Author's night ;; lalalala. Internet is gone again. So might not update for awhile but I will still have my computer - so I will be writing. So I might end up posting a few chapters the next time I do. I Don't know yet.

Disclaimer ;; I own nothing!

Chapter Ten ;; Use your love.

I smiled up at Erik as he made a face before letting out a chuckle. He had just driven me back home and now we were saying our goodbyes. It had been a tiny bit awkward for a few minutes after I had … well did what I had done. I don't even know what I should call it. It was mostly a hand job but I had tasted him at the end - so I have no clue. Anyhow, it had been awkward for me anyhow. I hadn't really know what to say or what to do.

He made it comfortable after awhile though. He cleaned himself up and we talked about it. I realized that he really had just wanted to make sure he hadn't somehow convinced me into it. It had been sweet of him though. I had to assure him that I had wanted to do it. Than he joked around some and made me laugh. Things loosened up after that.

Now we were standing outside and saying goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow in school, kay?"

I nodded and looked down at his chest, reaching out and grabbing his shirt some. Playing with a button with my fingers, "See you then." I said flashing him a smile.

"Bye." He said leaning down and kissing my lips lightly.

I smiled against his lips and kissed him back for a moment. I pulled away and waved my fingers at him before jogging up to the front door and walking inside. As soon as I got inside I leaned against the door, smiling as I let out an almost dreamful sigh. I couldn't help it. I felt so … alive. So giddy. So … awesome.

Sure, it wasn't like I had just had sex for the first time or won a billion dollars but I did something that I enjoyed, something that I've wondered about for awhile. I finally stopped being such a worry wart about it and did it! Yes - I still wanted Derek and didn't really want to be with Erik at all but so what? Erik was a really nice guy and was turning out to be a really good friend. It sounded bizarre but I trusted him. He was helping me out and I was enjoying the time I spent with him.

Time spent both on hanging out and … practicing.

I smiled as I closed my eyes and giggled lightly. Not having looked around me at all when I came in, I jumped a little bit when Edwin said my name, "Lizzie?"

I walked in some and saw that Edwin was standing half way between the kitchen and Living room. "Hey!" I said, cheerfully.

He chuckled, "Have a good time?"

"Yes, I did. Thanks."

He grinned and rolled his eyes, "You look really happy for someone who just did homework."

"So?"

"Nothing … Nothing at all."

"Lizzie!" My mom walked up past Edwin somewhat. "I made a plate for you, it's in the fridge if your hungry."

"Thanks but I ate at his house ma. His mom invited me to eat so I did."

"Aw that was nice of her." She said drying her hands, "If either of you are heading upstairs, tell Derek that some girl named … Morgan I believe - called while he was in the shower."

I nodded and headed towards the stairs as Edwin headed towards the kitchen again. He was probably getting his snack before everyone headed for bed. It looked like everyone else was either sleeping already or laying down. It was pretty late, I'm sure my mom had only been up to make sure I got home safe. She usually did that.

I grabbed Derek's doorknob and poke my head in to see him drying his hair some. "Yo, Some chick named Morgan called while you were in the shower." And with that, I poke my head back out.

I went to my door and was about a foot in when I heard Derek's door open and he walked over towards me, "What's up?"

I raised an eyebrow and looked around me. Was he talking to me? Why was he asking me what was up? Weird … "Um, nothing. Just going to go to bed …" I said going to shut the door but his hand reached out and stopped me from doing so.

"No, why are you so happy?" He asked, looking at my curiously and questioningly. As if he was integrating me for answers.

"Because? Why can't I be happy?" I asked.

"You were with Erik. You left somewhat annoyed and you came back all happy and practically glowing. What did you two do?"

"Why is that any of your business?"

"Because I'm your big brother and if he is doing stupid shit - then I'll take care of it."

"Your NOT my fucking brother Derek." Okay, that had come out harsh but so fucking what? I hated knowing that he thought of me as a baby sister. Here I was wanting to fuck his brains out and do a ton of other naughty things to him but he just thought of me as a baby sister. It was frustrating!

"Your right …. I'm not." He took a step closer to me and I lost all of that frustration within a few seconds.

"Derek …." I whispered as he cupped my cheek in his palm, his fingers brushing against my skin and causing my breath to get caught in my throat. What was he doing?

He leaned down so his lips were about an inch from mine. My eyes fluttered closed as my heart pounded so fast and hard I was sure it would come flying out of my chest. I felt all tingly with delight. He was so close, his chest was brushing against mine and I could feel it raise and fall to his breathing. Oh. My. God.

His lips nearly grazed my skin as he moved his lips to my neck. "Just tell me Liz … what happened?" He whispered. His lips weren't touching me at all but I could feel his warm breath dance along my ear and neck. God, I could have melted into his arms at that very moment.

"We … just … we just talked." I finally was able to get that out as I stood immobilized. I wish I could move. Do something. Make a move or something. I just had to will myself to do something. MOVE DAMN IT! MOVE! I listened to myself and reached up, placing a flat hand against his chest. My fingers bending some, grabbing a hold of his shirt some as I just stood there, waiting.

"What else did you do?" He asked, his fingers moving to my neck, slowly dancing along my skin in almost feather like motions.

I swallowed and bit my lip for a moment as his fingers traced my collar bone lightly. "We just …" I let out a breath, almost a gasp but also almost a moan as he ran his fingers back up my neck. "I just …" He moved his head again, so his forehead was pressed against mine and his lips in reach of mine.

"Just what?" He whispered, causing me to be able to feel his breath against my lips.

Oh god, that felt good. I opened my mouth, tilting my head towards him some - wanting him so badly to just kiss me. The next thing I did was a bit unknowingly. Honestly, if I had been thinking - I wouldn't have done it. Not in my right mind. I opened my mouth and the next words escaping weren't even registering with my mind, "Touched him … and tasted … him but I want-"

I stopped talking when he pulled away from me. Completely. It felt as if all the air in the entire world had been taken away from me. His nearness : gone. "Thanks." He said before turning around and heading towards his room.

"What? …." I said almost pleadingly, but confused. I stood there, in a daze. What had just happened? ….

I narrowed my eyes and lowered my eyes. He had tricked me! That little cunning evil son of bitch tricked me! And he had done it so fucking easily! Of course. I should have seen something like this coming! He knew that I wanted him! He must have picked up how weak and stupid I got around him! He tricked me into telling him what he wanted to know!

"Okay … that was weird."

I jumped and noticed Edwin walking up the last few steps of the stairs. "What?!" I asked, confused still. I had been lost in my thoughts. Infuriated, confused, frustrating, angry, pathetic, embarrassed, and god knows how many other feelings.

Edwin glanced over towards Derek's door and back at me, "What just happened? It sort of looked like … well that you two were about to kiss … or something …?" He said in a soft whisper. Looking over his shoulder as if trying to make sure no one else was around as he stopped in front of me.

OH MY GOD! Please, Please, Please, Please! Tell me he did not just witness that! Oh my god, he did! I shook my head wildly and took a step towards him, tripping over my own feet and stumbling towards him, "No! No, of course not! It's not that. He was just talking. He wanted to know something. I swear Ed, nothing like that. No. Ew. Gross." I said regaining my balance and letting go of him once I could stand on my own.

He raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Okay …"

"Really!" I said, my voice squeaking some. I chuckled awkwardly, "Really." I repeated it, this time doing it in a sternly way.

"I'm not blind Liz." He said looking straight at me. "I saw him like practically kissing you and you looked like you were totally enjoying it. As gross as that sounds. Do you …?"

"No!" I said, stopping him before he continued. God this was embarrassing. Now even Edwin knew. What the hell could go wrong now? I loved Edwin, I didn't want him to think badly of me. To think I was just some incest slut or something. I didn't want him to think of me as any of that stuff. "No … I was just …. he was just … he was saying something in a whisper because he didn't want anyone else to hear. That's the only reason he was so close to me …"

He looked at me, I could tell he still wasn't believing me. "Look … Lizzie, if he is taking advantage of you or-"

"No!" I groaned in frustration and looked past him to see Marti walk out into the hallway and head towards the bathroom. I grabbed Edwin's arm and pulled him into my room, closing the door behind me. "Look - nothing is going on Edwin. Why can't you just believe me?"

"Because I just saw his lips practically touching yours, that's why!" He said throwing his hands up in what appeared to be frustration as well.

"But he didn't kiss me nor did his lips ever touch mine! You saw that! He walked away."

"And you looked disappointed." Edwin said looking at me as he crossed his arms.

I swallowed and just stood there looking at him. What could I do? He knew me almost as well as my own best friend. He would know I was lying if I tried to deny I was disappointed. I sighed, slouching my shoulders some, "Yeah…. I was."

He raised his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes some, "So … You … wanted him to kiss you?"

"I …" I sighed, "Look, I had a dream about him and ever since then I've sort of maybe kind of wanted him. I don't like him. I just … lust after him. He's hot, okay? I'm crazy, I know. He's my brother and I should think of him like a brother but I can't! He's not really my brother and he's hot and my mind just wont stop noticing. I'm only going out with Erik in order to get some confidence and show him I'm not little baby. Shelly calls it operation seduction but it's really no seducing going on because he just thinks of me as a little sister and what you saw was him using my stupid insane pathetic crush against me in order to find out what I did with Erik. And now your gonna think I'm gross and I don't want you to have bad thoughts about me because I really don't want to disappoint you and I need to have you as my friend Edwin." I said, gasping for a breath. God I was close to tears. I really didn't want him to look at me in a bad light. Not Edwin, I just couldn't handle that.

He opened his mouth and closed it again, looking away from me as he walked over and took a seat down on the edge of the bed. I stood there, waiting for him to say something but silence filled the room. He looked speechless, as if he was trying to get his thoughts together in order to say something.

I swallowed and took a few steps closer to him, "Ed?"

"I'm just … trying to let this set in."

I nodded, "Trust me, it wont ever fully set in. It's gross, I know. I'm gross for wanting him like this … it's incest."

"No …" He sighed, shaking his head. "It's not incest. You two aren't biologically related. There is no blood between you two so it wouldn't be called that."

"But it is. He's my brother. It's still wrong and most would find it gross…"

"No. I don't. Well, he's my brother - I find it gross because he's … Derek. But I don't find it that gross."

I paused. Huh? "Wait … Why not?"

He shrugged, "Don't you ever think I thought Casey was hot? It's crossed my times a few times."

"Oh …" Okay, never thought about that. "I never really thought about that. Well, not towards Casey anyhow."

He looked at me and shook his head, "I mean, I don't want her or anything like that. I just thought she was hot when you guys first moved in. Now I see her like an annoying assistant teacher or something."

I couldn't help but smile at that, Nodding, "Well, she would be a good assistant teacher."

He chuckled and nodded, "So true…"

I nibbled onto my lower lip as I watched him for awhile. He just sat there, starring at the ground. I think he was still trying to process everything or something. I don't know. All I know was that silence filled my room for what seemed like an hour. I'm sure it was just a minute or so but it felt like forever.

"So … you don't like him … your just attracted to him?" He asked, looking up at me. I nodded, staying quiet. "So you wouldn't mind him kissing you? Which is why you seemed disappointed?" I nodded again. "Are you really wanting to seduce him?"

I shrugged, "I dream about it … just like when guys jerk off to a hot chick or something. He's hot, I day dream about … seducing him. I don't think it would ever work though."

He nodded, "I really didn't need the mental image of you 'jerking' off to Derek. But thanks." he said with a light chuckle.

I smiled, "Come on, it's not a bad picture." I teased, playfully - not really meaning anything by it.

"No, it's not actually." He shook his head, "Look, I guess it's not really my business." He shrugged, "You wanna day dream and try to get him to notice you, go ahead. Just a fair warning though - if he hurts you - I'm going to kill him. I don't care about him being my brother, no one hurts you and gets away with it."

Smiling, I walked over to him and leaned down to wrap my arms around him. "Your too sweet Ed." I sat down beside him, my arms still around him tightly as I rested my head on his shoulder, "Even if I can hurt you and he could probably cream you. It's sweet that your protective."