A quick update after I left the story abruptly last chapter. I couldn't do what I wanted to do without making the chapter too long. This chapter is heavy and possibly a little OOC. R & R!
Disclaimer: Don't own FF8.
As always, italics are Squall's inner monologue
Week 8.5: Players
To say Squall was confused was an understatement. To say Squall was angry was an understatement. To say Squall was irritated was an understatement. Squall was all these things at the same time, but couldn't allow any of these emotions to cross his face once he saw Rinoa's pained face upon seeing him after Selphie's comment.
It was as if Rinoa was directly experience every emotion he was trying desperately not to emit. Dr. G's words echoed in his head.
If you don't deal with your trauma, those around you can almost experience it themselves... Rinoa doesn't know what to do.
Quistis cleared her throat.
Thank Hyne for Quistis.
"I don't think she meant it like that, Squall," Quistis said cautiously, as if she was tiptoeing around a sleeping lion, "Selphie is in a bad place right now and she was lashing out."
I am sending Irvine out on a 6 month long mission the second I get to my office, but for now there are more important things.
Squall looked at the pathetic group of women, Rinoa horrified and terrified at the same time, Selphie once again hysterical and Quistis, as usual attempting to be calm and fix everything around her. "Rinoa," he started.
Rinoa stood up quickly and spoke in a hurried voice, "Squall, you know I don't think that. I think you're amazing and you've been such a great boy-"
Squall held up a hand, "It's fine. I know," he looked towards Selphie, "Selphie, I am sick of this."
"Squall!" Quistis' voice had a tone of warning but Squall ignored it.
"Selphie, you need to make up your mind. If you want to be with Irvine, do it, but then put up with his behavior, otherwise challenge him to be different. Rinoa would have left me ages ago if I didn't put in a remote effort to show I... well that I feel anything at all towards anything." Squall sat down on Rinoa's large arm chair, vexed by it being covered with Angelo's fur, before continuing, taking a cue from Dr. G's amazing ability to use a dramatic pause to make a point.
The women were all hushed, but Squall swore he saw pride shining in Rinoa and Quistis' eyes.
Squall cleared his throat and wished for the first time in his life that he had glasses he could adjust, "Selphie, you deserve him to be better. Tell him to act up or shut up. He either changes the play or he makes his exit."
Selphie sniffled, "Mrs. Timlitt always says that 'shoes don't stretch and men don't change'."
Squall, for the first time felt somewhat culpable regarding his tone with Selphie, but he needed to talk to Rinoa and was dead-tired of dealing with Selphie crying and having to rearrange who goes on what mission to make sure Irvine wasn't going to be tempted by yet another Garden floozy.
Squall sighed, "No, we don't change. But we can..."
Someone help me out here.
"Grow?" Rinoa offered hesitantly.
"Squall is right," Quistis piped in, "Men can grow. Think about Seifer, he isn't the guy dying to be a knight anymore and it turns out he can cook. He was watching Top Chef Galbadia and took some classes and I think it's actually made him more sensitive... who would have though-" She coughed quickly, "I mean, that's what I heard... and... well the point is Squall is right."
Squall raised an eyebrow Seifer and Quistis? Did I just enter some alternate dimension?
Selphie sighed and slowly dragged herself up from the floor, "Maybe... I... I just can't stand the thought of losing him. I'm not strong like you, Squall."
"Bullshit." Squall snorted.
"What?" Selphie had never heard Squall actually curse out loud, though she imagined that his inner dialogue was about 50% profanity.
"Squall's right." Rinoa started.
Wow, I've been called right twice in the last 5 minutes. That's a first.
Rinoa continued, "You're stronger than you think, Selphie, and more importantly you don't really have Irvine right now. Sometimes you have to let go of something to have it... if that makes sense."
Selphie nodded, "I... thanks guys, I just... need to think." She made her way to the door. Rinoa reached out a hand to stop her but Quistis pulled Rinoa back giving her a pointed look.
After Selphie closed the door, Quistis looked towards Squall and realized why he had come in the first place, "I'll... I have some papers to grade," she muttered quickly before swiftly exiting Rinoa's room.
Finally...
Squall looked up at Rinoa, "We need to talk."
Rinoa's eyes began to glaze over as if she was going to cry, "You know I don't agree with Selphie, right? That was just... horrible timing."
Squall shook his head, "I know," he looked around the room, trying to figure out how to start this conversation with her. His eyes stopped on a bottle of Merlot that had been opened, but it looked as if nothing had been poured yet. He seemed to have interrupted a girls' night.
Don't they have girls' night every night? I've got to start checking the Garden alcohol stock.
"Didn't you guys have a girls' night last night?"
Rinoa blinked, "Huh? That's what you wanted to talk about?"
"No, but... it was last night, right?"
Rinoa stared at him with a puzzled look, "No, last night we were watching Esthar's Top Voice which is always better with cocktails. Tonight is Blitzball and Tidus is playing so we were going to watch."
Squall hmmed, "What about Thursday?"
Rinoa blushed, "Well we sometimes have girls' night on Thursday."
"And Friday?"
"Blitzball."
"And last Tuesday?"
Rinoa's nose began to turn pink, "Well we were celebrating, um, uh... the... OKAY FINE. I like wine sometimes."
Squall smirked. The conversation had at least managed to cut into some of the tension that the room had acquired previously. Rinoa walked towards him and sat down tentatively on his lap. Squall reassuringly put his arm around her shoulder.
When did this become so easy? One little arm and she is already relaxed. Maybe I should talk to Dr. G about battle tactics sometime...
Rinoa gave him a soft kiss on the cheek, "So, you wanted to talk?"
Interlude: Irvine and Selphie
Irvine was rolling a cigarette when he heard the knock at his door. Sighing, as he knew the ice in his whiskey was going to melt and ruin the drink as he had to deal with whomever was at his door was not putting him in a good mood. Whomever was a bit of an understatement, he assumed it was one of the many girls he flirted with that was now going to bite him in the rear. He couldn't help that he was such a charmer, after all.
He was not expecting Selphie and was certainly not expecting what proceeded next.
Tossing his cigarette on the table and throwing on a shirt instead of just his duster, Irvine went towards the door, his boots clanking on the floor noisily.
"Don't open it," Selphie's tell-tale pixie-esque voice squeaked from the other side.
"Darlin'?"
"Don't open the door, I can't get this out if I'm looking at you, okay?"
Irvine was perplexed but managed to mumble, "alright, Darlin'. You feeling okay? Did Quistis make her Galbadian Holiday Punch again and you mistake it for regular ole' lemonade?"
"Stop joking. I can't... I can't if you're being cute."
Irvine smirked, hook-line-and-sinker. He always knew how to deter a serious conversation with a few jokes and affectionate nick-names. Sadly, it wasn't going to work this time.
Bolstered by Squall's words, Selphie decided the best course of action was to just blurt everything out at once, "I can't put up with this anymore. I'm never happy. You should make me happy, not crying all the time. Either you figure out how to be a faithful guy or... or... or I just can't be with you. I'll transfer to Trabia if I have to. I'm serious!"
Irvine pushed the button to open his door, finding Selphie standing in front of it, fists clenched and eyes closed, "Come on, you know I can't lose ya, I can be faithful."
Selphie shook her head furiously, "Your word isn't good enough anymore. I'm sorry..." she paused, "Actually I'm not sorry. You should be sorry!" she glared up at him and stuck a finger in his face, "Figure out how to fix it, using something other than your words and that crap you have going on under your pants!" With that, she stormed off, leaving behind a baffled Irvine. When did she suddenly get a spine?
Irvine blamed her recent therapy and stalked off to find someone to vent to.
"You wanted to talk?" Rinoa prompted Squall again in the girls' hallway of dorms.
"Yeah." Squall managed.
How do I start this? So, I learned in therapy about people reconstructing their childhood. So, I heard this thing from Quistis... no. So, I randomly came to this epiphany. She'll never buy that one.
While he was lost in his mind, Rinoa was starting to get antsy. Maybe he was coming to tell her that it was too difficult to be with her. Maybe he thought she had a drinking problem? Maybe...
"Rinoa, I don't want to be Laguna and Julia. Or Julia and Fury. Or Laguna and Raine."
Rinoa blinked, somewhat baffled, "Okay...?" Squall could be obtuse sometimes, but this was odd, even for him. It reminded her of the time he said 'Centra 1200' and she was supposed to know that somehow that meant that he wanted to go to dinner with her the following evening.
Squall squirmed uncharacteristically, "I don't... I don't want that."
Rinoa flinched.
Great, now she's going to think I don't want to be with her.
"What I mean is, I don't want to leave like Laguna, or not be there like your dad. Sometimes I... I" I worry. "I think that people can end up being like their pasts. You too."
I'm scared I will hurt you. I'm scared I'll break you. I know Cloud said I wouldn't, but can't you see that even I can get scared?
Rinoa stayed silent for a moment, trying to understand what Squall was saying to her, "I think I understand. You... you want us to not make the mistakes they made?"
Squall nodded and suddenly felt desperate to lighten the mood and also finally express how he felt in words and maybe in some action. He had already gotten the hard part out anyway.
He cleared his throat, "And in the spirit of honesty... I really don't like dogs. In fact, I hate them. They shed, they are all needy, they poop in the quad. I hate them. I like cats. In fact I want to get one, I'll name it 'Squall Jr' and he can sit and be quiet with me. And kill things. Angelo is tolerable, but I thought you should know."
Rinoa had no idea how to respond to this outburst, so she laughed nervously. She didn't know that this was a very confounded and convoluted means of leading up to telling her how he felt, despite hating her dog. Just like Squall to make something romantic into a weird tactical situation. Her thoughts were impeded by his lips on hers.
His hands were running through her hair and his mouth was warm, inviting and... perfect. She couldn't think. He had never kissed her like this before. His hands were running from her hair to her neck and each place he touched felt like it was on fire. She wasn't sure anymore where he ended and where she began.
He reluctantly pulled away from her lips, but kept her face close, she could feel his hot breath on her face and smell his breath, apparently he had chewed on cinnamon gum earlier. Weird, she always figured him more a spearmint guy. He spoke and his voice sounded like the kiss he had just given her: husky, warm, intoxicating. She felt drunk. "Rinoa, what I'm trying to say is... even though I might not like your dog and.. sometimes you can drive me nuts, I absolutely and completely lov-"
His romantic confession was interrupted by Rinoa's door slamming open, "SQUALL! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH WOMEN?! SELPHIE JUST... oh... whoa man, I'm sorry."
Okay, thats your last strike Irvine. I am seriously going to kill you.
A/N: And as promised I (sort of) settled up the abrupt ending from last week. Stay tuned for more of Dr. G's wisdom. Reviews are always appreciated :) And yes, I know Squall was a bit OOC this installment, but he is growing!