Elena's POV

Rediscovering the world as you once used to know it is incredibly appalling. You have to start seeing things differently from what you've gotten used to, you commence by lowering your expectations and getting rid of habits that have come to shape your life for a very long period of time. I wake up each day, expecting to feel warmth, to be able to feel his breath on my skin or notice is arms around my figure, while enjoying the feeling of his body is curling besides mine. I expect to open my eyes, and see him in front of me as soon as I do so, lying next to me with such majestic calmness and elegance. Whenever my phone starts ringing I keep waiting to hear the sound of his voice begging me to ignore whoever the caller is and to stay by his side with my full attention. Whenever I remark myself beginning to be overwhelmed by emotion or sadness, I long for his comforting touch and wise words, I crave hearing him console me and promise that everything is going to be fine and that life will eventually play its course.

But now, I have to accept the fact that I'm all alone in this house, that I no longer have him as a shoulder to lean on and that I won't be granted the gift of listening to his voice whenever I please. I need to start convincing myself that Stefan Salvatore is not a part of my life anymore, that he, after a long time he finally realized that I'm nothing other than a destruction, a catastrophe that he was cursed with. He finally chose to walk the righteous way and escape from my destructive world.

The worst part, is knowing that I hurt him by choice. That I was given the precious chance to be honest and cherish every single aspect of what we had but instead I took his heart for granted and I broke it into a million pieces as I held it in the palm of my hand. He confessed his adoration and absolute trust and I did the same while I was digging the dagger deeper in his chest as the days went by, he just didn't know it. I hurt him, I scarred his soul by lying and betraying him and for what? So that I can be released from a stupid contract? I could have went on living my entire life without needing to publish any piece of writing if I knew that I'd have him along eternally. What hurts me even more is knowing how foolish I've been acting, how stupid I was to give up the best thing that I ever had for fame and Katherine's sake.

I have absolutely no idea how the time has been passing by ever since he left. How many days have started and finished and the only thing I could see is blurriness caused by the sight of my tears. I don't know whether I've let go of my phone ever since then. And most of all I don't know how I'm daring to stay in his apartment, he probably saw my car still parked downstairs and that's why he hasn't come back. I'm still hurting him ever after every shitty thing I've already done.

…

Somehow, I can listen to footsteps approaching the door, and my heart starts beating faster and faster because of the mere thought of knowing that it might be him, that there's solely a wall separating us. Then a clearer sound echoes in the place, someone is knocking on the door, I jump out of the couch running towards the wooden portal and I unlock the door recklessly without a hint of thought. I'm faced with a gorgeous blonde, with a look of sensitive disappointment and cruel anger painted on her face. I don't know why Rebekah is here or whether she knows of what has happened during the last few days but I can't lie and say that I'm not happy with seeing a friendly face. I lower my look to the ground, as I were a devilish sinner ashamed with her actions and I free the way as I step away from the door so that she can come inside.

She goes directly towards the living room, like she once lived here, which I don't find to be shocking or suspicious since she and Stefan are inseparable. She positions herself on the middle of the black leather sofa and she waits for me to do the same. So, delicately I approach her sitting place and I choose to give her some space so I sit on the other end of the couch.

Silence is still hovering on the surface, she opens her bag and gets a pack of cigarettes outside of it and she lights one and somehow she makes it look like the most inviting and attractive action in the world. She inhaled the smoke and then she looked my way and said while keeping the cigarette between both her fingers.

"Why Elena? Why did you have to become a fucking cliché?"

"Did Stefan tell you… Everything?" I reply with a weak voice displaying my feelings of guilt and disappointment.

"Of course he told me. Where the bloody hell did you think he was sleeping for the past week? While you were making a habitat out of his bloody apartment"

"I have been calling him nonstop, he won't answer me. I just want a chance to explain … to tell him how much I love him and care about his feelings. He's the only person that I've opened up to ever since I was a teenager. I've never felt this strongly about any man. I just need him to know how sorry I am", I felt like an advocate in a court trying to justify the behavior of a criminal, helplessly trying to convince the jury and myself.

"Elena dear, not to be rude… But I couldn't care less about what YOU need right now. Stefan has been my best friend for the last six years, and I won't stand by and let you break his heart over and over again. I won't let you humiliate him publicly and turn him into research for whatever it is that you're writing. You broke his heart and there is no going back from that" , she declared, and I was trying so fucking hard not to seam weaker than I already have and not to shed a single tear.

"Is that why you came here? To tell me that I'm a fucking monster? Well sorry to disappoint your intentions because I am already extremely aware.. You've wasted your time."

She dropped the ashtray of her cigarette and put it down. Then she morphed her look into utter seriousness and focus as if she were trying to ignore what just happened and what we just said and move on to a far greater subject, an important one. She composed herself and positioned her hands on her lap then she said

"No Elena, I came here because I'm fucking terrified that Stefan will fall back into old habits, really bad ones." She announced and I could feel my face merge as one and the same with confusion and terror, I held a questioning look in my eyes because I had not a single clue what she was referring to. She interrupted my train of thought as she said in shock and disbelief

"You really don't know, don't you?"

" Know what?"

"Stefan is a recovering drug addict, he's been sober for almost three years, but it's really easy for him to fall off the wagon, especially after you know... The recent unhappy events"

I felt my head spin into a thousand rounds. What the hell was she accusing him of? Stefan.. a drug addict? That seemed like the most surreal idea to me, impossible. Because first of all he looks like the most composed and independent person that I've ever encountered and secondly, why would he hide such a grave issue from me? Was he unable to trust me all along, were his instincts magical and predictions rightful this entire time? Was he ashamed or scared that I'd judge him or leave behind if he had shown me his true colors?

"That's impossible. And even if it were true… How could I possibly help? I'm the last person in the entire galaxy that he'd want to see."

"God you're such an idiot Elena Gilbert… don't you get it? You hold to key to his heart, he loves you despite everything."

"Why? How could he? I fucking hate myself"

"That's a question that I haven't gotten an answer to darling… First things first why don't you go take a shower and wear something presentable while I plan out how this can work"

"okay, just give me fifteen minutes."

Stefan's POV.

This all feels like a memory replaying in my head over and over again. It all feels like a maze that I can never escape. I know exactly what I'm about to do. I realize how dangerous it is and how it'll destroy my life once I do it and I still fail to stop. Maybe I am a sadist that feeds on sorrow or a masochist that enjoys spiritual torture. Blood is boiling inside of my veins, and my body won't stop shaking, I can feel my eyes ache, maybe it's from the tears that have become so usual for me the last couple of days. I don't know anything other than where I'm going. If she wanted to truly destroy me then it should be done the right way. I can't abandon a mission, I need to make her happy right? And what could possibly make her happier than me feeding her imagination and providing her with inspiration. Everyone wants to read about a train wreck, a fallen angel a once successful person that has just hit rock bottom, so here you go people, you're getting what you want.

My history is all that I can think of. I should have predicted long ago that happiness won't ever become a true part of my life, that It can only belong to it as a faint illusion or an increasing desire but never in its marvelous inexistent true form. I should have known better than to go back to my old habits and get hooked on something else, different this time, and convince myself that it's all healthy. Letting your well being and satisfaction depend only on a person or anything is never a sign of health. How could I allow myself to lose my independence, the one thing that I've had to work for my entire life, so easy. Isn't it mad how I'm feeling like shit while she's the one who is causing my pain, how I'm allowing her to win over my self control and destroy me piece by piece?

Rebekah has been calling me for over an hour. I don't feel like picking up or hearing her advice even though I know how right she is and that I'm being a jerk by making her worry about me this much. But I've been for too long, I've been pretending and living a role for too long and it hasn't gotten me anything other than betrayal and heart-break. Maybe, I should allow myself to recognize who I truly am and start escaping my truth. Maybe, just maybe the pain will stop once I own up to who I am and embrace my obscure dark side without ignorance and denial. Maybe, I've been running this entire time only in order for me to become him… That abusive self-destructive animal that people like to call my father. You can't escape family ties and blood. Maybe he has been my destiny all this time, maybe I've been watching him and seeing a future version of what I'll become. I can't think of anything for terrifying than that. I would rather put a bullet in my brain.

Here I am. I breathe into the freezing air, and I take one last look at everything around me as if I'm saying goodbye. The streets are never empty, people keep coming and going like mindless robots, travelling from side to side, without even attempting to make eye contact with one another. I don't know why everything feels so alien to me. Like I don't belong between the crowds and I'll never do so. I pick up my phone and I quickly read a couple of notifications showing on my screen

"12 missed calls from Rebekah fucking Sunshine "

" 5 missed calls from The love of my life"

That one makes a faint laugh escape from my freezing lips

"a text message from Rebekah fucking Sunshine : Stefan where the fuck are you? I'm starting to get worried please don't do anything stupid or reckless"

I unlock it and I quickly dial a number that I'm surprised to find that I memorize by heart even after all of this time..

"Hey it's me, I'm in front of your building, let me in"

I notice the door quickly open and I climb the stairs rapidly towards my destination. And as soon as I get there I notice a shape standing outside of the door, one hand playing with her curls showing hints of pleasure and amusement as the other hand is laid on her hip. She looks like everything that I feel inside of me. She looks like a hybrid between heaven and hell, like darkness at its finest hour and as a manifestation of inviting wrong.

"Told you it was a question of time Stefan." , she said as if she has just won the lottery, proud of herself for predicting my fate yet once again, for winning over me.

"I guess you were right all along Katherine"

"I always am, it's kind of tiring actually. Anyway why don't you come in Romeo and we'll mend that broken heart of yours… somehow", she suggests while twirling her index around my heart

"How did you know?", I asked

"Believe it or not Stefan, but I know you by heart. That how I know that you'll always come running back to me at the end of the day" she professed.

Could it be that Katherine Pierce is the matching piece to my broken soul and dark spirit? That she and I are so much alike that the world couldn't handle us joining forces? That she has been right since the beginning, that the world is really too cruel to allow us any pure sort of satisfaction that joy and bliss can only be found inside of our deadly pleasures and fatal needs? She and I share something that Elena and I can never have, a mutual understanding of the universe, low expectation of the world and magnet pulling as towards the dark side endlessly.

"Last chance Stefan, are you coming in or not" , she said after I've been standing still facing her diving in my thoughts without answering her invite.

"Yes, Katherine. There's nowhere I'd rather be"