Disclaimer: I don't own FML or Twilight (Breaking Dawn) that's by Stephenie Meyer
FML Twilight
Today, I finally visited my daughter, a month after she returned from her honeymoon because she caught some rare disease from South America. When I arrive she has a baby girl in her hands, and my son-in-law tells me, she's his niece from his long lost brother, who died in a car accident. He was so smooth with the story and was always polite but he lied, when I looked in that child's eyes, she had the same chocolate brown as my daughter and me. I knew I should have hooked her up with my friend's son. Finally they admitted that it was their baby, but they only got married last month... The last time I brought up the birds and the bees talk she admitted her mother already beat me to it 10 years ago and also confessed she was still a virgin. But that was a year ago. FML
By – PoliceSwan
1. She lied when she said she was a virgin– by TheOnlyConclusion
2. Maybe she didn't, it was a year ago... – by Outdated
3. It's like the "I'm a virgin" t-shirt with the fine print "But this is an old shirt" on the bottom – by ThoseDarnLoopholes
4. Rare disease my ass – by CompleteBullShit
5. The swine flu? – by ProneToBirds
6. Hate to break it to you but she got knocked up – by TheColdHardTruth
7. Officer Swan you need to do a better job at patrolling or there's going to be more eggs and chicks running around town – by PoultryControl
8. There's already too many duck road crossing signs – by PleaseDon'tAddSwans
9. Nothing wrong with that, Forks in under populated – by WeNeedKnewBlood
10. Something went wrong during the birds and the bees talk – by WasItTheBirdsOrTheBees?
11. Must be the birds, since they're named Swans – by MyBestGuess
12. They didn't have that talk because she already had it with her mother 10 years ago– by BlameTheMom
13. This mistake is both parents responsibilities – by ShareTheBlame
14. Does it matter? they already got married – by NotAProblem
15. Shotgun Wedding! Shotgun Wedding! – by PanicAtTheDisco
16. You're a policeman, bring out the guns – by HeBetterWearABulletProofVest
17. They were married for a month and already have a child – by HowScandalous
18. No, scandalous is 16 and pregnant – by MTVProductions
19. You mentioned you're daughter was 18, she's legal aged to do whatever she wants – by NoLongerAMinor
20. Sorry you're daughter is a whore – by VeryDisgraceful
21. #20 Very disgraceful and pathetic is your life; you are probably an old hag, who doesn't have any children, just 29 cats! – by YouAreAHairBall
22. You tell em', self-righteous people who don't even know the situation and already passing unfair judgements, we don't know the girl, she could be sweet and innocent for all we know and she's being called a slut for no reason. It's from her father's account which is biased for he mentioned he distrusts her current boyfriend, and wanted to hook her to be with his friend's son instead. Even if it is all true it's not really our business and place care, so just fuck off and leave these people in peace. Go teach your own children, I'm sure they're not perfect. – by RantingAtHypocrites
23. They don't have any children! – by LivingThroughOthers
24. I'm against arranged marriages and parents wishes, girls should married for love and who they want not because of family desires to profit – by That'sExposition
25. Poor young couples, let's hope it's not a repeat of Romeo and Juliet – by Let'sAvoidTragedies
26. Over-reaction much, it's the 21st century young people these days do it all the time – by LiveALittle
27. Yea, well living a little causes little babies – by EvenALittleIsTooMuch
28. Use condoms and birth control pills – by SafePractices
29. Some people still respect proper customs and wait till marriage – by SwornCelibacy
30. Maybe did they wait till they got married – by KeepingVirtues
31. A baby in one month, please – by ItTakesNine
32. The groom has some fast swimmers – by SpeedyGonzales
33. Maybe the bride has some mutant eggs, like Lady Gaga's – by BornToBe
34. Her husband's an incubus – by HousingDevilSprawn
35. There's no such thing - by MoreNaturalMeans
36. So that means some late night sneaking in? – by NinjaingAround
37. Tree + window = the parents will never know ;) – by FoolProof
38. But add a fool to the equation and we get the ground + hospital + police – by TotallyBusted
39. But the boy seemed nice – by SweetThing
40. Those are the most dangerous people, they seem all sweet, nice, polite, ect... but actually they have a secret evil persona where they manipulate you – by HoneyLetMeSetYouStraight
41. Did you not read, he lied about his own daughter to avoid getting in shitt – by ShowingHisTrueColors
42. What a jerk, denying his own child – by MeanieBoBeanie
43. He is smooth with lying, a symptom pointing towards a personality disorder of an antisocial – by OneOfTheSigns
44. Antisocial? Isn't that a person with no friends? – by IGoogledIt
45. It's antisocial personality disorder – by GoogleThat
46. It's Hannibal Lector – by SilenceOfTheLambs
47. Better run, he's going to eat you alive! – by BeAfraidBeVeryAfraid
48. I've heard enough! I'm over it the situation, I don't care as long as they are happy and my daughter and granddaughter are loved. I'm settling for just the "Need to know" and I don't need to know these absurd theories. Zip your mouths or I'll unleash my wolf-dog! – by PoilceSwan