Siobhan stared out the window beside her bed, the covers pulled up to her waist as she watched a squirrel scurry up a tree. How pathetic she felt. To hold on to a woman who'd been clear that there was nothing more between them except perhaps friendship, she'd physically harmed herself. She'd listened against Lena's door and had been overcome with rage the instant the woman had mentioned relaxing Kara's suspenders.
It had been spur of the moment, she realized, but she'd gone about it with the least amount of damage in mind. Having read enough of Lena's medical texts, some of which concerned sections on minor injuries, she'd known what to do. She remembered reading one section, which concerned both minor and major injuries, in particular; it had been about ankle dislocation, breaks, and deaths from falls, especially among the elderly. Harm all depended on how the person fell down, and what state their body was already in before the fall. Elderly people could perish easily even from minor trauma due to their age and fragility. They might also die from complications of an injury. And a person of any age could crack their cervical spine and paralyze their diaphragm from the drop. However and wherever she landed, she knew that her body was going to take a significant impact if throwing herself down.
So she'd had no intention of tumbling the whole way, even with the stairway not being too long. She'd moved halfway down the stairs quickly and twisted her leg in one of its designed gaps. The scream had ripped from her throat without mercy and she had let herself tumble the rest of the way, scurrying to get into a fitting position just before Lena's door had opened.
Bruising was one of the main aspects of a fall. It could either appear immediately or later. Sprains in the wrists, which she'd attained along with bruising, were also common since people reflexively put their hands out in front of them to break their falls, which could also mean that the wrists were most impacted. So falling only halfway had given her the signs of a tumble without the life-threatening predicament Lena believed she'd avoided.
Resetting her bones after the breaks in her leg and ankle had been extremely painful. The leg was easier to remedy than if she'd had a thigh fracture, since large and strong muscles are subject to significant degree of contraction and shortening. For the leg, it'd taken more than just one person to help do the setting. After pulling and resetting and seeing that both limbs were the same length again, the doctor had called the procedure a success during her late-night visit with him after Lena had almost taken his cabin door down with Kara in tow. Curfew had been forgotten in light of the emergency. It had been Lena and Kara who'd helped with the resetting and bandaging. The attentive doctor had given her a pair of Civil War crutches, which meant she'd at least be able to tend to chamber pot matters and menial tasks on her own, despite risk of strain and pain. He said her joints would require lengthy rehabilitation, and also how lucky she was that the procedure had worked and that she'd been spared a head injury since it might have been catastrophic or tragic. She'd known this, of course. And still, all she could think about was how lucky she was that Lena, a woman who'd studied medicine for a time, loved to dote on the medically-challenged.
She turned to view Lena just as the brunette was entering with a tray of food.
"How are you feeling?" Lena asked, moving to sit on her bed and placing the tray on her lap.
"Like I fell down a flight of stairs," Siobhan exhaled, straightening her back with a grimace.
Lena made a pained expression.
"Lena...I'm okay," Siobhan assured, placing a hand on the woman's shoulder.
"You could have died." Lena's voice was soft. Concerned.
"But I didn't. And you're here, and everything's fine." Siobhan smiled brightly. She couldn't blame Lena for worrying. If she'd fallen unintentionally, she might very well have died. And the healing process wasn't anything to take lightly either, but that was something she was looking forward to. "So," she said, moving some loose hair out of her face, "what have you brought me?" She looked down at her plate.
She could see Lena forcing a smile before following her gaze to the tray.
"Biscuits and sausage, as you can see. And cornmeal mush, with syrup," Lena said.
"Cornmeal mush?"
"It's a type of porridge. Kara said she took extra care to get it just right."
Siobhan sat back, trying to hide the disappointment on her face. "Kara made this?"
"She helped just a little." Lena scooped up some of the mush. "But I promise you I'm responsible for most of it." She held a spoon to Siobhan's mouth. "Take a bite?"
Siobhan wanted to pout like a child. She didn't want to taste anything Kara Danvers had whipped up, even in part. But for Lena, she'd do almost anything. She took a hesitant taste, letting her tongue slip out just a little. The sweet flavor called to her hunger and made her greedy for more. She had to admit, Kara was a pretty damn good cook and probably matched her culinary skills. She tried to conceal the joy she got from the mouthful of syrupy porridge.
"Good?" Lena questioned.
"It's okay," Siobhan responded with a stubborn toss of her head, her eyes briefly going back to staring out the window.
Lena smiled. "And here's some hard cider." She handed the cup of liquid to Siobhan.
Siobhan wanted tea, but she wasn't surprised by the choice of drink. For a number of people in town, cider was the default drink for breakfast. It had zest, was cheap, rich in essential nutrients, easy to preserve, and probably the only alcoholic beverage the town allowed. Water wasn't always the best, especially here, and milk was more so thought of as something for babies. A few preferred orange juice. Tea and coffee were either expensive or weren't available. And there were many people who made some terrible coffee, but those who made a good or great pot of it were highly respected.
She sipped the cider and smiled politely at Lena. "Remember when you took care of me when I had that terrible cold?"
"All too well," Lena said, tucking a strand of hair behind Siobhan's ear and straightening her pillow. "But it was the flu you had, not the cold. And you could have died then too."
"But I didn't." Siobhan grinned wider, the cup still to her lips. "I had you to take care of me, like now."
Lena smiled softly before standing and placing a kiss to Siobhan's forehead. "Don't you ever scare me like this a third time." She pulled back to stare down at the woman with caring eyes. "Get some rest. Kara should be meeting with Alex right about now, but I'll be downstairs cleaning up. Just ring the bell if you need me." She nodded to the tiny instrument sitting on the stand next to her and then headed for the door.
As Siobhan watched the brunette leave, she couldn't help the frown and sour mood that descended upon her. She'd successfully interrupted an intimate moment between Kara and Lena, but now she was bedridden. Although Lena would have to spend an inordinate amount of time with her, the woman was still free to be with Kara in the interim, including at night. This needed to be remedied. And that also meant having a talk with Kara. She'd learned quite a bit from Lena about the blonde, and she intended to capitalize on that knowledge.
IIII
"That ain't right," Kara said, standing in front of the stove beside Alex. She could hear adults and children in the yard out back. Apparently, Jonathan had decided to have his own gathering, complete with Alex slaving over a hot stove and guests of his choosing, to make up for what he deemed a ruined social event a week ago.
Alex adjusted the stove's flue. "Certainly more right than what you're doin.'"
"But to support a made-up rumor that Lena has been intimate with Clarence?"
Alex stood straight and glared at her. Her pulled-back hairstyle wasn't her usual coif, and it made her expression appear even more hardened. "If it means gettin' her outta town and keeping ya safe, then yes, Kara. What you've told me is sickenin.' You've been lustin' in the most shameful of ways. And marriage? You honestly think that a marriage to that woman will be legally sanctioned or recognized in the eyes of God?"
"I told ya I don't," Kara huffed, pushing her spectacles back up on her face. "But I can't help how I feel. I tried. All the prayin' and hatin' myself somethin' awful didn't do a thang. Lena didn't make me like this. It's just the way I am."
"Nonsense!"
Kara took a step back. She tried to remain calm. This wasn't the first fight she'd had with Alex. They were sisters; they'd had many fights. And most times, they came to an understanding or compromise. Maybe this would be one of those times. "Do you want me to be unhappy?" she asked.
Alex stepped to her, eyes simultaneously shining with both fear and adoration. She placed a hand to her cheek. "Not unhappy, sister. Safe."
"Alex -"
"- From what you've told me, neither Mon-El nor his folks will just sit back and allow you to live in sin with Lena. And the town - they simply don't tolerate such wickedness. Not that long ago, I couldn't even purchase a pumpkin because Sara was there with me. There are rumors about her too, ya know. There's no tellin' what the people here would do if they thought you broke off your marriage arrangement so that you could be with a woman."
"But -"
"- All your attorney talk don't mean nothin,' Kara. Sounds like yer attorney also knows this ain't likely to go over smoothly. At least with the rumor of a Clarence and Lena affair, people may just figure that she ain't deviant after all. If the rumor gains enough traction, she'll be run out of town regardless because we can't afford ta have an immoral sheriff or overseer, what have you, but she won't be harmed. She'll go back to her big city life. But what about us, Kara? Our folks? My son? Are we all to just leave with her? Do ya think Jonathan would allow it? That ma and pa would even leave? And say we leave, are we ta leave them behind to face the scorn each and every day?" Alex scoffed. "I won't do it."
Kara chewed on the inside of her cheek as Alex went back to tending to the stove. Sounds of voices drifted in from out back. They were mostly women. And to Kara, more women meant more gossip. She didn't yet hear Jonathan's voice, but she had tried to talk to her sister about the way he'd treated the children at the gathering. "Have you even considered what this will do ta his daughter?" she asked. "Hazel's an innocent girl in all of this."
"Hazel will be corrupted by Lena, just like you were."
Kara balled her fists. Again, it wouldn't do to get angry. "Lena nurtures her. Helps her grow as her own person. She's the only mother the child has."
"The little angel would be better off if taken in by another family. She's close to the same age you were when taken in by ma and pa, you know."
Kara sat down at the kitchen table. "You talk about being such a good person, but don't sound like a good person now."
Alex spun around. Angry, virtuous eyes glared at her. "How dare you?"
"I dare because Hazel is a child, but ya haven't let that stop you from bringing her into this."
"You brought her name up!" Alex's voice rose two notches. "And it's because she's a child that I consider her. I may not be able to do anythang about her fate, but I can do something about yours."
"My life is not yours to control!" Kara fired back.
"I'm your sister, and I have a husband. Your reputation is somethin' I'm responsible for. I took on thangs just so you could be free to be a blacksmith. So that the focus wouldn't be on how odd you are compared to every other woman here."
Kara stood. "So is that what this is all about - you not getting to choose yer own path?"
"Don't twist my words."
Kara shook her head. "I always knew you accepted thangs a little too well. That with as strong-willed as you are, you must have wanted to live a different life."
"That's not what I said."
"You didn't have to," Kara sighed. "I'm sorry, Alex. I never wanted you to feel obligated to do anythang concernin me."
"Quiet!" Alex walked to her. "You will not make this about me. This is about your deviancy, your poor judgment."
"Alex."
"I feel like I don't even know ya anymore."
Kara stared at her sister. She couldn't blame Alex for the resentment, but did things have to be like this? "Does the Bible not teach us of acceptance and forgiveness?" she asked.
"It teaches us a lot more than that. Clearly, ya missed a few chapters."
Kara could hear the faint laughter and conversation from outside. If she could hear them, she wondered how many had heard her and Alex. She'd revealed her true self to Alex in Alex's bedroom, before they moved on to prepping the stove, but it wouldn't do if the guests had tuned into their kitchen discussion.
She listened some more. They weren't talking about her. They were talking about Lena, Clarence and Hazel. About an unmarried woman fooling around with a man and looking after his child, and how distasteful it was. She felt out of place here.
But it wasn't something that surprised her. Lena being looked down upon by this community was just par for the course. Why should any of them have ever thought she'd win over enough people to be considered decent? She had her supporters, but not nearly as many as she deserved.
The back door opened and Jonathan walked in. He leaned against the wall, a cup in his hand as he greedily drank from it. Kara remembered that he had a preference for ale, regardless of town rules. He stared at her with much interest, like he knew a secret she didn't know.
Kara rolled her eyes. She didn't need this. She moved past him, and decided on taking an hour alone to think. She had enough to worry about with Mon-El. She didn't need her sister and her sister's husband to be problems as well.
IIII
"It's just not somethin' you have to do anymore," Mon-El stated, eyeing his parents in the back room of their brewery. He'd lost a sense of normalcy, precious aspects that had made his life make sense. First his grandfather, and then a steady life with Kara. He didn't want to also lose a chance to remain in Kara's life beyond their blacksmith work. But he feared that this was exactly what would happen if he didn't stop them from exposing her. The town would be too against her after that to even consider her as a proper wife. And although he'd said he would fight Kara on breaking their marriage contract, she needn't be exposed for what she was for that to happen. He wasn't even certain if he wanted to challenge her anymore. He loved her, sure, but if she truly had no interest in men, how could he begin to change her? What kind of life would they have without passion?
He grimaced at the memory of the faces she would make when they'd kiss or when he'd kiss her on the cheek. It wasn't the type of life he wanted, but his grandfather had always told him not to give up and to instead fight for what he believed in. He still had a lingering hope that he and Kara could make it work.
"That woman has put you through hell," Rhea said. "It'd be the least of what she deserves."
"And how would I marry her then, ma? What type of life would we have if scorned by the whole town?"
"Well, your father and I are scorned by the whole town and we're doing just fine for ourselves." Rhea moved to sit in a chair across from him, folding her arms in a huff.
"Enough," Lar demanded, rising from his desk near Rhea. "Mon-El wants us to hold off, we will."
"Not just hold off, pa. Don't hurt her like this, period. Or me, for that matter."
Lar narrowed his eyes. He walked to Mon-El slowly, and Mon-El suddenly remembered how imposing his father was. The man placed a hand on his shoulder as if bracing him for some serious horror.
"She will still be hurt when this goes to trial, son. And make no mistake about it, this will go to trial if you expect to have any chance of marrying her."
Mon-El felt sick. Why had Lena been given the one thing he cherished most in all the world? Why hadn't it been him?
IIII
Lena placed an apple in Ms. Merriam's basket. "Here."
"What's this?" Ms. Merriam queried, turning to face the brunette in the outside fruit market. People steadily tended to their purchases.
"A peace offering."
"Just because we bumped into each other don't mean we need to shop together. I can pay for thangs myself."
"I know that, Ms. Merriam." Lena smiled. "It's just that I'm thankful for the way you welcomed Hazel, and got others to welcome her too."
The old woman harumphed, but Lena could have sworn she saw a faint smile. "I saw no reason to shun the child. Just doin' my part to be neighborly." She raised a finger and pointed it at Lena. "But don't you go tellin' people we're fond of each other now. Can't have people thinkin' I'm friends with a Luthor."
Lena laughed. "Of course not, Ms. Merriam."
They moved along the market, assessing different fruits and the occasional vegetable.
"What is it that you and Kara are up ta?"
Lena opened her mouth to think of a counterclaim, but the old woman pinned her with a glare.
"Don't bother tellin' me it ain't nothin.' She moved in with ya. The town knows it. I know it. But what we don't know is why. You two also spent the day together at the gathering, when I would have expected Mon-El to be there with her instead."
Not for the first time, Lena felt paralyzed in the woman's presence. Absent one of her signature hats, with her brown hair not as tightly pulled back, there was a softer look to Ms. Merriam. She appeared younger. And she was just as quick-witted as she was all those years ago. Ms. Merriam was no fool.
"Mon-El would have been there," Lena replied. "It's just that he was looking into something regarding his grandfather's will. Kara and I wanted to catch up on time lost. With my work as the overseer and Kara's smithing duties, we don't get to see each other as much. As you might have seen, we first spent time with friends before enjoying the rest of the day with Hazel."
"That still don't explain why you and Kara are livin' together. And what about that other friend of yours...Siobhan?"
Lena internally groaned. Ms. Merriam never did know when to let up. "Kara and Mon-El have hit a bit of a rough patch. She felt it best to stay with me until they mend things. That way, he won't be so tempted to see her. And Siobhan's decided to stay in town, but she's not quite ready to live on her own. She never did in New York either. It would be her first time doing so. And now... Well, she also had a terrible fall recently, which resulted in a broken her leg. It was reset, but she obviously needs to heal."
"I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Father Mable's goin' to be heartbroken to know he's out of a worker." Ms. Merriam picked up a hand of bananas and put it in her basket. "As for livin' alone, hopefully she overcomes that. Women need to be stronger when they don't have a husband." There was a hint of melancholy in the woman's voice, and it made Lena feel for her.
"True," she acquiesced.
"And what about you and Hazel's father, Clarence?"
"What about us?"
Ms. Merriam turned to face her, thin eyebrows raising. "I assume you're watchin' the girl because you care about him."
"Yes. But I care about her too. Very much,"
"Does he have any intention of marrying ya?"
"Ms. Merriam -"
"- So he expects ya to look after his child for free?"
"I offered."
Ms. Merriam looked her over something fierce; she clearly didn't approve. "I suppose it's for the best that he don't marry ya."
Lena couldn't object to that, but she was curious as to Ms. Merriam's reasoning. "Why's that?"
"Look around."
Lena suddenly noticed several people staring at them, clearly having eavesdropped on their conversation.
Running a hand through her hair, she issued a silent curse. She'd only meant to stop at the market quickly, return to Siobhan before it was Kara's time to take over watching the bedridden woman, and then head to the overseer building. And now she'd let members of the town in on her business. It was partly what Walter wanted, but, in this moment, all it did was serve to remind her that nothing truly stayed secret in Breighville.
IIII
Kara entered the overseer building with a furrowed brow and immediately moved to lean against a wall. She looked up to see the team all huddled around a large map-like paper. She'd heard them talking about a rape when she'd barged in. She knew that Lena was still trying to solve the Anna Davies case, but she needed to speak with the woman now. Siobhan could wait.
Lena's eyes met hers. She didn't even have to state anything. The brunette nodded toward the wall behind her desk, and excused herself before heading down the hall to Kara's left. Kara followed swiftly, disregarding the eyes boring into her back.
She marveled at the stairs leading up to the second floor. Although the building was two stories high, she was so used to seeing Lena and her employees on the first floor. Unfortunately, the stairs also made her think of Siobhan and whether the woman was fine at home alone. She knew that Lena had given Siobhan all the utensils needed before leaving and that Lena's workload was shortened in order to spend more time with Siobhan, but the last thing either of them needed was for the woman's health to worsen.
Kara looked around the spacious room once they had entered and Lena closed the door. It was clear from the cobwebs and dust that not many people came up here these days. It looked like a place to stack old files. But it at least had a window, a desk and chairs. One chair was behind the desk, and others were stacked atop one another in a corner. Kara grasped one of the chairs, dusted it off and sat down in front of Lena, who leaned back against the desk. "I'm angry," she decided on as a conversation starter.
"I gathered that," Lena chuckled, watching her fold her arms across her chest. "What's wrong?"
Kara glared at Lena and then looked away. Her anger was fueling her, but it also scared her. She knew she was very much involved, just like Alex had said. It didn't mean that she didn't see reason. "I know I need to get back to Siobhan, and I will. But I was with Alex earlier, like I told ya I'd be, and..."
"What, no extravagant wedding planned for us, I take it?" A smile stretched across the brunette's lips. It made Kara want to relax and just enjoy Lena's company.
"This ain't no time for jokin,' Lena."
"Why not?"
"It just ain't."
"Because some in town want to spread threatening rumors about me and send me running for the nearest train?"
Lena no doubt saw her astonishment, but waved a dismissive hand anyway. "I'm not oblivious, Kara. I remember how Breighville works. They want someone gone? Salacious rumors and the impending shame will do the trick. And it doesn't help that I might have added fuel to the fire during a discussion I had with Ms. Merriam today."
Kara gave her a questioning look.
"Long story," Lena replied. "Just how bad are these rumors?"
"Pretty bad." Kara stood.
A puzzled expression clouded the brunette's features.
"The rumor says you're sleeping with Clarence. Alex supports it 'cause I told her about us - you and me - and this tale makes ya sound fond of men. One man at least."
"So the looks I got in the market today might have been tied to that. I'm guessing some want Clarence out of the way since talk of Anna Davies reminds them of the blemish on the town. And since I've been talking with him and taking care of his daughter, they want me gone as well. Not to mention...the ones who think my father raped her." Lena looked to the floor. "I must say...I never thought Alex much for rumor-spreading, but she might have a point on this."
"Lena."
Lena's eyes snapped back to hers. "Have you thought about it? It would cause doubt as to the nature of our relationship. But," she paused, biting on her lower lip," it would also make people less inclined to support us living together. They would feel that Clarence and I should get married instead of live in sin."
"Like I said, not good."
"Even so..." Lena blew a stray hair out of her face. "Anything else I should be concerned about?"
Kara's eyes strayed to the brunette's neck, to the way the buttons of her blouse went all the way to the top and helped obscure delicate flesh. Lena wasn't to blame for the way she was. But then again, she'd never felt this way until Lena came back to town. "Alex thinks you'll corrupt Hazel."
Lena's jaw squared. She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it — a typical Lena response when she was floored. "Absurd."
Kara watched the woman's eyes look everywhere but at her. Did Lena not want to address the accusation in more detail?
Suddenly, Lena's eyes were back in her line of vision. "You don't think that's true, do you?"
"Of course not. It's just..."
"Kara!" Lena sounded equally offended and shocked. "People aren't turned into people like me... Like you... And even if we were, Hazel's just a child. A baby, really. I wouldn't fill her head with adult matters."
"I'm not sayin' that. Any of it. All's I'm sayin' is that before you, life wasn't like it is now. You opened my eyes, is all." She turned her back to Lena, unable to bear the look of hurt and defensiveness she saw in those penetrating eyes. She heard the woman move closer to her. Caring this much about someone other than family was scary. Terrifying even. She had never stopped caring for Lena, and she knew she never would.
"I'm always going to be this way, Kara. I've always been this way. And I think it's the same for you."
Kara turned to face her. She stared down at those welcoming and caring eyes. This was the Lena she'd always be enamored by.
"You do believe me, don't you? You know that I'm right?"
Kara felt her lips forming into a smile. "I do," she said, slowly moving away from the brunette to look out the window. The town looked as though it always did. People bustled about, attending businesses or markets. Even Mr. Ray, who happened to be looking up at her, tipped his hat in her direction.
"I wouldn't think of leaving without you," she heard Lena say. "Unless it meant ensuring your or your family's safety. And unless you were clear that you wouldn't be coming with me."
Kara turned to her. "I know that." There was still too much left unsaid between them. Too much that they hadn't yet experienced together. She wasn't ready to part with Lena. She never would be. "At least the town's talkin' about us livin' together. They're wonderin' what it's about and why I still haven't married Mon-El. So our plan is well underway."
"I wouldn't blame you if you decided not to be with me, you know. There's your family, of course. And although it pains me to say it, I think your religion and sense of honor mean a great deal more to you than I do." Lena said it sheepishly. Insecurely.
"Lena, ya know I couldn't put religion or sense of honor before you."
"Only you did." Lena arched an eyebrow.
Kara moved to sit back in the chair. She thought about everything she'd been through these past few months — Lena returning out of the blue, the instant attraction, the confusion, the guilt, the shame. "I thought you understood."
"I did... I do," Lena said with a sigh, going to sit behind the desk. "It's just... It wasn't easy."
Lena was right, Kara knew that. Religion and sense of duty had always been something she'd prioritized, especially the latter. It wasn't surprising that Lena figured she loved those things more than she loved her.
Loving Lena had come easy to her, from the first moment they'd met as children. And when the brunette had returned, the pull had been stronger than anything she'd ever felt. But her sense of right and wrong had made her reject it and deny what her heart kept telling her was true — that Lena Luthor had always been meant to be hers, and she'd always been meant to be Lena's. She'd been in a battle, at war, with herself over that denial. And still, it wasn't gone entirely. It still existed, leaving terror in its wake and keeping her from saying everything that needed to be said.
Could she overcome the terror? Could she ever truly be free and just live?
Not fully accepting everything made her angry with the town and it rules. It made her angry with Alex. Alex's warnings and demands only served to make her want to defy her sister and anyone else who stood in her way. It made her want to be with Lena more.
"I was wrong for the way I treated ya," she said. "I wasn't prepared for eveythang that came about, but I shoulda trusted my heart."
"I don't fault you, Kara," Lena assured with a soft smile. "Not with the world we live in." She stared at the blonde studying her, the intense blue eyes behind glass frames, arms folded over a rising chest that seemed to be pacing itself.
For eighteen years, she'd waited to see Kara again. She'd thought she'd faint from a lack of air moving through her lungs when she'd first seen the blonde again. There was a point in time she would have done anything to have Kata look at her lovingly or in any desirable way, but the way the woman was looking at her now was more pensive than anything. The apology meant a lot, but she couldn't forget how awful she'd felt when Kara had turned her back on any viable life they could have together.
But then again, unlike Kara, she'd never had a betrothed. Her circumstances of being born out of wedlock and being the secret love child of a Luthor had separated her from the rest. It was yet another reason she could empathize with Kara.
Kara was wearing blue trousers and a loose-fitting shirt. It wasn't her usual buttoned-up attire and, unlike last night, it wasn't supported by suspenders. Kara was in the habit of wearing belts, which Lena found odd since the high cut of the material made belt use unserviceable and mostly a decorative object. Since there were no loops to hold up the pants, she wondered how the woman ever kept them in place with no suspenders attached. Maybe Kara's were of a particular design, like the ones Kara had assisted her with on their trip to the quarry, or the ones many men in New York donned. Or the blonde had been wearing suspenders all along and they'd been covered up by other fabric Kara wore at times, like her vests. Last night, she'd been so close to reveling in such a design. It was also last night that she knew that no matter how much she resisted her need to be with Kara, the passion between them would always blaze as intensely and as hotly as it ever had.
Kara's blond waves were uncharacteristically free today, framing her face like a halo via the afternoon sun filtering in through the window behind her. The would-be halo glowed in sync with her skin. Lena had touched that skin so many times, but not nearly enough and not in as nearly as many ways as she'd like to.
If Kara had missed her as much she'd missed Kara when they were parted for so many years, if it wasn't just her who'd held on tightly to their childhood bond and dreams, it was enough for her to hope that everything would sort itself out and eventually be right. It would mean that Kara loved her as thoroughly as she loved Kara.
"You're a strong woman, Lena," Kara said, getting up and moving toward the desk. "Patient. Intelligent. Wise. Forgiving." She sat on it with a sigh and then turned to stare down at her. "How'd I get so lucky?"
"I suppose getting blamed for a lot of the mischief you caused years back played a part in shaping my resilience." Lena saw Kara's eyes switch from admiration, intrigue, want, worry, and back to want again. She saw the past flare in those eyes. She wanted to reach across the desk and pull Kara closer to her. She wanted to kiss her, take her right here and disregard her vow to not be intimate with the woman until all of their troubles were behind them. Much like she'd been so close doing last night.
She decided on looking away.
Kara chuckled. "Yeah, you never were that bad. If Ms. Merriam knew, the woman probably wouldn't dislike you so much."
"Actually, Ms. Merriam and I have seemed to come to an understanding." She risked a look at Kara. "I think she mainly fears me hurting you. But I 'explained' things, and I think she believes me."
"Ya certain?"
Lena stood, walking around the desk to stare Kara in the eyes. Her fingers lightly grasped strong shoulders. A trembling hand covered hers. She watched as the woman's mouth parted slightly, and she squelched a momentary urge. "I'm certain," she said. "I truly think we can get through this. We will be happy, Kara."
"Ya don't know that," Kara said, moving away from her to stare toward the window. "Everythang's outta our control."
"Kara, it's called faith. The same thing your Christian religion teaches you. Besides, there are ways to get things under control."
Kara turned to her then, looking her over in much the same way she'd looked Kara over that first time in the overseer building. "Yeah...there is," the words rolled off the woman's tongue like butter.
Lena felt herself blush, and a lump formed in her throat. "Well, we can talk about all of this later. I should get back downstairs." She turned to leave.
"Wait!" Kara's voice croaked. She forcefully turned her around and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close until their faces were mere inches apart.
Lena could see the wheels turning in the blonde's head. There was conflict in those ocean eyes. And sensuality. "Kara..."
"Just kiss me."
Kara's lips touched hers. It happened so quickly that Lena hadn't had time to react. Kara's arm around her waist loosened, and the blonde pulled her closer. Lena knew she should push her way, but soft lips parted against hers and an eager tongue brushed across them. And just like that, all hope of protesting seemed lost.
She returned Kara's advances with a heated embrace of her own. She felt Kara press against her. She could feel Kara's breasts meet hers and was thankful that she'd forgone her bodice for the day. Kara's tongue teased at her mouth until she allowed entrance inside. It swept past teeth to battle for dominance.
Lena couldn't think. She needed to steer the interaction in some way, to regain some level of control. She attempted this by caressing Kara's face. But Kara held her still.
While in the past, she was the initiator, Kara was now the aggressor.
Kara's fingers sank into her hair and trailed down to the back of her neck. Teeth nibbled on her bottom lip, and the utterance of her name sent shock waves throughout body. Before long, Kara was moving her backward toward the desk until her legs hit against it.
"Relax," she heard Kara say, physically coaxing her into a sitting position.
Settling onto the cold surface, Lena felt herself surrendering. Her legs spread subconsciously as Kara positioned herself between them. If the desk was higher, it would level her hips with Kara's. But as it was, Kara's thigh easily pressed against her center. She shivered, looking from Kara's face to Kara's leg and back again. Either Kara had known enough about bodily pleasure from hearsay or self-exploration, or the woman had learned from her the day she'd almost taken Kara on the floor. The light press made her hips buck toward the friction. Intense need in her lower region throbbed in sync with her swift heartbeat, driving her toward the insanity she'd been mindful to avert in the past. The time in Kara's house in the woods, the time in the tent, and especially in Kara's cabin, she'd always been in control. She'd set the pace and had possessed enough willpower to pull back if needed.
Today, Kara held the reins. Kara had something to prove. Lena called on the courage to turn her away, but she was unable to. Not when Kara touched her so gently. Not when the woman's soft, indiscernible whispers came to her so truthfully. Not when there was nothing between them but want.
"I'm in control," Kara breathed, gliding her mouth along Lena's jawline. Lena suppressed a moan as teeth lightly bit her chin. "Not Alex. Not anyone else."
Fingers met Lena's collar and unfastened the buttons there. Lena considered the fact that they were in her office, that they needed to wait until there was no longer a threat of them being exposed. She considered that Kara likely wasn't ready for this and was only acting out of defiance. But even if the woman didn't intend on going all the way, Lena wouldn't be the same after this — coming so close to offering herself to Kara and not having her after all.
"Kara, you need to think about -"
"- I don't," Kara said, pressing impossibly plush lips to her neck.
Lena moaned, grasping at powerful arms, intent on rejecting the offering. She relinquished instead, holding on to Kara as Kara's lips played at her neck, just grazing there as if they were unsure whether to leave kisses in their wake. The blonde had only loosened two of her buttons, but it was more than enough to put her on the brink of madness. Kara's lips were suddenly wet against her neck, as if they'd been licked. Warmth grew between her legs.
When Kara placed a hand on her thigh, it took everything in her to not guide that hand to where she needed it most. The single image of Kara pressing into made her move against Kara's thigh, the trouser fabric brushing against her dress both a relief and an irritant.
"I curse you, Kara Danvers," she whispered.
Kara sought out her eyes. Fervent desire shone in the blue irises, and lips she remembered so well pulled into a grin. "I'm with a witch now, am I?"
"We...we need to wait."
"Is waiting what you had in mind last night?"
"Kara, I -"
"- Let's not talk. Just for a bit, okay?" Kara lowered her head toward Lena's. "I just wanna kiss ya."
Lena gave in once more. There was no way she couldn't. To reject Kara now, with the woman kissing her ever so softly and moving a persistent thigh against her center ever so slowly, was impossible. She felt her brain jumble, her eyes closing as the pleasure threatened to take her over. It felt so good. Everything felt so good. And it hadn't even yet progressed beyond clothed grinding. She broke away from the kiss, moving her her hands up to grasp Kara's shoulders — to get her bearings and and stare into the woman's eyes. Those eyes were full of emotions, not all of them recognizable, and it was all so intimate.
Kara continued to rub against her and she continued to grind, her need growing as her underthings pooled hot liquid. And suddenly, there was something else. Were those tears forming in the blonde's eyes?
She stopped, too stunned to continue. And then Kara stopped too. Before either of them could think to say anything, the door opened. It was followed by an audible gasp. Kara jerked toward the sound. Lena already knew who'd witnessed them in a compromising position. What luck would they have for it to be anyone else?
"To hear it is one thang. But to see such an abominable act is another," Alex's voice boomed in the room like a condemnation from the almighty himself. "When Mr. Ray said he saw you up here, it was suspicious enough. And the way yer friends acted downstairs... Well, I shoulda braced myself, but I don't think all the bracin' in the world could have prepared me for this."
Kara moved away from Lena, using a hand to briefly remove her spectacles and another to wipe at her eyes. "Alex, wha- Why are you here?"
Alex glared at her. "I didn't like the way we ended thangs earlier. We haven't argued like that since we were little. When searchin' ya out, I didn't think I'd have reason to argue with you some more. But I see it all so clearly now... In all its disgustin' glory."
Kara bowed her head. Lena moved off the desk. "That's enough. It's me you're angry with, correct? You needn't take it out on Kara."
"This ain't about anger. It's about what's right. God-fearing. Respectable. If others were ta find out about this - those outside of your circle, that is - she'd be ruined. So would our family name. Have ya thought about that, Lena? Of what your corruptin' Kara can lead to?"
"Lena and I discussed all of that," Kara said, walking to stand in front of Alex. "And it's not like we did anythang anyhow. Are you even sure what ya saw?"
"Do you think me blind now, sister? I saw enough. The placement of your hips. You two embraced, holding each other close, staring into each other's eyes. I was spared from seein' more, but the tears in your eyes pain me just as much. Did she put those tears there? Force ya into somethin'?"
Lena's fists balled at the accusation, but she remained still. This was unsettled business between two sisters and she was like an interloper, even if an interloper significantly responsible for the discord she saw before her now. She also wanted to know why Kara had shed tears. Had the blonde felt pressured in any way? It had certainly seemed like she'd felt it was something she had to do, which isn't the response Lena had ever wanted. She wanted Kara to want her out of real desire, not out of a sense of defiance or duty.
Kara frowned. "I was doin' thangs with Lena. Unholy thangs, Alex. I did them because I wanted to. It was my choice. Not yours. Not the town's. But mine's."
Alex couldn't look any more appalled if she tried. "You being without a husband, and dressin' the way you have, for so many years... I wondered if you were perhaps like this. But I would immediately banish the thought from my head 'cause it pained me so, and I knew my sister was right and true. And now it seems my wrongheaded suspicion wasn't so wrongheaded at all."
Lena moved to Kara's side. "Alex, it's not as duplicitous as you make it sound. If you'd just let me explain..."
"Lena, no," Kara said, eyes never straying from her sister. She took in a deep breath and exhaled. "Alex, if you cared about Jonathan at all, then you might know what you're sayin.' You might even -"
"- Don't dare speak of Jonathan to me! At least I have a husband, a child. What kind of life can you possibly hope to have with this woman?" She looked Kara up and down. "I'm ashamed to call you my sister."
Lena attempted to offer Kara a comforting hand, but Kara ran for the door, hurrying out without another word. She proceeded to go after her, but Alex stepped in her way. "See what you've done?"
"What I've done?" Lena asked incredulously. "You're the one who just chased her off...for being herself. For loving who she loves."
"What you and Kara have is not love!" Alex spat, pointing a finger at her. "Not the way a man loves a woman." She took a step backward to look Lena. "Ya know, back when we were little, I thought it was charmin' when you said you'd marry my sister. If only we knew how serious you were about your vow back then... Might have saved us all some trouble." She backed toward the door. "I will protect my sister, god help me." She turned away and headed out the entrance.
IIII
"Holy hell!" Alex was fuming as she made her way downstairs. She heard Maggie calling after her, but she couldn't stop for the woman. Maggie had known about it too. She'd deduced that much from those almond eyes. Maggie had kept such a horrid secret. Hadn't shared it with her.
"Damn all of you."
Alex was so caught in bumping past James and moving to the side of the building to get into her wagon that she barely felt the hand on her arm. She turned to see Maggie huffing and puffing at her. "What do ya want?"
"To talk to ya," Maggie said.
"There's nothin' to talk about. You knew my sister was deviant and you said nothin.'"
"That's because," Maggie lowered her voice, her facial expression changing from cautious to resoluteness, "I am too."
"What?!" Alex screeched, yanking her arm away from Maggie's. "Has the whole town gone mad? Or is it just the women?"
"Don't act so surprised. What do you thank we've been doing these past few weeks?"
"Pealing peas."
Maggie rolled her eyes. "There's a lot more to us than that, and ya know it. I've seen how Jonathan treats you. I've seen how you look at him compared to how you look at me. How ya joke with me."
"Maggie -"
"- Just...before you continue dragging yer sister through the mud for supposed immoral behavior, you might want to consider reflecting on your own life and feelings."
She watched as Maggie left her then, in a hurry to get back to whatever life the woman held dear. It was a life Alex most certainly had no interest in being a part of.
IIII
"She'll come around."
Lena observed Sam. After discussing her situation over with Clarence and them both deciding it best for the time being to not see each other, or have Lena watch over Hazel, she'd needed someone to talk to. She'd eventually visit with Clarence and Hazel again, but the Alex issue was currently more pressing. Sam's words about the woman coming around were incomprehensible. There was no way that Alex Danvers would be "coming around," not even with what Lena assumed was the woman's predilection toward women. She'd seen this in New York — so many men and women hiding in the shadows about their true attractions and the dreams they'd hope to base those attractions on. A lot of those people were so lost that they'd never live their truth. Lena couldn't shake the feeling that Alex was one of those people too. "I don't think so, Sam."
Sam poured her a glass of wine; she'd become accustomed to the beverage after seeing how much Lena loved it. She sat across from her at the dining table, then poured herself a cup. "Well, ya thought the same about Kara, too, didn't ya? And her feelings changed."
"No," Lena said, holding up a finger while taking a large gulp from her glass. "Kara was never as stern as Alex, and our bond allowed her to see reason. Alex has no one."
"She has Maggie." Sam took a sip of wine. "I mean I think so."
Lena sat up, raising an eyebrow. "You know that Alex is...that she's..."
Sam laughed. "I've seen the way you and Kara look at each other enough ta know that there's somethin' in the way Alex looks at Maggie. Whether or not Alex knows it is another matter."
"Suppose so," Lena sighed. "And Maggie too, huh?"
"She looks at Alex the way Alex looks at her. I saw it at the gatherin.'"
Lena sat back, eyes narrowing as she took another sip from her cup.
"With the way you were caught up in Kara, I didn't expect you to notice."
"Ha, ha." Lena grinned.
"But, seriously... I don't think Alex will stay opposed."
"You sound so sure. Wise even. Makes me wonder why you don't have suitors lined up."
"Because I learned my lesson the first time," Sam laughed.
Lena chuckled.
"Dontcha worry, though. If love should ever find me, I'll hold on to it. Just like you should hold on to what you have with Kara."
IIII
"Hold on to what I have with Kara," Lena mumbled to herself as she cleaned some dishes. "Easier said than done."
She'd returned home intent on following Sam's advice. And she would have if Kara had been there. Instead, she'd been greeted by the ringing of a tiny bell and Siobhan telling her that Kara had come home, helped and then left. Waiting for the blonde hadn't proved fruitful either.
Kara didn't return that night. And she still hadn't returned by noon the following day.
Feeling a sense of dread, Lena stepped out to confront her. Knowing Kara was working today, it wasn't a task to find her, but knowing what to say was another matter entirely.
She stood there in the woman's blacksmith shop watching her mold, with great detail, some creation that wasn't yet identifiable. There were only three workers today. One was at the very back, and Brian was some distance off to the left, his attentive eyes occasionally looking up to observe her and then go back to his work. She'd addressed Kara by name only seconds ago and the blonde still wasn't paying her much mind. Like Brian's, her eyes would lift to meet Lena's and then return to her tools or design.
"Kara..." she repeated, keeping her voice low. "I know that what happened yesterday - with us and with your sister - unsettled you. But we can't just let things stay like that. You can't retreat into your shell. We need to talk about this."
Kara picked up her tongs and continued to focus on crafting the material before her.
"Let's go in the back, to your office."
Kara's eyes met hers and held before refocusing on the work at hand.
Lena moved around the table and stepped closer, her fingers softly gripping Kara's bicep. "I... It's true that I can't stop thinking about what we did. What you did to me." She looked at Kara's profile — the strength, the beauty. "But I'm not here for that, I don't think." She wasn't sure. Her gaze faltered to Kara's office. What would happen if they stepped into it? Would all they really do is talk? It seemed that Kara wasn't sure about that notion either. The woman seemed to be thinking just the opposite, in fact.
Kara's gaze met hers, sweeping over her torso and back up to her lips before going back to their previous focus.
Lena swallowed hard and moved back around the desk, catching Brian's stealing yet another glance. "Well," she cleared her throat, "you know where to find me when you're ready to confront this." She headed out of the shop without looking back.
IIII
It was near sunset when Kara entered Lena's home. Their home.
She hadn't been surprised by the visit to her blacksmith shop. She'd avoided the brunette all yesterday by tending to Siobhan and then immediately leaving to sleep at her home in the woods. And she'd avoided her today by not even checking in. She knew Lena would be free from overseer duties today and looking after Siobhan while she worked. And she'd unexpectedly needed the break. She loved being with Lena, but after their exchange in Lena's office, and her exchange with Alex afterward, she'd felt herself getting drawn back into the shameful mindset she'd had before. There was no getting around the fact that she and Lena had been sexually intimate. It had been as new and foreign to her as it had been exhilarating. And now she could no longer truthfully say that she and Lena had not crossed the line of sexual impropriety. It made her wonder if there was any point to them not doing more, or to waiting. Maybe what they'd done didn't really count since they hadn't gone all the way. But what did all the way even entail for them?
"Lena?" she called out, putting her blacksmith apron on a couch. It desperately needed washing.
A familiar bell sounded in the quiet, echoing off the walls.
"Siobhan," she grumbled.
IIII
Siobhan watched as Kara entered her room. The blonde was dirty as usual from smithing, and there was the same look of compassion and understanding in the woman's eyes despite the regulated duty of caring for her. And, surprisingly, it wasn't out of pity. Siobhan reasoned that if she were in Kara's place, she'd feel a sense of resentment. She was, after all, taking away time that the woman could be spending with Lena.
Still, considering what she'd been told about Kara, it was to be expected. The blonde was kindhearted and put others before herself. This was an endearing trait, no doubt. An honorable one. But it was a trait Siobhan was would be exploiting nonetheless.
"If you're wondering where Lena is," she said, "you just missed her on her way to the butcher's shop."
"Is there anythang you need?" Kara walked to her, eyebrows rising in earnest.
"No," Siobhan said, reaching for the cup on the stand beside her bed. She'd finally been able to acquire some tea. "I heard you come in and was hoping we could talk." She took a sip, and gestured to a chair in the center of the room. "Sit."
Kara moved the chair closer before sitting. "What is it you wanna talk about?"
Siobhan stared at the woman from over the rim of her cup. "Lena."
"Oh?"
"I know the two of you are hoping to have your union go off without a hitch," she stated, lowering the cup in her hands. "But I wonder if you've thought this out thoroughly enough."
Kara's brow crinkled. "Why do you say that?"
"Because," Siobhan paused, pinning Kara with her most serious glare yet. "Lena has...intimacy issues."
She could see Kara's eyes working overtime as her mind attempted to register the words.
She couldn't let Kara challenge her. Not on this. "And I say this in the most delicate of ways, but she can't be free with anyone. She'll give you her body - all passionate and full of wanting in the beginning. And it may even seem as though you have her heart there for a while, but you never really do." Siobhan looked down at her cup, her face registering a faint, sad smile. She was speaking from experience in some respects. "Things will seem fine at first, but she'll eventually shut you out. Emotionally, that is." Her gaze flickered back up to Kara's, and she watched as the woman's eyes held hers before averting to the floor. "I should know; I was with her for four years... The only reason I even followed her here was to gain a sense of closure. But then I saw that she needed me, and so I stayed. But be certain... Once I'm healed, I will be leaving. I just don't want to see another woman hurt the way she hurt me."
There was silence in the room. Kara was still staring at the floor. From what Siobhan could tell, the blonde was in deep thought. Had she believed her? Was it enough to give her a reprieve?
"Kara?"
Kara stood abruptly. The woman couldn't even look her in the eyes. "I should go she," she said.
"Kara, I didn't mean -"
"- No, it's fine." Kara's eyes briefly met hers. "Thank you for tellin' me."
Siobhan watched as Kara left the room. With a grin, and finally content, she raised her cup to sip some tea. Kara wouldn't bring this up with Lena. The blonde wasn't the type to unnecessarily cause conflict; Siobhan had learned that much.
IIII
Night had arrived when Kara felt more than saw Lena standing in her doorway. The room was dark, but she could make out that, like her, the brunette wasn't in night clothes. Lena was indicating silence with a finger to her lips.
In the next moment, Lena was grabbing her by the hand and pulling her upright.
"Come with me," Lena whispered.
Kara saw no reason to protest, stepping into her boots as best she could with Lena still holding her hand. She'd avoided the woman enough. She couldn't muster up enough strength to avoid her any further. "But, Siobhan -"
"- Is sound asleep," Lena assured. "Which is why we're keeping our voices down and taking advantage of the opportunity." She batted at Kara's busy hand. "And forget the boots. I want you relaxed."
They quietly made their way out back, where a large blanket, cheese and grapes in a bowl, and a chilled bottle of wine sat off to the side.
"What's all this?" Kara asked.
Lena grinned, pulling her along. "I can't let you do all the romantic gestures, now can I? I thought about blindfolding you first, but I felt that might be a little much."
"Lena..."
"I know we need to talk, Kara. And I know we have a lot to worry about in the upcoming days, weeks. But tonight, I just want to enjoy our time together. My time with you."
Kara stared into the brunette's eyes, seeing the pleading devotion staring back at her. She nodded her understanding.
"Sit with me," Lena said, still holding on to Kara's hand as she looked up at the stars.
Kara joined Lena in her gaze.
"Ever think about what might be out there?" Lena asked.
"Can't say that I have." Kara squinted, just now realizing that she was without her spectacles. "They look so tiny."
"That's why I brought this." Lena reached under the blanket and presented Kara with a small, rectangular box. She let go of Kara's hand as Kara observed it.
"What is it?"
Lena smiled. "You're full of questions tonight. Just open it."
Kara did as told, revealing a golden, stick-looking instrument.
"It's a telescope," Lena said. A Spyglass, to be precise. It's to help see the stars better."
Lena adjusted the instrument in Kara's hand and held it toward her face. "Take a look."
When Kara saw the stars via the Spyglass, she couldn't help the grin that spread across her lips. "Wow, Lena! Do they really look like that?!"
Lena laughed, sitting back on her hands as she watched Kara. "Well, through that thing at least. With more powerful telescopes, they're even more brilliant."
Kara moved the telescope from her eye to stare at the brunette. "You mean ta tell me there are more powerful telescopes than this?" She went back to observing.
"There are. Also, take a look at the moon."
"Holy..."
Lena giggled. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."
Kara took a moment to stare at her again. She was as lovely as ever. And so was this romantic gesture of hers. There was no awkward tension. No wondering if they should act on their impulses and what consequences doing so would have. It was just her and Lena, enjoying each other's company. And she surmised that Lena had guessed it was exactly what she'd needed. What they'd both needed.
She went back to looking at the stars and moon.
"English astronomer William Huggins made the first spectroscopic observations of a nova in 1866," Lena said. "Spectroscopy is the study of the interaction between matter and electromagnetic radiation. Electromagnetic radiation is something that would take me a few minutes to explain. But a nova... A nova is a transient astronomical event, one that causes a star to show a sudden large increase in brightness and then slowly return to its original state over a few months. Some say it's the birth of a new star. Stars that were too dim to be seen before suddenly become the brightest. All I know is that the wonders of the sky make me think of infinite possibilities." Lena looked from the stars to Kara. "I like to think of there being infinite possibilities for us too, Kara."
Kara could feel the heaviness in Lena's words, and returned her gaze.
Lena moved closer, attempting to wrap Kara in her warmth, but Kara leaned back.
"Have I made you uncomfortable?" Lena asked, eyebrows furrowing into puzzlement.
Kara chewed on the inside of cheek. She shouldn't let Siobhan's words get to her. Even if what the woman said was true, it didn't mean that it had to be the same for her and Lena. It didn't have to mean that at all. "No," she replied, pulling Lena into her.
They stayed like that, looking up at the night sky in each other's arms. If this was to be one of the last few times she'd be able to be with Lena like this, she was going to enjoy it.