CH 10: Silver Lining: Hurts
SET ME FREE SERIES
BY: Wolfa Moon
SILVER LINING
There's a storm on the streets, but you still don't run
Watching and waiting for the rain to come.
And these words wouldn't keep you dry
Or wipe tears from an open sky,
But I know, but I know, but I know I'm right
Tony rolls into the NCIS parking garage. Parking his bike in his designated spot. Taking a quiet moment to collect himself. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. Sleep is over rated. Taking off his helmet he takes in the surroundings. The walls seem so dull and grey compared to the outside wilderness. The vast openness that has been his haven. Securing his getaway, keys in pocket, secure. Attaching his helmet to his backpack he walks to the elevator.
The ride up giving him only a moment to prepare. He has had so much time to reconcile with himself. With what he wanted with life. Wants with this life. Everything changes. People call it a mid-life crisis. No, this is not that. This is a life event. For the mask has crumbled. Dead and buried.
Navy dress pants, loose fitting bash long sleeve shirt. Leather jacket moving with him. Would they like this Tony? Taking a deep breath and holding it. If they didn't he had other plans.
The door pinged like the shrill announcing the race is on. Opening for him to his entrance out onto the stage. His cue to step forward. For them to see if they like him. Not an act but a self-autobiography, telling his life story.
Stepping out he makes his way to his desk. The chair is slightly out. He ponders on who had sat here trying to hack into his computer. Attempt to find him. But for what reason. For Gibbs and his need to know everything. For curiosity? Setting his backpack on the ground. His helmet making a thud as it collided with his desk. Still silence. Smirking he goes to his computer. Starting it up. Then going over who had tried to hack in. Pulling up the video files. Skimming over quickly as McGee had tried. Obviously frustrated. Then Ziva taking a go. And then just Gibbs sitting there. His expression placid but his eyes. They spoke of confusion, anger, questions, and more. Looking down he sees the coffee rings. Several times he has sat here. Wonder what for? Wonder what he thought he would find and discover from an empty desk. The only drawer always unlocked is the one that didn't have any of his belongings in. Gibbs rewards for the teams work. For achievement in leadership. Their caseload solved by all, not just him. But that is not how they see it. Good team, great leader. A great leader who couldn't even find one of his own. Internally smiling.
And I won't let you drown, when the water's pulling you in
I'll keep fighting, I'll keep fighting.
The rain's going to follow you wherever you go.
The clouds go black and the thunder rolls
And I see lightning, and I see lightning
Silence hangs in the air. Going over his mailbox. Confirmation on a few things. Replying that he is here. Checking to see on how things are going. This is good. Looking around he looks to every eye that is on him. Wondering how long they will hold their silence.
"Did you have a good vacation, Tony?" Ziva, the brave Xena warrior. Looking up he smiles. A mask smile but it is a small one. Ziva sees it. Not a true smile but one he has worn before. A secret smile.
"It wasn't a vacation." He replies. Answering some question but not everything. Knowing there would be more to come. For now ease into it. She looks around at the others. The tension building. Tony picks up his iPhone. Scrolling through several numbers till he gets what he wanted. Pushing send he held it up to his ear.
McGee kept sharing glances with Ziva. They didn't know what to do. Should they forge on or should they wait for more from their boss. Their boss who sat at his computer sipping his coffee as if nothing has happened. Acting as if nothing is amiss. Not acknowledging the pink elephant in the room.
Tony began to talk quickly on the phone. Simple tech jargon and gun slang. Trying to see how his stocks are going. How his money is moving. Making plans for just in case. Hanging up the phone he pulls out his wallet. Counting his money out he gets the rough estimate of what he thinks is fair. Get all his affairs in order. Clean house. No more of the old Tony to be looking over his shoulder.
Goods estimated stands up and walks over to McGee's desk. The probie looks up at him.
"Tony?"
"Here, this should be the right amount." Tony hands over the money. Tim watches as he takes the money. Tony moved back to his seat. Tony had money to buy his own food. Can take care of himself like he always has. He acted like a child seeing how far he could push the others into doing things. The thing is he had gone to far and lost himself.
Finding himself in the middle of nowhere. And family he never knew he truly had. Testing now to see if he still had them.
"What's this for?" Tony tilts his head.
"For the lunches I bummed off of you." McGee felt funny with the money in his hand. Sure Tony owed him but Tony made up for it by getting pizza for everyone. For the lessons that he taught him in order to be the best he can be. Realizing it. Realizing that Tony has something up his sleeve. And he isn't sure he is liking it.
"Tony I…"
"Forget about it. We're even." Gibbs looks up at this. He had been following the conversation. Then when he made things even. The tone, the way it was spoken set his gut to grumble. Tony is different and there is something he is not saying. Something that needs to be aired. Yet has to speak what that intent is.
Tony walks back to his desk. Unlocking the only drawer that really needed to be locked. Shoving his gun on his belt. Placing his lock picking set in his back pocket. Satisfactory that he has everything he needs. His belt buckle the knife. A rule he firmly believes in.
The atmosphere is interrupted when a tech guy comes into the squad. McGee smiles at him expecting him to come see him but he goes right to DiNozzo.
"Um Agent DiNozzo, here it is." Tony took the box off of him. Smiling wide he sets it on the desk.
"Thank you Marcus. Um I'm gonna be changing my password again. Seems that some people have been trying to get into my computer."
"Okay, um, do you want the new Luxan program?" Tony shakes his head.
"Nah that program is crap. Get the Delvian program. Gentler on your system."
"You're sure."
"Positive." Marcus walks away shocked. Raising his eyebrows as he walks past McGee. McGee knew what they were talking about but how did Tony know of this. He is no tech nerd like him.
Tony opened the box. Smiling at what is inside he closes the lid. Lifting his bag he flings it over his shoulder. Moving quickly he goes to the elevator. Hitting the button. Leaving the squad room in silence.
He had to go see someone. Someone he had neglected.
When the World surrounds you, I'll make it go away
Paint the sky with silver lining.
I will try to save you, cover up the grey
With silver lining
The music blaring is not Android Lust or some other House music. She is playing rat pack music. Moving with Gibbs stealth he entered. Taking the remote he changes the channel. Now rock played. Some good old AC/DC. She jumps turning around.
Tony just stands there taking her in. She looks rumpled. Her eyes joy to see him. Yet wondering if she is allowed to approach. Tony opens his arms. Rushing forward she wraps her arms around him. He envelops her back. This felt right. After so long. How long had it been since they hugged? She squeezes him tighter. Breathing him in.
"I missed you Tony. I'm so sorry." Her mind rambling over everything that has been haunting her since he had vanished.
Tony rested his head on his little sister's head. Having gone over what he had needed while in the middle of nowhere. Clearing his head. Remembering that he had parts of the family. And that a few of them cared in their own way. And some needed a nudge, a slight reminder. And apparently it worked. For some of them at least. But he is not going to be the same old Tony. Releasing his hold he tries to step back. Abby hugs him tighter.
"Abby, release me please?" she heard him. He had a pleasant tone but serious. She released him to stand back. Taking him in. He has changed. Something there that is new yet has always been there. Now finally breaking the surface.
"I'm glad you're back."
Now there's no way back from the things you've done
I know it's too late to stop the setting sun.
You see the shadows in the distant light,
And it's never going to be alright
And you know, and you know, and you know I'm right
"I gathered." He takes in the screens. Screenshots of him are screensavered on all her screens. Changing from one photo to the next. Moving closer he can identify them. Staring at the man like he is a unknown person. A relative that you only knew by photograph. Never meeting. Just other members of the family telling you, you look just like your cousin. He read the lines around those eyes.
"I didn't realize it at first. But then I noticed. Noticed that you had, um, been distant. Not just on your part but on ours as well. Then went over the campfires and realized how the others seem to walk over you. The underline screaming that you're not Gibbs. And how it didn't help that I had Gibbs plastered everywhere. And that the only people who truly welcomed your lead are in autopsy." So she had figured out that bit of information. Figuring out that he had been burned. And being told you'll do. It doesn't do. Even at that pain. Then the things he had to go through to actually see if he would be allowed to keep this team. Never telling the others that this is a trial. And on the eve of when the official word comes if he can have the team or not. The mighty Gibbs returns. Mustache and his desk apparel boxed up and just dumped. Dumped like what he had just done over the past several months meant nothing. And to all of them who just let it go back to the norm. Guess it really was nothing. And Ziva. That is a whole other can of worms. Right now he is here with Abby who is pouring her heart to him. Realizing that he had to work too. But there are some things that are up on the other side of the clouds.
Reaching into his pocket he held out the iPod she gave him.
Tears began to well up in her eyes. He's leaving is running through her mind. He is giving back all the items she paid for attention. Thinking it's just a game. It can't mean what she thinks it means.
"I bought that for you."
"Yes," he simply says. Holding it out to her. "I do like the rat pack. But I mostly like classic rock, alternative. And the occasional symphony and opera." He had culture and class. Abby stares at it. "So I'm giving this back to you. So when you learn me better you can give me it back filled with songs that are me." The underline that this is not all there is to him. That she would have to relearn him just like everyone else. This is his olive branch for her to accept and learn this Tony. Learn to love this Tony. She takes the iPod from him. Looking into Tony's eyes. Seeing the change. Little frightened by it but knowing that it will be worth it, she hopes, in the end.
He smiles as she takes it then he pulls the bag around so he can get the box out. He holds it out to her. Smiling widely at the gift she steps forward. Bouncing, it's not all bad.
And I won't get left behind, when the walls come tumbling in
I'll keep climbing, I'll keep climbing
The rain's going to follow you wherever you go.
The clouds go black and the thunder rolls
And I see lightning, and I see lightning
Opening the box she looks at the contents then up at Tony. Reaching in she pulls out the Breitling Navitimer male watch. Question in her eyes she looks at him. He moves forward to take it off her and puts it on. Then he moves past her to her computer. Making the screensaver slideshow stop. She comes over.
Pulling up a program his fingers fly across the board. Abby impressed, can only watch stunned at the fluid and grace that he touches her babies keys. Delicate and purposeful. Then the program is up on the screen. It is showing a map. A map of DC. And coordinates. Coordinates? She stares at it then to him. He holds the watch up.
When the World surrounds you, I'll make it go away
Paint the sky with silver lining
I will try to save you, cover up the grey
With silver lining (x2)
"So you know where I am?" emphasis on you. Meaning that he is trusting her with access to track him anywhere and not to abuse it. Looking from the screen to the watch she places her hand over it. Unable to speak she goes to her parent's language. Signing, thank you. Tony nods back sighing, you're welcome. Her eyes widen. He knows sign language. This is going to take time but she is willing to learn this Tony.
Tony smiles at her. It is going to take a while. Olive braches spread to her. Hoping she will not turn them to kindle.
Silver, silver, silver, silver, silver, silver lining,
Deep blue sky, deep blue sky
TBC
AN: TY so much for reviewing, Faving, and Alerting. Please continue to enjoy and review. Reviews are love. Even one simple word helps the stories fly faster. TY again.