Chapter Seven

Love and Other Torture

Ginny flung open the door to her flat and threw her arms around her brother. "Oh, Charlie, I'm so glad to see you!" she cried.

"Whoa, easy there, Sis," he groaned. "I've got the time off because I'm injured, remember?"

"Oh, are you all right?" she asked guiltily.

Charlie grinned at his joke with a humour he didn't really feel. "Of course. I just told them I wasn't so I could come and see you. I only got thrown halfway to China by a dragon's tail. No big deal."

She laughed, but fixed him with a stern look. "Tell the truth, Charlie."

"I'm fine," he assured her. "We've got a great Healer up there. I was only teasing you."

"So you're really just here to see me?" she confirmed.

"I'm worried about you, sis," he said.

Her eyes were suddenly swimming with tears, and she caught him in another tight hug. His strong arms crushed her to his chest and she cried with relief. She hadn't realized how scared and lonely she'd been until the safety and love of her brother's embrace. She tried to explain herself, but she couldn't get any words out. She raised her head off his shoulder to look at him, pleading for understand.

"Oh, Ginny," he said gently. "Come on, let's go inside."

But she couldn't stop crying. So Charlie scooped her up and carried her in, ignoring the very small ache in his ribs that remained after the bones had been mended yesterday. His baby sister was hurting much more deeply than he'd suspected. He'd come here sort of angry, wondering what her problem was. Now he wasn't sure if it was all her problem or not. He'd heard about the newspaper article that did all but denounce her as a whoring cheat, and he'd meant to confront her about it the minute he got to her door, but now he was too busy trying to comfort her while she cried.

"Hey, Sis, it's okay," he found himself saying. "I'm here. I'll take care of it."

"You'll take care of it?" she repeated hysterically, the words thick because of her running nose.

He grinned at her. "Just tell me who to feed to the newborns."

She gave him a weak and lifeless smile. He set her down on the chair in her small living space and with a frown restarted her dying fire. It was cold in here. Wasn't she taking care of herself?

"Ginny, I heard about the article."

"I thought you might've," she muttered.

"Just tell me one thing: is it true?"

She looked broken-hearted that he would even ask. But he'd been away all during her school years, and though she'd seemed happy with Harry when he'd been around, they were just kids. He hoped he knew the answer, but with specific names, it was a hard thing. He thought she might dissolve into tears again, but she seemed to have spent them all.

"No, it's not true. Well, it's true that I dated Michael Corner and Dean Thomas before I was with Harry. But Terry, and Julius . . . The rest of it's just lies."

"I was hoping so. If what she's been writing were true, I'd have to go kill Harry for hurting my nephew, and how would that look, murdering our savior?"

She did manage a small smile this time, but it died quickly. "Harry would never hurt the kids. Never. And I would never cheat on him."

"Ginny, how long have you two been apart?"

She looked tiny and waif-like to his eyes, though in reality she was nearly as tall as he was and built to be an athlete. "Six months." The words came out like they were being dragged out painfully.

"But you're not divorced?"

"I . . . I can't . . . I've been waiting for him to find someone else. Until he does, I can't bring myself to do it."

"Did it ever occur to you that he's too honourable to go looking elsewhere while he's still legally married?"

She nodded.

"Well?" he prompted, exasperated. His sister made no sense. Maybe she'd actually gone off the deep end.

"He needs someone else," she whispered. "I just want him to be happy."

Charlie stared at her. Yes, she was actually crazy. "You left him because you thought it would make him happy?"

"Yes . . . well, no, not exactly."

He crossed his arms and waited.

"It's really confusing to me, too. I just . . . I knew he wouldn't be happy with me leaving, but he'll be much better off when he's got a woman in his life again."

"And what was so wrong about having you in his life?"

"I'm not enough for him, Charlie," she whispered, and now she did start crying again. "I've never been enough."

"Ginny, listen to yourself. You can't be serious."

"No, Charlie, I am. Harry Potter is the saviour of the wizarding world. He's strong, and brave, and tough, and good and kind and smart and funny . . ." She let herself trail off. "He's everything. A good father, a good friend, all of it. And what am I? I'm just a girl. I never did anything special. He fell in love with me because he was around me so much, and because he loves our family. I was just convenient. I mean, I know I'm pretty, but there's other pretty girls. There's more intelligent girls, and more gifted witches. I was just there."

Charlie was speechless with shock. He tried to say something, but he couldn't, so she went on.

"And I've always done my best for him. But I'm not good enough." Her hand trembled as she raised it to her face to wipe away her tears. "The adored and beloved Harry Potter deserves better than me. I'm a horrible wife. I don't give him the support he needs. All we ever did was fight. He didn't really want me, I know he didn't. If he wanted me, he would have talked to me, shared his feelings with me, he would share himself as much as I share with him. But he doesn't. And I won't make him feel tied, stuck, with someone he doesn't want. But he was too noble to end it. He would never do that. So I did it. He deserves to have the freedom to look for someone better. I just want him to be happy, Charlie," she finished with a sigh.

Charlie stood frozen. "Ginny, are you telling me you left him because you love him?"

She nodded miserably. "And the kids. The kids need someone who can take better care of them. All this with Crash . . . none of it would be happening if I was a better mother, if I could keep him safe."

She finally looked up at him to see that his face was as red as his hair and his eyes were blazing with fury.

"Are you mental?" he shouted. "Are you completely bat-shit insane?"

"Wh-what?" she stammered.

"You think he's going to be happy with someone else? Harry loves you, dammit! You're his wife, he married you, he devoted his entire life to you! You think he only did that because you were a warm body close at hand? Harry never does things halfway, and he never puts so much effort into something he doesn't want. You are exactly what he wants, Ginny. You, and no one else. You are those children's mother, and no other woman can be that, no matter how hard she tries. You and Harry made some really cute kids together, Sis, and I cannot believe that you would think that means nothing to him." He dropped to his knees in front of her chair. "You've been tearing yourself apart for six months and making yourself miserable because you think he'll be better off that way. You're wrong, Ginny. He's just as miserable as you are. So are the kids."

"But I can't do right by them," she cried.

"Yes, you can." He gripped her arms so hard she gasped in pain. "More than that, you are the only one who can. He chose you, Ginny. Out of all the girls throwing themselves at him—beautiful, talented witches—you were the one he wanted. You don't honestly think he doesn't love you."

"I think he loves me because he doesn't know better," she answered, but she looked most dreadfully confused now. How long had she been feeling this way? How long had she been hiding this? And most importantly,

"Why haven't you ever told Harry how you feel?"

"Because he'd tell me I was wrong, that he loves me and wants me more than anything."

"And you can't believe that?"

"I told you, he doesn't know any better. There isn't anyone to compare me to. But there will be, and you'll see, he'll choose the better one."

"The better one being you," he countered, still gripping her arms, though a bit more loosely. "Oh, Ginny, you two have always been so perfect for each other. He's always taken special interest in you, and you in him, even when you were just kids. Don't throw that away. Don't throw away how happy you could be together."

"He didn't even tell me about that letter he wrote for Draco Malfoy until he'd already sent it to the paper. I never saw it until it was printed."

"Ginny, Merlin's sake, he's a man. Men are like that. More than that, Harry's like that. You read that disgusting article in that magazine, you know he's used to being on his own. And he's used to fighting. He spent half his life at war, and that trained him to act as quickly as possible and deal with collateral damage later."

"Our marriage isn't a war," she said stubbornly.

"Oh, so the fights you pick with him about the kids and about Malfoy aren't battles, then?"

She looked stricken. "How do you know about that?"

"Harry calls me to ask my advice once in a while. I'm an expert on how Weasleys think, you see." He winked, trying to lighten her heart just a little bit. He couldn't believe how depressed and tumultuous his baby sister had become.

"I didn't know he was trying so hard."

Charlie shook his head. "He loves you to death, Ginny. Please, please don't let go of that. You have something incredibly special and important, and you should be protecting it at all costs."

Ginny stared at him for a long time, and he wondered what she was seeing. She seemed to be looking right past his face at something inside him, and he wasn't sure he wanted her to get that deep. There were things down in there that he'd kept to himself for a very long time. Well, kind of like Ginny, actually.

She broke the silence eventually. "I overheard Mum asking Dad if he thought you were gay, you know. Last time I was there."

"I see," he said, his face carefully blank.

"I wondered, too. But the way you talk about me and Harry . . . who was she, Charlie?"

"Who was who?" he responded, his heart skipping.

"The girl you loved so much, the one that didn't stay with you."

He let his eyes drop. "Don't ask me that, Ginny."

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Forever."

"Charlie, you're my brother and you're very dear to me. You don't have to keep secrets, even if they're things you don't want our parents to know."

He nodded, and licked his lips, trying to prepare himself for an admission he'd never made before. Then he just said it, while the silence was still fresh and before it could wear on him and make him retreat again. "It's Tonks."

He didn't look up, but he heard her inhale sharply in surprise. "I'd forgotten. You were at school together, weren't you?"

He nodded.

"But she wouldn't go to Romania with you."

He sighed. "She didn't want to be so far from her family."

"Did you love her, Charlie?"

He finally raised his head. "I still do."

Ginny's hand stroked his hair gently. "And now she's married to Remus. Oh, Charlie."

"It's all right, now. It doesn't hurt like it used to. Romania . . . it was just an excuse for her, a way not to hurt me as badly as she could have. I didn't realize until she married Remus that she'd never loved me like I love her, and that was the worst time. It's better, now. But," he looked directly into her eyes, "I've never found anyone else like her. There's no one else on this earth that I could love as much. So I'm alone."

He knew she understood when she closed her eyes. But when she opened them, they were clear and determined.

"I've already set plans in motion to protect what I love. I want to see them through. And Charlie . . . Harry really did hurt me. I'll think about what you've said, but I need some time. I don't want to fight with him for the rest of my life."

He got to his feet with a little groan. His knees were not getting any younger. "No pressure, Ginny, not from me anyway. But I am going to make you dinner. I couldn't see you if you turned sideways."

"No, you just got here," she protested, pushing up out of her chair. "I'll cook, you're my guest."

"And since I'm the guest, you have to indulge me," he said, pushing her back down into the chair firmly. "Put on the radio, I like to listen to music when I cook. Then come and tell me what's been going on around here besides gossip-mongering." He looked in her pantry, then turned to her with his eyebrow raised. "On second thought, let's go out to eat. Then we'll go grocery shopping."

She gave him a sheepish smile.

"Honestly, Sis, you're going to worry me into an early grave," he mumbled as he grabbed her cloak from a hook by the door and dragged her out of the flat squealing protests about her messy hair. He looked down and rolled his eyes. "Accio shoes." He pushed her shoes at her and then, grinning mischievously, ruffled her already wild hair. "Now let's hear about these plans of yours."