The day of sacrifice arrived the next morning after Mr. Brooks arrived with the messenger from Netherfield Park. I was summarily excused from the breakfast table and followed Mr. Brooks to the drawing room. " Miss Banfield," He took my hand and helped me into Mrs. Bennet's chair. "You are glowing this morning,"
His casual manner started tricking my mind into believing he wanted to set me down gently. Oddly enough I needed him to do the exact opposite or else I might become a Lydia with the moping. He clasped his hands behind his back and faced me.
" I know we are not well acquainted but I 've full faith that should you accept my hand in marriage we will learn we fit together as well as the church and the people,"
My heart jumped to my throat. " I know ladies are shy and coy but you are no such lady. Tell me plainly if I am not to flourish under your adoration,"
I did adore him, even now when his stupidity was the strongest.
" Mr. Brooks, we have courted each other for weeks on end through letter and personal visits. What signs have I shown that I would refuse you?"
Did I not flirt hard enough with him? Usually I was too obvious it turned awkward. I was the very example of a 'bad flirt' and I couldn't even 'talk dirty' to someone without bursting into laughter before one word escaped my mouth.
His hands unclasped. He knelt in front then on one knee. " I could not be certain,"
" Be certain," Why were the good men always so stupid?! " You are handsome,well mannered, respectable and respected, independent, and never treated me as less than equal," I let this sink in for him through his thick skull and blessedly thick hair. " Moreso you have kept my confidence when I told you how awful Mrs. Bennet is and you have not judged me for my discomfort and awkwardness. I can not refuse you nor would I for I am a fool who is attached to you,"
" An angel after my heart," He pressed a chaste kiss to my hand. " You are accepting my hand then?"
" Oh for the love-yes!" My voice echoed in the near empty drawing room.
He cast a wistful glance toward the window. " The mud makes a walk impossible,"
" I accept your company in here, Mr. Brooks,"
" John," He helped me to me feet and held my hands in his, gazing upon my countenance. I'm pleased that he was pleased, yet a part of me refused to be detached from this whole experience. I wanted very much to be his wife, for real, even if it meant staying in this dreaded era with him.
As I mulled over his given name in my mind with many phrases - " John, please hand me the salt," " John , do you know where my needle and thread are?" " John, darling, could you please stop preaching to me and help me lift this?" " John, John, John…." I jolted out the daydreaming at the sound of giggling. I knew it couldn't be Mary. Her giggle wasn't so high pitched.
Lydia stumbled into the room and verbally stuttered for a suitable explanation. It became apparent rapidly to Mr. Brooks that she eavesdropped and didn't want to wait for an answer. While Mr. Brooks was properly disturbed, I placed a chaste kiss to his knuckles. " You may call me Caroline," I replied in tender regard, genuinely rooted in the man himself and what he inspired in me.
Scampering from the room, Lydia's own giggling added to the other giggling. " Caroline," He breathed my regency name in awe. " Caroline,you are-"
" Bold?" I dared, unable to quell the eagerness to embrace his physical touch. " Mr. Brooks, we are engaged. Are you not elated?"
Indeed I was! The first image that popped in my head was of a pristine avant garde wedding dress and a beautiful archway of flowers and matured vines straddling a stone or brick ladened path that would lead up to an octagonal gazebo blessed with a victorian or elizabethian era design.
He shook his head. " I am very pleased, Miss-Caroline. Does no one control that child?"
I burst out in laughter and shook my head. " No. Mr. Bennet have given up entirely and Mrs. Bennet encourages it. She declares a stupid wife is a preferable wife. It would explain Jane's lack of accomplishments as a lady," I often wondered if Jane had a brain at all at times given how quiet and meek she was.
He stole a kiss, lingering to bask in the momentus accomplishment of wooing a lady and finally embracing the status of a taken man. " If I could, I would wisk you away to Scotland and marry you now," I sank further into his charm, his voice lulling me into the predatorial embrace that would surely devour me whole.
" Not very proper of a parson," I touched his cheek gently and pressed another kiss to his knuckles, loathing the inability to fully kiss him or otherwise I would be 'ruined'. " Lizzy had visited Jane at Netherfield. Jane is ill with a cold,"
" I will pray for her,"
" And you, Mr. Brooks, have duties to attend to," I wondered who would marry us. My research never covered who married a parson and his bride. I should ask Mary. She would know.
He embraced me a moment longer, his thumb brushing along my fingers. " I will speak with Mr. Bennet about Miss Lydia Bennet," I doubted he would convince Mr. Bennet to step up and be a real father. My father would've put Mr. Bennet in his place by now. I grew up with a father who was never at home, but when he took a break in between traveling to clients and sites, he was a super-dad.
I curled my fingers into his clothing, wanting to prolong his exit. " Might I suggest it be a private discussion?"
His eyes remained on the open door. Soon after a parade of Kitty, Lydia, and Mrs. Bennet forced Mr. Brooks out of the famous drawing room. For the next hour Mrs. Bennet demanded to know if he offered and if I accepted while Lydia brushed it off as trivial.
" You are not genteel. Why do we care?"She bounced from one end of the room to the other. Mary, for whatever reason, decided to hide away. At this point in time, I didn't blame her.
Kitty gasped. " Lydia!"
" It's all well and good she is to marry comfortably but why a gentleman above her? If I had 4,000-"
" Lydia!" Kitty yelled. I ignored the desire to slap her for her insolence. " She is our guest,"
" Only because Papa has a big heart," The childish, petulant teenager replied.
I glanced over at Mrs. Bennet. The woman leaned back and maintained her silence. She probably felt no guilt for making Jane ill. Why did I expect her to care now?
" Lydia, Mr. Brooks chose-"
" Mr. Brooks chose the 4,000 pounds. Good lord, Kitty, you are stupid to believe he actually loves her," Lydia greatly resembled her mother, shocking even Kitty into what could only be described as a state of total disbelief.
Love, I realized, was nothing more than blind partiality. I didn't lie when I told Mr. Brooks he was a man of dreams. He reminded me of my father in ways but not so much that I was put off. Problem was I didn't love him. I just formed a strong jealous attachment to him. Eventually I would love him.
I sighed. " Dearest Lydia, you are a vapid, arrogant silly minded girl," I opened my book and put myself in the farthest couch's farthest corner. " Control your tongue else I will cut it out,"
" You would not,"
" Why not? My mother tried to kill me. Are you so certain I will not snap too?"
Kitty opened her mouth to speak, but it was Mrs. Bennet who nearly fainted. While Kitty called for Mrs. Hill, I settled into my book of scheming mother-in-laws and lieing bastards called men.
" Is Elizabeth still at Netherfield?" I asked over the dinner table after Mr. Bennet returned from touring the property. No one spoke to me since I threatened Lydia. I started to fear I stepped over the line and needed to mend the fences.
Kitty picked at her food. " I packed her dresses and gowns earlier. Jane is too ill and Mr. Bingley is a true gentleman," She glared at her mother and went back to barely eating.
Mrs. Bennet nodded, sensing the a growing trend of dissent against her. Mr. Bennet sensed nothing.
" La! Jane is not ill enough," Lydia declared before shoving a biteful of food into her mouth and chewing loudly. " " Two days is not enough to encourage his affections,"
I scoffed. " They might test them, but Jane must encourage his attentions for him to form anything beyond an appreciation of her beauty," In my opinion Jane was just too damn quiet, and not even in a good way. Either she was extremely shy, to which I have evidence that she is not, or that she was purposefully dumbing herself down because that's what her mother told her to do every time she met an eligible bachelor of some repute and wealth.
" Quite smart," Mr. Bennet remarked, keenly observing everyone. " Mrs. Bennet, does Jane love Mr. Bingley?"
" If she does not, she is a fool. 4 to 5,000 a year!"
Mary covered a yawn, not the least interested in stirring up their mother's hopes. Every time a gentleman visited Hertfordshire, Mrs. Bennet always went on and on about husbands and marriage until it drove the man away or she was put off by the suitor's lack of wealth.
" Yes, but does she love him?" He demanded pointedly, having already cleared his throat once.
Kitty and I locked eyes while leaning over our plates. We both glanced toward Lydia stuffing her mouth full of meat. Later she would complain of feeling fat. She always did after dinner but never after breakfast.
" She has expressed no such love to me," Mrs. Bennet reluctantly answered. " But I will work on her to display the necessary fondness-"
" You will do no such thing, Mrs. Bennet. If Jane chooses to pass 4 to 5,000 a year to another young lady, let it be of her choosing," He then pointed his fork to Mary and I. " As these ladies have done so and earned their fiances,"
Lydia stared wide eyed at us while Kitty prepared to remove from her seat and embrace Mary. Mrs. Bennet's heavy stare rooted Kitty to her chair, choosing to swallow the bite of chewed food instead of taking joy in her sister's raised standing. I wanted a wealthier match for Mary, but Mr. Booth complimented her and complemented her. Mr. Bennet respected Mr. Booth, and Mr. Bingley he did not respect at all. Oh the rub to Mrs. Bennet!
" But when did he offer?" Lydia demanded archly while Mary beamed. She glanced to her mother for answer and the elder had no answer.
I locked hands with Mary, proud of her for securing herself a husband who liked her for who she was. " He offered before he signed with the Regiment," Mary answered proudly. " I will marry an officer and Caroline a parson," Mr. Bennet smiled more so at me than Mary, and I suspected it had to do with Mr. Collins.
All this time Mrs. Bennet formed no coherent thought, flabbergasted that the least beautiful ladies in the house were already engaged before the eldest two! " Lydia, we must order you new dresses-"
" And what of Catherine, Mrs. Bennet?" Mr. Bennet cut her off before she could demand him to loosen the purse strings. " Does she not concern you as well?"
Kitty stabbed at the piece of meat and didn't look up. I wanted to hug her but a table separated us and Mr. Bennet already drew the line in the sand for everyone to acknowledge.
A string of excuses followed and it was decided on the following day that everyone would call upon Netherfield Park. Kitty grumbled about being forgotten and resigned herself to being a maiden aunt, the role previously dedicated to Mary.
Everyone turned into Kitty, Lydia, and Mrs. Bennet. Mary and I stayed behind after a surprise visit by Mr. Brooks and Mr. Booth. The weather permitted us a walk down the lane. After days being in the house with unpleasant company, it relieved us to be freely able to move and congregate with more agreeable company.
" Imagine my surprise when I was informed I would see my betrothed and know we had months more of each other's blessed company," Mr. Booth announced to the group while gazing adoringly at Mary. I determined that Mary did not get shafted after all in the pick of husbands. Mary most likely won the best husband of them all, lured only by her character.
Mr. Brooks and I fell back to give the pair more space.
" It is a shame that Jane is ill, but she recovers quickly," Mary leaned in toward him. " How do you find your comrades in arms?"
" Amusing. We often partake in games of chance and luck, but even a fool knows when he is bested and should bow out of such amusement. Captain Carter is a pleasant fellow, very amiable and pleasant even in the worst of weather."
" Always an admirable quality to a person's character,"
" You are a wise lady, Miss Mary, but even you can agree that inclement weather leads to foul tempers. We all have our dark days,"
Mr. Brooks leaned in and pressed my knuckles to his lips. " He will make a fine officer one day,"
" Aye, but that day is not today. Today he is merely a gentleman I can respect," I replied gently, reminding myself to subdue by wilder tendencies. " Did the talk with Mr. Bennet…"
Mr. Brooks shook his head.
" I could have warned you," I blurted out. " Mr. Bennet distances himself from his failures. Lydia is one of them, but she need not be,"
Mary turned. " Caroline, Mr. Booth tells me that another officer is to join them soon. A Mr. Wickham,"
At the most inconvenient time, a large rock obstructed my path. I thought I cleared it's perimeter until the pain of a stubbed toe reminded me of how much I hated slippers. Never again would I ever wear slippers this impractical! Mary made to help me as Mr. Brooks held me up. I held out my hand to ward off Mary. " Just a toe, my darling friend,"
Mary turned back around and carried on her flowing conversation with Mr. Booth. Mr. Brooks more closely guided my walking path, his studious alertness learned enough to know I reacted to Mr. Wickham whereas all of Hertfordshire did not know of Mr. Wickham at all. I would pay for my silence, but today was not that day as we proceeded to learn more of each officer and eventually their wives.