westlife4ever80, Lily was pretty determined to win Ethan at this point in the series and I decided not to change that! After all, why wouldn't she like him? She liked Dylan too, but her allergy to dogs put her off. I have to agree about Dylan being wonderful, though I'm not sure he agrees. Thank you for your review.
Panicatcasualty123, thank you for your review. I'm glad you think it's typical of Ethan to trip down the stairs. He's so focused sometimes, I could imagine him forgetting to look where he was going. I'm so glad you're enjoying this. I loved the episodes that happened at this time and it's fun rewriting them to make Cal and Ethan closer!
Bonnie Sveen Fan, I'm glad you liked Cal's line about the underwear. I've heard it can be helpful, though there are a lot of people I wouldn't want to see in their underwear! Lily was desperate to marry Ethan at this point in the series and I have to say I don't blame her, but he wanted Honey. Silly Ethan. Thank you for your review.
Becs2202, Ethan is in hot demand! But he is most definitely hot. He would definitely be well-advised to stay away from Honey after what she did to Cal - and considering what she did to Ethan in 'reality'. He's not interested at the moment, but she could still cause a bit of trouble. Thank you for your review.
Tanith Panic, I'm not sure Ethan will ever realise he's attractive to women! I think Lily is at least partly after his brains and status and Honey probably has at least some interest in his money, but they must have noticed he's gorgeous too. Dr Smug Pants is definitely a pleasing expression. I shall use it often. Thank you for your review.
Ethan could hear Honey's trolley.
Until today, he would never have been able to pick it out from all the other sounds of the ED, but it had become an almost constant companion.
He hid behind a wall near Resus and hoped Honey was on her way back into the shop. That was her job, after all. She couldn't spend all day running round with her trolley,
"Dr Hardy, your assistance, please. Query DVT," said Connie.
Ethan hadn't seen her coming, but for once, he was more than happy for Connie to creep up on him. At least she wasn't going to give him blueberries.
The patient was Louis Fairhead. Ethan pulled some gloves out of his pocket and put them on as they walked towards Resus. Behind him, Connie was trying to prevent Charlie from going into Resus with them. Louis was apologising to Tess for some reason, but she firmly said: "Not now, Louis."
Ethan had a feeling this was going to be one of the more emotional Resus cases. It was always difficult when someone you knew was involved. Ethan knew he would have to keep calm as he couldn't be sure the others would.
But Ethan was usually good at keeping calm. As long as Honey didn't come barging into Resus with her trolley, he was sure nothing could go too badly wrong.
Ethan examined Louis' swollen, discoloured leg. "Right, his Wells score is at least three, so we'll need a gram of dopamine, please."
"What does that mean?" demanded Louis, clearly agitated. "What's happening to me?"
Connie was still with Charlie, so it was up to Ethan to reply. "It's possible you have a deep vein thrombosis, but I won't know for certain till we've done an x-ray of your veins." He picked up a needle.
Louis looked frightened. "Why do you need that? What's that for?"
"This is to take bloods and also give fluid," said Ethan.
"I don't like needles!" said Louis quickly.
Ethan tried not to show his incredulity. He had to be professional, but he really hadn't expected Louis to say that.
"Louis, let the man do his job," said Charlie.
"This will enable me to give you pain relief," said Ethan, hoping that would get through to him. "Okay?"
Louis nodded tightly and Ethan gave an inward sigh of relief.
"Do you know what your weight is?" asked Ethan.
Louis didn't reply.
"Louis, how heavy are you?" said Tess sharply.
"Er, about eleven stone," said Louis, looking from Tess to Ethan.
"Okay," said Ethan. "Er, 70mg of subcut heparin, please." He inserted the needle as carefully as he could, relieved to see the patient was sitting still and seemed calm. "You see? It's nothing to be concerned about."
As he pushed the needle further in, Louis' breathing became audible and he seemed in clear discomfort, but there was nothing Ethan could do except continue: it had to be done and it would be over soon.
Then Louis jumped and the needle came out of his arm, embedding itself in Ethan's hand, easily piercing his glove.
Ethan looked down at the needle, then lifted his head to look fearfully at Louis.
"Connie!" called Tess, and Connie turned.
"It was an accident!" said Louis.
Ethan was trembling as he pulled the needle out of his hand and dropped it into a sharps container. Then he disposed of his gloves. A needlestick injury was always dangerous, but with Louis' history of drug abuse…
"Ethan, you know what to do," said Connie calmly.
"Yeah," said Ethan unsteadily. He did know what to do, but in that moment, he wished someone would go with him.
But there was no-one. He turned and left Resus, alone. He heard Connie asking for another cannula as though nothing had happened. As though Ethan's life might not have changed forever.
Cal… where's Cal?
No, Cal was working. Besides, Ethan was an adult. A doctor. He didn't need his big brother to look after him.
But I'm scared…
He stopped for a moment outside the doors, unable to remember what to do, but then it came back to him.
He held his other hand close to the wound, putting pressure on it as well as ensuring it didn't drip onto the floor. He would have done that anyway, but it wasn't just a matter of hygiene this time. He hurried through a door and down a corridor, passing Cal and Lily, but he didn't want to stop and talk to them now.
"Uh oh. Dead man walking," said Cal.
Another of his stupid jokes, but he might be right this time.
"Looks like the FCEM nerves are finally kicking in!" teased Cal.
Ethan ignored him and walked over to a sink.
"Has the rash started yet?" asked Cal.
Ethan turned on the tap and held his hands under it.
"What's wrong?" Cal sounded worried now.
"Needlestick," said Ethan, his voice shaking slightly. "From Charlie's son."
He heard Lily's voice. Calm and professional. "I'm going to book you in as a patient."
Ethan just nodded.
"Right," said Cal, his voice dangerous.
He didn't say anything else. Ethan half-turned his head to discover Cal walking away. "Cal? Cal?"
He could guess where Cal was going.
Cal burst through the Resus doors. At that moment, he felt ready to kill Louis.
Some of the anger was aimed at himself. The 'dead man walking' comment couldn't have been worse-timed. But Louis was the main object of his rage.
How could he have done that? To Ethan? If he'd done it to Cal, it might have made more sense. Cal could be annoying and didn't always so a good job of hiding his opinions of patients. But Ethan…
Ethan wasn't even over having his heart ripped to shreds and now he had to go through this?
Cal burst through the doors of Resus.
Tess came towards him. "Cal, no. This isn't a good idea."
"Tess, please, get out of my way," said Cal.
"Dr Knight. I'm with a patient. Please return to your duties." Connie's voice was calm but deadly.
For once, Cal didn't feel terrified. He was too angry. He looked at Louis. The little worm who'd hurt his brother. Who could have done a whole lot more than just hurt him.
Connie raised her voice. "Or wait for me in my office!"
Cal stood glaring at Louis. Louis half-glanced at him, then flinched away. Cal wanted to strangle him; to shake him; to kill him. But then some of his rage began to fade. Ethan needed his brother at his side. Killing Louis wouldn't help anyone.
He went back to Ethan and offered to help in any way he could, but Ethan brushed him off, insisting he would take his turn as a patient and see what his doctor said. Cal wanted to take Ethan in his arms and hold him tightly, but he could tell Ethan would break if Cal held him. Cal would much rather Ethan sobbed in his arms than coped alone, calm on the surface even if he was a complete mess underneath, but he had to consider what Ethan wanted.
Now more than ever.
Cal touched on Ethan's arm. He didn't feel that far off breaking point, himself. A good outcome seemed too much to hope for. "Ethan… if you need me, I am here."
"I know," whispered Ethan. "Thanks."
"Whatever the result is, I'll support you," said Cal.
It didn't feel like enough. He wanted to do more.
But there was nothing more he could do.
Ethan couldn't sit still. He fiddled with his glasses; with the glass of water he held in a trembling hand. He wanted to get up and pace the room, but he didn't think his legs would hold him. He could have done with a cup of tea, but he didn't feel strong enough to make it himself and he didn't want to see Honey.
He only hoped she wouldn't come and see him. If Honey and her trolley cornered him in here, he would be unable to run.
He thought of Taylor; of how much it would comfort him to be held in her arms, but he tried to push the thought away. It was much better that he wasn't here. If she really loved him, she would be upset and afraid for him and he was glad to have spared her that.
A voice said his name and he started, the thought coming into his confused mind that it was Taylor, but of course that was impossible.
Lily came towards him, a cup in each hand. She held one out to Ethan.
He put his glass down on the floor and took the cup from her. "Thank you."
"It is decaffeinated coffee," said Lily. "You said you were off caffeine."
"Did you get it from Honey?" asked Ethan, peering nervously behind Lily to check that she was alone.
Lily nodded and her eyes sparkled slightly. "I told her it was for Dr Keogh. I also asked her if she would please not come to the staff room as I did not wish to be disturbed."
Ethan surprised both of them with a smile. "That was thoughtful of you, Lily." He frowned in concern. "But you do realise Honey might tell everybody?"
"If so, I will tell them that Honey was wrong and the coffee was for you," said Lily. She sat beside Ethan and looked awkward. "I know I am not a sympathetic person. I don't always know what to say. But I would like to support you, Ethan."
Ethan saw the sincerity in her eyes. A lump rose in his throat. "Thank you, Lily. I do appreciate it."
"You are my friend and I care about you," said Lily simply. "And I do understand that you might prefer to be with Cal tonight."
Ethan smiled at her gratefully. He wasn't at all sure he did want to be with Cal – Cal would either make a fuss of him or spend the whole evening simmering with rage towards Louis – but he appreciated her understanding that he might not be in the right frame of mind to revise.
He would know the truth by then. He would know what his future was.
A sudden trembling seized him and Lily put her hand on his arm.
He was surprised and grateful, but when Lily spoke, he realised it was Dr Chao and not his friend Lily who was holding him. "Ethan, it's all right. Take some deep breaths. You are safe. Louis is in Resus and they won't allow him to come near you."
"It doesn't matter if he does," said Ethan as his eyes filled with hopeless tears. He turned away to hide them from Lily. "The damage is done. Cal said I was a dead man walking and he's probably right."