Hello, my lovelies! I am back in the saddle again. (Had a good reason for the delay- had some emergency surgery over the weekend, which really put a damper on the writing for a few days! LOL!) Thank you for sticking with me, though! And a special thanks to my good friend, nancyozz, for all of her correspondence and support! You're great, lady! ;) My plan is to eventually get back into the schedule of uploading a chapter a day for each of my stories (so 2 collectively). I'll start that schedule this week. Just a heads up, though,- doing some traveling all next week, so updates will be sporadic during that time at best. But I appreciate your readership, and will give you new Pepperony goodness as much as possible! Thanks again, and happy reading! :)
Tony woke up the next morning, hung over and disoriented. He couldn't exactly remember how or when he'd wound up on the living room couch, but he did remember going to bed and not being able to sleep. And he could remember that Rhodey had called at some point, though what the conversation was escaped him. He remembered being wide awake, and staring at the ceiling of his bedroom in the dark, the memories of the time since he'd kissed Pepper on the roof top in New York kept springing up in his mind, torturing him mercilessly. The feel of her skin, the taste of her kiss, the scent of her arousal that night on the beach- nothing, nothing, was out of bounds for his subconscious to use against him. And he hated it. So that's when he'd gone downstairs and grabbed the bottle of scotch, only intending to drink enough to cloud his mind and make him sleepy. But by the way he was feeling now, he quickly realized he probably went way past the point of a nightcap.
Tony slowly uncurled himself from his sleeping position now, groaning and stretching loudly. He lazily sat up and looked around, through bleary, squinted eyes. "Now I know why I quit drinking," he mumbled, his head suddenly pounding with a stabbing ache. He lazily lumbered to a standing position and grabbed the bottle of scotch off the coffee table to put it away. He quickly noticed it was empty, and spluttered. "Jesus," he muttered, shaking the dry bottle upside down. "No wonder I feel like shit."
He frowned, as he shuffled into the kitchen and chucked the bottle in the trash. He scrubbed his head with his hands and exhaled. This is when Pepper would have been right here, in the past, with the ginger ale and Advil, he thought. She'd always nursed him out of a hangover before, scolding him for drinking too much, yet taking care of him in her own special way. Right now, he would have killed to have her there, reprimands and all.
He left the kitchen and trudged upstairs to hunt down the Advil. Finding it in the drawer of the bathroom vanity, he shook a few out into his palm and turned on the faucet. He knocked back the pills and stuck his head under the faucet to get a drink. He gulped down a mouthful of water, and shut off the faucet, staring at his reflection in the mirror as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "What're you looking at, huh?" he grumbled, noticing his bloodshot eyes and the bags underneath them. He frowned. "Yeah, I look like hell," he remarked. Adding to his disarray was day-old stubble and the smell of drunk sweat all over his body. His current state disgusted him, and he walked briskly to his shower to turn on the water to a temperature as hot as he could stand, in an attempt to rectify the situation as quickly as possible.
He climbed inside and began to soap up. He scrubbed his body and hair vigorously, and then stood in the water, letting the wet heat soak into his muscles and wash away the loneliness of last night. After several minutes, he climbed out and dried himself off with a big fluffy towel from his warming rack, feeling much better. He wrapped the towel around his waist and grabbed his shaving kit out of the bathroom cabinet. He proceeded to do away with the scruff on his face and neck, carefully sculpting his goatee. Once he was done, he rinsed and dried his skin, and applied some shave balm to his face. He smirked at his reflection. "There you are, you handsome devil," he muttered. He put away his shaving kit, and looked back at his reflection. "Okay," he said, running his hands through his wet hair. "Time to work my magic."
XxXxXxXxXx
An hour later, Tony emerge from his bedroom and jogged down the stairs, completely dressed, perfectly coiffed, and smelling far better than he had before. But now that the distraction of cleaning himself up had passed, his mind once again returned to Pepper. He shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled to the living room window. He stared out across the ocean, letting his thoughts drift. After a moment, he ran a hand over his goatee and sighed. "God, I miss 'er," he admitted to himself, his heart panging with familiar ache once again. He frowned and worked his jaw in thought. She still loves me, he thought. You heard her say it. And I love her. "So, why isn't that enough?" he wondered out loud. Tony furrowed his brow. Well, I'm gonna find out, he resolved. I need to know why she's so afraid. I need to know what happened to her.
"I can't take this," Tony murmured, shaking his head. He set his jaw and narrowed his eyes with determination. "Tonight, I'm going over there, and we are hashing this out once and for all. She can't walk out of my life without an explanation. I deserve that much."
XxXxXxXxXx
That morning Pepper had awakened, and had enjoyed those few oblivious, blissful seconds before her heart reminded her head of the reason for her heartache. Thoughts of Tony, or rather, the lack of Tony, came flooding back to her, and she sighed heavily. She rubbed her face with her hands and slowly sat up. "Up and at 'em," she said, as she reluctantly rolled out of bed. She padded into her bathroom and turned on her shower. She hoped the hot water would help to wash away her blues, and clear her mind for the day.
XxXxXxXxXx
An hour or so later, despite her best efforts, she was still feeling a little down as she poured her coffee into her to-go mug, grabbed her briefcase and purse, and left her condo for work. Her exterior projected ever the consummate professional, but her insides just wanted to slip back into her pj's, turn on some sappy movie on tv, and curl up on the couch with a box of tissues and the entire batch of cookies she'd baked last night. Bu she knew that would only feed the ache in her chest. "I can't wallow," she told herself. "I have to put this out of my mind."
Pepper got in her car, and pulled out of her building's parking. She knew she'd need some help getting into her work mindset this morning, and silence just wouldn't do. So, she turned on the radio.
"I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you...," the singer crooned.
"No," Pepper said, grimacing as she hit her next preset.
"It's Tom and Lil on L.A. Wakeup, WKLA-FM, Hot 105, the only morning show you should be listening to on this gorgeous Friday morning. TGIF, am I right?" the peppy-sounding DJ said, laughing jovially. Pepper smiled with satisfaction, and settled in to listen. The DJ continued. "And we've got a question for you this morning."
"That's right, Tom, we do!" a woman, who Pepper could only assume was Lil, exclaimed. "We wanna know from our listeners, what do you do when your love life is on the rocks?"
Pepper grimaced, but kept listening. "Right, Lil! Today it's all about relationships," Tom said.
"Ooooo!" Lil said, playfully mimicking the sound a ghost in a haunted house would make. "That's some heavy stuff, Tom!"
Tom laughed. "Well, it just seems that our singles out there have so many battles to fight when it comes to love that maybe we should talk about what some of our listeners are going through. Maybe you've had a rough go of it in the dating scene. Maybe you've broken up with someone you thought you'd never be apart from! Maybe you've recently cooled things off in a relationship, and are really missing that other person! So, how you handling it, huh? We'll take dedications and requests. Just tell us if you've gone on the rebound with someone else, sat and shivered alone in your apartment wallowing in misery, or you're ready to get over it and enjoy your new found indepen..."
"Okay, new station," Pepper said, jabbing the button for the next preset.
"And that was Tony, Toni, Tone, with..."
"Oh, good Lord," Pepper cried, jabbing the power button to turn off the radio. She pursed her lips and shook her head in disdain. "Honestly," she muttered to herself.
Thankfully, her commute was relatively short, so it would only be a few minutes before she'd see Stark HQ come into view. I can handle it, she thought. It's only a few minutes. I'll be fine. She decided she should go over her to-do list for the day in her mind, just to keep herself occupied until she arrived.
First item, meet with Bill in R&D to discuss pitching the plans for self-sustaining, clean energy buildings to real estate developers in major cities.
"Good. This is good," Pepper said out loud, smiling in satisfaction as her mind began to shift focus.
Next, get the update on the clean up situation in New York from the insurance adjusters, and meet with legal for an update on Justin Hammer's court proceedings, she continued. She knew the casualty reports from the incident at the Expo would be coming in this week, and they wanted to keep as updated on that information as possible. Tony had already given her the go ahead to aid the city of New York in anyway possible to help with the clean up and repair of the carnage Hammer had caused. Hammer's company would have into the hundreds of millions of dollars in insurance claims to pay, but Tony also wanted to set up a separate victim's fund for the families affected by Hammer's carelessness. Pepper knew that in the past, he'd only do something like this under recommendation from the Board of Directors for the purpose of good PR. But this time, Tony had instantly volunteered it. She knew he actually cared about those that were injured or killed in the aftermath, and she greatly admired him for the gesture and the show of personal growth he'd displayed.
Pepper sighed, realizing her thoughts had drifted back to Tony. "Okay. Talk to insurance adjusters, followed by a talk with Rebecca in accounting about next quarter's budget projections," she said to herself.
Thinking of Rebecca made Pepper think of the time she'd spent working in the accounting department when she'd first started at Stark Industries. That seemed like a lifetime ago, now. So much had happened since those days, and it was strange to think of herself back then, so young and fresh out of college. She remembered the buzz around the office that always went around about Tony's public escapades, and, back then, she'd wondered if she'd ever have to meet him face to face. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to keep her cheeks from blushing on account of everything she'd heard, and she'd prayed that if that day ever came, she could hold it together and not embarrass herself. And certainly, when the day did finally come, and she'd burst through his office door to show him an accounting error he'd actually made, she'd done very well in holding her ground. She remembered his security had threatened to haul her away, and she'd threatened them back, telling them she had Pepper spray and wasn't afraid to use it. Tony had laughed at her tenacity, and told them to stand down, that he'd take care of the situation. At first, he seemed a bit put off by the fact that someone would question his math, but she could clearly show him the error. He liked that she'd stuck to her guns so much that he offered her the position of Executive Assistant, and also gave her an unlikely nickname on account of her threat to pepper spray his security staff. She'd quickly gone from Virginia Potts, accountant for Stark Industries, to "Pepper" Potts, Executive Assistant to Tony Stark, all in one afternoon. She'd insisted that he call her Virginia, or at least Ginny, but he wouldn't hear of it. So the name stuck, and she'd been Pepper ever since.
Pepper chuckled at the memory, but then quickly frowned. She sighed. There I go again, she thought. I just can't help it, can I?
She pulled up to the gate outside and presented the guard her badge for him to scan. "Good morning, Ms. Potts," the guard said pleasantly.
"Good morning, Gerald," Pepper said, giving him a polite smile. "Have a wonderful day," she said.
The guard nodded and smiled pleasantly back, and lifted the gate for her to drive through. She pulled to the front of the building, and found her reserved parking spot. She gathered her belongings, and took a deep breath. "Focus," she murmured, looking at her reflection in the rear view. "You have a job to do, now. You can miss Tony later," she assured herself. Wearing her game face, she exited the car, beeping the alarm before walking briskly into the building to start her day.
XxXxXxXxXx
Tony had spent the better part of the morning and afternoon tinkering with the schematics he'd been working on the night that Pepper had come to talk to him. And he wasn't having much luck. His thoughts kept drifting to her, and there were even a few times when he'd sworn he could hear the click-clack of her heels on the steps as if she were coming downstairs to the shop. He'd even turned around a few times in his chair to look just to confirm it wasn't just his mind playing tricks on him. But sadly, it was. And he'd turn back around, dejected, every time.
Tony was lost in thought once again, and staring into the middle distance, when his phone rang. It startled him, and he snapped it up off the workbench beside him. He answered.
"Hey, man, you found your way out of that stupor you were in last night, yet?" his best friend's voice asked. Tony smirked and chuckled.
"Yeah, I was kinda in a bad way, wasn't I?" Tony asked.
Rhodey scoffed. "I don't think you've been that plastered in a while. Well, since the birthday party, anyway," he said.
"I had a good reason for getting hammered then, too," Tony reminded him. "What with dying, and my best friend stealing my suit, and all."
"Hey, the past is the past," Rhodey said. "Why you gotta bring up old shit?"
Tony smiled. "I'm not, man. All is forgiven. It's just..." Tony said, trailing off.
"What, Tony?" Rhodey asked.
Tony sighed. "That was nothing..." Tony said in a low murmur. "Compared to this."
"I understand," Rhodey said. "Love hurts."
"Hurts is an understatement," Tony replied. "This is agony. It feeling like I'm being eaten from the inside out, you know?"
"Thanks for the image," Rhodey stated, chuckling.
"No, I'm serious, Rhodey. It's like, if I don't get her back, I'm gonna...I'm gonna..." Tony stammered.
"Die?" Rhodey offered.
"Yeah," Tony said. "Exactly."
Rhodey was silent for a moment. "Never thought I'd see the day, Tony," he admitted.
Tony chuckled softly. "What're you talking about," he said.
"You. In love. And having your heart stomped on by a girl. No," Rhodey corrected. "Not just a girl. Pepper. Funny, I never thought she'd be the one to hurt you. Irony is a bitch."
"I know, right?" Tony agreed. "And I figured I'd be the one to fuck this up six ways from Sunday."
"Well, you kinda did," Rhodey reminded him. "What were you thinking, asking her to move in this soon?"
Tony nodded. "I know. I know! It was stupid, and...and...impulsive, and I shouldn't have taken it that far. But, damn it, man, she and I? We're perfect. We're great together. And I want that all the time. That's all I was trying to say, you know? And I guess I scared her away."
Tony heard Rhodey sigh. "That you did, my friend. That you did."
Tony shook his head. "But the blame's not all on me. Something happened to her. Somebody broke her heart. Bad. Bad enough to pull up stakes and move west."
"Really," Rhodey said. "What do you think happened?"
"I don't know. But I'm gonna go over there tonight and find out. I deserve to know who else's mistakes I'm paying the price for, you know?" Tony said.
"Tony, are you sure you want to do that? It's only been a couple of days, right?" Rhodey reasoned.
"I'm sure," Tony assured. "I can't wait anymore. Call me impatient..."
"Oh, I have. Among a lot of other things," Rhodey teased.
Tony chuckled. "But if I'm going to get brushed off, I at least want to know the reason why," he continued. "She can't call a time out, and just leave me hanging. I'm even willing to go back to square one, if she wants. I'll do whatever she needs me to do. Just not this. Not this 'cold shoulder, incommunicado' thing. This is torture."
Rhodey was silent for a moment. "Sounds like you know what you want," he said softly.
Tony smiled to himself. "I do," he agreed. "And it's her."
XxXxXxXxXx
Pepper managed to get through the work day without any major break downs. She kept her focus on her work, even though it was tough, and trudged through it. But now, coming home again to an empty, silent house, she found it even more difficult to keep her composure. Especially after walking into her entry way and seeing the bouquet of roses from Tony in the vase on the table. She hadn't paid much attention to them in the last few days other than freshening their water, but now she noticed some of their petals had fallen off and they were starting to wilt. This struck her in the moment as a reflection of what she and Tony were going through, and it broke her heart. When he'd given her those roses, their love was still vibrant and alive. And now, because of her own fears and doubts, the life was draining out of it. And it was all she could do not to feel shredded by the guilt that there was no one to blame but herself for causing it. Sure, she'd been hurt pretty badly in the past, but that was the past. This was now. And she was making the man in her life pay for what someone else had done to her.
Pepper sadly took her eyes from the roses, and trudged into her bedroom. She quietly changed clothes, and emerged in a pair of black yoga pants, a cornflower blue tank top, and a long white cardigan knit sweater. She walked into her kitchen and opened the fridge, scanning for anything quick and easy for dinner. But then she just closed it again. She had no appetite, so eating wasn't appealing in the least at the moment. All she wanted to do was curl up on the couch, watch something mindless, and go to sleep.
Call him, her mind kept saying. You're not broken up. You're just slowing down. You miss him. Call him. Pepper frowned and crossed her arms. She shook her head. "I can't," she said. "Not yet."
Why not?, her mind challenged her. He is probably dying to hear from you. And you need to hear his voice.
"Stop it," Pepper begged. "Just stop it. No, I don't," she said, her voice cracking from the threat of tears beginning to burn her eyes. She brought a hand to her mouth, as her chin began to quiver and her face contorted. An arrant sob escaped her chest and she crumbled, suddenly, desperately reaching for one of the stools at her breakfast bar to collapse onto. She covered her face in her hands, and her shoulders began to shake with sobs. After a moment, she raised her head back up and swiped at her tears on her cheeks, still crying. "What is wrong with me?" she asked herself out loud in a hushed whisper. She shook her head. Why would I turn away someone who loves me for no good reason? Clayton was young and immature. And so was I! But I'm still acting like that stupid girl who couldn't read the warning signs back then! This isn't the same. That was fifteen years ago. For God's sake, get over it already! Is this how you want your life to be? Alone and without anyone to share it with?!, she thought. "Tony loves you! And you love him! Why isn't that enough?!" she cried. "Oh God! What is wrong with me?" Pepper choked out. "What have I done?"