Chapter 10
Marian
"So what happened, cousin?" It has been three days since my night with Anders. He is busy studying for another exam and I am busy studying for my exam that is going to take place tomorrow. I am in the library, daydreaming about him and it does nothing to ease the ache I always felt whenever I think about him.
"Earth to Marian," she says as she shakes my shoulder.
"What...What do you want, Ariana?" I watch her move around the table and she sits opposite me. I notice dark circles around her eyes and I frown. "What's wrong with you?"
"Have you forgotten that I am going to be put through my Harrowing the day after tomorrow?" she asks and I look away from her. "And that is not the only thing, Jowan keeps on at how he is going to be made Tranquil and how much he loves Lily and it is all driving me quite silly."
"Well then tell him to get off your back, Ariana," I tease and she laughs at me.
"If it were that easy, I would have told him that ages ago, but he is so persistent," she explains.
"And the rumours about his Blood Magic? Is there any truth in that?" I ask.
"To be honest, I am not sure. Some say he is using Blood Magic. Others say he is full of shit," she replies.
"And what do you say?" I grab my notebook and I start on my final summary for my exam. I grab my book, and page through it looking for the different uses of Lyrium.
"I think they are full of nonsense," she replies.
"You do know that in every rumour there is always a bit of truth?" I ask.
"Well, yes, but he doesn't seem the sort to use Blood Magic," she replies.
"Who does, Ariana? Anyone of use could find the pull too much and use it for our own reasons, but as for me, I prefer to stay in the light," I explain.
"You are too good to give into something like that Marian, but I believe that you will give into Anders unless you already have?" she teases and I drop my pen.
"Since when it is your business? I don't stick my nose into your business, Ariana," I say.
"I know, but I am curious. What happened the other night? I saw you come back into our dorm just after 5am looking very pleased about something."
My cheeks grow warm and I quickly pick up my pen and I resume my summary. "We did not, if that is what you want to know, but I can say this much, he loves me," I explain and I feel a warm fuzzy feeling spread throughout my body. It feels like he is standing right behind me."
"Really? So quickly? You have only been here for about a month or so," she comments and I smile at her.
"I know..." I sigh and I drop my pen. "I love him."
"A month and you love him? Are you sure you aren't in love with the idea?" she asks and I frown at her.
"It is not like that. I feel it here," I explain as I point to my chest and she starts laughing.
"You are only sixteen, Marian," she reminds me and I glare at her.
"So what? You are eighteen and you spend just about every night-," I trail away when she glares at me.
"That is the difference. You are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you and you are ready to tie yourself to one man, no less."
"What is it to you, Ariana? Are you jealous?" I ask.
"No, I am not and besides that, it is your business," she replies.
"Exactly and no, we have not...yet even though we both wanted to, he says he wants us to get to know each other a bit better. He says that when we do, we will be bound for life and he wants us to be ready for that step," I explain.
"You know, I always thought he was a gentleman. He has a good and kind heart. It just complicates matters because we are trapped in this place and all those Chantry Laws, it is unfair. I love Cullen, but we will never be able to have a life together because of what I am. You and Anders might still have a chance, but I guess we will wait and see," she says as she stands. She winks at me and she is smiling. "I guess you are going to get your wish, because here he comes," she teases and I turn around. He waves at me.
"Anders," I say happily as I fly into his arms.
"Maker alive, you are enthusiastic," he teases as he gently pushes me away.
"What do you expect? I haven't seen you for a while," I tease as I step away from him. I don't need the others to realise how pleased I am to see him.
"How is your studying? Do you need my help with anything?" he asks as we walk back to my table.
"Mmm...I do need some clarification on how to use Lyrium wisely, not that I ever intend using it to enhance my magic," I reply.
"Mmm...With your talent, you won't need to use it, but I guess we all have to know the pitfalls of Lyrium. Why don't you sit down and I will tell you?" he suggests and I smile at him.
"Thank you. You are the best," I reply as we sit. He places his hand on my thigh and I take a deep breath. It feels so comforting and I place my hand over his.
"What would you like to know?" he asks.
"What happens if you become addicted to Lyrium?" I enquire as I reach for my pen.
"Well, you obviously cannot live without using it, but it also affects the mind. I know of Templars who are addicted to it and they lose themselves. They find it difficult to distinguish what is real and what is not," he explains and he moves my hand onto his lap. "And they depend on it to keep them going. Templars use it to help boost their magical resistance. That is what defines a Templar. They need to drink it so that they can fend off mages if necessary," he continues, but I am no longer concentrating. I am too intent on what he is doing with my hand to register a word he has says. He is moving my hand up and down his erection and I am trying my best to stay calm.
"Lyrium also gives the drinker a wide-eyed look and they speak no sense," he continues.
"Marian, are you listening to me?" he asks and I give myself a mental shake.
"What?" I ask.
"You didn't hear a word I say, did you?" he asks with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"Can we go for a walk?" I reply as I start throwing my books and parchment into my bag.
"You need to study, perhaps I should take a walk," he replies.
"Fine, I will see you later," I mutter as I sling my bag onto my shoulder. I catch Ariana's eye and I beckon her to join me, but she refuses.
"As much as I would like to join you, I can't. I need to finish preparing myself for my Harrowing," she replies and she looks at Anders.
"Walk with her, Anders, otherwise she won't rest," she says and she leaves me standing there as she goes off laughing about something.
"What about, Anders or are you too busy?" I ask as I watch his face. He is coping with something and it dawns on me what it is and I smile at him. "Serves you right, you know," I tease as I drop my bag onto the table and I sit down. "You know we can do something about this," I tease and he starts blushing.
"Not so loud, Marian," he whispers. He quickly looks around, but we are by ourselves. "I need to," he whispers.
"Then let us go for that walk. Fresh air might help," I suggest but he pulls me onto his lap.
"Don't tease me. I know what I said, but please?" he implores as he pushes my robes up around my waist, but I stay his hand.
"Not here, Anders," I remind him as I slip off his lap and I grab my bag. I walk away from him and I feel his eyes on my back. I quickly find my way to the dorms and I drop my bag onto my bed. I stand for a while, thinking about him and then I feel his hands on my shoulders. I lean against him and he slips his arms around me.
"I love you, you know," he whispers and I start laughing. "I love you enough to make love to you."
"I am flattered you think so. Is there nothing we can do?" I ask and he turns me around.
"You need your own room, Marian. I don't like you sleeping here with all the other apprentices. I know what goes on here at night and I don't think you are getting enough sleep either. You have dark rings around your eyes and you look a bit pale," he informs me and I sigh.
"I haven't been sleeping well, Andy. There is far too much activity around me and I have been studying solidly for three days and I ache for you," I blurt out. "I can't explain it. It is need only you can fill and when that is going to happen, maker only knows," I murmur as I sit on my bed.
Anders
"A need only I can fill?" I ask as I sit next to her. Her body is radiating warmth and I wonder how it would feel holding her in an intimate embrace. I study her profile and she did look pale. She realised I am watching her and she turned towards me. Her face is drawn and she looks tired. "It looks like you could do with some Lyrium," I tease and she smiles wanly at me.
"I need more than that to make me feel better," she says, reaching for my hand.
"What can I do?" I ask and she moves my hand onto her lap.
"You know what to do. You just don't want to," she replies as she pushes my hand away from her. I look around the dorm and I realise we are on our own. I grab her hand and I pull her to her feet much to her surprise.
"Where are we going?" she asks as I head out into the passage. I quickly look around and I take the stairs leading up to the Senior Quarters.
"Anders, what are you up to?" she asks and I hear the excitement in her soft, gentle voice.
"You will see," I reply and she starts laughing. She tightens her hold on my hand and I give her a gentle squeeze. I breathe a sigh of relief when my bedroom comes into sight and I hasten our step.
"Thank the maker," I whisper as I open the door and we stumble inside. I quickly close and lock the door.
"I can't wait," I murmur as I pull her into my arms and I eagerly kiss her. "I want you so much. I ache all the time for you," I whisper as I lift her robes up around her waist. She slips her arms around me and she presses herself against me. She is on fire for me. "But at the same time I don't want to hurt you," I whisper as I pull away from her.
"Andy, no, please don't," she whispers as she pulls me in for another kiss. She slips my pants off and she rests her hands on my hips.
"Are you sure, Marian?" I ask as she starts working my shirt. She is fumbling and I reach for her hands. "Allow me," I murmur as I kiss her. I slowly unbutton my shirt and as soon as I undid the last button, she pushes it off my shoulders. She slips her arms around me as she trails kisses along my jawline to my shoulder and I sigh. She comes back to me, she presses her soft mouth against mine and I wrap my arms around her. "Slowly, love," I whisper and she rests her head on my shoulders.
"I love you, Anders," she whispers.
"I love you," I whisper. I lie down, taking her with. She settles herself in my arms and she closes her eyes. "Mmm...Not today?" I ask and she sighs.
"I want to be with you, Andy. I want this," she replies. "And I want to make love to you, but I want your warmth more than anything else," she replies and I smile into her hair.
"But you drive me wild," I tease as I massage her back.
"Don't worry, you do the same to me," she teases.
"Mmm...I think I better make myself decent," I say as I gently push her off my body.
"Mmm...If you want to," she whispers as she reaches for my hand. I give it a squeeze and she falls asleep. I grab my clothes and I put them back on. I sit at my desk and I start going through my notes for my exam. My second exam is all about making health potions, calming potions and how to use them effectively. It is quite boring because I already knew most of it and I have my Mother to thank for that.
I glance at Marian and she is smiling about something. I put my book away and I watch her. She is lying on her back and I notice her flushed cheeks. She starts moving around and like a breath of air she whispers my name. "Andy..." I am so tempted to go to her, but I don't want to risk it, so I settle myself in my chair and I close my eyes. I am nearly asleep when someone knocked on my door and I let out a surprised gasp. I could not have anyone come in here and see her sleeping on my bed.
"Anders, it's me, Ariana. I am looking for Marian. Is she in there with you?" she asks and I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Come in," I reply. "Thank the maker, it is you."
"Well, some of the mages have seen you, Anders. They said you literally dragged her to your room," she explains and she smiles when she notices her sleeping on my bed. "And I don't need to know what happened in here," she teases and I frown.
"Don't insult me, Ariana. I am not going to take advantage of her. She is tired, can you not see that?" I ask as I stand to stretch myself.
"Anders, spit it out. I know you too well," she teases, pulling out a piece of parchment.
"Fine, we did not and I won't until the time is right. She likes being with me and I like the same. Why should I refuse her especially when she desperately needs someone to talk to?" I ask.
"Well, she has me, her cousin, or have you forgotten about that?" she asks.
"Of course I haven't forgotten. It is her choice, Ariana. I am not going to force her to do anything she does not want to do. I...I love her too much to do that," I explain.
"You are as bad as she is, you know that? She loves you, Anders. I do not think she will love anyone else but you. You have a connection I do not understand. I don't know if it is a mage-thing or something like that," she explains.
"But you didn't come here to tell me that did you?" I ask and she nods.
"This arrived for her a short while ago. It is from her Mother," she replies and I snatch it from her.
"I will give it to her. She is going to be so pleased, Ariana. It might be what she needs to cheer up. Have you noticed how pale she is?" I ask and she nods.
"Is she okay, Anders? I mean you are the healer," she teases and I laugh.
"I think she is studying too hard and I think she misses her family. I wish I could do something to make her feel better," I murmur.
"Mmm...There has been talk that they want to hold fun evening for everyone. They reckon it will boost everyone's spirit. I hear that is might be a dance," she informs me and I grin at her.
"Really?" I ask as I glance at Marian. She is slowly waking up and she is still smiling.
"Well yes, but you know this place. They talk and then nothing. You know what? I am going to speak to the Senior Mages. I honestly think it will be a good idea," she says.
"Then use your powers of persuasion," I tease and she heads out of my room laughing. "Be good, Andy," she teases as I shut my door. I hear her call for me and I turn around.
"Andy?" Marian whispers. I turn around and saunter towards the bed clutching the letter from her Mother.
"I have something for you but sleep some more if you want to. I am not going anywhere," I comment and she gives me a sleepy smile.
"What do you have?" she asks and I sit next to her.
"A letter from your Mother," I reply and her whole face lights up.
"My first letter, Andy," she murmurs. She eagerly opens it and reads it to me...
Dear Marian
I hope you are settling well at the Circle. Are you learning a lot or anything? You must tell me everything.
You Father tells me that you met a nice young man called Anders and he is very impressed with him, but he does advise you to be careful. I know you will look after yourself and I hope to meet him someday. I also hope you are being sensible with Anders.
Your Father is right about Bethany. He has started training her on how to use her gift responsibly, but I worry about her age.
Your brother is unhappy with the amount of attention she is getting and he is misbehaving. I wish you are here to spend time with him because he keeps on asking when you will come home, but at the same time, if you are here, you would probably spend time with Bethany and your Father.
All is well in Lothering and with us and I miss you, Marian, but I think you are better off at the Circle and when you do come home, I think you will be a different person.
Your Father sends his love, as do your siblings.
Much Love
Mother
"And?" I ask. She quickly wipes her eye. "Tell me, Marian," I murmur while I wrap my arms around her.
"I miss them so much, Anders," she replies.
"I know you do, but don't fret, you've got me," I tease as I gently massage her back.
She giggles as she pulls away from me. "I know that, but I miss them."
"Mmm...You know I don't like seeing you so upset my love," I tease as I wiped away her tears. "It hurts me here," I explain as I press her hand against my chest and she looks up at me smiling.
"I can feel, Anders. I can feel your heartbeat and it is getting faster," she teases. She is right; being this close to her is making me tingle all over. I touch her cheek and I look away for a moment.
"Mmm...To hell with this," I murmur, plucking the letter out of her hand and placing it on the desk. I turn back to her and I cups her face. "Why should we put off the inevitable?" I ask as I lower my lips to hers gently asking for entrance and she obliged. She wraps her arms around me and she hitches her legs around my waist. She moves against my erection and I let out a low guttural moan that encourages her to move again. This time she moves up and down and I wrap my arms around her. She is definitely ready to take this step and I realise I want to make love to her. I move to the bed and I gently lower her onto it, but she only tightens her grip around my waist. We fall onto the bed, laughing.
"Anders, honestly," she whispers as she gently touches my cheeks with her slender fingers. I pull away from her and I look deeply into her eyes. I lower myself onto her and she sighs. "This is what I want, but it would be better if we are-" she trails away as I lean in to kiss her.
"Are you really sure you want this?" I ask. She smiles as she gently cups my face between her slender hands.
"Please Anders? I am ready," she replies and I smile at her.
"Honestly love?" I ask and she sighs. "Because I am definitely ready, but we don't have to if you feel you are not ready," I explain as I frame her face with my hands. Her skin is soft and smooth and this only made me want her more.
"Mmm...Consider it my early birthday present to you," she replies as she pulls me towards her and in the next minute, our lips lock in a passionate kiss. She pulls my shirt off and she tosses it to the floor. I sit taking her with me and she turns around so that her back is towards me.
"Are you quiet sure?" I ask as I press my hand onto her back and she nodded. "Alright then," I whisper as I slowly unzip her robes exposing her back. I tentatively touch her shoulders and she shivers. "Mmm..."I murmur as I skim my fingers along her back and she sighs.
"Your skin is so soft," I tease as I trail feather light kisses along her shoulder blades and she starts trembling. "Someone is enjoying this," I murmur as I move closer to her until we are just touching and I remove her robes exposing her completely. I move back slightly because she is so beautiful and I realise I want to see her smiling face. "Turn around," I whisper. I place my hands on her hips and she turns around. I smile at her as I study her petite frame and my ache spreads from my stomach to my nether regions. I pull her closer and I reach for her small breasts.
Marian
He lowers his mouth onto my nipple and I moan as intense pleasure sweeps through me. He gently suckles me, causing me to tingle all over. He stops for a short while to push me onto the pillows. I look up at him and his eyes are blazing.
"I want you to be comfortable, love. If there is anything you don't like, tell me and I will stop," he says quietly and I smile at him. "And you are quite sure?" he enquires.
"Please make love to me?" I reply and he grins at me.
"Mmm...We are getting there," he teases as he once again lowers his lips onto my breast and I moan as another bolt of electricity sweeps through my body. I curl may hand around his neck keeping him in place as he nibbles me. I arch towards him and I am surprised by his erection digging into my stomach. I move my hand along his strong stomach and I gently grasp his erection, but he reaches for my hand. "Not yet. We take it slowly. This is our first time. It is my first time," he murmurs as he presses his lips against mine. He entwines his fingers with mine as he pulls away to breath. "You are so beautiful," he whispers as he lightly kisses me and I blush.
"Thank you," I whisper against his mouth as he gently probes his way in. He tightens his hold on my hand and he begins his exploration. He moves upwards, pressing his erection into me. I moan softly because it is...pleasurable, but at the same I become tense. He seems to realise it, because he pulls back slightly.
"I won't hurt you, Mari. I just need you to relax," he whispers against my mouth and he kisses me again. He moves again and I moan...again.
"Andy, please take them off," I hoarsely whisper, and he rumbles low in his throat and that connects with my yearning for him.
"Very well," he teases as he moves off me. I catch sight of his erection and I start tingling all over, but I become tense as he slowly removes his pants then his shorts, exposing himself slowly and he is...not small. "Look at me," he murmurs. I force myself to meet his light brown eyes. I want to reach out and touch, but I am not sure if he will allow it. He comes towards me very proud and he stands by the bed watching me. I tentatively reach for him and I gently clasp his erection in my hand, and I feel...excited. "Look at me, love," he whispers. I raise my eyes to meet his and I instinctively stroke him and he clenches his fists.
"Maker," he blurts out and he lets out a low sigh. I roam my eyes to his chest and I notice his well developed chest and arm muscles. I look at his legs and they are equally well developed. I force myself to look at him and he is watching me with a smile on his face. He grabs my hand and he pulls me to my feet.
"My turn," he whispers as he kisses me as he skims his hands down the curve of my back to the waistband of my underwear and he slips them off. He gently curls his hands around my buttocks and he presses himself into me. I slip my arms around his neck and I kiss him passionately. "Marian," he murmurs as he wraps his arms around. I wrap my legs around his waist and it only enhances the sensation of his close proximity. He moves back to the bed where he gently lowers me. He settles himself until he is comfortable. He cups my face. I am acutely aware of his erection digging into me.
"Are you ready?" he asks as he caresses my cheeks.
"I think so, but I feel a bit anxious," I reply.
"So am I to be quite honest," he teases and I burst out laughing.
"I didn't think our first time would be quite like this," I murmur once my laughter subsides. He shifts restlessly on me.
"Mmm...Our second time will be better, but love, I am ready," he whispers as he lightly kisses me. He reaches for my hand and he gives it a gentle squeeze as he slowly eases into me and I tingle all over because it feels...good. He moves away from my mouth and he traces a path of kisses along my jawline as he eases in a bit more. I grip his hand tightly and he gives me a kiss on my nose. "Relax," he murmurs as he raises himself slightly. He releases my hand to grip the headboard.
I start panicking. "What if it hurts?"
"Leave that to me," he replies, lowering himself onto me and I slip my arms around him. He kisses me again as he pushes deeper, harder and I flinch. It is so sore and I swallow hard.
"Andy, enough," I whisper and to my chagrin, I start crying.
"Love, please relax," he says. He cups my face and he gently kisses my tears away. "Look at me my beautiful Marian," he teases.
I laugh at him because I am looking at him.
"All I can see is you, my Anders," I tease. He is part way in, but I am still tense. I seek out his hand and he gently clasps my hand in his.
"Relax," he whispers and a pleasant sensation sweeps through my body driving all pain away. I realise he is healing me and I smile at him.
"My boyfriend, the healer and thank you," I murmur. I relax and I notice the surprise in his eyes.
"Is that what I am?" he asks as he lightly brushes his lips against mine.
"I don't know. What do you think?" I ask and he smiles at me.
"I love you, Marian and that is what matters. Are you ready to try again?" he asks.
"Just keep healing me, Andy," I reply.
He grips the headboard again and he gently eases into me. I feel a sharp pain, but that quickly passes only to be replaced with a wonderful feeling and the fullness I feel, is something else entirely. I close my eyes and allow myself to get used to the feeling of my Anders filling me completely.
"I will," he teases...
o0o
"Maker," I murmur. I am still recovering from the aftershocks of our lovemaking and for the first time in the last six months, I feel completely at peace. He has me wrapped in an intimate embrace. Our bodies and spirits still intimately joined. I feel exhausted, but I don't want to sleep just yet. His heart beat is normalising. He lifts his head from my chest and kisses my forehead.
"How...How do you feel?" he whispers.
"That is not what I expected...It was better than I expected," I reply as I smile at him.
"Mmm...I love you, Marian and now I truly belong to you," he murmurs.
"Andy, I am yours. I will always be yours," I tease and he gives me a beautiful smile. "I love you, Anders," I whisper. He gently extricates himself from me and I wince. I am...sore but it is a pleasant soreness.
"Mmm...I can help," he murmurs. He slips in behind me, wraps his arms around me and pulls me flush against his chest. He places his hands over my stomach and heals me.
"So what now?" I murmur.
"We be discreet, but maker that is going to be difficult because I am hopelessly in love with you," he replies.
"We will manage. I mean there are many couples in the Circle, Anders. I know so because I hear what goes on every night in my dormitory and that is why I hardly sleep. There is far too much activity and I wish I was in a room of my own, but that will come...and shit, Andy, my exam...I have to go and study," I murmur.
"You can always study here, if you would like to," he suggests.
"I would like to, but I doubt I will concentrate. Shit...I would rather spend the night here than in my dorm," I mutter and he reaches for my hand.
"I want you to stay, but you have a big exam tomorrow and you must be hungry," he points out and I grin at him as my stomach grumbles loudly.
"Go my love, and I will seek you out tomorrow," he says softly as he pulls me to my feet. He grabs my clothes and I quickly dress myself. I flinch again as I move but the memory of his lovemaking makes my discomfit disappear.
"They will know," I whisper as he embraces me.
"No they won't... If it gets too much, come to me and I will make an elfroot potion for you," he murmurs.
"I will. I am going to miss you," I whisper as I slip out of his warm embrace.
"Well, you can always stop by later, much later," he suggests and I grin at him.
"Maybe I will, but no promises. It is my first exam tomorrow and I need to go through my notes," I explain and he looks away from me.
"I understand. See you sometime," he says quietly as he opens his door for me. As I step out he pulls me back into the room and he shuts the door.
"Anders, I-" I murmur as he presses his lips against mine and I reach for his hands. "Mmm..." I murmur as he pulls away from me.
"Just remember that I love you and good luck for your exam. I also hope you will sleep well tonight," he says softly as he brings my hands to his lips.
"Go my love," he teases as I open the door.
"See you," I murmur. He slowly closes the door behind me and I let out a long sigh. I am overwhelmed by our lovemaking and it does nothing to ease my anxiety about my exam. I am aching all over, but I am also content. I slowly shuffle my way up the passage, down the stairs and as soon as I enter to my dorm, I plonk myself onto my bed and I grab my bag. I take out my book and I start reading, but I find it extremely difficult to concentrate because images of Anders keeps intruding on my thoughts. Focus, Marian...