*Hey everyone. Hope you enjoy the chapter, it is the longest one I have written thus far. Sorry not sorry. Look for the next one to be posted Monday or Tuesday. Maybe sooner, Friday is my b-day so I am planning on taking the day off of work and writing. But now a word of warning... This story is M for a reason and some controversial topics are discussed in the following. Till next time. And as always thanks for your support!
Chapter 7: Don't you have any shame?
2 days later
POV (Judy)
I woke up late in the day. The sun was already shining through my window, another beautiful day. Or at least it should have been. It had been two days and I still hadn't heard from Nick. With a sigh, I dragged myself out of bed and trudged to the bathroom. As I stood in front of the mirror I considered whether or not I should take a shower. "Eh... whats the point." I concluded. I splashed some water on my face instead, and left.
I headed towards my kitchen though I wasn't hungry. As a matter of fact I couldn't remember the last time that I had eaten anything. I sat down at the table, and looked at my phone. It was dark and lifeless. I thought about trying to contact Nick again, but decided against it. If he hasn't contacted me in two days, then I doubted me trying to call him again would change anything.
I dropped the phone onto the table, and began to stare off into space. "I just need to accept the fact that I chased off my best friend." I lamented. The notion crushing my soul. I felt so alone and helpless. Just then, my phone began to vibrate and dance across the table. My heart soared, a fleeting sense of hope entering the void. I hastily grabbed my phone accepting the call and bringing it to my ear.
"Nick?" I asked hopefully.
"Nick? No its your mother, dear." Mom replied.
"Oh. Hey Mom." I said deflated.
"Hey Mom? I haven't heard from you in weeks and all you can say is Hey?" Mom said sounding hurt.
"Sorry, I'm just not in a very good mood today. Things have been rough." I said truthfully.
"I see. And does this rough patch have anything to do with Nick?" She inquired.
"Yeah, kinda. But it's not what you think." I added a bit defensively.
"And what do I think?" Mom asked, I wasn't too fond of her tone. It was that motherly tone, the one that says "I know something but I'm not saying. You have to hang yourself first, I'll just give you the rope." I hated that tone.
"Mom, please, I'm really not in the mood for games," I replied.
"Ok, grumpy... Why don't you just start off by telling me what happened." She said reasonably.
"Fine." I said with a sigh. Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, I proceeded to tell her everything. Waking up at his place, though I left out the more "intimate" details, work, the foal, the hospital, what I said, everything. It was a lot to process, but finally she spoke up.
"You woke up at his place, did you two? Were you safe?" She asked, concern creeping into her voice.
"MOM!" I shouted through the phone. "Nothing happened with us."
"It's ok if it did. You are a grown adult sweetie." She continued as if she didn't hear me.
"Mom... NOTHING... happened." I said slowly, putting heavy emphasis on the word nothing. "We didn't have sex. We just fell asleep on the couch."
"Ok, I believe you. No need to get worked up. I'm a mother, I worry about these things." She said.
"Look, I appreciate the concern, but can we please get back on topic here?" I begged. "What do I do?"
"Ok, look Judy, you have never been one to quit. When things got tough, you always dug in your heels and got tougher. EVERYTHING that you hold dear, you have worked hard to get. The best things in life are always tough. This is no different. You need to go to see Nick." She started.
"But Mom he doesn't want to see me." I countered.
"How do you know? Has he said as much?" She asked.
"Well, no, but..." I started saying.
"No buts, Judy. You can't possibly know what is going through his head. I can tell that you love him and care about him, but the only way you can set things right, is to see him and TELL him." She said sternly.
"I never said I loved him." I said my voice rising a bit.
"Judy, a mother can tell. It ok. I think you two are adorable together." She teased, showing her paw so to speak.
"But what if he won't see me? What if he doesn't feel the same?" I asked, conceding the point.
"Well, then at least you would know." she said. "Oh! Honey, I got to go. One of the little ones has your father's chainsaw!"
"Ok, bye." I giggled a bit as I hung up. She was right, I had to try. I got up, and went to finish taking that shower.
POV (Nick)
My eyes fluttered open, as the sunlight from my window crept in. One nice thing about being suspended, I didn't have to get up before crack of dawn. I sighed contently, marveling at the lack of responsibility, as I rolled over. All pleasant thoughts and feelings instantly vanishing as I accidentally smacked my bandaged paw on the beside table.
"Son of a bitch!" I yelped as pain coursed up my arm. "I keep forgetting about this thing."
After giving myself a minute for the sharp pain to pass, I sat up and reached for my phone with my good paw. Grabbing it, I stood up and started heading to the bathroom for my morning routine. On the way I swiped the screen and saw a message waiting. I opened it and smiled.
"Hey! You awake yet? I was thinking I would come by after my shift. I'm off at noon. :)"
I checked the time it was a little after 10 o'clock, the smile growing a bit. Without hesitation, I fired off a response.
"I'm just getting up. See you soon."
With that I set the phone down and turned on water to fill the tub. "Damn stitches," I thought, "I hate taking baths I much prefer showers. So much faster." Despite showers being more convenient, I acknowledged that it was easier to keep the stitched dry in a bath than a shower. Plus, I was too lazy to wrap my arm in a plastic bag for it.
Once my tub was filled, I climbed in and relaxed, absently washing my fur as my mind wandered. I began thinking about Judy. My temper had subsided substantially since the other day. I wasn't ready to forgive and forget, but I was ready to maybe listen. The problem, though, was the fact that I hadn't heard from her in days, and if she didn't want to talk to me, then I didn't really want to talk to her. However, I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that I missed her.
I put my thoughts aside as I finished my bath and climbed out. If I thought bathing was bad with a bum paw, drying was worse. At best I just got to the point of being partly dry and entirely pissed off. After a few minutes of vain attempts to dry my back, I threw the towel down in disgust. Grabbing my phone I went to put on some boxers to let myself air dry.
As I left the bathroom, my phone buzzed in my paw. Dana had seen my reply and responded in kind.
"Aw! Cute! I can't wait!"
I smiled at her response. She genuinely wanted to be with me, and that made me feel... something. I want to say it made me feel happy, but I wasn't sure if that was the right word to use. I still felt this emptiness that I couldn't explain, but I wasn't alone and that was something. Plus I did like her.
Knowing that she would be coming soon, I did my best to get dressed and straighten up around my place. It wasn't particularly messy, but I just have this thing about having someone over when I hadn't properly cleaned. In the short time I had, I managed to run the vacuum and clean the bathroom. While it wasn't perfect, it was something. I had just finished putting up the vacuum, when I heard a knock at the door.
POV (Judy)
I left my apartment at a half run. I didn't have a moment to lose. I knew that my mother was right. If I wanted to fix things, if I wanted Nick then I had to work for it. No matter how it pained me, I had to see him and lay my heart at his feet. Once I made it to the street, I made a beeline for the train station. Even though Nick's place wasn't that far from mine, I had something I had to do first.
I made it to the station in record time and got a ticket for the blue line and took a seat. While I waited, I pulled out my phone to figure out where I was going. "Ok... lets try hockey fields in Tundratown." I thought entering the search. "Hmmm none of those look like what I want. Ok, what was the name of the team? Icebergs? Ok lets try Icebergs, hockey, Tundratown."
My search yielded results as the train arrived. Excited, I got in. I sat down and checked the map on the wall above the door. Being a fairly popular venue, the rink had a station all of its own. I made a mental note of the name of the station and settled in for the ride. The trip only took about twenty minutes.
I waited eagerly by the doors for them to open. When they did, I had to brace myself as I was met by a fierce icy wind. Steeling myself to the cold I hurried out onto the platform. I paused a moment to get my bearings, finding the building I was looking for off to my right. I scurried over to the entrance as another brisk wind was starting to kick up. "Welcome to the Icebox." I read entering the building. "How cliché."
The lobby was surprisingly empty. I had expected it to be overflowing with mammals. Then again I had never been in a hockey rink before so I really had nothing to compare it to. Off to the one side, I saw the ticket booths and headed that way. Luckily, as I arrived, a window opened up,
"Hi, two tickets to the hockey game please." I asked the caribou working the counter.
"Which game?" He asked gruffly.
"Umm, I don't know. The one with the Icebergs playing?" I asked, totally clueless.
"Ok... look, the Icebergs are just one team of thirty. Each team plays eighty-two games. Which one do you want?" He asked a bit annoyed.
"Well, he, my friend that is, said something about start of the season, so how about for the first game?" I asked hoping he would figure out what I wanted.
"Home opener?" he asked.
"Sure!" I replied, happy to be getting somewhere. I felt like everyone was staring at me.
"What seats do you want? They start at thirt..." He started asking.
"The best available. I don't care about the price!" I answered quickly
Having bought the tickets that I came for, I stopped at the corner drug store and bought a card to hide them in. After I was done, I went back to the train station and waited for the next train back to Nick's. While waiting, I put in my ear buds to listen to some Gazelle to calm my nerves. With the card in paw and music playing, I pulled started writing. I finished the card just in time for the train to arrive. Boarding, I took a seat, each passing moment making me more and more nervous, my music failing to distract me. I was barreling towards my moment of truth and I didn't know if I could handle it.
In what seemed like a blink of an eye, I was disembarking the train at a station just around the corner from Nick's apartment. I took a deep breath, then began walking to his building. "Ok, you can do this. Just go to his unit, knock, tell him everything. That easy." I told myself trying to keep my courage up.
I made it outside his door, then froze. Suddenly, doubt and fear over took me. I was about to leave, when I heard my mom's advice in my head again. With her steadying me, I raised my paw and rapped on the door. Then I waited.
POV (Nick)
I opened the door and smiled. I was about to say something, but I was cut off. A flurry of paws and fur engulfing me.
"Nick!" Dana screamed excitedly as she latched on to my neck.
"Easy there, don't mmmmmmppppphhh!" I began to say as she surprised me with a kiss. After a second, I pulled her off. "What was that for?"
"No reason." She replied walking in, giving her hips a suggestive shake.
"So what do you want to do today?" I asked, hoping to possibly leave the apartment.
"Well, I got a movie on the way over. I thought we would watch it and play the rest by ear." she said giving me a wink.
"Sure. How about a some drinks?" I suggested walking to the kitchen.
"I know its a bit early for you but this is like evening for me, so got any wine?" She asked sweetly.
"Sure. A little wine at noon is ok." I chuckled.
While she got the movie set up, I made myself busy getting the wine and some snacks together. It would have been much easier with two functional paws, but I managed alright. I was just about to take the fixing out to the living room, when Dana came up and surprised me from behind. She pressed herself against my back as her paws wrapped around my waist, slowly sliding up my stomach and resting on my chest.
"Mmmmm, that looks heavenly." She purred into my ear, before grabbing the glasses and walking out. I was left standing there wandering if she was talking about the food, or me.
"You coming?" She giggled from the other room.
I held back a laugh myself as I resisted the urge to make an off color joke in regards to her remark. It was just too easy. Without further hesitation, I grabbed the snacks and walked out to take my seat on the couch next to Dana.
"So? What are we watching?" I asked.
"Oh you will see, it is one of my favorites!" She replied secretively.
"Are you playing sly with a fox? Cause I must warn you, you will lose." I told her winking.
"So confident!" She teased as she swiped her tail under my chin. "I think I do pretty well."
"So you do." I conceded, just as the movie began. I settled back into the comforting embrace of the couch as Dana moved closer to me. On reflex I put my arm around her shoulder pulling her in close. For her part she settled her head into the crook of my neck.
"Oh you sly little..." I began saying as I realized what movie it was.
"Sly little what?" She responded, eyes sparkling with mischievousness, daring me to finish my thought.
"This is Fifty Hues of Grey!" I exclaimed.
"Problem?" She giggled.
"Other than the fact that it has no discernible plot and is basically porn? No, no problem at all." I said sarcastically, a bit uncomfortable.
"Well, if you don't want to watch it, we can turn it off." She said pouting and starting to get up.
"No its ok, sit back down." I said giving in. I never could handle the pout face.
Dana resumed her position next to me, a small smile on her face. At first, we just sat there, watching the moving, eating and drinking. I was perfectly content just having her in my company. The feeling of not being physically alone was magical, even if emotionally I was still distant. However, as the movie progressed, so did Dana. It began with what seemed like innocent touching. She would shift slightly pressing her body more against mine, let her paw rest on my arm, that sort of thing. I did my best at ignoring it, since I wasn't really ready for that type of intimacy, at least not yet.
Dana didn't seem to notice though. Eventually, all pretense of her watching the movie was cast aside. Without warning, her paw dropped from my arm to my leg and she started rubbing her way up my inner thigh, getting closer and more daring as she went. As she approached my crotch, I reacted and jumped up from the couch.
"I'm going to get us more snacks." I said lamely not really knowing what to say, just trying to end this before it got to far.
"Oh I have what I need." She growled as she grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to the couch. In a flash she straddled my lap. Her lips pressed to mine in a deep kiss as her paws exploded my chest and back, all while grinding her body against mine. I fought for air, fought for freedom, but she was too much. My mind was screaming that this was wrong, but my body was betraying me. I wanted to get out, but I could feel myself getting aroused, slipping from my sheath. Dana could feel it too.
"Well, about time you came out to play." She teased, shifting slightly to grasp me through my pants.
I gasped at the touch, both in arousal and in surprise. With a giggle, Dana shifted on my lap to get better access to the zipper of my pants. I felt her paw on the zipper and hear it being drawn open. I was in panic mode... I was running out of time. I felt like I was heading toward a line that I couldn't cross. Luckily, I found my chance.
As Dana shifted a bit more to finish opening my pants, I used the change in our center of gravity to throw her from my lap onto the couch beside me. In the process, I rolled over on top of her pinning her down. "Mmmmm, I like where this is going." she cooed in my ear. I just shook my head and stood up.
"It's not going anywhere. At least not tonight." I said as I did my best to refasten my pants and gain a bit of composure.
"WHAT THE HELL, NICK?!" Dana screamed. "I AM LITERALLY THROWING MYSELF AT YOU. WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO DO?"
"I am just not ready. Ok. Like I told you the other night, I have a lot going on. I enjoy your company, and I like you, but I am not ready for anything physical." I told her. Trying to be as clear as possible.
"Ready for anything physical?" She repeated. "Don't you think you should have thought of that before inviting me up the other night?"
"What do you mean? We only talked." I countered, getting a bit heated.
"Yes we did. I just figured it was the anesthetic. I have been trying to bed you for days! Are you seriously that thick?" She said angrily.
"Hey, its not my fault you misread the situation. I like you, I don't want to rush it. I just had a relationship blow up in my face and I'm not ready to get that deep again. I want to get to know you and everything before jumping into bed. I want the emotional not just physical relationship." I explained calmly.
"Nick, this was only suppose to be physical. I never wanted an emotional relationship with you. Just sex." She said flatly.
"Then, why me?" I asked, hiding my hurt. I was crushed.
"You're hot. I'm young. I just want to have fun." She responded coldly, before approaching me again, putting a playful paw on my chest. "You know, I can still make you forget about that other girl."
"Get out." I mumbled, turning away to hide the tears forming in my eyes. Hiding my shame.
"Excuse me?" She scoffed, pretending she didn't hear me.
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY PLACE!" I yelled rounding on her and taking a step forward. A deadly fury burning in my eyes. Shrinking before me, Dana let out a frightened gasp and turned to flee. I watched her as she went, my gaze following her to the door.
"Carrots?!" I asked confused.
POV (Judy)
I stood outside the door waiting for Nick to answer, lost in my thoughts, Gazelle's "Try Everything" blasting in my ears. In my head, I was planning on how this was all going to play out. I was going to walk in there, tell him I'm sorry. Explain to him what happened and why I did what I did, and beg his forgiveness and finish by telling him exactly how I felt about him. At that point I would throw myself at his mercy and hope that he not only would forgive me, but feel the same about me.
After what felt like an excessive amount of time waiting, I began to grow impatient, finally deciding I was going to have to let myself in. He was probably out somewhere, or still sleeping. Either way, he wasn't coming to let me in. I reached into my pocket, and pulled out my keys, reaching from the lock unaware of the sounds coming from inside. I felt the lock click, and turned the handle opening the door. What I saw made me freeze. There alone with Nick was a female wolf.
I didn't know what to do. My ear buds were still in, so I couldn't hear anything they were saying, but I could tell from the way she was dressed and from the bulge in his pants they were on a date and things were going well. In a trance, I watched as she slowly and sensually approached him and toyed at his chest.
I was devastated. I dropped the card on the floor, and turned to leave. I couldn't bear to witness anymore. He was gone, simple as that. Stumbling down the hallway, tears blurred my vision. "I have to get away!" I though. My instincts took over and I just ran. I ran down the stairs and out of the building. I didn't care where I was going, running hard trying to outpace the pain that was following me. However, despite my best efforts, I wasn't able to lose it.
Finally unable to run any further, I collapsed in a sobbing heap. I didn't know where I was and didn't care. The world continued around me, I just wasn't part of it. The pain I felt was worse than any I had ever experienced in my life. I felt hollow, empty. Devoid of everything that made me, me. I sat there curled in a ball, just me and my music.
POV (Nick)
"Carrots?!" I asked confused, as I watched the back of Judy disappear down the hall.
"Aw... was the frail little bunny the big meanie that broke your heart?" Dana teased, pouncing on my vulnerability. "Kinda ironic that a fox's natural prey could hurt him so badly."
"If you do not shut up and leave, you will see how truly broken my heart is." I snarled, my eyes conveying the implied threat clearly. Without another sound, Dana left.
As she went, I noticed a card on the floor. "Whats this?" I thought picking it up. Nothing was written on the plain blue envelope. Curious, I turned it over and opened the seal. Inside was card. "A Thank You card?" That was strange. I didn't recall doing anything that would require a thank you in return. As I opened the card, two items fell to the floor. I ignored them as the flowing script of Judy's paw caught my eye.
"Dear Nick,
I know that there is nothing that I can do that will change what has happened. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. However, I want you to know that you are the most important thing in the world to me. When I first moved here, I was alone, scared, unsure of myself. Sure, I had a job and a roof over my head, but it was you that made this feel like home. You gave me strength, and purpose. Gave me the courage to be myself. And there is no way I could ever thank you enough for that. However, without you I'm lost, a stranger. I want to be able to be home again and I can't without you. I am so sorry for everything. I know that you must hate me, and I don't blame you. Obviously, there is too much to talk about to put in this card, but I want to talk to you. About everything, if you'll have me. But I want you to know this... I LOVE you. Not at as a friend or a partner. I truly love you, with all my heart.
Love always,
Judy
P.S. These are for you. Thank you for bringing me home."
As I finished reading, tears matted the fur on my cheeks. Wiping my eyes, I bent over to retrieve the fallen objects. When I noticed what they were, my jaw dropped. "Two tickets at center ice, glass seats, for the Iceberg's home opener..." I read. "Oh Judy."
"Judy!" I said snapping back to the present. "Oh God, she saw me with Dana! I need to find her!"
I ran out of my apartment, barely even shutting the door, never mind locking it, hoping to catch up with her. When I made it to the street, I looked in vain for the little gray bunny. She was nowhere to be seen. "NO!" I thought. I was desperate. I didn't know what to do. I needed to find her, needed to set things straight, tell her that I love her too. I wanted to hold her in my arms, tell everything. After reading her note, I knew that she would understand. I went to call her, but in my haste to leave I had left my phone upstairs. I began to panic.
As I was about to completely lose it, my nose began to twitch. The winds had shifted, and my sensitive smell picked up a very distinct odor. I smiled slightly as I recognized it. It was unmistakable. It was Judy. Like a shot, I took off in search of the source.
"Slowly but surely, I followed her trail. If I hadn't been so worried the cliché of a fox "hunting" a rabbit wouldn't have been lost on me, but I had no time for that. As I walked, the scent became stronger, indicating I was getting closer. Finally after several blocks, I came to a small park. Upon entering, it didn't take long for me to find my quarry.
My heart ached as I looked at the pitiful bunny. She lay in a heap in a small clearing next to a trickling creek, soft sobs the only sounds coming from her. She stayed motionless as I approached, staring into nothing, oblivious to the world around her. Gently, I knelt down beside her and placed a paw on her shoulder.
"Carrots?" I called softly. "Judy, hey its me."
"N...Nick?" She asked sniffling and rolling over to look at me.
"Its me Carrots." I confirmed, still talking softly, almost in a whisper.
"Wh... what are you doing here?" She asked, avoiding my gaze.
"I'm here to stop from losing the bunny I love." I told her gently lifting her chin to look at me. For a second she just stared at me, almost as if she didn't comprehend what I was saying.
"You love me?" She asked, tears rolling down her face.
I didn't answer. Instead I leaned in and placed my lips on hers. In that moment, time stood still. It wasn't the most passionate kiss, nor the most sensual. It was just soft, tender, and caring. It was right. It said more than a thousand words, and washed away years of pain. If I could live a moment for ever, this would have been it. Reluctantly, however, I pulled away.
Still cupping her chin, I used my thumb to brush away a tear from her cheek. "Come on Carrots, lets get you home." I whispered to her, gently scooping her up in my arms. Judy just nestled herself into my chest, falling asleep as I carried her.
POV (Judy)
I woke up in an unfamiliar bed, in a darkened room. Rolling over, I grabbed the pillow next to me holding it tight. I inhaled its scent deeply and let out a content sigh, "Mmmm Nick." I could smell him on the pillow. I sat up slowly, not wanting to ruin what I was sure was a wondrous dream. Just then, almost as if on cue, Nick walked into the room.
"Good afternoon Fluff." He said cheerfully, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
I looked at him thoughtfully for a minute. Something was different about him. He was the Nick that I knew and loved, full of life and mischief, but yet he still seemed guarded. It also didn't help that, having just woken up, I wasn't sure what was a dream and what was reality, so I progressed slowly.
"Why am I in your bed, Slick?" I asked, genuinely interested.
"Because you fell asleep as I carried you back from the park. You know its a good thing I work out otherwise that would have been a whole different ordeal, you're heavier than you look" He replied with a smirk, pushing my buttons just enough.
"So that wasn't a dream! That means he..." I thought, instantly perking up. I tossed the covers aside and practically jumped on him, locking my lips to his as I remembered what he told me. To my surprise and disappointment, he broke the kiss and gently pulled me off him and stood up. To be honest, I was a bit hut and confused. When he turned back around, he must have noticed my expression because he wasted no time in explaining.
"It's not that Judy, I figured I owe you a talk first." he said holding out the card. "Ask anything you want. I'll answer the best I can."
"Really? You mean it?" I asked, unsure of where to begin.
"Yeah, I do. So what do you want to know?" He assured me. His face serious... and scared?
"How about this... I ask a question, then you ask a question. I mean I have some explaining to do too." I suggested.
"Deal. You first." He agreed.
"Well, how about what happened the other day." I pressed timidly. "That wasn't you."
I watched as his face visibly darkened and his shoulders hunched, his ears flat against his head. I could tell he was struggling with something, so I reach out my paw and gently held his. My gesture startled him a bit and when he looked at me his demeanor softened a bit. "It's complicated," He said. "I'm not really sure where to start. But that is me, at least a part of me. Its a part that I try to keep buried. Its just been hard lately, and getting harder. What you saw was when I can't keep it in anymore."
"Ok, but what caused it? I mean that wasn't really much of an answer." I pointed out.
"True, but just bear with me. It something that I have never told anyone. Only one other knows about it because she was there." He said, a hint of pain in his voice.
"She? You mean that wolf that was here?" I asked.
"What? Oh, no... not her." He said quickly before cracking a wry smile. "Hey! How many questions are you going to get before I get one?"
"Sorry," I giggled. "But since you just wasted your question... who was that wolf?"
"In due time, Carrots. Lets focus on one life altering story first." He countered, smiling. "But Carrots, Judy, why are you afraid of me?"
I could tell that it really bothered him, so I took a moment before answering. When I did, I took both his paws in mine and looked him straight in the face. "I'm not. Its not you that I am afraid of. The you I know is sitting here with me. That other fox, I don't know what that was. I was afraid of you changing, of losing you... so I lashed out. Then in the hospital I had a terrible dream that you sought your revenge on me for betraying you. When I woke up, and you were there... I just wasn't thinking clearly. I am so sorry Nick." I said in a rush, my eyes beginning to water.
If Nick was mad, he had a funny way of showing it. Through the tears I could just make out his look of compassion on his face and he pulled me in tight, wrapping his arms around me in comforting hug. "Carrots, you didn't betray me. If it weren't for you, I don't know where I would be. I am sorry that I scared you. But I want you to know that you mean the world to me and I would never hurt you." He whispered into my ear never breaking the hug.
"I know, Nick." I replied, nuzzling my face into his chest a bit.
"Whoa there Fluff, don't get too comfy, you have a question to ask." Nick chuckled, breaking the embrace.
"Shut up, dumb fox." I laughed back. "This is serious. So what triggered it?"
"The foal... There are just some things you don't do. One of those things is hurt a child. That good for nothing father is lucky to have a son like him, but he doesn't deserve him. Nothing can forgive what he almost did." He responded bitterly. I sat quiet for a moment, not sure if Nick was going to continue. His eyes burned with fury, but it also with sadness. "Judy, how much do you know about my past?"
"Well, I know that you had a rough childhood. When you grew up you became a con-artist because that is how the world saw you. But that is it. You don't talk much about your past." I said.
"I don't talk about my past because there are not a lot of good memories. The few good ones I have are tarnished by the rest. But I wasn't always a conman. It wasn't like I went from child to criminal. I tried..." Nick said, his voice cracking.
"Nick, you can tell me. I will love you no matter what." I told him encouragingly.
He looked at me for the briefest of moments with gratefulness in his eyes before he shook his head and stood up. I was left on the bed watching him as he made his way to the window and looked out. The room was silent and I was beginning to think that he had second thoughts when he spoke.
"Judy, I should have been a father." He said, voice straining.
POV (Nick)
I heard Judy gasp slightly at the news, it wasn't something she expected I was sure. I wanted to turn around and face her, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Tears had already begun flowing down my face. I was terrified. Scared of what she thought, the judgment I was sure she was passing on me.
"You... Kits?" She asked shocked. I hung my head in shame as I nodded..
"Yeah. Twins." I clarified.
"Nick..." She began, but I shook my head and turned toward cutting her off. I looked at her, my face set, determined to continue. I took a few breathes to work up my nerve, before I opened my mouth to speak. No words came out.
Seeing my unease, Judy crosses the room and laid a paw on my arm. "Take your time, I'm hear for you when you are ready." She said giving my arm a light squeeze. I, in return, took her paw in mine and gave it a squeeze before I continued.
"I was young, 21, and in college. I was dating the love of my life and things were going great. Well, after a year we decided to get a place together. Well, as you can probably imagine living together meant sex. We were so happy and nothing was going to ruin it." I began. "But, our luck didn't hold. We got..."
"Pregnant." Judy finished my sentence as she sat back on the bed. She looked like she was going to be sick. "You must have been so scared."
I just nodded my head in agreement before continuing. "One day, in mid-August, my girlfriend wasn't feeling well. She had bad stomach pain and a slight fever. We thought the flu, but it turned out she was pregnant. About a month along. We were shocked and scared, but we were a bit excited too. We truly loved each other and this had been something we had talked about, just not so soon. And we never expected it since we used birth control."
"What did you do?" She asked quietly, trying to take it all in.
I took another breath and turned back to the window before continuing. "We did the responsible thing, we went to the doctor to get checked out. We talked about how we would care for a child and all the relevant issues. We wondered how we were going to tell our parents and friends. We hadn't planned on getting pregnant before getting married, and her parents were pretty religious so we knew that would be a bit of an issue, but overall we were positive about it. We had both always wanted a family.
However, after the doctor checked her out and we saw his face all happiness was lost."
"Oh no, did you lose the baby?" She asked. I could hear small sniffles telling me she was crying now.
"No, not yet." I shook my head. "He asked us what we knew about "at risk" pregnancies, then pulled up my girlfriend's ultrasound. It turned out, that the embryo hadn't settled into the womb. Instead it lodged in the Fallopian tube. He told us what this meant. He told us that the chance of the pregnancy succeeding in this state were slim. And that every day that the pregnancy continued the mother was at greater risk, including death. He did give us some hope, that the egg could still migrate to the womb, but he said by now the chances were unlikely. In the event it did, then everything would be fine. We were visibly scared. He assured us, that there was no immediate concern, but he wanted us to be aware of our options. With that, he set up a follow up appointment two week later. At that point we would know for sure. In the mean time we had some decisions to make."
As I paused, Judy didn't say a word and I didn't look at her. I listened to her breathing, ragged pained gasps that mirrored how I felt inside. "There is more, if you want me to continue." I told her.
"Only... if... you're sure." She gasped out trying to sound calm.
I walked to the bed and sat down next to Judy, careful to keep some space between us. As I settled in, Judy moved over and took my paw into her lap holding it, resting her head on my shoulder. With a new sense of courage, I pressed on. "During those two weeks, we struggled, we didn't know what to do, we cried ourselves to sleep every night. Eventually, we went to her parents for guidance. They threw us out. Ashamed that we had done something like this. They didn't want anything to do with us. My girlfriend was heartbroken. When it came time to go back, we still had no answers. We walked in and before anything was discussed, my girlfriend was taken back for another ultrasound. I hoped for the best. I prayed for the best, but it all fell of deaf ears. When she came back, her eyes were red and swollen. I could tell she had been sobbing. She held up a small photo of the sonogram and said one word in the weakest voice I had ever heard "Twins"."
At that word, I started sobbing. Shuttering cries wracked my body and Judy did her best to hold me tight, to sooth me and calm me down. Eventually, I was able to gain control a bit. My tears coming silently again. I looked at Judy, but she quickly looked away, her own face contorted with pain. All I could do was squeeze her paw again before going on.
"I could tell by her face, though, the rest of the news wasn't going to be good. I held her tight as we waited for the doctor to come back. When he did, I thought my world was going to end." I said, stopping to fight back tears. "He told us the embryos hadn't moved, so we had a choice. We could proceed with the pregnancy and hope for the best though the chances of success were low, and the possibility of losing the kits AND mother were high. Or we could terminate. Due to the length of the pregnancy at this point, time was becoming a factor. He told us if we chose to terminate, we would need to do it soon. Today would be best. I understood, I asked him if we could be alone to talk."
"Those choices are awful!" Judy yelled shaking.
I didn't reply. The end was close, and I was losing my nerve, so I continued. "After he left, We sat there is stunned silence. I didn't know what to do. I looked over and she had the same look. I tried to discuss it with her, but she completely broken. She couldn't make a decision. Not like that, to do so would be to kill a part of her. How do you choose between your life or that of your children? We wanted guidance but there was no one to give it. I pleaded with her to talk to me. I needed her to talk to me. I needed her to know that no matter what I was there for her. I told her I would do whatever she wanted. At those words, she looked me straight in the eyes and told me to make the decision. She couldn't and wouldn't do it. She was in complete shock."
As I continued telling the story, I felt Judy pull away from my body. She was no longer holding my paw, or trying to sooth my pain. I was alone again. The cold darkness closing around me. I knew I had to finish.
"I was terrified. I didn't want the decision. I was a wreck. I tried to think logically, but the only thing I could think of was how I wanted to be sick. I tried going out and talking to the doctor about it, but he only repeated the facts, mechanical none caring. I went back and paced like a caged animal. In the end, I rid myself of all emotion, buried it deep and made a decision. I looked at my girlfriend, sat next to her and held her. I couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose everything." I told the darkness of the room, not really talking to Judy anymore.
"I..." She began,but stopped not knowing what to say.
"Sept. 4th was the day that I choose to kill my children. I saw the pain in my girlfriend's eyes after it was done. I felt the crushing loss, my soul being ripped apart. I thought we would be able to get through it together, but every time she looked at me, I could sense a little bit of hatred. In the end, I lost her too. You asked when I was last in a relationship, well that was it. I lost everything I ever wanted in life." I finished, sinking down to the floor, head in my paws.
"Nick, it wasn't your fault." She offered softly.
"IT WAS MY FAULT. ALL OF IT WAS BECAUSE OF ME. I GOT HER PREGNANT. I MADE THE CHOICE. NO ONE ELSE WOULD! THE ONE THING I WANTED, I DESTROYED." I pleaded rounded on her, pain twisting my face. "Do you know what it is like to have to make that choice? To make a decision, then have to look at the person you love? I see them in my dreams, hear their voices. The blood is on my paws. Because of what I did, I don't deserve a family. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve YOU!"
She was openly crying now. I watched as she got off the bed and ran and grabbed me in her arms. "Nick, you are a wonderful fox, none of that is your fault. You had to make the tough choices, and it wasn't fair." she said, assuaging my guilt.
"I feel the pain and guilt of it everyday." I stated. "Not a day goes by that I don't think of it."
"It's ok, I got you." She told me rocking slightly.
"Do you hate me for knowing?" I asked, my vulnerability clear in my voice.
Before answering, she placed a soft kiss on my head, "I could never hate you."
I snuggled up closer to her, as exhaustion overtook me. "Thank you," I said before passing out.
POV (Judy)
I watched as Nick fell asleep in my arms. To say I was shocked would be a huge understatement. In all honesty, I wasn't sure how to feel. I was happy that he told me, but what he told me I wished I could forget. I didn't blame him for what happened, being an outsider I could see the reasons behind it. But the idea still appalled me. It was something that I never thought about, and would never myself consider as an option.
As I looked at him, I wondered how agonizing it must have been for him to choose the decision he did. Hoping that he would be able to save at least one thing he loved. I was broken by the betrayal and pain he must have felt when he lost everything. To go through something like that then the one person you trusted turning on you must be devastating.
The emotional drain of events began to take their toll as I sat with Nick. Yawning, I shifted slightly and laid my head on his. As I drifted off to sleep, I mumbled one last time to the quiet room. "I will always be there for MY FOX."
POV (Nick)
I woke up about hour later, still on the floor in Judy's arms. I glanced up at her peaceful face and couldn't help but smile. Everything about her put me at ease, her peaceful breathing, the slight rise and fall of her chest and especially the cute way her nose twitched.
I slowly stretched a bit, and grabbed my phone from my pocket to check the time. To my amazement, it was a little after 7pm. Reluctantly, I knew I had to wake Judy up. After all, I was sure she needed to get home tonight. I sat up, and woke Judy the best way that I knew.
"Hey sleepy," I called, pulling myself from under her so she jerked awake from the lack of support.
"What the fuck Nick?" she asked angrily.
"I just figured you would want to get home tonight Fluff." I chuckled before quickly moving in and giving her a lingering kiss.
"Well, hello to you too." She replied with a wink, before grabbing my collar and pulling me back in for a more forceful, hungry kiss.
"What was that for?" I asked her when we broke to catch our breath.
"Oh, no reason, just feels so good!" She said before giving a big stretch.
"Well, I am glad you enjoyed." I chuckled. "But its getting late Fluff, we should get you home."
"Aw, kicking me out? I could just stay here." She pouted with a twinkle in her eye, as she stood up.
"Tempting," I agreed, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her close to me. "But, I'm not that easy." With that I let go and walked out of the room.
"Is that so? We'll see." She teased. "But it doesn't matter, I have to report back to work in the morning anyway so I don't have a choice. I have to go home."
"Well, its settled then. How about I walk you?" I offered coming back to stand in the door. Judy just blushed in agreement.
It didn't take long before we were back down on the street walking to Judy's apartment, paw in paw. The first few blocks where traveled in silence, with each of us just content on being with the other. But eventually, our conversation from earlier resurfaced.
"So, your ex, do you still love her?" Judy asked.
"Well, a part of me will always love her, we have too much history for me not too. But, am I in love with her? No, I am not. The girl that I fell for doesn't exist anymore." I told her truthfully. "Are you ok with that?"
"Your past is your past. I don't hold your past relationship against you, everyone has them. I actually think that it is sweet that you still care for her after everything." She told me. Her eyes filled with adoration.
"Oh? So you have an ex I should know about?" I asked, curious.
"Nope. A bunny never kisses and tells." She replied with an evil grin.
We walked on in silence a little ways further before Judy spoke again. "So who was that wolf, then?"
"Ughh... a bad decision that's who" I replied sarcastically.
"Oh come on Nick, I saw your "reaction" to her." She teased, poking my gut a bit, but sounding a little jealous.
"YOU SAW THAT? Honestly, it was nothing, so no need to be jealous. She was a girl I met at the hospital when I was getting this done." I said embarrassed, holding up my bandaged paw.
"Oh yeah meant to ask about that. What happened?" She asked.
"Fine, since you wont let this go..." I feigned annoyance, "Drinking, plus mirror, plus anger issues, equals messed up hand."
"And you normally pick up girls at hospitals?" She inquired.
"No, just this once." I said nonchalantly. "I was hurting and lonely and it was nice having some companionship."
"Oh... I see. Does that mean you two..." She trailed off. "She was pretty and I wouldn't judge you."
"What? No, Carrots. I am not that kind of Fox. Nothing physical happened between us, she tried, but I wasn't ready for that type of intimacy. I still don't know if I am." I said turning her around to look at me.
"W...where does that leave us, then?" She asked, a hint of fear in her voice.
"Right here." I replied, leaning in and kissing her. Any apprehension she had melted instantly as she gave in to the kiss. Her hands moved around my neck as she sought to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back. Judy gave a small whimper, and looked at me questioningly.
"I love you Judy. And you deserve the best. I don't want to rush things and mess us up, that's all." I told her reasonably.
"Well, I can respect that and I will not pressure you. But that doesn't mean I'll always be good." She said mischievously.
I gave her a questioning look, but before I could say anything, she reached down and pinched my ass before taking off running.
"Hey! You little..." I laughed as I chased after her.
POV (Judy)
We made it back my apartment in record time, having run most of the way there. By the time we made it to the stairs, we were both exhausted.
"How about the elevator, just this once." I asked breathlessly.
"Aw, but I enjoy seeing your cute bunny butt and fluffy tail going up the stairs." he replied, trying to get a reaction by calling me cute.
"Say cute again and you'll never see it." I warned him as I walked to the elevator.
"Ok, Carrots, you win." He conceded following.
When we got into the elevator, I moved to pull Nick into a more passion filled kiss. However, we were both still pretty winded from our race, so I settled with small, sweet pecks. By the time the we arrived on my floor, I had settled into his embrace once again. I loved the feeling of being held by him. I wished it would never end.
Together we walked down to my door, where we paused. I was about to say something when Nick surprised me with a kiss. I wrapped my hands around him, and pulled him in close. To my surprise, this wasn't the sweet gentle kisses I had been accustomed to from Nick. This one was hungry and eager. He pushed me against the door and used his good paw to run up the side of my thigh, resting just below my waist. I in return roamed over his back, feeling the muscles of his broad shoulders. Then without warning, he broke away and nuzzled at my neck. He gave nips and he traces his way up to my jawline. I couldn't take it. I wove my gingers into the fur on his head and let out a slight moan. As if, I had said a magic word, Nick stopped and pulled back from me.
"What? No! Why?" I ask, frustrated.
"You're not the only one that can be bad." he said with a grin.
"I hate you." I scolded him.
"Do not, in fact, I believe you love me." He said getting close again.
"I do, I really do." I said unlocking my door and pulling him through it.
POV (Nick)
Judy pulled me through her front door and into another kiss. If I had had been aggressive out in the hall, she was a fiend in here. Her paws were all over me and to my surprise, she slipped her tongue into my mouth. It was not at all what I expected, though I wouldn't say I wasn't enjoying myself.
"So," Judy began, breaking the kiss to catch our breath. "Wanna stay here tonight?"
"I actually planed on being a gentlefox and just dropping you off." I replied honestly.
"So... you don't want to?" She asked hurt.
"I didn't say that. Is it ok? I mean like the right move?" I asked, nervously.
Judy must have noticed, "Nick, I promise you nothing will happen until you are ready. I just really enjoy your company, and I remember what it was like waking up next to you the other morning. It just felt right. But I understand if you aren't ready for this." She said understanding.
"No, its ok. I liked that too. I think it will be alright if I stayed." I said making up my mind. "But I don't have anything to wear."
"Wear what makes you comfortable." She said brightly, happy that I was staying.
"Ummm... I usually just wear my boxers." I said sheepishly.
"DEAL!" she giggled as she walked to the bathroom. "You go and get in bed. Ill join you in a minute."
I just shook my head and walked over to the bed. When I got there, I began undressing, putting my clothes on the beside table. When I got to my pants, I hesitated a bit. "Come on Nick. Its no big deal." I thought. Quickly I let my pants drop to the floor and climbed under the sheets. It was just in time too as Judy came out of the bathroom. I couldn't help but gawk. She was wearing just a T-shirt and pair of plain yellow panties. I felt my face get hot as I looked, but I couldn't turn away. Seeing my expression, Judy blushed as she approached the bed. As she got closer, I regained my senses and looked away.
"Sorry." I said, trying to maintain a sense of morality. "I didn't mean to. You're just gorgeous."
"No need. I am glad you think so." She giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Really? Ummm... what are you doing?" I asked as I looked at he back as she began to remove her shirt.
"Oh, sorry, I usually always sleep like this. I can leave it on if you are uncomfortable with it." She said moving to put the shirt back on.
"No, no. Your house. Just caught me off guard is all." I said. I wanted to tell her that I preferred it off too, but I think she knew.
Climbing into bed, Judy kept her back to me. Once settled, she reached up and turned off the light. The room was plunged into darkness, and for a few moments neither of us dared to move or make a sound.
Judy was the first to speak. "You can hold me... if you want. I wouldn't mind." She said voice small, soft and inviting. To emphasize the point she moved back towards me a bit.
"I would love too." I said. Judy rolled over and draped her body on mine. As she lay her head on my shoulder, I felt her naked fur on mine, her breast pressed against my chest, and her leg entwined with my own. I smiled as I wrapped my arm around her and kissed the top of her head softly.
"Comfy?" I asked. Judy just nodded as she drifted off to sleep, leaving my to lay there and bask in the wondrous feelings, feeling Judy's steady breaths against my neck. As I began to submit to fatigue, I realized that for the first time in a long time, I was truly happy.