CHAPTER 10 – "THE SECRET"

AHHH, it's been forever I know! I'm horrible! Summer's been getting in my way of writing :( but I promise I'll do better next time! Thank you for being patient, and I hope you're still enjoying this story…

2030

(The living room. Penny and Luke are sitting at that damn couch, listening to their father's story.)

Future Ted (VO): Kids, this story I'm about to tell you is about Barney and Robin.

Luke: (eye-rolls) Of course, when is it ever about you and mom?

Future Ted (VO): Do you not wanna hear this?

Penny: No, we do!

Luke: We do!

Future Ted (VO): 'Cause I have plenty of stories about just me and Mom, if you want those. We spent the summer of 2014 pretty much in bed.

2014

(Ted is walking into the house from work when he sees Tracy drawing a picture of robots racing.)

Tracy: Hi, Boo.

Ted: You wanna have sex?

(Tracy throws the pencil away and jumps towards Ted's shoulders, who shuts the door behind him and starts undressing himself and her.)

2030

Penny: Ewww!

Luke: No, stop! I don't wanna hear this!

Future Ted (VO): I thought so. Anyway, so Barney and Robin were keeping a secret in the summer of 2015…

2015

(Ted, Barney and Robin are sitting in the bar.)

Barney: A hot air-balloon?

Ted: Well, yeah. I mean, when you get married in a 17th century castle in France and make your entrance in six white horses, you gotta make a big exit.

Robin: How much are you spending on this?

Ted: Ohhh, like, a lot of money. All of my money. (Pause) Look, I know you guys have been traveling a lot, but you're coming, right?

Barney: Of course.

Robin: Duh! (chuckles) I'll get the next round.

Ted: Thanks. (Robin gets up) I'd offer, but…castle. (to Barney, after Robin walks away) So how you guys doin'? Robin's really taking off at work, huh?

Barney: It's like "Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, Caracas". "Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, Saint Petersburg". "Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, anywhere but New York apparently". (chuckles) But it's great. It makes things super difficult for us, but it's great. It's great. It's great.

Ted: One more and I'll believe you.

Barney: It's great.

Ted: Sounds great!

Future Ted (VO): What I didn't know at that time was…

10 minutes earlier

(Barney and Robin are getting their drinks and sitting at the usual booth.)

Robin: Look, Ted's gonna be here any minute smothering us with his big-wedding plans, so we gotta make our story straight before he gets here.

Barney: So… we just say we've been traveling a lot to discover the world.

Robin: No, that's too easy. Even someone as dumb as Ted might figure out we're lying.

Barney: (excited) How about this? I've been asked to go on a world tour to discuss my highly-acclaimed, New York Times best-selling book The Playbook?

Robin: No.

Barney: Or…

Robin: No magic-circus shows either.

(Barney is dumbfounded.)

Barney: There you go, crapping all over my dreams again.

Robin: Listen, I'm gonna leave you two alone for a while and because he's Ted he's gonna ask you how we've been doing and why we've been traveling a lot. So just blame it on my work. Tell him World Wide News has been giving me assignments all over the world. I mean, that's not so made-up; it could happen.

Barney: (chuckles) Yeah, if you were good at your job. (Robin looks at him) But you suck!

Robin: (smiling, plays with his hair) Aw, I love it when you're romantic.

(Ted enters with the wedding-book planner in his hands)

Ted: Hey, guys!

(Back to the bar, 10 minutes later; Ted, Tracy, Robin and Barney are getting seated.)

Robin: Oh my god, I'm so happy for you guys!

Tracy: (smiling) Thank you. (touches her belly) We were kinda wishing it would happen after the wedding, but you know, we're animals so…

Barney: Up tops, Ted!

(Ted and Barney high-five)

Robin: Wait, so does this put a Stop on the wedding plans?

Barney: Yeah, are we not gonna see that hot air balloon in a few months anymore?

(Ted and Tracy trade looks, and nod)

Ted: Well, yeah, I guess it kind of messes things up a little.

Tracy: There's no way I'm walking down the aisle with my pregnant belly beating me down there. We can totally wait till after I give birth.

Ted: Totally. (They kiss)

(Barney and Robin trade looks)

(Barney and Robin are walking into their apartment, a few hours later.)

Robin: (groans) Ugh, thank God she got knocked up; else, we would've had to go through that horribly romantic wedding.

Barney: Totally.

Robin: By the way, thanks for not telling them anything.

Barney: Just out of curiosity, though, when are we gonna tell them?

Robin: Well definitely not soon. Ted's having a child! That's…big news, bro.

Barney: Our news is pretty big too, Robin.

(Robin sighs)

Robin: Yeah well, their news trumps ours.

Barney: Robin—

Robin: (interrupts) No, stop! Look, it's gonna be different once they all find out and I'm just—I'm not ready for "different" yet.

(Pause)

Robin: Now, we have less than 2 hours for our next flight to Argentina. You gonna come with me, or you wanna stay here?

Barney: No, of course I'm coming with you, what're you crazy?

Robin: (chuckles) If I was going for work would you be tagging along as well?

Barney: (smiles) Probably not. Ooh, I'm gonna go pack my scuba-diving suit! (rushes into the bedroom)

(Robin smiles to herself and looks down for a few moments at a picture-frame of her and Barney, on their wedding night.)

Barney: (VO, from the bedroom) Uhh, I'm freaking out, I can't find it. I'm freaking out, I can't find it. Freaking out—(walks back into the living-room, notices Robin staring at the picture) What're you doing?

Robin: (shakes the picture-frame at him) Looking at this. Remember when I almost ran out on our own wedding?

Barney: (smiles, walks towards her) I remember when I almost ran out on our wedding.

Robin: You're thinking that probably would've been for the best, huh? (puts the picture down)

Barney: Why do you say things like that?

Robin: I'm just being realistic.

Barney: That's not realistic; that's…stupid!

Robin: No, you're stupid for staying with a wife who's a ticking time-bomb!

(Long Silence)

(Robin starts to tear up; Barney grabs her hands and stares at her, puts her hands on his shoulders and smiles as he kisses her nose softly, making her chuckle)

Barney: You are the love of my life. Everything I have, and everything I am, is yours. Forever.

(Robin starts to cry)

Barney: I will follow you to the end of the earth. This won't separate us. We are gonna grow old together, okay? We are gonna be old and smelly and farting all the time—(Robin chuckles, with tears still streaming down her face)

Robin: And if I die? When I die…

(Pause, Barney looks into her eyes)

Barney: I will freaking kill you.

(He kisses her passionately on the lips and holds her tightly for several minutes)

(Airplane. Robin is sleeping on Barney's shoulder as they fly to Argentina.)

Future Ted (VO): It didn't take us too long to figure out what secret Barney and Robin were keeping from us.

1 Week Later

(The bar. Tracy, Marshall and Lily are sitting at the booth.)

(Lily and Marshall are excitedly touching Tracy's belly)

(Ted is approaching them from the bar, while on the phone and has 3 beer bottles in one hand; everything but Ted's voice-over is inaudible to us)

Future Ted (VO): But it took us forever to believe.

(Ted stops halfway through, shocked, while on the phone.)

(He drops the beer bottles, causing Lily, Marshall and Tracy to look at him)

So yeah. That's it for tonight. Tell me what you think, please! And I promise I'll try to make the next update come sooner (and be much longer!) I pretty much have it all figured it out by now; it should be called Argentina. Thank you for reading!