A/N:

Thanks again to everyone that reviewed!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books. I also don't own the lyrics that you see in this chapter. They are from the song "You're Still You" by Josh Groban.

Chapter 10

BPOV

I could hear a beautiful melody, though it seemed to come from far off in the distance. Desperate to hear it more clearly, I focused on it intently. Slowly, it grew clearer. Then I recognized it.

My lullaby. It sounded just like it always had when Edward would hum it to me. But how could that be? I would never see him again. Was I just imagining it? Then why did it sound so real? Real or not, I wanted to grab hold of it and never let go.

As I concentrated on the beautiful sound I started to feel something else that was very familiar. Where was I? I was leaning against something. Something cool and comfortingly familiar. I could hear my lullaby very clearly now. It sounded like it was coming from right next to me. Could it really be true? Was I really in the arms of my angel?

I blinked several times as Edward's room gradually came into focus. Everything looked and felt so real. The name left my lips of its own accord. "Edward?" I managed in a scratchy whisper.

The humming stopped abruptly, but before I could register the loss I heard something even more wonderful: Edward's voice. It rung out strong and clear. "I'm right here, love." I felt something shift from behind me, and then I looked up to see his perfect face. "I'm here," he repeated, his voice softer now.

I studied the face before me, taking in every last detail—the paleness of his skin, the curve of his lips, the shape of his jaw, the softness of his eyes as he gazed back at me…

Still, I had to be certain that my mind wasn't playing tricks on me again, and I reached up to touch his cheek.

He leaned into my touch, then covered my hand with his. When I felt his cool, perfectly smooth skin and loving touch, I finally believed he was real. My heart soared, and for that moment I forgot all my sorrow and fears. I threw my arms around him, and he immediately enveloped me in his strong, yet gentle, embrace. I buried myself in his arms, breathing in his sweet scent that was comfortingly familiar, and he pulled me close.

But my happiness was short-lived. All my horrible memories came rushing back in one foul swoop, and panic rose from within me.

Edward must have sensed it. "It's alright," he murmured, his palm against my cheek, drawing my face against his shoulder. "You're safe. I won't let him hurt you again."

The last thing I could remember was Jacob ripping off my shirt and bra. Oh, God. What had happened after that? Edward must have rescued me. He was my savior. My angel. Then I remembered why I couldn't be happy that he had rescued me. My panic grew, and I pulled away from him, knowing I had to warn him.

"Calm down, love," he attempted to soothe me once again as he released me and took in my expression, but I could hear an edge to his voice now. "Everything's going to be alright."

I shook my head, then spoke quickly, tripping over my words in my panic. "He…he's going to order the pack to kill you! He will…we have to…we have to…" I was finding it difficult to breath now and was sucking in air in short pants.

I felt Edward's cool hands press against both sides of my face as he tried to hold my gaze. "Bella, listen to me. The pack is not going to attack us. We spoke to Sam. When Jacob transformed and they saw what he did, he was forced out of the pack. Sam is Alpha still, and Jacob's on his own."

His thumb lightly caressed my cheek, and my breathing became easier as his words sunk in and as I felt his soothing touch. It sounded too good to be true. There I was, with Edward, when I'd thought I would never be able to see him again. And Jacob couldn't get the pack to do his bidding. I had been sure that since he was the true Alpha, the rest of them couldn't refuse his orders. But as Edward gazed into my eyes, I found I could believe him.

It was better than I could have imagined, and I collapsed into Edward's arms once more, never wanting to let go.

After my panic for Edward's safety had worn off, I started to think more clearly. What had happened? Where was Jacob now? I couldn't help the shiver that crawled down my spine when I thought of him. "W…Where is he?" I whispered into Edward's chest.

His lips pressed against my hair. "We don't know," he said gently. "He ran off when I got there, and I didn't want to leave you." He paused, his voice suddenly going deadly calm. "But we'll find him and make him pay for what he's done, I promise you that." His arms tightened around me, then loosened quickly. I heard him take a breath before he leaned his head against mine and added softly, "You're safe now. I won't let him get near you ever again."

I found that I did feel safe, but now that I was thinking more clearly, all the shame came rushing back. He'd said that he would make Jacob pay for what he'd done, but how much did he know about what had happened? I knew that he'd seen the bruises, but what else did he know? How far had Jacob gotten today before Edward had arrived? He'd rescued me before Jacob could…

I gulped down a wave of nausea.

…go all the way this time. Of that, I was sure. But when he had arrived he would've been able to hear what Jacob had been planning to do in his thoughts. He had also already discovered, from seeing all the bruises on my back and arms, that Jacob had hurt me before today. Surely after knowing all that, he would've already guessed what had happened. But then why was he here, holding me in his arms?

More shame and guilt washed over me. There I was, throwing myself at him, when he was probably disgusted with me.

I forced myself to pull away from him again, gazing downward in shame and wrapping my arms around my torso, trying to make myself as small and insignificant as possible. I hadn't even had a shower, and I probably smelt terrible to Edward. Filth. I could feel it crawling over every inch of my body. I shivered, and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I'm so s…sorry. You don't have to s…stay with me anymore. I understand," I told him quietly, still not meeting his gaze.

"Bella," he said fiercely, his hand catching my chin and lifting my face. "None of this is your fault. You understand me? You have nothing to be sorry for. And I'll always want to be with you. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you."

Oh, how I wanted to believe him, wanted it to be true with every broken piece there was left of me. But he wouldn't, couldn't possibly want me still. Not after what had happened. Not after that.

I realized then. He must still not know. That had to be why he wasn't disgusted with me. It was the only explanation. I had to tell him. I owed him that much.

I shook my head. "Y…You don't know what happened. I….he…." The words got caught in my throat. I didn't know how to tell him how damaged I was.

Edward's features twisted, an agonized look entering his eyes. "Oh, Bella," he whispered. "How could you possibly think I would feel differently about you over what Jacob did?" He paused and took a deep breath. "He raped you. I know you weren't willing."

My insides seemed to recoil at the word, and I cast my eyes downward, unable to bear seeing the pain etched into every line of his face. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He knew. But he still loved me? I kept my eyes downcast. "B-But it's my fault," I choked, my arms squeezing tighter around my middle, the resulting pain almost welcoming. "I should've known….you told me not to t-trust him." My voice sounded small, pitiful. If I wasn't the most pitiful excuse for a human being right then, I didn't know what was.

I felt his hand on my shoulder then, the touch ever so slight, cool and soothing against my bruises. How could he even bear to touch me? "Listen to me, Bella," he said. He almost sounded angry. "This is not your fault, you hear? Jacob is a sick and twisted monster, and you're not to blame for his actions."

I just continued to stare down at the ruffled bed sheet. My brain couldn't seem to comprehend his words. So I just sat there. Waiting. Waiting for the gentle touch of his hand to disappear. For reality to set in. For him to finally recoil away from me in disgust.

He never did.

Instead I heard him whisper my name, pleading almost. When I finally gathered up enough courage to look up at his face, a tight, choking sensation filled my throat. His eyes were still pained, but there was no revulsion there. His hands moved to cradle my face. "Bella, love. You are more important to me than anything else. Nothing will ever change that."

My heart swelled, and I thought my chest might burst. Even after everything, he still loved me. More tears sprang into my eyes from the overload of emotion. As they ran down my cheeks, he wiped them away with his thumbs before carefully wrapping me in his arms. I noticed that he was being even more careful than usual, and I realized that now that he had seen the bruises he was being extra careful. My tears flowed even faster. "Why?" I whispered, pressing my cheek against his chest.

"Why what, love?"

My fingers fisted the fabric of his shirt at his waist. "Why do you still want me?" I asked him, my voice barely audible now. "I was never even good enough for you before, and now…I'm ruined."

"Ah, Bella, no," he murmured, tightening his hold on me and swaying back and forth in a gesture too quick and agitated to be an attempt to soothe. "Why can you not see yourself the way I do?" He paused briefly, and when he spoke again I was horrified when I heard his voice quaver. "When I found you earlier today…and you were only with me in body but not in spirit….I was so afraid that I'd lost you, and the only thing that held me together was the hope that you would come back to me again. I can't live without you, Bella. And you are not ruined."

More tears rushed to my eyes, and suddenly I was desperate to put it into words, to tell him that feeling of being so utterly and completely lost, the feeling that someone had gone in and gutted out everything that had made you who you were. It was as if, by telling him, he could make it all go away. "But…I don't feel like me anymore. I…I feel…dirty…disgusting…" The words came out so quiet, so brokenly, that I couldn't even hear them.

But Edward did.

Keeping one arm still wrapped securely around my waist, he picked up my hand that I hadn't even noticed was still gripping his shirt and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss in my palm. "You only feel that way because you just went through a terrible ordeal that no one should have to go through. But you are still you. And you could never be dirty or disgusting."

I turned my face into his chest as deep sobs broke from within me. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest now that he knew my horrible secret, as if, if I kept holding onto him, he could somehow hold the broken pieces of me together.

If only it were that simple.

Well, for now at least, it was.

He rocked me in his arms, his fingers stroking my hair. "You'll always be my Bella," he murmured. "We'll get through this together."

He held me that way for a long while, just letting me cry. Then, when my sobs finally began to subside, he pressed his face into my hair and whispered, "I'm so sorry…so sorry you had to go through that. I…should've been there…I should've kept you safe."

If I hadn't known him as I did, hadn't known his absurd tendency to always shoulder blame, I wouldn't have believed what I was hearing. It was inconceivable. Inconceivable to hear the anguished guilt in his voice. I was the one who had insisted on visiting Jacob.

I pulled away from him abruptly, taking his face between my hands. "This is not your fault, Edward!"

He smiled sadly. "You see? You are still you. Always putting others before yourself." He paused. "It doesn't matter anyway. As much as I wish I could, I can't go back in time and change what happened."

I studied him as he spoke, trying to see if my words had gotten through to him, but a wave of dizziness hit me, and my hands fell from his face as the room started to spin around me. My head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, and I collapsed forward into Edward.

"Bella!" he cried. He cradled my head in his lap, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the dizziness.

"I'm okay…just a bit faint," I said thinly.

His hands anxiously smoothed my hair from my face. "I need to get you something to eat," he said quickly, his concern evident. "You haven't eaten anything all day! It's no wonder you feel faint." I felt him lift my head from his lap. "I'll just go get—"

My eyes flung open, and I grabbed his arm. "No! Don't leave me!" I cried. I was terrified that if he left I would find myself back with Jacob and never see him again.

"Calm down, love. I'm just going to get you something to eat from downstairs. I'll only be a sec—"

"No! Please don't go. Please," I begged, my voice fading into a frantic whisper.

He pulled my head back down into his lap and stroked my hair. "Alright, I'm not going anywhere, okay? Just calm down. Everything's fine." After giving me a moment to calm down again, he said, "But we need to get you to eat, so how about we go downstairs together?"

I nodded and sat up slowly, trying not to wince as I did so. When I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tried to stand, however, the floor spun up to meet me. Arms caught me before I could fall, and a momentary wave a panic flooded through me. Tall and huge masculine frame…holding me to him…swamping my blurred vision…

"It's alright, I've got you," he murmured as he lifted me into his arms.

Not Jacob. Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward.

My limbs sagged in weak relief as he carried me down the stairs. He had shifted most of my weight to his arm that held me beneath my knees, but I could still feel the pressure of his other arm against my battered back.

He seemed to realize it too, because before I knew it he was already lowering me into a chair in the spacious Cullen kitchen.

As I took in the familiar scenery I suddenly realized that I would have to face Edward's family, and my stomach clutched in panic again, a different kind of panic.

Edward saw me glancing around and answered my unspoken question. "None of them are here," he said. "But…" He hesitated. "I could call Alice, or Esme…if it would make you more comfortable…"

"No!" The thought of having to face any of Edward's family was too much to bear right now. Did they know too? What would they think of me now?

Edward was watching me with his brow creased.

"Do…do they know?" I asked him.

His silence was answer enough.

I nodded and looked away.

Slowly, he crouched down in front of me so that his eyes were level with mine, and his gaze was intense now. "They feel the same way as I do, Bella. This is not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Okay," I said softly.

He must have known that he hadn't convinced me because he sighed as he pushed to his feet and went to fix me something to eat.

xxxxx

I felt stronger after I'd eaten, and the dizziness had passed, but my entire body still hummed with a shaking exhaustion.

Edward was watching me from across the table, coming to his feet the moment I did. He moved to my side cautiously as my hands gripped the table, and my eyes dropped to avoid his, still terrified as to what I might see there, while at the same time yearning to drink in every perfect detail of his face.

Carefully, ever so carefully, he lifted me into his arms again. "It's late." His voice was still the velvety softness I always remembered. "You should get some sleep."

He carried me up the stairs, and it was then that I realized. "Charlie! He—"

"Don't worry about Charlie. I've already spoken to him. You can stay here tonight." He took me into his room again and bent to place me on the bed, and I forced myself to release my hold around his neck, my arms falling limp in my exhaustion.

Even my thoughts seemed to be slipping in and out of unconsciousness now. He'd spoken to Charlie? What had he told him?

"I'll explain tomorrow," Edward replied before I could ask. "Right now you need to sleep."

I didn't have the strength to argue. I was having enough trouble keeping my eyes open.

"I should just wash up first," I said. It was my normal nightly routine, and Edward knew it well.

He nodded.

I pushed to my feet and started to make my way to the bathroom that was just outside the room. I guess Edward decided I was stable enough now that I'd eaten to make it on my own, but I found myself hesitate, and I turned back to look at him. I knew it was irrational, but I was so afraid that if I let him out of my sight he would disappear and I would find out that none of this was real. That I was not free from Jacob's clutches.

Edward's eyes were soft and reassuring. "I'll be right here," he said gently. "I'm not going anywhere, love."

I nodded and forced myself to leave the room.

Entering the bathroom, I closed the door behind me and began to go through my normal routine, trying not to let myself panic like before. But when I saw my reflection in the mirror I felt all my doubt creep back. I was such a mess. I must have imagined everything. Edward couldn't possibly still love me. My hair was a tangled mess and my face looked terrible. My eyes were red and puffy from crying, and there was a large bruise that was starting to form across the left side of my face where Jacob had struck me.

Before the panic could set in completely, however, I heard Edward's concerned voice from the other side of the door. "Bella? Are you alright, love?"

I heaved a sigh of relief. I hadn't been imagining things.

Feeling too exhausted for anything else, I opened the door to Edward's waiting arms. He carried me to bed, and after hearing him promise that he wouldn't leave me, I finally let my exhaustion win out and slipped into a deep sleep.

EPOV

The soft glow of the moonlight peeking through the window illuminated Bella's sleeping form. I took note of the slight weight of her cheek against my chest and the fragile ladder of her ribs beneath my fingers and wondered how anyone could ever lay a violent hand on her.

Smoothing a tendril of hair from her face, I settled her more securely in my arms, where I wanted to keep her forever, where I could protect her from the cruelness of the world.

But I couldn't protect her from what had already happened.

Knowing she had had to suffer through something so awful broke the very core of my heart, every frozen, dead piece sharp and excruciating in my chest.

How could I have let this happen? How?

Ever so gently, I traced the delicate shape of her face, my fingertips just barely touching her pale skin. How so very fragile she was. I could remember the very first time I'd laid eyes on her, the mysterious, human girl whose mind was silent to me. I'd noted how much more fragile than her classmates she'd looked. So very, very fragile. What I hadn't known, however, was that inside she held a will of iron. Strong and fearless, that was my Bella. So brave and utterly trusting. Not once had she run from what I was. Not once. And to see her like this now…terrified to even be in a room alone…

It was devastating. It crushed me like nothing I could imagine.

I knew that in the morning I would need to get her to agree to a physical exam. I also knew that it was only one of the many bumps in the long road of suffering that lay ahead. But I could also remember how I'd been able to reach her when she'd appeared to be lost forever. And the brief moment when she had first come back to reality and fell into my arms. From this, I could see hope. Hope that, although it wouldn't be an easy journey, we would survive this dark time, and Bella would heal. So I grabbed onto that hope as tightly as I could and never let go.

Author's note:

Song inspiration: "You're Still You" by Josh Groban.