Chapter 10: Conflicted

Phantom's POV

If he has to kill everyone in this opera including you, Shadow, he will.

H-He's my friend. . .h-he wouldn't—

He will, Shadow.

The words exchanged between Christine and Shadow bounce around in my head without end, my heart truly sorrowful for Shadow.

Raoul and Christine were being very harsh with her about me.

Yet, Shadow still continued to stand up for me, and no one has ever done that before.

When I hear silence behind the mirror, I know that Christine and the fop have retreated from the room, leaving Shadow alone. I stay for a few seconds to see if she plans to do anything, or if she's actually sleeping.

It isn't long before I see her form gliding toward the mirror. I back up against the wall and blend in so that she doesn't see me at first.

"I knew you would come." I whisper, putting a hand on her shoulder and scaring her momentarily. "You need not come to warn me. I've already heard."

"Monsieur, they'll kill you!" She tells me in a broken voice.

"Nonsense. They have no idea what they're up against." I boldly proclaim.

Shadow's eyes have lost their light, as she looks up at me with her dark brown eyes.

"Please, Monsieur! I beg you not to go."

"Your pleas fall on deaf ears for the night, Mademoiselle, I am sorry." I respond, hating myself for the glassiness that coats her eyes at my answer. "Please, do not be upset."

"You can't go!" She shrieks, her hands suddenly clutching the fabric of my shirt. "You simply can't! Please!" Her head is buried into my chest.

"Mademoiselle, I must."

"Why?!" She gasps in exasperation, looking up at me. "Why must you go?!"

"I love Christine." I argue, though the words don't ring as true as normal.

Shadow's eyes darkened even more so, and her arms dropped limply to her side.

"Monsieur—"

"Erik," The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. "My name is Erik."

Shadow's POV

Erik.

The name sends a flood of warmth to my heart, but I remember that I'm trying to persuade him to stay, and I harden my gaze at him again.

"Erik. . ." My eyes meet his, and I'm not sure what I see in his but I desperately yearn for him to see the affection that I'm sure is present in mine. "Erik, you can't go."

"Shadow. . ." He purrs, his hand reaching out to caress my cheek.

My eyes flutter closed and I lean into his gentle hold, wishing that I could do something to make him stop whatever plan he has for Don Juan. I can feel his thumb gentle rub my cheek, and I place my hands over his, never wanting to leave.

"Please. . ." I choke out, trembling at the warmth he ignites inside me. "Please, Erik. . .you can't go. They'll kill you, or you'll get hurt." I look up at him once more, before tackling him violently in a hug.

"Shadow, I must—"

"NO!" I scream, backing away from him, the flood finally breaking free from my eyelids. "YOU CAN'T!" I shake as I try to contain all of my conflicted feelings, and my breathing becomes quick and sporadic. "They have hundreds of guards set up for you! They are going to stop at nothing to get rid of you, Erik!"

"Why do you care what they do?!" He bellows, his temper rising.

"BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU, AND I LOVE YOU!" The oh-so truthful words that have been yearning to escape my lips send me back against the wall; my eyes widen as I realize what I've said, and I stare fearfully at his slack-jawed expression. "I-I. . ." My feet move slightly, seeking a hasty retreat, but I can only stand there and sob. "I-I already know you don't feel the same. . .so don't. . .don't feel compelled to make me feel any better about it. . ."

The moment he starts to speak is when my legs finally remember that they are capable of movement, and I bolt down into the labyrinth. Tears blur my vision as I hear him call my name, but I keep running.

My mind is in a jumble of thoughts, so when I turn the wrong direction, I don't realize it until I notice the gaping hole in front of me. When I notice, I turn back around and find the last intersection I had been at moments ago, before realizing that I'm lost.

I begin to panic and take the first right, before I realize it's a dead end, and turn back around.

Where do I go?! Where do I go?! I place my head in my hands and try to breathe deeply, but it's an impossibility.

I can't focus.

So, I just sprint back the way I've just come from, and take a different direction, that leads to two more intersections, both of which I take a right in.

Then there's another dead end.

Screaming in frustration, I slide down against the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest and shivering violently with all of the confused emotions inside me.

"Shadow!" His voice makes my breathing hitch, as I realize I have to choose between letting him help me, and hiding from him.

"Erik. . ." I whimper hopelessly, before gaining a bit more confidence. "Monsieur!"

"I'm coming!" His voice echoes through the caves, and I bury my face in my knees once more.

Several thoughts and questions race around my head, most of which I don't have an answer for. They clash and fight with each other for my attention, but all I can do it weep and whimper from being too overwhelmed with it all.

What are Christine and Raoul going to think when they come back and find me gone? What will the managers think? Madame Giry is going to be furious if I miss another rehearsal. What have I done? Erik must hate me now. . . The last thought sends me into another harsh fit of tears, and I suddenly know exactly how Erik felt when he heard Christine and Raoul singing their declaration of love to one another.

And it only hurts that much worse to know that he went through this heart shattering agony.

"Shadow," His voice breathes in my ear, making me flinch. "Shadow, oh, you're safe. I thought I might not reach you in time."

Sniffling is the only response he receives.

I don't even lift my head.

"Shadow, dear?" His voice is urgent and concerned.

"I-I'm sorry. . ." I'm sincere in these words, and though I should probably be saying much more, they are the only words I can think of to say in this moment. "I'm so sorry. . ." A small cry breaks out of my throat again, then a hopeless squeak.

"Shh," He coos, before I feel his warm cloak around me, and suddenly I'm being lifted up gently. "You've no reason to apologize to me, Little Shadow."

"Monsieur, I'm sorry." I say again, curling in close to his chest and squeezing my eyes shut tightly. "I-I am—"

"Hush, now, dear Shadow." He purrs, his voice soothing and sure. "I hold nothing against you. You have been there for me and stood up for me when no one else has, and for that, you need not apologize to me anymore."

Though my eyes are dry of tears, I still weep at what I must be putting him through. Not only does he have to deal with his raging affections for Christine, but now he must stay cautious of the guards during Don Juan, and worry about hurting the feelings of a bothersome, orphan rat.

"Please, try and rest from all of your troublesome thoughts, my dear." He consoles me, and I feel him shift me into a more comfortable position in his arms. "I will take you to my lair to rest for now. If you are still asleep when I need to take you back, then I will wake you and show you exactly how to get back to your room so that you don't get lost again."

Despite the fact that I want to be put at ease and rest until he wakes me up again, I can't seem to find enough refuge from all of my rampant ponderings.

"Nighttime sharpens heightens each sensation," The melodious sounds that escape his vocal chords are capable of making my eyes flutter closed, and I can feel the song resonate within in the very deepest part of me.

This time when my nightmare of darkness hits, it's different.

Instead of a nightmare, I consider it paradise.