"Caboose?" California called out, standing in the doorway of Blue Base. "Caboose, are you alive in there?" Caboose groaned in response.
"Owie…." He said. He was lying in the middle of the floor of the main room, spread-eagled. He was clad in only a pair of swim trunks. "It hurts… That GameBoy is mean." The 3DS lay beside his head.
Cali walked over to his side, sinking to her knees. "Are you okay?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess." Caboose said. His hair was frazzled and sticking up even more than usual.
"You know, you're not very bright for someone who looks so strong." California sighed, picking up the 3DS. "Typical."
"Thanks for that. What do you mean, 'typical'?" Caboose asked, sitting up.
"All the muscular guys out there are either taken, or stupid. You know." Cali said as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Oh yeah, that. I totally know about that." Caboose said, scratching his head. "My best friend Church told me that there are no regular girls."
"Regular?" Cali asked, head cocked in confusion.
"You know, how all girls are mean. There's no such thing as a nice girl, you know, that kind of thing." Caboose stated.
"Oh. I don't know about that." Cali said. "My mom always said that all men leave, though."
"My dad always said, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'" Caboose replied.
"What's that supposed to mean?" California asked.
"I dunno, I never asked." Caboose said, scratching the back of his neck.
"What button did you press that electrocuted you?" Cali asked. Suddenly, Tucker ran into the base.
"Caboose electrocuted himself again? That figures." Tucker said. "I knew him thinking it was invisible magic would come back to bite him."
"I know, right? It's necromancy!" Cali said.
"Hell yeah!" Tucker exclaimed. "Wait, what?"
"What? I used it to bring York back to life." California said. "You mean that you've never tried before?"
"No, but Caboose here does a lot of team killing." Tucker said. "Most of the time it's Church."
"The Director?" California asked, confused.
"No, the Alpha AI." Tucker said. "We just call him Church, although I'm pretty sure that that guy is dead too."
"The Director is dead?" California asked, head tilted to the side, her black hair flowing down her shoulder. "Do you know what happened to the guys who were working on my project?"
"Yeah, that guy is pretty much dead. Along with some other Freelancer guys. They were mean." Caboose said.
"The rest of them are either in hiding like you, Wash, York, and Carolina, or in prison." Tucker added on. "We don't know anything about your guys, though. Probably in prison, too."
"Oh well. I wonder who's going to help me with this," California said, reaching for the back of her neck. She removed a chip from the base, and brought it out in front of her.
"Oh my God! She has an AI!" Caboose exclaimed.
"Calm the fuck down, Caboose." Tucker said. "Wait, you have an AI? What for?"
"Yeah, it's kind of helping me with some stuff. Something about schizo-something." California said, twiddling with the chip between her fingers.
"You mean schizophrenia?" Tucker asked.
"Yeah, that's it." California said. "The logs on the computer in the lab said that they were working on implanting it directly into my brain. So it can better help manage things, like chemical production and handling the voices."
"That doesn't sound possible." Tucker said. "Then again, none of the things that have happened to us have seemed possible or plausible."
"Dude, I brought my adopted dad back to life Frankenstein style, and I'm just about as old as him. Anything is possible." Cali said, hands on her hips. "The only thing is, I have no idea how far they got. I don't even know if the AI in this chip is dormant or not."
"Have you told your… uh… dad about this?" Tucker asked.
"Actually, no. That never came up." California said. "Anyways, I'm not even half as paranoid as I used to be. I didn't think it was important." Suddenly, a very large rat crawled out of California's armor, and sat on her shoulder.
"Uh… California lady?" Caboose said, standing up. "There is a very small dog on your shoulder."
"That's not a dog, dipshit. That's a rat. What the fuck is a rat doing in your armor?" Tucker said.
"Oh, him?" California said, eyes pointing to the rodent. "That's my friend, Satchel Gizmo." She patted Gizmo on the head.
"Isn't he full of diseases?" Tucker asked.
"Nah, I had him vaccinated and everything." California replied. "He's had all of his shots."
"How the fuck does he fit in your power armor?" Tucker asked. "He's a foot tall!"
"He's the world's greatest rodent contortionist." California said.
"Really?" Caboose gasped, awestruck.
"Nope, but he's really good." California said. "Even York doesn't really notice him."
"Can I pet him?" Caboose asked, walking closer, arm reaching out.
"Sure." California said. "Just don't yank his tail though. I tried touching it and he nearly clawed my face off, although that was when we first met."
"You tried touching a random rat's tail?" Tucker said, flabbergasted. "You're weird, you know that, kid? You're almost exactly like Caboose."
"Yay!" Caboose said with glee. California picked up the hefty rodent and handed him to a very excited Caboose. "Church never let me have a pet."
"Yeah, Caboose once found an alligator and tried to convince Church to let him keep it." Tucker said. "I wonder what happened to it."
"I know what you mean," California said, head bobbing up and down. "I once tried rescuing a capybara from a petting zoo, but York wouldn't let me keep him. He said that he didn't even know how to feed a hundred-pound guinea pig." Gizmo gave a loud squeak in response, nodding his head.
"Does that thing know English?" Tucker asked.
"He's very smart. He does tricks, too." California said. "Just don't say the word 'pineapple' around him though, or he'll start attacking whoever is closest to him."
"AHH!" Caboose screamed. He dropped Gizmo, who had begun to hiss at him. He started running around the room, with Gizmo chasing after him. "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
"For the last time Caboose, it's a fucking rat!" Tucker screamed after him.
"Gizmo! Heel!" California commanded. The rat stopped instantly, and began to look at California to receive further instructions. Caboose continued to scream, running out of the base.
"HELP ME, AGENT WASHINGTUB!" Caboose yelled as he ran out the door.
Silence filled the base. Tucker and California looked at each other.
"So… Nice trick."