"Daddy loves you, Mandy. Remember that."

"Where are you?"

"Don't worry about that. I need you to take care of your mama and Kim."

"I don't think I can, daddy."

"Hey, now. None of that. You're a winner just like me, remember? Of course you can. You can do anything."

"Can't you just come home? I'm sure mama will apologize..."

"Mama and I have... too many differences."

"What will I do without you?"

"You'll keep goin', Mandy. Just like you always do."

Amanda had been separated from Sonny and the rest of the squad the moment the ambulance arrived at Bellevue. In the waiting room, Sonny and Barba sat, while Liv paced and Fin hovered.

"She's gonna be okay. Girl's got nine lives and then some," Fin offered assuredly to no one in particular.

None of them replied.

Sonny toyed with Amanda's necklace, wrapping the delicate gold chain around his fingers then unraveling it again, over and over. He was trying to silently bargain with God, as if there was something he could offer up that would tip the scales in Amanda's favor, although even in his haze of desperation, Sonny knew it didn't work that way. Life wasn't fair, he understood that he wasn't the only one hurting and that everything that happened wasn't always a direct result of God's doing. The bad was so bad but the good was amazing, and that's what his relationship with Amanda was - amazing.

It couldn't end this way, not like this: they were young, they had a life - one, singular existence that they had pieced together even despite their differences, because he needed her grit and passion and she needed his fortitude and kindness. They filled one another's empty spaces. And just when he figured he couldn't possibly love her more, she was making him a father. Sonny caught himself smiling when he thought of that, but then every time he shut his eyes he saw Amanda lifeless against that wall, her body devoid of all the energy, all the spunk that made her who she was. He was beginning to fear it was all he would ever be able to see again.

After almost an hour, a doctor appeared. He looked around at the group and asked, "are you all here for Amanda Rollins?"

"Yes, we are," Liv answered for the squad. "How is she?"

In unison they all huddled around the physician, who explained, "I'm Dr. Armstrong. Somebody gave Amanda a nearly lethal dose of insulin. She lost consciousness and she could have gone comatose if she hadn't gotten here in time. Thankfully, we were able to give her something called glucagon to reverse the effects. She has a fractured rib, too, and a pretty serious contusion to the right side of her head. Whoever did this to her must have been pretty angry."

"But she's gonna be okay?" Sonny asked anxiously.

"She's a little out of it right now because I've got her on an IV of Dilaudid for the pain, but she's awake. She's going to be fine, nothing a few days of rest can't fix." Dr. Armstrong put his hands in the pockets of his white coat and looked between the four of them. "Now, I don't have any obvious reason to believe that the baby was negatively impacted by all of this, but given that it seems like she was pretty roughed up, I'm going to have an ultrasound tech sent over soon, just to be sure."

"Whoa, the what?" Fin blurted.

"Can I see her?" Sonny asked, blatantly ignoring all of the eyes he felt on him in that moment.

The doctor nodded. "Of course. We have her in a room just down the hall, number seventeen."

She floated in and out of sleep, hazily aware of what was going on around her. Her limbs were too heavy to lift, her mouth too dry to speak, but nothing hurt. Awhile ago she had been amid a flurry of frantic doctors and nurses, all of them poking and prodding her while she tried to figure out exactly how she had ended up in their care. She remembered enough now and it was awful, but the colors that danced across the darkness of the inside of her eyelids made it easy to forget.

Amanda suddenly felt the warmth of somebody else's skin against her hand and her fingers responded before any other part of her could, curling toward the sensation.

"'Manda?"

She would know that voice anywhere. It took effort to open her eyes, but she was rewarded with the sight of Sonny Carisi. He was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her hand. He looked concerned and she knew he should have, but she felt herself smiling, her head lolling to the side against the pillow.

"We gotta stop meetin' like this," Amanda mumbled playfully, her accent more pronounced than usual. Her voice sounded distant, an echo in her own head.

Sonny gave her a grin. He had the nicest smile. "Hey, there you are."

"Hi."

"How are you feelin'? You scared the hell outta me."

"I'm... good... I think," Amanda told him honestly, because she wasn't entirely sure. She lifted her free fingers in what felt like slow motion, grazing the part of her face she knew was bruised. She hoped there weren't any mirrors around.

"It's not that bad," Sonny assured her.

Amanda gave him a pointed look; even under the influence, she knew it probably had to look pretty ugly. "Jesse...?"

"She's okay, she's been home this whole time. Doesn't have a clue," he explained.

She exhaled, relieved. "They said my rib's broken and-" She stopped suddenly, a terrible thought almost instantly sobering her: the baby. Had they told her if everything was okay? Were they waiting to give her the horrible news that what while she had survived, her unborn child had not? Her glassy eyes widened with panic; whatever they were giving her in that IV, it wasn't enough. "Oh, no. The baby. I didn't tell them, at least I don't think-"

"Relax, Amanda. They know," he interrupted her gently. "The doctor said he thinks everything is okay, but they're gonna do an ultrasound soon, just in case."

"Just in case," she repeated absently. A hand rested on her abdomen, anxiety creeping up on her even despite the medication in her veins.

Her worry must have been written all over her face, because Sonny squeezed her hand and said, "I'm just glad you're okay. We're all glad. We've been runnin' around all day, lookin' for you. It was Barba who tipped us off to Garner's wife. When you called him he thought you were bein' abnormally generous."

She smiled a little. Barba. He could be a pompous know-it-all but he had saved her; she made a hazy mental note to thank him. "I should have known," Amanda mumbled. "I should have known she wasn't stable."

"Hey, c'mon now. These people don't wear signs. That's why we're paid the big bucks, remember?" he reminded her with a grin, referencing something she had told him awhile ago while he had been undercover at a shelter. With his other hand, he reached into his back pocket before dangling a gold chain from his fingers in front of her. "I managed to save this."

"My necklace," Amanda said, her tone surprised and grateful as her hand automatically went to her bare neck.

"It can be fixed. I know a jeweler in Staten Island who'll put it back together in no time," Sonny promised her.

Of course he did. He might as well have been the mayor of Staten Island. He was so... him. Amanda studied Sonny like she hadn't seen him in forever, as if they didn't spend almost every waking moment with one another. Maybe it was because this waking moment felt particularly precious. She considered the hair that was graying at his temples, the lines that formed between his brows when he was concerned. The vest of his suit was open, his badge at his waist and gun on his hip, his sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms and his precious Apple watch, which Amanda thought she'd be glad to never see again but right then and there she was certain it was the best thing she had ever laid eyes on.

There was a quiet knock at the door, distracting Amanda and getting Sonny's attention, too. A young woman pushing a mobile ultrasound machine made her way into her room. "Amanda? I'm Natalie. Dr. Armstrong ordered you an ultrasound."

Amanda nodded, unsure of how she should be feeling. At the moment she was pleasantly woozy, but hardly oblivious enough to be immune to bad news. Sonny practically leapt to his feet to stand by the top of her bed.

"Do you want him...?" Natalie trailed off as she began to set up at Amanda's other side, eyeing Sonny.

She probably thought they were simply fellow police officers having a visit, and no, this wasn't exactly how Amanda had imagined this moment taking place, but she wasn't letting Sonny go anywhere. "He's staying."

Wires and her IV line were carefully rearranged so her gown could be moved aside to expose her abdomen. The gel was cold against her bare skin. Amanda's eyes were fixated on the ultrasound, barely cognizant of Sonny hovering over her, waiting for a sign that everything was okay.

"Alright, there's the baby..." Natalie explained, referencing the little gray and white mass that hovered in the middle of the otherwise dark screen. With her free hand, she flipped a switch on the machine and shifted the angle of the wand several times until a rhythmic beating sound filled the room. "That's what we were looking for, there's the heartbeat. It's a little slow, but you're only ten weeks pregnant, so that's normal."

Tears sprung to Amanda's eyes and she let them fall, not at all in the state to even attempt to save face. She had been more afraid that she had been willing to admit. When she was able to tear her gaze away from the screen, she looked up at Sonny, who was smiling widely, eyes shining with the sort of pride Amanda had never had the pleasure of seeing before. She tilted her head up and he leaned his down, their mouths meeting. She heard Sonny whisper love you amid the series of gentle kisses they shared.

"Oh, okay," Natalie said quietly, now realizing they weren't just abnormally close co-workers. "I'll print you guys some pictures and bring them back."

"Thanks," Amanda murmured thickly as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand while Natalie cleaned off her stomach and rearranged her gown and blankets. Amanda couldn't seem to stop her tears, though, and now she wasn't even sure why she was crying. She just was. Maybe it was relief, maybe it was the hormones or the drugs or some combination of it all. Maybe it was the fact that she had been so terrified to die but now she was there, the both of them very much alive.

Once Natalie was gone, Sonny sunk back down on the edge of the bed close beside Amanda. He didn't say anything, just turned his body so he could pull her into a hug. She clung to him and swore it was nicest embrace she had ever been a part of - and that made her emotional, too.

"I don't know why I'm crying," she croaked into the crook of his neck, her tears dampening the collar of his shirt as she squeezed her eyes shut.

Sonny didn't press her for an explanation, just held her like that for awhile.