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CHAPTER 7
TORN TO SHREDS

„Do you want me to go with you?" Logan asked Alex, making her smile. He was beyond funny with his „concern". It would be comical showing up on her date with Logan on her side.

„No," she laughed, stepping in her Converse. „I gotta go to the doctor anyway."

„Why?" he gazed her worriedly.

„No worries, just routine. Mike insisted and you know how he can be."

„Ah, right. He and his headaches," Logan rolled his eyes.

Mike was a hipochonder. There were times when it was terrible, like when he had a headache and convinsed himself he would die in any minute. It was quite a mirracle Logan was able to keep his temper cool and hadn't harm him yet.

„Anyway, can I crash here for a while?" he asked.

„Sure," Alex shrugged with a smirk. „But don't think I can't see through you, Marine."

„I don't know what you mean," Logan looked at her innocently.

„Sure, sure. So that you wanna stay got nothing to do with my date," Alex raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest.

„You think I'm staying so you can't get naughty with the player," Logan mirrored her and crossed his arms. „Wrong."

„If you say so," she grinned at him, patting a kiss to his cheek as she started out.

„Be careful," Logan said.

„Don't wait up for me," she laughed, waving as she closed the door.

I'm sorry to be the one who have to tell you this, Miss Sawyer but through that incident in the past your body has suffered permanent damages which unfortunately effect your future plans. Miss Sawyer, you are barren.

The words echoed in Alex's mind over and over again. Barren… She couldn't have a baby. Never. She was damaged, broken, out of order. How could she get over this? She just started planning her new life out of the spotlights and now everything came down on her. Her whole future collapsed in only a blink of time.

The sound of a horn pulled her back to reality and she saw she got greenlight. Alex thought about canceling her date with Tim but decided against it, hoping she could forgot about everything for a few hours.

She would try everything to act normal. Probably that was the hardest thing she had to do in years. Emotions overwhelmed her body, rage, anger, sorrow, confusion… Alex felt like she was in a dark bubble and didn't know the way out.

She stopped the car and shuddered as she looked around. A funfair. Like she needed to be reminded more of that horrible night. She got out of the car and saw Tim immediately. Well, here goes nothing, Alex thought to herself.

„Hey," she greeted Tim, looking anywhere but him.

„Hey," he watched her close. „Are you alright?"

„Crappy day," Alex murmured, starting to walk.

„Yeah, um, are you hungry?" Tim cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair nervously.

„No," Alex answered, figuring there was no way either of them would enjoy this even for a minute.

„Listen, I wanted to talk to you about that night…"

„Not now, Tim," Alex cut him off, growling in a low voice.

„No, we have to talk about it. You have to know…"

„Drop it, Tim," Alex started to walk quicker. He got no clue this was the worst possible time in history to talk about that night.

„Stop for a moment and listen to me," he grabbed her arm and turned Alex to him. „I was with Lyla bec…"

„I said I don't wanna hear it!" Alex screamed at him, pulling her arm out of his grasp. „I fucking don't care, Riggins. Only one time in this fucking life could you pay attention to me and shut the fuck up?" Tears filled her eyes and her whole body was shaking as she kept screaming at Tim who stood in front of her stunned, with wide eyes.

„I don't care if you fucked Lyla or not that night, all I care about is that you weren't there! You weren't there, Tim! You should have been there! This is all your fault!"

Alex felt she was about to faint, that she couldn't breath, her legs barely held her. She left Tim stood there dumbfounded, pushing through the people. She was well aware her outburst would get on the front pages and that it would be all over the net but she could care less. She didn't give a damn what people thought about her.

Alex opened the door with shaky hands, leaning against it as she shut it closed.

„Hey, I wasn't expecting you so…" Logan stopped in midsentence, hurrying to her. „Babe, what happened?"

„Nothing," Alex answered, shutting her eyes.

„Did he hurt you? Because if he did…"

„It's not like that…" Alex muttered, trying to hold back the tears. „Would you leave me alone, please?"

„No," Logan stated. „What happened, Alex?" he cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him.

„I don't…" Alex felt the tears rolling down her face as she saw the concern in Logan's eyes.

„I can't help if you don't talk to me, kitten," he said, brushing the tears lightly away off her face.

„I can't have a baby," she started to sob unstoppably, collapsing in Logan's arms.

Instead of saying anything Logan just picked her up and sat on the couch with her in his lap, rocking back and forth, letting her let it all out, not even trying to stop the tears. He knew there wasn't any word what could possibly ease her pain and Alex was thankful for his silence, that he was there for her and didn't push for informations, that he understood her so perfectly.