Hello, all! I'm baaack! (flings arms wide open) Did you miss me while I was on week-long hiatus in the Ying-Yang World?
(cricket)
Oh. Apparently not. Let me rephrase that, then...
Hello, everyone! (waves like normal) I'm sorry to say that this chapter has none of my biased views on ChaseWuya in it, because one of the other reviewers seemed not to like it. I have taken a pledge of non-biased views on that couple for a chapter, just so we all see what I'm like without my ChaseWuya. And it's hard to fit in when exaggerating Good!Jack's hyperness. (nodnod)
Disclaimer: I don't own the show! But I own a pencil... And a PDA...
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a GOOD!JACK. He's happy by default, but to keep him from getting too annoying, follow these instructions carefully.
Information
Name: GOOD!JACK
Element: We think it might be Hyperness, but we're not sure.
Height: Same as JACK.
Weight: He's JACK's good side, okay? They're not that different, I don't feel like listing the weight twice, though this is actually taking longer than it would have if I'd just listed it in the first place.
Putting Your GOOD!JACK Together
You should have a box. By the time it reaches you, it may or may not have daisies sprouting out of the little window box.
1) Open the box.
2) Wait for GOOD!JACK to skip out. He will not need bribing, as he likes to skip and there is not room to do so in a small box like the one he was shipped in.
3) Your GOOD!JACK will serve you tea and associate you with OWNER.
Cool Things That Your New GOOD!JACK Comes With
You will not have to spend oodles of time and money on your new GOOD!JACK. He comes with many things to keep him entertained while he's not making you miserably happy. Your GOOD!JACK comes with:
1) Ying Yo-Yo to transform into his evil self if need be (Like, say your CHASE takes over the world and randomly turns OMI into a cat for no apparent reason and brainwashes the other monks, so GOOD!JACK is the world's last hope. Yeah. This is just an example, though. Never happened in reality. Hehe. (shifty eyes))
2) Hair gel (to slick hair back with)
3) Uber-preppy clothes
4) A love of all that is good and happy
Cool Things That Your GOOD!JACK Can Do
Make Tea: Tea! Eh, most people love it...
Being Happy: You'll be happy, too, or he'll make you miserable trying to get you to be so.
Scaring People: Yes, this is a use... Not like I've ever done it before or anything... (cough)
Mind Control: It's actually rather easy for an Author(ess) to control him. He's very tame, and perfectly fine with annoying Rai and Kim to get together if you wish him to do so. (That was RaiKim. NOT ChaseWuya. I didn't pledge non-RaiKim-ness...)
Compatibility With Other CHARACTERS
OMI: COMPATIBLE because OMI is good.
KIMIKO: COMPATIBLE because KIMIKO is good.
CLAY: COMPATIBLE because CLAY is good and I need to choose a different wording because "because (character) is good" is getting boring.
RAIMUNDO: COMPATIBLE because RAIMUNDO is on the side of Xiaolin which is not evil. (See? Different wording. Yay!)
DASHI: COMPATIBLE, I guess, but they've never met. And DASHI is not evil.
JACK: COMPATIBLE. "Hi, me! (glomp)"
CHASE: NOT COMPATIBLE. He's a bad influence on JACK.
WUYA: NOT COMPATIBLE for the same reason as CHASE.
HANNIBAL BEAN: NOT COMPATIBLE. "The last thing you need are more bad influences!" Shame, shame, JACK...
FAQ:
Q: "My GOOD!JACK is ballet dancing and singing. Is this normal. And why is he kissing Master Fung on the head?"
A: You guessed it: This behavior is entirely normal for GOOD!JACK. Also, make sure the tea he will accidentally pour on Master Fung 3.5 seconds before I post this chapter isn't boiling over. You may want to keep GOOD!JACK from burning things by accident...
Q: "Help! When I recieved my box, there were two GOOD!JACKs in it! I can only stand one!"
A: This is a rare but serious case, because somehow you are trapped in the Ying-Yang world. Hmm, I didn't know we could ship things there... Anywho, soon only one GOOD!JACK will be there because the other one will have left with the chi of the remaining Xiaolin Monks. It's nice in the Ying-Yang world. The weather's a little unpredictable, though. Always carry a sweatproof parka. (nodnod)
Q: "OH! AND I HAVE A QUESTION. My GOOD!JACK keeps laughing evilly... what happened, and how do I make it stop?!"
A: That would be a JACK. Make him use the Ying Yo-Yo to turn good again, or get a refund. You can do both, I think... Except for some reason you can't transform JACK in Madagascar. I don't know why, you just can't. So if you live in Madagascar, illegally immigrate to some other country and change your JACK there, then go back to Madagascar before the police arrest you. (nodnod)
Other FAQs
Q: "And can I return my HANNIBAL? He became good, started to bite his arm, threw his Moby Morpher at Chase knocking his head off, drank Lao Mang Lone Soup, worshipped MASTER MONK GUAN's boogers at an altar, turned into Wuya, admitted he was a Baldy Balderson, and went mad. He is currently eating himself while singing 'Fergalicious.' So... I DEMAND A REFUND!"
A: That's what the warranty said, right? So yeah. (hands you an uneaten HANNIBAL)
Q: "My HRB has disappeared and for some strange reason i now have another Kimiko trying to put Raimundo asleep? Help!"
A: Ooh. Make sure Rai doesn't go to sleep, and smash the evil KIMIKO, because it's not her, it's HANNIBAL. And it's fun to bash HANNIBAL. (Takes out HANNIBAL vodoo doll, which I don't actually own, but since I'm an Authoress I have unlimited hammerspace, and if you don't know what that is, Wikipedia is glad to share its knowledge.)
Q: "My Jack seems to hate my Hannabal out of all my villian figures he seems to know he does not want to trust him. My Jack figure only seems to work with my Bean figure because he is afraid of him. Why doesn't he like my Hannable Bean figure."
A: I don't really blame your JACK for hating HANNIBAL. But, since you asked, HANNIBAL is forcing JACK to work with him because JACK is afraid of the giant talking veggie. I think WUYA has something to do with this, too, unless she's with CHASE at the moment, but he was going to betray her so she betrayed him first and that really didn't end well for anyone... (See? I'm not saying they were a couple. Which would have been breaking my no-biased-coupling pact. And it didn't really end well for either of them, because they both lost the Wu.) So yeah. Send HANNIBAL to his corner and don't give him dessert for a week. He ought not to pick on weaker beings such as JACK. Though JACK is awesome. And HANNIBAL is a giant talking vegetable. Are beans a veggie? I don't really know...
Warranty:
This says that you can return GOOD!JACK if he gets too annoying and we pity you. "We" being me and the voices in my head. It might be kind of hard to convince the one that wants me to take a pencil and stab something. Yeah.
And, jamesoor's warranty (again): This declares you can return Good Jack only negative infinity seconds after you see / smell / hear / touch / bite him or if he starts eating on Wuya's hand with razor-sharp-teeth, smells an evil all-powerful fire-breathing flesh-eating earth-ruling dragon in his pyjamas, makes friends with Harry Potter, Voldermort and a werewolf without being in a crossover, eats Hanibal Roy Bean, throws Master Fung at the Chi Creature (can you make one?) and knocks that slimy, chi-sucking tounge thingy off and it lands into Hannibal Beans ear and gets eaten by Clay.
Well, that was GOOD!JACK's chapter! I'm actually starting to like him... Despite the fact that there's no Wikipedia article about him at all, there's like three sentences under Jack Spicer's "Character History"...
Hey, peoples! Know what? I just figured out that if you guys want to add something to the chapter (like a warranty, or "Cool things that CHARACTER comes with, or something) you can do that. Just throw an idea at me and I'll add it in. You know, if you feel like making the effort. (I still hold my control over the sections, though. I'm not totally handing all control over to you guys, or other people would come and I'd wind up pairing up a bunch of conflicting couples and there would be a war over what couples belong and utter chaos would rampage the land.)
If not, just kind of review, please... Thank you to all who do review. Um, since some people want me to do Guan, he's up next. Yay, more characters I can't research on Wikipedia for all the answers! (clap)
-Nikki ♪