"If I let you come home, how are you going to act? Am I going to have to babysit you?" Shuichi doesn't answer. "I want my husband. I want to have conversations and go to work without worrying and I want to have sex," he says.

Shuichi looks over at him. "I just don't want to be in here," Shuichi answers. Suguru kisses Shuichi and Shuichi pushes him away. "I want a divorce," Shuichi tells him. Suguru freezes. "What?" Suguru asks. Shuichi looks away. "I'm done living this life, Sug. There are things out there I want to do and I can't do them like this."

Suguru glares. "You want a divorce? Fine, fucking fine. We'll get a divorce whenever they let you out of the psych ward," he says. Shuichi looks at him. "You're going to lock me up because I want to get a divorce?"

Suguru turns around and walks out. Shuichi gets up and tries to leave but the wires are still attached to him. He begins taking them out and a nurse comes in only moments later. "Mr. Shindou, you need to lie back down." The nurse says.

Shuichi sits down and begins crying. "Please, I don't want to be locked up. My husband is going to let them keep me because I told him I wanted a divorce," Shuichi tells her. She frowns and sticks the tubes back on him.

lineline

Shuichi wakes and looks around groggily. His head is spinning and he can't move. There's no one around him. No people. No objects. No color. He begins to hyperventilate. Where did everything go?

A nurse runs in and injects with with something before petting him. "You're alright sugar. You're in the county psych ward. You're alright," she says as he falls asleep again.

He doesn't like waking up from the sleeping drugs. It makes his head lag and his eyes heavy. He's being poked by a doctor who is talking to an orderly behind him. "This one is said to have been violent, but I wouldn't have guessed by looking at him," the doctor jokes.

Shuichi stares wide eyes. He's tied to the bed. "Please, let me out...' He says to the men. The doctor looks at him and smiles. "Shindo, you've decided to join us!" He says happily. Shuichi is already crying.

"I don't want to be here. My husband only made me come here because I asked for a divorce." The doctor frowns. "You have a fresh rope burns around your neck, One of the things you'll learn here is how to not blame others," he says before leaving.

Shuichi is spread on the bed. He feels insecure and hopeless. He stays there all night without visitation, without food or water, without a break to use the bathroom. He's completely immobile.

When the nurse comes in to check on him in the morning his lips are chapped. "Can I have a drink of water?" He asks. She shakes her head. "I can't untie you. You'll have to wait a few more hours until the doctor comes in."

Shuichi waits on the bed, wondering if there was any way to end his life here. The doctor comes in when the sun is shining more brightly. "Good morning Shindou. How do you feel?" Shuichi opens his eyes. "Thirsty..." He says.

The doctor smiles. "That's to be expected. You slept so much last night that we couldn't give you anything to eat or drink!" The doctor responds, still smiling. Shuichi's brow furrows. He was awake all night. None of that was offered.

"And I need to use the bathroom," Shuichi tells him. The doctor unties him and Shuichi sits up, flexing his sore limbs. The doctor hands him a glass of water and he drinks it as fast as he can, but it causes him to want to puke. He can hear his stomach grumbling.

The doctor escorts him to the bathroom and watches him use the facilities. He asks Shuichi to sit on the bed again. "You're a suicide risk," the doctor says. Shuichi knows that. And the first chance he had, he was going to finish what he started. "So we have to keep a very close watch on you. You're going to be restrained most of the time. When in bed, you'll have a jacket on and your legs will be secured to the bed. When up, you'll just have the jacket for a few hours."

Shuichi is trembling. This can't be real. "What can I leave?" The doctor is still smiling that disgusting, fake smile. "When you're all better, of course!" He pages a nurse to come in with a jacket. They put it on Shuichi and pin it up. He feels like a hazard.

They lead him to a room full of other people. All men. Some are retained with jackets and some are not. "This is the common area," the doctor explains. His hand runs down from his shoulder to his back and finally rests on his butt. Shuichi moves away but the doctor yanks him back.

"You will get your medicine from the nurse daily in the cafeteria," he says as they reach that destination. Shuichi is hungry. "Do you want some breakfast?" The doctor asks. Shuichi nods. They go through the line and the cafeteria workers look at Shuichi with an air of sympathy.

Shuichi is allowed use of his arms to eat. There's no one else in the cafeteria. "Why did you try to commit suicide Shuichi?" The doctor asks. Shuichi puts his chopsticks down and wipes his face.

"My past was very hard and my husband is very abusive. It got to the point that... where I just didn't think I could handle it anymore." The doctor nods. Shuichi feels like he's going to puke and declines the rest of the food.

The doctor takes him to a room and asks Shuichi to sit. "If you're non-violent and show no warning signs then the jacket will come off after a few days.

Shuichi nods. "This will be your room. You don't have a roommate yet. We try to match people up so that we can have as little conflict as possible. It's a bit harder with you being, uh... gay."

Shuichi nods. He doesn't mind. The fewer people he had to be in contact with the better. The doctor runs his fingers through Shuichi's hair. "Now, you'll be able to rest today, but we have a schedule of therapy and group sessions that you will need to attend. There is no excuse to miss them unless you're very ill."

The doctor pulls Shuichi's hair slightly. "Obviously there are things you can do to get out of one or two meetings, but we'll see when that time comes." Shuichi blinks away tears. "When can I talk to my mama and daddy?" He asks. The doctor sighs and grabs his chart. "Your husband said to allow no visitors other than him."

Shuichi begins sobbing. "But I don't want to be with him! I want to be able to talk to my parents!" The doctor seems genuinely upset about this. "We can file some papers. I'll check them out, and if they meet regulation, they can come see you, okay?" Shuichi nods with half a smile.

The doctor fastens his jacket once more and leaves. Shuichi carefully lays down without being able to prop up with his arms and is silently thankful that his touchy-feely doctor would at least try to get his parents in.

Maybe it was a matter of being honest. Telling them exactly what was going on with Suguru. Explaining that, yes he may need some help, but he could do that as an outpatient. This was an orchestration by his angry lover.

Over the next few days he learns the schedule. Breakfast at seven. Showers at seven thirty. Group therapy one at 8. Free time at eleven. Lunch at one. One-on-one therapy at two. Free time at four. Dinner at five. Group two at six. Free time until nine, and then bed time.

The group therapists were alright. It was his one on one doctor who was problematic. He would touch Shuichi's butt and try to get him to accept responsibility for Suguru's abusive actions.

Shuichi would usually stop talking half way through and count the number of specs on the wall until the glaring doctor called security to remove him. His recreation time and dinner are taken away and he's strapped in for bed for the night.

About a month in and Shuichi is sleeping. it's the middle of the night, but he's woken to a hand covering his mouth. "Don't say a word," the slightly accented voice says. Shuichi blinks back tears. Of course he'd heard about doctors that came in the middle of the night to rape their patients. It wasn't something he wanted to go through again, but often the patients weren't believed because of their disorders.

He was untied and lifted into the man's arms. The roommate he'd acquired only hours before still sedated and tied to his bed. The man carries him into one of the therapy rooms that he knows has no camera. He doesn't want to cry.

"Shuichi, I need this to be fast," the man says. Shuichi lays down and spreads his legs without saying anything. He's jerked back into a sitting position. "Shuichi?" Shuichi squints his eyes but he can't see who it is.

"Sweetheart, it's K." Shuichi gasps and stands. He reaches for his friend and embraces him. "I wanted to come see you but they said Suguru wouldn't allow it. My father is the best lawyer in Japan, and he's going to try and get you out." Shuichi begins crying.

"Thank you so much. Thank you..." he sobs. K shushes him but doesn't let go of him. "I just need you to stick it out a little longer... And don't do anything to jeopardize the case." Shuichi nods. K kisses his forehead and picks him back up. "No one can know we spoke. I'll try to get another message to you by the end of the week."

He carries Shuichi back to his bed and ties him up before leaving. Shuichi snuggles into his pillow with the first real feeling of hope in a long time.

lineline

Shuichi is sitting in group therapy when the man across from him is speaking. "I'm only in here because gay people have infiltrated the government. Back in the day, gay people stayed in their closets and everything was fine. The only reason there's perversion is because of homosexuals. And now it's a crime to hate them? I'm not psychotic... I just have morals." Shuichi doesn't care much for this man.

His stories usually made Shuichi shiver. He was in here for killing people that either were, or that he accused of being gay. He would kill them quickly but then skin them once they were dead. He'd been found not guilty due to his psychosis, but he would never be a free man.

He looks at Shuichi and Shuichi looks away. "What about you, Pinkette? Have you got morals?" Shuichi looks at him and nods. "Why are you in here?" Everyone's eyes are on him. "Shuichi, you may share if you like. Otherwise, you can pass... But you're encouraged to speak so that you can get better," the psychiatrist says.

Shuichi takes a deep breath. "I'm here because I tried to kill myself," Shuichi admits for the first time. The psychiatrist smiles and makes notes on his clipboard. "Why?" One of the other guys asks curiously.

He ws always in for attempted suicide. He was a multiple offender. He'd been in and out of prison for arson and animal cruelty, and finally had given up. "My life has kind of sucked," Shuichi says softly. Nobody says anything as they wait for him to elaborate.

"My mom died was I was a teen... and my step-father was abusive. She... She didn't really care about me, but I didn't know it at the time. And I got married young to an abusive man... and I just didn't know what to do. I wasn't talking to my adoptive parents and I hadn't opened up to my friend... It hadn't seemed bad enoug..." Shuichi is interrupted by the man across from him grabbing him around his throat and holding him to the ground.

Shuichi fights to get free, but even with two security guards pulling the man seems intent on ending Shuichi's breath for good. Shuichi's limbs fall and his vision blackens before they get the enraged man off of him.

Shuichi wakes in the infirmary. He's tied to the bed and his neck hurts. He tries to speak but it hurts. He's thirsty but can see no nurse. He tries to move his arms and a security officer runs towards him. "We have an escaper!" He calls to another man.

Shuichi shakes his head. "May I... Water... Please..." he says to them in a hoarse voice. The guards untie him and he sits up slowly. They hand him a glass of water and watch him carefully. He holds the glass in his lap and look at the closest guard.

"Why am I in so much pain?" He asks softly. "You were attacked during group," the guard answers, looking less worried. He touches his throat and winces. "I'm okay though..." He says more to himself than the man.

"You're lucky. Almost died before they got him off you." Shuichi takes another sip of water. He holds the glass against his neck and sighs. "Do you want me to find you an ice pack?" The man asks. Shuichi opens his eyes and smiles slightly. "If it won't get you in trouble... Then yes, please," he answers.

The guard cuffs him to the bed again. He walks away to find an ice pack. Shuichi is oddly touched. No one had been quite a nice to him here. The man returns and pressed the ice pack to his neck gently.

"You don't seem like a psycho," the man mentions. Shuichi chuckles somewhat. "I'm here for trying to kill myself... But I wouldn't say I was psycho." The man nods. His fingers brush against the scar permanently burned to Shuichi's neck. "I see that. What made you do it?"

Shuichi closes his eyes. "Life's been hard." The man nods. "You don't seem like a psycho," he says against before leaving the room.

lineline

The nurse comes back half an hour later. "You're ready to be taken back to your room Shuichi. Are you alright?" Shuichi nods but is frowning. "I've missed dinner, haven't I?" He asks sadly. She bites her lip and nods. "Come on, we can see if there's any leftovers."

They go to the kitchen but it's empty and clean. "It's alright Nurse Miko. I'll just wait until breakfast."A She takes him to his bed and the guards put him to bed. They don't tie Shuichi up as they usually do and he sits up before they leave. "Uh!" He calls out, not sure what to say.

The guard from early turns and winks. "They don't think you're enough of a threat to tie down. Don't disappoint them." Shuichi smiles and holdshis pillow tight as he goes to sleep. Things were at least looking up now.