzied passion they'd demonstrated seconds ago. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, us being attracted to each other."
Her shirt done up, she spun around to face him, tears in her eyes. "But I am ashamed, Jack. I'm ashamed that after everything you did to me, I'm still attracted to you. I want something more than someone who's going to cheat on me and lie to me."
"It was one – two times," Jack said, correcting himself, knowing he wasn't making his case any better. "I figured it didn't count."
"Of course it fucking counts. Jack, I asked you if that was all it was. You looked me in the eyes and swore that it was. How the hell am I supposed to trust anything you say now?"
He tried to take her hand, but she wrenched it away from him and backed away as best she could given that she was already backed against the desk. It pained him to see her twisted awkwardly against it to get away from him, so he took a step back. "Please," he begged. "Last night was the happiest I've been in years." And I screwed it up by needling Bianca. But Bianca would have told Gabrielle anyway, he realised dully. She was that kind of person.
"If you touch me again I'll complain to admin," Gabrielle said dully. "I don't care if I – want – you or not." She said the word want with contempt, like she was admitting being attracted to a snake. Which was close enough to what she thought of Jack right now anyway. "I don't want anything to do with you." For a second Jack just stared at her, willing her to change her mind. "Get out!" she screamed, and this time Jack didn't doubt that she would complain if he touched her.
He left.
Gabrielle picked Ben up from daycare at the end of the day, still shaking from her meeting with Jack. She didn't know what was worse, that he had lied to her or that she was still attracted to him – or that if they hadn't been interrupted, she would have had sex with him on her desk like some tramp.
Like Bianca Miller bent over the table.
Ben was, as usual, noncommunicative, and for once, she was relieved. She was in no mood to talk to him, let alone try to bring him out of his shell. Tonight, Ben was just one more reminder of how Jack had screwed up his life because he was a selfish, lying, horny jerk.
Ben, however, seemed particularly in tune with her mood and wasn't nearly as troublesome as he usually was. Gabrielle knew she should be grateful, but she couldn't help but feel anything other than resentment tonight. Especially when Ben looked at her with those green-grey eyes.
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