"RAAAAAH!"
Orochimaru's howl of fury sent animals and birds alike scattering deeper into the forest. Orochimaru's roar died out, leaving the man huffing and puffing in the center of another destroyed portion of Training Ground 44.
"I hate blonds! I hate them! They're vile despicable creatures!" He sneered at his hands...hands frustratingly clean of any blood. He'd spent all-day looking for that stupid Uchiha. And he still hadn't found him!
Worse, Kabuto had yet to meet up with him. He had expected the silver haired youth ages ago. For all the ruckus he was causing, Kabuto should have shown up hours earlier! With the damn Uchiha in tow! And, more frustrating, the genin in this exam were decent enough to know to avoid the amount of noise he was making in his fit of anger.
The Snake Sannin had no victims. All of his targets had remained out of his grasp, and the fourth day was coming to a close. Orochimaru was ready to pull out his own lustrous hair!
"Oh! Hey! You look pissed, man!"
Oh Kami-sama...please, mentally bemoaned Orochimaru. Not him! ANYONE but him!
Orochimaru turned...and there, hanging upside down from a branch, was the orange menace. "You okay? You don't look okay. You look a little pale."
The pink haired monstrosity was sitting on the branch, kicking her feet back and forth with a concerned frown. "He is pale. Do you think we should call a medic?"
The Uchiha, leaning against the trunk of the tree next to her, snorted disdainfully. "No. We'd probably get booted from the exam for calling them."
"But it's Oro-prick! I'm sure they'd want to see him!" Insisted the blond.
The Raven haired youth smirked. "I bet they would."
All three genin dodged as a huge snake tried to swallow them whole.
"Dude, how many times do we have to dodge snakes?" Cried the blond, irritated. "I mean, like, we've gotten rid of what, six of them?"
"Thirteen," corrected the pink haired brat.
Uchiha snorted. "One trick pony."
The blond laughed uproariously. "Pot, kettle!"
The Uchiha glared at his teammate. "Shut up, Dobe."
Orochimaru promptly set the surrounding forest on fire. He counted to ten, waiting to hear the sound of screaming…
*Poof! Poof! Poof*
More clones! Seriously?! How?! HOW?!
"Yo!" Called a cheerful voice.
Orochimaru turned crazed yellow eyes on the silver haired jounin standing among the trees. "YOU!"
"Me!" Cheered Kakashi. He waved a tiny little red flag in the air and a small puff of confetti fell around him.
What kind of insanity was Hiruzen brewing?! His ninja were all insane! All of them! Orochimaru was doing everyone a favor by exterminating them!
"Your fault!" Roared the Snake Sannin. "YOUR FAULT!" Honestly, he was so pissed he couldn't properly articulate anymore.
Kakashi tilted his head to the side. "My fault?" He said in mock hurt tones. "Why, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"THEM!" Hissed Orochimaru. He hated them all! He started flying through hand seals.
"Oh!" Kakashi eye-smiled at him. "Just an F.Y.I., the Third is on his way." The silver haired man waved a hand airily.
Orochimaru finished the hand signs, sending a roaring ball of fire at Kakashi's hunched figure. He snarled and disappeared. He really didn't want to face Hiruzen yet, even if he was itching for a fight after all the lack of blood and screams in the past day of active hunting.
Kakashi substituted himself with a log, cheerfully smiling in the direction Orochimaru had disappeared. "Just kidding," mumbled Kakashi, before dispelling an a puff of smoke.
Kakashi blinked, assimilating his clone's memories swiftly. He smirked. Well, that academy teacher certainly had good timing. That could have gone a lot worse if Anko had been around to get the report of the three bodies that had been found.
He also wondered what mischief his wonderful genin had gotten up to in order to enrage the Snake Sannin so. It would probably be quite the story. He really wished they could have gotten pictures. Those would be priceless.
Naruto whistled lowly, looking up at the ceiling of their hidden little bunker. "Kakashi is my hero."
Sasuke and Sakura blinked owlishly.
"How do you do that so fast?" Grumbled Sasuke, rubbing his temple as he tried to gather his wits.
"Practice," remarked the blond with a light shrug. "Be glad you could create two Kage Bunshin for that last encounter." He smirked. "Would'a sucked had you missed the action."
Sakura snickered. "Yeah, that was awesome." She grinned. "I'm glad you convinced Kakashi to teach Sasuke and I."
Naruto shrugged. "Would've taught you myself, but the Old Man forbid me from doing so."
"Worth it," muttered Sasuke, dark eyes gleaming. "Oro-chan was livid."
Sakura muffled a guffaw. "Did you see Kakashi?! He totally stole one of your confetti bombs, 'Ruto!"
"And the flag!" Naruto sighed in bliss. "Kaka-Sensei is the best!"
"We owe him one," remarked Sasuke. He stared at the small candle between them.
Naruto and Sakura nodded.
"I would suggest one of his favorite books, but I'm pretty sure he already owns them all," muttered the blond.
Sakura huffed but didn't remark. Instead, she turned to look thoughtfully at the small flame. "We could try pranking his 'greatest rival'," she mused. She looked up to find both of her teammates looking at her with glowing eyes.
"Sakura…" Began Sasuke.
"Have we told you today how amazing you are?" Finished Naruto.
Sakura blinked a few times before a blush crawled up her neck. She cleared her throat and crossed her arms with a huff, attempting to look imperious. "Not today, no."
Both boys grinned ruthlessly. "You're amazing," they both said at the same time.
Sakura held her authoritative pose for two extra seconds before she turned and grinned ruthlessly with them. "So, what's the plan? I don't think Gai is as clueless as he pretends to be."
"Misdirection," declared Naruto. "With Gai, it's all about misdirection."
Gai sneezed so hard he knocked himself off balance from his handstand and crashed into Tsume.
"Oi! Watch it!" The feral woman booted green clad man off her.
Gai blinked as he was flung into a building across the street, staring at her upside down in bemusement as she stood and brushed herself off.
In all honesty, not many were able to bodily pick him up, let alone throw him. Because he wore his weights all the time, it made him rather heavy, and generally no one was able to move him.
She was patting off her hands and turned to continue her way down the street when Gai suddenly shifted and was standing right in front of her grinning. "Shii-!" She lashed out with a kick before she even registered moving.
Gai was sent flying into the opposite building.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Bellowed Tsume. She glared at him. "Don't go leaping in people's faces like that!"
Gai was instantly on his feet and once more standing in front of her (albeit this time he was just out of kicking distance). "Wonderful maiden! Your youthful spirit is most impressive! You have greatly moved me!"
Tsume suddenly remembered why she'd avoided meeting this man face to face. He was far too much to deal with without being completely smashed first. Ugh. Her hand was already clenching and unclenching for a sake bottle. Her partner huffed out a wolfish laugh, leering at her from his haunches. She shot him a glare before focusing on the green clad ninja that was still screaming something about youth.
"You're in the way. Move." Tsume gave the idiot a flat stare.
Gai's teeth glinted as he gave her a thumbs up. "You are most persuasive! Let me buy you a drink, my young maiden!"
Tsume really...desperately wished she wasn't single. "Look, I'm just headed back to the compound. I don't have time to deal with…" She looked him up and down with a frown. "You."
"Ah ha! But I have offered a wonderful reprieve on this hot night! To share a drink on this blessed evening would greatly inspire our youthfulness and set fire to a tiny ember that would lead to an inferno of a relationship!"
Dear Kami-sama, how was this man still a ninja? Forget that, how had no one killed him yet? Kuromaru was audibly chuckling at her plight. She would get him back for it later.
"Look, I'm not interested." She rolled her eyes. "Besides, you couldn't afford it anyway."
Tsume froze, unable to fathom why she'd just given him that opening. Did she or did she not give Kiba a hard time for speaking before thinking?! And here she was doing it herself! Shit!
The telltale glint in his eyes only served to horrify her further.
"Yosh! Let me prove my youthfulness! You will not be disappointed!"
And before she could protest, he literally swept her off her feet and raced away down the street, crowing about the most satisfying sake to be found in Leaf. She could hear Kuromaru's howls of laughter, even as Gai carried her further and further away to her doom.
She instantly made it her mission to drink so much she would forget that night, no, the entire day...ALL OF IT.
Temari's eyebrow was twitching spastically. She'd knocked Kankuro out about an hour ago. He'd almost gotten them killed sixteen times in the previous two hours alone, and she really was sick of it. Gaara sat on the bed across from her, pale green eyes staring at her unblinkingly.
She'd spent the last two days telling Gaara stories; she hadn't slept either of those days. She still couldn't quite fathom how the hell she'd gotten stuck in such an awkward position, but her very life depended on it, so… Yeah.
She'd already told all of the children's stories from Sand she could remember. She'd made sure to beef up the gore and confrontation in the stories to keep her redhead brother interested. She'd told him as many other children's stories from other nations as she could recall as well. Hell, she'd made up several tall tales, too! She'd gotten desperate and started talking about famous battles from history that she could reasonably repeat.
Even still, it was inevitable that she ran out of things to talk about. Kankuro had tried filling the silence, but that had nearly killed them both more than Temari felt comfortable admitting to.
So, Kankuro was unconscious, a nice sized lump on his head, and Gaara was looking at her expectantly with that expressionless face of his.
It was Karma. She had no way to prove it, but somehow, all of the bad Karma that her brothers' built up was coming back to bite her in the butt. It had to be her brothers. After all, Temari didn't think she'd been so obnoxious that she had earned all this bad luck. Compared to her brothers, she was a downright Saint!
"You have been too quiet," Gaara finally said, his monotone voice still full of unspoken threat.
If it didn't cause Shukaku to be unleashed, she would have knocked Gaara's ass out yesterday!
"I've told you all the stories I could remember," she grit out, clenching her fists to restrain herself from bludgeoning the redhead.
He tilted his head to the side. "You have not explained what these useless attacks that are plaguing everyone in the tower are."
Temari felt her temper flare to even greater heights. The pranks were an all out nightmare, icing on the already bad Karma infused cake she'd been force fed. "They're pranks," she growled. She'd already had to mourn the loss of her favorite outfit. It had suffered too many paint attacks, and there were so many patch jobs, it was a lost cause.
Gaara didn't even blink. "Pranks."
Temari knew he was clueless. Despite the fact he had no idea what she was talking about, Gaara never asked about anything. He told you what he expected without ever actually requesting. It was infuriating to deal with when he was in a mood and had a handful of questions he never actually asked. She had to do mental gymnastics to figure out what he wanted. She was mortified she was getting to be an expert at it at this rate.
"Pranks are harmless traps and gags that people play on each other to get a rise out of them. Usually the aim is to startle or embarrass the person being pranked."
Gaara stared. "They do not kill or harm."
"They aren't supposed to. They are meant to make the person pulling the prank, and observers, laugh." Temari's migraine was unrelenting. The pills she'd taken earlier had been useless.
"That is pointless."
Temari couldn't suppress her derisive snort. "Are they? Whoever has the balls to be pulling these pranks has all of us on our toes. We're all paranoid, and worse, we still haven't caught the punks pulling them!" She snarled, mentally listing the ways she would torture and maim her tormentors. "They're making it impossible to not notice them. They're playing us like puppets!"
Gaara blinked.
The motion was subtle, but it alarmed Temari immensely. Gaara never blinked, not unless something horrifying had occurred to him. Shit, shit, shit! What did she say?! What had she said that would get that kind of reaction?!
"Hmm." Gaara shifted his attention to the wall, clearly dismissing her.
She was doomed. She knew it. Something despicable had just happened, and she wouldn't be able to grasp the full vicious circle until it was too late! She just knew it!
Silent tears of horror streamed down her cheeks. Screw it. She would enjoy her last days of life for as long as possible. "I'm going to go take a shower," she murmured, deciding the luxury of a hot shower would be abused as much as possible while she had the chance. After all, even as a Kage's kid, she didn't get to bask in a shower longer than the five minutes it took to get clean. She would stand in the damn shower until her skin was as pruned as old lady Chiyo's!