The bus ride back to the Mystery Shack was chillingly quiet. The sun was up by now. Dipper's stomach was starting to ache.
He walked up to the shack with another heaving sigh and walked in. The moment the door closed though, he heard hurrying footsteps. Soon all three Pines Family members came running in to see him.
"Dipper! Oh my gosh!", Mabel gasped.
"Kid where've ya been?!"
"Dipper, what happened?! Where were you?!"
Before Dipper had time to respond or even blink, Mabel came hurrying with arms outstretched for a hug.
Images of Bipper choking Mabel or clawing her eyes out flashed through Dipper's mind. The boy quickly stepped back with his hands raised in defense.
"Aa-ah!", he yelped a little.
Mabel stopped, scared of her brother backing away from her.
"Dipper?", she asked quietly.
Again, he couldn't bring himself to let them worry about him. He tried to smile and shrug it off. But he was pale with heavy bags under his blood-shot eyes. His hair was a mess. His face was stained with tears and his cheeks and nose were red.
"S-Sorry..", he quietly apologized.
"Dipper, where were you?!", Ford and Lee asked at the same time.
"Nowhere!", he quickly lied. "I-I-I was walking through the woods!"
"Kid, you're a terrible liar.", Stanford frowned a bit more.
"Dipper, I just came back in from running all over the woods for the past hour.", Stanley became more worried looking.
Dipper then noticed that Stanley wasn't wearing his coat and his arms were scratched up from brush. He felt his heart wrench tightly at the thought of his grandfather racing out with little to no thought of having everything together to keep himself safe, scared of what's happened to him.
"Dipper, where did you go? Did Bill possess you or something?", Mabel asked.
"I'm fine, okay?", Dipper sighed a little, accidentally coming across as annoyed.
"Well where did you go?!", Stanford pressed.
"Nowhere!"
He couldn't bring himself to tell them what had happened. For one, it's embarrassing what all Bill did to Pacifica. For another, he just wanted to get away from them before Bill came back. He never said WHEN he was coming back and being this close to loved ones was starting to really hurt Dipper's heart and he cringed from the pain.
"Dipper, just tell us what happened!", Mabel pleaded.
"Come on, Kid, fess up!", Stanford pressed.
"Dipper, you can talk to us!", all three started to move closer to Dipper, trying to be reassuring.
"NO! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!", Dipper exploded, holding himself closely and backing away from everyone. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY?!"
Mabel felt Dipper's words pierce her heart but before she could react, he tore off past them, through the house.
"Wait, wait! Dipper!", Stanley started to follow after him.
"Hold up."
Stanford stopped his brother with a hand on his shoulder. Lee looked back, shocked his brother would try to stop him, but Ford just calmly shook his head.
"He's not gonna talk to us..", he tried to get a grasp on his own worries and fears. "Maybe... Maybe we should let him be for a little while."
"Stan, that's when he feels the worst.", Lee whined a little.
"I know. But I always get aggressive when I'm freaked and you've still got new-parent syndrome. Smothering him with affection at this point will drive him away just as badly as my harsh attitude..", Stanford sighed some.
Sadly, no one moved. Dipper tore off through the house and found himself down in the lab again. It was cold and dimly lit in there. He had slowed to a walk as he came in and looked around. A small draft blew by.
'Well this is fitting..', he thought miserably to himself.
He came up to where the portal was and looked up at the large, destroyed contraption. A part of him wished he could go in there and be suspended like Stanley. But he knew it wouldn't help anything.
Dipper's legs trembled and he sat down in the dirt. Something crackled underfoot. He looked down and pulled up a picture of him and Mabel. Tears swelled up in his eyes and he curled up tightly there on the floor, grasping the picture close to him. The thought of losing her made him cry.
Growing up, Dipper hadn't thought much of it, having a twin sister and what that really meant to him. She had her life and he had his. They didn't even have to share a room since they were 8.
First coming to Gravity Falls, one thing that nagged Dipper was that whatever happened on this stay at their grunkle's, he'd have to tell his parents about it when he came back. At the time, a small part of him was worried of anything happening to Mabel and he'd have to tell about it when they got back. Especially when she went into town or talked to strangers that weren't their age. And nothing helped when he suspected her first boyfriend to be a zombie and found out they were actually gnomes who could still do some serious damage.
Over the course of every supernatural adventure they've been on though, Dipper's worry only grew more with his paranoia. Sure he learned how to deal with things like ghosts and zombies and gnomes. But it was still a small nag in the back of his mind of something happening to his sister. And it became a scream whenever she was in any danger.
Now he was the sole vessel of the greatest danger and if Mabel died, if anything happened to her, if Bill's plans came into effect and then she was rendered useless to him, what would happen? Dipper would live through the rest of his life without his sister.
After getting to know Stanley, and especially Stanford's true nature, it really touched on Dipper how much his sibling meant to him. 30 years without having a sibling to celebrate holidays or birthdays. Ford went through all of adulthood without Stanley. Stanley didn't even have the chance to raise his own kid, Dipper's father. Stanford had to stage Lee's death and go to the funeral and every day, every penny he pinched, every last little thing he ever worked for and wondered could he actually get his brother back? And all the way up to how terrified he sounded when Dipper was about to press the button and shut it all down.
Destroy 30 long years of hard lonesome work. 30 years of suffering through his own depression and wrestling with himself whether or not he could pull this off. 30 years of having to lie and cheat and steal to get his brother back.
Dipper couldn't possibly imagine living through that kind of pain if it was Mabel and even then, Ford did have a chance of getting Lee back. If Mabel was just gone, it'd be forever. It'd be permanent. Dipper had no idea what would happen after one would die and how being a ghost exactly worked. He had no guarantee of her coming back as a ghost and even then, she can't really be with him. He wouldn't be able to tell his parents about it either. It would seem impossible to grasp the concept himself.
And it could all actually happen.
Because of him.
He thought back through the mental layout of the entire house and suddenly everything he could look back at and remember seemed like an easy way to just reach out and take the life of another's with it. Or even severely hurt them. Even just imagining Mabel torn up, bloody, and bruised like he's been made the boy shiver and sob some more.
The world was suddenly a very scary place and Dipper could do nothing more than lay there and cry his heart out. There was nothing he could do to stop Bill from doing anything he wanted. Depression swept over the boy in one cold wave after another and he was pushed back and forth, caught in its madness.
He didn't know if he was thinking about how much he messed up, or if he was remembering every time he fought with Mabel with a horrible gut-wrenching feeling of regret. Somewhere along the lines he knew he was imagining horrible scenarios of his sister's untimely death and all the fingers pointing to him. He would be left with the blame ultimately.
'It's my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault..', he chanted dismally in his mind.
Dipper's stomach churned with the growing stress. He moaned and sobbed and rolled over on the dirt floor. Cold sweat poured down his face and mingled with his tears as he tried to cope with the pain.
'What can I do? There's gotta be some way out of this. Any way out of this.. I can't let him get Mabel.. I can't let him hurt her..'
He thought back over the course of the week and all the times Mabel had tried to cheer him up. He thought of how Lee and Ford had done their best to make sure he was okay and he regretted pushing them away then. Just like he did now. And now he'll always push them away because he didn't want anyone to get hurt.
"And it's all your fault...", Bill's voice rang back in his memories. 'It's all my fault..'
With the stomach ache, Dipper was afraid he was going to throw up. After a little longer of the pain and anguish, he did. He didn't have breakfast, so all he really lost was some stomach acid, but the pain of feeling his stomach muscles push so hard made the boy cry in pain.
Dipper backed away from the acid and propped himself up against one of the walls of the small lab. He pushed back his hair and curled up again, left with a chilling, cold feeling.
Somewhere in the middle of feeling absolutely miserable, Dipper thought back to his deal with Bill. It was all so pointless. Bill played him. The whole way through. How much he must've wanted to laugh at Dipper's choice. At hearing him boast for "thinking it all the way through".
He remembered Mabel's horrified expression, as if he was the monster he felt like he was now.
"What's to stop him from attacking us while he has your body?", Stanley had asked.
"...Well then he'd be breaking the deal.. And if he breaks the deal...", Dipper's eyes widened as his words echoed back to him. "...Someone has to break the body."
He swallowed hard. The thought settling into his mind. Death? But it was true.. If the body was "broken", Bill couldn't use it. It's what kept him from breaking bones.
Dipper knew his family wouldn't kill him. A chilling thought came to mind. But it seemed like the only solution.
Suicide.
He didn't know when Bill would be back for the body. He just knew Bill would want to come back for it and took the time to warn Dipper. Bill had plans for his family. Plans that could invariably hurt them.
But his access through Dipper. His plans. Everything. Would all be destroyed in one act.
Bill wouldn't have a body to possess. He couldn't hurt Mabel. He couldn't finish his plans.
Dipper thought it over for a long time. If this was something he was gonna do, it would have to be planned carefully. He knew his family would try to stop him. He knew he wouldn't be able to do it at all if he started thinking about how much he would miss them. How much they would be hurt for him. But if he did...would he actually be doing the right thing for once? It didn't seem like there was any other option.
In other parts of the house, Stanley was pacing back and forth quickly. Stanford and Mabel sat by, sadly watching him.
"What are we gonna do, Stan? What can we do?", Lee asked worriedly as he has done for the past 2 hours. "What are we gonna do for Dipper? This could get serious!"
"Stan, there's nothing we can do.", Ford repeated sadly. "I know you're worried. We all are. We wake up and Dipper's missing? He comes back and doesn't say where he's been or why? But trying to press on him now is only gonna make things worse. Whatever Bill did to him, it obviously really scared the kid."
"But we.."
"I know."
"I-I.."
"Yeah.. But this is different."
"DIFFERENT HOW?!", Stanley turned and slammed his hands on the table. He looked frantic and scared. Stanford sighed, looking back at his brother. "That maniac triangle is gonna pull something and if Dipper doesn't realize how much we need him..! How much he needs us..! Stanford, I lost a large part of my life. Half of it to be exact. I was stupid and desperate. I don't even really know my family anymore! I don't know what my son's like at all! I wasn't there to raise him! You lived a whole life, so many adventures, so much to tell, and I wasn't anywhere! I'm back and I'm finally rebuilding my bond with you. On top of that, I'm learning how much I love my grandchildren and how much I want them to love me back. I don't want to lose family again, Ford. I lost them once, not again! I haven't known Dipper for very long but I don't wanna lose him as much as I wouldn't wanna lose YOU!"
Ford couldn't help but notice exactly how extreme the situation really was. In most cases, Stanley really was the calmer, logical one and Ford was ranting like this. It wasn't until situations were very personal and extreme that the tables would flip and Ford did his best to reassure his brother.
"Stanley.. You need to calm down..", Ford instructed quietly.
Stanley noticed the way they acted as well and took a deep breath. He took a couple and pulled up a chair with his foot to sit down with them. He buried his face in his hands, trying hard to get a grip.
"...We're not gonna get anywhere if we're all running around frantic.", Stanford reminded him.
"...You're right..", Stanley nodded.
"What I'm concerned about...is Mabel.", Stanford looked over.
Mabel didn't even hear her name. She was staring out the window, lost in her own thoughts. The way Dipper shoved her away. The way he looked so terrified and angry. She couldn't get the memory of their fighting out of her head.
She had no idea what happened to him but all she could guess was that Dipper was feeling worse and worse from whatever Bill had done to him. She wanted to think of some way to make him feel better, but Stanford had stopped Stanley from doing that. Mabel didn't want to leave Dipper all alone, but she certainly didn't want to make him push her away any more than he did now. Tears slipped down her cheek as she continued in these thoughts.
Finally, she noticed the tissue being offered and blinked a little. She looked up at Stanley and Stanford's worried faces and then took the tissue from her grandfather and glanced back down at the floor again.
"Thanks..", she said in a quiet voice.
"Need anything?", Lee asked.
Mabel shrugged and blew her nose. She couldn't think of anything. Stanford opened an arm and Mabel considered it. After she finished blowing her nose she took the invitation and crawled into her grunkle's lap. He hugged her close and Mabel clung to his suit.
"...Wanna talk about it, Mabel?", he asked gently.
"...What can I do to help Dipper when he's like this?", Mabel asked timidly, her voice cracking a little bit, making her realize the pain swelling in her throat.
"We'll figure something out, Sweetie.", Grunkle Stan tried to reassure her.
"But Dipper..."
Suddenly they heard a metallic clang, indicating the vending machine was closed. Everyone froze for a moment thinking of Dipper coming out now.
"...Alright we shouldn't g-", Stanford started to say but Mabel was already pushing out of his lap and raced out the door. "No no no, Mabel! Wait!"
Mabel raced for the stairs but stopped half way in the living room, seeing Dipper already at the bottom of them. The two looked at each other for a moment. Mabel was worried. Dipper was scared.
"...Dipper, don't push me away, please!", Mabel tried to beg.
"M-Mabel...", Dipper almost wanted to step away from her. "Just.."
She took a step closer and Dipper flinched and backed up.
"No!", he gasped.
Mabel froze and the two kept their stare in silence again.
"...M-M-Mabel, just.. R-r-right there... Okay?", Dipper almost begged.
Mabel slowly nodded, a little happy to know he wasn't just running away from him. Stanley and Stanford carefully came up as well, a little unsure of how Dipper would react.
"...Kid...", Stanford sighed a little and tried again, trying to be gentle. "...Dipper... We just wanna know."
Dipper swallowed, already knowing what the question was gonna be.
"...What happened this morning?"
Dipper already had an idea of how to answer this. He took a bit of a breath and forced himself not to think of Pacifica as he closed his eyes and made up his reply.
"...Bill had woken up my body...a-a-and..took my body around town..", he answered slowly, his voice was hoarse from crying so much. "...It.. It really put me on edge. ...I'm sorry for yelling at you guys.."
To Stanford, a master of weaving quick lies, he knew this one was no different. But he didn't press. Instead he took a breath and nodded.
"It's okay, Dipper..", he said. "...We're just concerned about you is all.."
"...Thanks..", Dipper mumbled quietly, keeping his eyes to the floor.
"...Um... Do you wanna...talk? Or..anything?", Stanley offered awkwardly.
"Uh...", Dipper looked back at them. He actually really wanted to be with them, but refrained and instead shook his head a little. "A-Actually.. I'm uh.. I'm still pretty tired... I'm uh.. I'm gonna go back to bed for a little bit.."
"Okay..", Stanley sighed a little.
"We'll be sure to have breakfast ready for you, okay?", Stanford tried to smile.
Even the smallest offer of concern made Dipper's heart become tight with pain. He grimaced a little, but turned it into a smile.
"..Thanks..", he tried.
The others nodded and Dipper walked upstairs.
Mabel trailed behind him, but clung to the railing and waited at the bottom step, feeling a little more than helpless.
"...He might come around..", Stanford tried to be optimistic.
"Really?", Stanley asked flatly.
"...I'll be honest. I have no clue.", Stan shrugged.
The family sighed in unison.
"...You gonna be okay Mabel?", Lee asked.
"...Maybe..", Mabel shrugged.
Up in his bedroom, Dipper looked around. He thought it over, snapped his fingers, and then dug out something from his suitcase. A spiral notebook. The boy sighed, took a pen from his desk, flopped back onto his bed and rolled over onto his stomach. He flipped its pages around. A few scribbles and half-finished letters to his parents were in there. He ripped out the pages and started anew.
Dipper stared at the blank notebook for a long time and then heaved a sigh.
'...Do it.', he ordered himself. 'If you keep staring, you can't get it through.'
Slowly, Dipper began to write in his best penmanship.
"Dear Grunkle Stan..."
Dipper wrote out his letters, one for each family member and his friends. He had to stop several times to back up and cry a little more.
Mabel came up with some breakfast for him while he was writing. Dipper had flipped to a different part of the notebook before she came in.
"Hey..", she said quietly. "...Have some breakfast for ya."
"Mm... Thanks Mabel..", Dipper mumbled.
"...Get any sleep?", she asked.
"...Not really.", he sighed.
Mabel came over to set the plate on the end table. She looked at what Dipper was writing.
"...Bill Cipher?", she asked, seeing the doodles of him.
"...Yeah.. I don't know if he'll uh... If he'll try to destroy it or something.. But I wanted to help Stanley with his research, y'know?"
Mabel smiled a little.
"Sounds good.", she nodded.
Dipper looked up and smiled back some. He shrugged a little and sat up.
"A lot of it actually is, uh.. Is actually kinda just observing what it's like in the mind-scape..", he explained.
Mabel smiled some more, happy to hear something a bit more normal coming from her brother.
"Okay. That's kinda cool.", she encouraged. "Um... Are you gonna eat?"
"Yeah. I uh.. I should.", Dipper nodded.
"Scrambled eggs, just the way you like them.", Mabel offered the plate.
Dipper took the plate with a quiet "thank you" and began to eat.
"...Are you feeling any better?", Mabel asked.
In honesty, Dipper couldn't tell if he was touched by Mabel's striving to cheer him up, like he typically would, or felt worse because he knew this was gonna be a last day with her.
"...A-a little I guess.", Dipper shrugged. "...Still don't really wanna come down.."
"Okay.", Mabel nodded.
They sat there in an awkward silence for a while. Both wanted to ask and say so much, but neither one of them really wanted to upset the other. Mabel shrugged some.
"...I guess I'll head back down.", she said.
"Oh..", Dipper felt his heart sink a little and tried to tell himself it was for the better. "Um.. Kay.. Thanks for breakfast."
"Yeah."
Mabel quickly hugged Dipper tightly and then headed out. However badly Dipper was feeling, he suddenly felt worse. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to hurt her emotionally either.
'At least Bill didn't come back. At least he did NOT come back..', Dipper sighed again. 'He's not here.. He didn't kill her...yet..'
His stomach lurched again and Dipper tried to shove the thought aside and turned back to his letters. He had to finish.
All day Dipper worked in his bedroom without any surprise visits from Bill yet. Come nightfall, after dinner, he and Mabel got ready for bed and turned out the lights. Rain poured outside and thunder rumbled in the distance.
Mabel fell asleep in a little bit of time. Dipper stayed awake. He kept an eye on the clock till it was well after midnight and then crept out of bed. He had to do it now. He shook from head to toe as he got ready, gathered the letters together and carefully spread them out on the bed.
Dipper came over to Mabel's sleeping body.
'Dipper... You can't let this stop you from doing it..', he told himself.
Gently Dipper leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
'As much as you don't want to leave her.. You know it's going to break her heart... But you've gotta do this..', he kept saying, standing back up and brushing her hair aside a little. 'I've gotta do this for her.. For everyone.. I love them.'
He felt tears come to his eyes.
'I love you, Mabel...', he thought. '...And I don't want to do this..'
Lightning flashed enough to illuminate the room and Dipper saw the shadow of the triangle-shape window above their beds fall over Mabel's body. Dipper snapped his hand away with a gasp, thinking of Bill.
Thunder rolled loudly and Dipper quickly backed up and tried to calm back down before hurrying to the door.
Mabel moaned a little, hearing the thunderclap.
"Dipper..?", Mabel cracked her eyes open in time to see a blurry brother disappear behind the door.
Mabel closed her eyes again and sighed. The bed felt so cozy that night. But...who was that? Oh yeah.. Dipper.
'He must be using the bathroom...', she thought lazily to herself.
'But.. Dipper hasn't really been in the best of spirits?', Mabel argued with herself tiredly.
'Do I really need to go after him? If he's just using the bathroom..'
'What if this isn't Dipper though? Like this morning? Or... Yesterday?'
Mabel groaned a little but the thought of Bipper sneaking out was enough to make her throw off the blankets. She curled up tightly as the cold air washed over her and she groaned a bit more and finally forced herself up out of bed and to the stairs.
Silently going down creaky stairs in the middle of the night was not an easy feat. It's why by the time Mabel reached the top of them, Dipper had just reached the bottom and was making his way through the house.
'...If he's just using the bathroom..', she sighed a little to herself, feeling kind of silly to be this worried about her brother.
She knew she had good reason, but she didn't want act obsessive.
She accidentally landed a little heavier on a step than she should've and it was just enough to let out a soft creak.
Dipper gasped and quickly whipped around. Mabel froze, hoping the shadows were hiding her well enough.
Dipper looked like a scared rabbit, eyes wide as he stood straight up and still. He nervously glanced around. He looked one way, whipped his head in its direction, and then turned it back to the stairs. He was looking right. At. HER. But it was so dark in the house, he couldn't quite see her.
Dipper stood a few seconds longer and then shut his eyes and gently shook his head.
"Dipper..", he said softly. "..just go."
He hurried off again.
Mabel watched with wide eyes, all feelings of drowsy sleepiness gone as worry struck the poor girl.
'...He could just be afraid of waking someone up..', she tried to remain optimistic, though she noticed her heart starting to pick up its pace.
She came down the stairs, much more carefully this time, and followed him through the living room.
'He could just not want to wake anyone up and use the bathroom..', she tried to reassure herself.
Dipper looked both ways down the hallway. Left was the bathroom and the Stan Twins' bedrooms. Right was the rest of the house. He went right.
'...Using the bathroom..outside?', Mabel swallowed hard and followed.
Dipper didn't have to go far. He reached the doorway, paused, took in a breath, and went in.
'WHY IS HE GOING INTO THE KITCHEN?', Mabel's worry started to get the better of her.
Dipper turned on a light. He cringed, his eyes shut tight until he got used to the light. Mabel also got used to it and peeked in around the corner.
'Midnight snack maybe? ...PLEASE?', she almost begged in her mind as she watched.
Dipper came to the kitchen table. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter he wrote specially to explain why he had to do this and how sorry he was for it. Just in case one of the Stans or Mabel came downstairs and didn't see his notes on his bed. He sat it on the table and then went to the drawers.
'I gotta do this..', he thought to himself and opened a drawer with all the kitchen utensils.
'What is he DOING?', Mabel was on the verge of freaking out.
'No matter how scary or hard this may be. I gotta do this..', he told himself again. 'I gotta keep Mabel safe.'
Dipper pulled out a paring knife. It was small and easy to handle. But on close inspection, the blade was dull. Dipper sighed. He didn't want to make a huge mess. His stomach was rolling in stress, his hands trembled, his heart was pounding loudly in his ears.
Dipper pulled out a steak knife and then grimaced, seeing it was serrated. Wouldn't really do the job right.
Mabel swallowed hard and began to shake a little herself, watching him, as her eyes widened.
'...Maybe he's cutting up some deli for a sandwich?'
Even she could admit it started sounding far-fetched, but she had a hard time accepting what was really in the back of her mind from this.
Dipper sighed and put the knife away. He paused. His stomachache made him break into sweat. Dipper clutched the counter as another painful wave of nausea surged through the boy's body. He doubled over with a gasp, almost like a sudden jerk. He could feel himself wanting to throw up, but couldn't quite come to it. Dipper's breathing was shallow and shaky and he tried to get a grasp on himself.
'Do it, Dipper. Just do it. Do what you've gotta do!', Dipper insisted.
He seized the largest kitchen knife. The same one that Bill had first used on his body. Mabel drew in a shaky breath as she watched Dipper shakily raise the knife. He pressed it against his neck...
"DIPPER DON'T!", Mabel shrieked, bursting into the room now.
Dipper flinched, the knife instinctively being held a few inches away from his neck. But in a quick second, he turned to Mabel and quickly held it back to his throat again with an outstretched hand.
"D-don't stop me!", he squeaked, backing away from her.
"Dipper!", Mabel was already up in tears and she sobbed a little watching him as all the horror of this came crashing into her reality. "Oh my gosh, Dipper, please don't!"
"M-Mabel I-I have to!", Dipper's voice was cracking and trembling worse than his hand.
"NO! NO YOU DON'T!", Mabel shook her head, blinking several times to try to rid the tears that kept blurring her vision of Dipper. "Dipper, please! PLEASE! Think about what you're doing! Don't do this!"
"What can I do?!", Dipper pleaded desperately, tears swelling up and pouring out of his eyes now, too. "Mabel you don't understand!"
"Dipper I know it's really scary for you right now but I love you! You're my brother! DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE!", Mabel sobbed.
"MABEL I CAN'T STOP HIM!", Dipper shouted. "NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. NO MATTER WHAT I DO! I CAN'T PROTECT YOU!"
Mabel shook her head, she couldn't speak. Tears kept pouring and her sobs made it almost impossible to breathe. She quickly came forward and grabbed his outstretched hand. She clung to it and cried into his arm like it was her only lifeline.
"No! No Mabel! Don't do this!", Dipper begged, watching her, sobbing himself. "Mabel I've GOTTA do this! If I don't... He's trying to use you! All of you! He's gonna use all of us! He's got some horrible plan and if I don't do this you're gonna get hurt-!"
"DIPPER YOU'RE HURTING ME RIGHT NOW AND I CAN'T STAND IT!", Mabel screamed.
Dipper shut his eyes tight. Nausea was threatening to partake in all of this, his whole body was shaking, making him hold the knife a little bit away. Tears were pouring, his heart was racing. He was terrified out of his mind. His sister's constant sobbing almost made it impossible at this point. It was exactly what he wanted to avoid, but he couldn't go back now.
"Mabel..", Dipper's voice suddenly dropped to barely above a whisper. Mabel tried in vain to dry her eyes and look back as Dipper mirrored and stared straight at her with wide, scared eyes full of tears. "...I'm sorry.."
He quickly brought the knife against his throat again and Mabel lunged forward to cling to him. She began sobbing very hard into his shoulder in all fear. She was almost in hysterics. Dipper struggled. He literally felt like his arm was being pushed and pulled on at the same time as he was torn between doing what he thought was right and doing what Mabel thought was right.
"DIPPER PLEASE DON'T!", Mabel begged. "DON'T DO THIS! DON'T...leave me alone...!"
He came close, and then finally with all the effort he had, he snapped his arm away from them and dropped the knife. He gasped and it clattered uselessly on the floor. Mabel shuddered at its sound.
He stood there for a moment, panting heavily from the adrenaline before weakly reaching up and encircling his sister in a timid hug. It quickly grew into a very tight hug, as he also clung to her like a lifeline.
Ford and Lee finally made it into the room, wide-eyed and panicked.
"What's going on? Kids?!", both were talking over top of each other.
They saw the other two slide down to the floor, too weak to stand any longer. Dipper and Mabel bawled into each other's shoulders as the events washed over them.
"I'm sorry Mabel..! I-I-!", Dipper stammered.
"Dipper.. D-Dipper! Dipper promise me..!", Mabel swallowed and held her brother so they could look at each other in the eye.
He looked back and saw all her nightmares and tears as she struggled to make this clear.
"Y-You won't d-do this again.. P-promise me Dipper!", She begged.
Dipper nodded meekly, still hiccuping a little.
"Promise?", Mabel pressed.
"I-I promise..", Dipper nodded.
"Okay..", Mabel whispered with a nod. She swallowed hard and pulled him as close as she possibly could, cementing it in her mind he was still there. "...I-It's okay.. Every-ev-everything is gonna-gonna be o-okay.. I promise."
The other two saw the letter on the table, glanced at each other and quickly came in and hugged the children, both asking as fast as possible what had happened.
Stanford was the first to notice the knife and elbowed his brother to make him see it as well. Stanley looked at the blade and then gasped and covered his mouth in horror to refrain from swearing again.
"Kids, what the hell happened?!", Ford asked, more panicked than before.
"I'm sorry!", Dipper sobbed, his voice cracked especially bad at the end.
"No! No no no, Dipper it'll be okay!", Mabel continued, rocking back and forth with him now. "It's okay! You're here! You're here and it's all going to be okay!"
The older set of twins looked at each other in fear and then back at the knife. Carefully, Stanley reached out and placed it in the sink, away from them, before the two began to coddle and care for the younger twins.
"Dipper.. Dipper? Dipper, please.. You gotta tell me..", Stanley begged, his voice trembling the slightest.
Dipper hiccuped and looked up at his grandfather's worried face.
"...Was this Bill?", he asked quietly.
Dipper stared a moment, then started to tremble as a new wave of tears flooded and poured down. He shut his eyes tightly and buried his face into his grandfather, slightly shaking his head as a squeaky whimper escaped him, making chills run down Lee and Ford's spines.
The family only hugged tighter and stayed like that until finally there was not a tear left to be shed. The hiccuping died down and even then, a cold, dismal note of horror weighed on all of them.
After a long pause, Stanford finally cleared his throat a little.
"...are...are you..?", he looked down at the younger twins.
Dipper and Mabel looked up at Grunkle Stan, then at each other. Dipper nodded a little and wiped his nose. Mabel did the same and dried her eyes.
"Okay..", Stanford sighed some in relief. "...Um.. How.. H-How about some orange juice? Y'know... Something to settle on our stomachs?"
Again, a nod. After a last squeeze, Ford let go of the two and stood up. Slowly they let go of each other and everyone moved about the kitchen. Dipper and Mabel sat down at the table and Stanley got the cups. Ford pulled out the juice and soon all four were around the table with a drink in hand.
Stanley had taken to reading Dipper's left-over suicide note and the boy fidgeted nervously while the author looked over it. Finally Lee sighed, lowered the paper. He looked away, somewhat distressed and then handed it over to his brother.
Ford grimaced but reluctantly took the letter.
"Oh boy..", he braced himself.
After finishing reading it, everyone sat in silence for what felt like a very long time. Finally Mabel cleared her throat a little, finding it very sore from crying and screaming and croaked out the question everyone was thinking.
"...Are you gonna tell us what happened?", she said quietly.
Dipper sighed heavily and stared at his glass of juice. He didn't know how to start.
"...Whatever happened, it'll be alright.", Stanley gently reassured him.
"We're here for you, Dipper.. You know that, right?", Ford urged.
Dipper nodded and then rubbed the back of his neck.
"...It was kinda embarrassing... It was...mostly terrifying..", he began, his voice cracking as well.
"Can it be worse than what happened tonight?", Stanley asked.
Dipper shook his head and then finally told them. He told them everything. Waking up. The music. The room. What Bill did with Pacifica. How Dipper couldn't pull him out of the body. The bus ride back. The thoughts of suicide in the lab. The letters. He had to stop to cry a little more now and again, once having to hold his stomach as the stress still worked its way through him like a horrible venom, which made Mabel carefully hug him from the side and shush him lovingly.
When he was finally all done, all four twins sat in silence a moment and then sighed simultaneously, for their own reasons.
"...why didn't you tell us before?", Ford asked.
"...I didn't want you to worry about me.."
"...We're family, Dipper. We want to look out for you.", Stanley gently reassure him.
"...I know..", Dipper nodded.
"...We'll always be here for you.", Mabel hugged his arm again.
"Believe it or not, kid. We actually love you... All of us.", Stanford nodded.
Dipper let those words sink in, shutting his eyes tightly. His mind momentarily jumped to times the others had looked out for him and he teared up a little more as he clenched his fists tightly, trying not to cry again.
"...I know...", his voice crackled again. "And... I love you guys too... I'm.. I-I'm sorry.."
The others came around and hugged him once more while Dipper cried a little bit more.
"I didn't want him to hurt you!", he choked.
"He won't..", Ford reassured him soothingly. "He can't.."
"Yes... He can..", Dipper sighed. "...easily."
"Well okay, he can hurt us physically.", Stanley had to give credit to that one.
"Not. Helping.", Stanford growled a little.
"Sorry.. Kid's got a point. I see why he's been such a wreck..", Stanley whined a little with sympathy. "I know you can wrestle manitaurs, Stanford, but...come on.."
"Yeah, but is this gonna help Dipper through what he's going through right now?", Ford pressed.
"No.", Stanley admitted openly. "But understanding that we love him no matter what and that he could and should always come talk to any one of us about anything that's hurting him. That's what would help him. And that's not a lecture, I swear. I'm really, REALLY sorry you kids have to go through this.. There's no level that horrible demon wouldn't stoop to.. You're only TWELVE, you shouldn't be dealing with this kind of stress, let alone suicidal thoughts.. I'm sorry..."
"Why are you sorry?", Mabel asked.
"...I guess I don't really have a reason..", Stanley shrugged sadly. "..I'm just sorry you have to go through this."
"...but...w...we can get through this..together...right?", Dipper asked, sniffling a little.
Stanley looked back at Dipper lovingly and gently brushed the boy's hair back with a soft smile. Happy to know some of this was getting through to him.
"...Of course.", he reassured with a nod. "...No matter what the demon dishes out.. We can get through this together.."
Dipper nodded, smiling a touch himself. He looked at Mabel and after a bit, she smiled too.
"..Okay.", Dipper mouthed for himself.
"...Anything else we should know about?", Stanford asked.
Dipper shook his head.
"No.", he said. "...and that's the truth. I told you everything already."
"Okay.", Ford nodded. "Just want to make sure.."
"Yeah.. Thank you.."
"Of course, Dipper."
After a little moment longer of just letting their nerves rest, everyone went back to bed. Dipper and Mabel had a hard time falling asleep though. they tossed and turned and watched the other move about, till finally Dipper spoke up in the still darkness.
"...Mabel, are you awake?", he quietly called out.
"...yeah..", she nodded. "...can I snuggle in your bed?"
"...Like when we were little?"
"...mm-hmm.."
Mabel heard the bedsheets rustle from Dipper's bed and she crawled over into it. She hugged Dipper's head and soon the two were curled up close in each other's arms. It did help Dipper feel somewhat better, though he mildly still worried about Bill's return.
'...He's not gonna kill her.', he thought to himself. 'He won't kill her yet...'
"...Dipper... What's wrong?", Mabel noticed he hugged her tighter with these thoughts.
"...Mabel, I'm scared..", Dipper whispered. "...I'm really... REALLY scared...of what would happen to you... Wh...what could've happened to me.. I-I..."
"But..you didn't..", Mabel reminded him gently.
"No... But... I..I didn't even want to..", Dipper admitted. "..From the beginning.. I.. I let him..make me want to.."
"It'll be okay..", Mabel reassured.
"...Will it?", he asked quietly. "...will anything ever be the same?"
Mabel was quiet for a moment. She couldn't lie. Even to make him feel better.
"..probably not..", she admitted. "...but we'll get through this.."
"..Yeah, but I don't know how..", Dipper sighed a little. "..I have no idea what he's planning on doing... ...I don't know what's gonna happen to you or me now.. I just..."
Mabel gently shushed him and reminded her brother that they still had Stanford and Stanley who could handle pretty much anything and everyone still really loved and cared for him, ready to help with whatever the trouble may be.
"You're right.. You're right..", Dipper sighed some, having to accept Mabel's truth for what it really was. "...I'm still just really scared though... I think that's a big part of everything Bill's been wanting to do to me... When he said he was happy to make my life miserable.. ...Mabel, I can't stop worrying about what he's gonna do next. I feel like anything's gonna make me wanna scream... Like some horrible nightmare and I can't wake up.."
Mabel's spirits sank low, hearing this. Dipper buried his face more into his sister, a couple of tears escaping him.
"...Mabel... I've been worried about what's gonna happen next since the very beginning of Summer vacataion..", Dipper admitted. "...And I've always relied on your optimism to keep me from letting my anxiety get the better of me.. ...Please...make me laugh... Cheer me up, Mabel... You're the best at it..and I'm too scared to think of anything to smile about. ...Even a stupid sound..ANYTHING.. ...Please?"
Mabel bit her bottom lip and thought it over. She wasn't sure what all she could say or do. Nothing seemed appropriate and typically her funniest lines were on the spot. She laid there and sighed, trying hard to think of anything to say. It didn't even have to be funny. Just something to make Dipper smile.
"...last week... Um.. Candy, Grenda, and I were listening to this cute song Candy found on the computer...", Mabel shrugged. "...Do you wanna hear it?"
"Sure..", Dipper closed his eyes. "...I love it when you sing.."
Mabel took a breath and quietly began.
"I walked across an empty land. I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the earth, beneath my feet. Sat by the river and it made me complete..."
Dipper smiled a little bit, thinking of sitting by the river in the woods with everyone after the fairy-hunt or with Grandpa Stan while they were looking for medicine.
"Oh simple thing... Where have you gone? I'm getting tired...a-and I need someone to...rely on.."
Memories of nightmares and Bill's presence came back to mind and it made Mabel falter a little on the word "tired".
"I came across...a-a-a fallen...tree. ...I felt the branches of it looking at me.."
Both of them thought of every time Bill called Dipper "Pinetree" and how oddly fitting the lyrics suddenly seemed with the recent turn of events. Mabel started to tear up again but tried her best to keep going while Dipper only hugged her tighter as the ache returned to his heart.
"I-Is this the place...we used to love? I-Is this...the place..that I've been dr-dreaming o...of?"
A chilling shiver ran through Dipper as he kept remembering his dreams. How those dreams were really signs Bill was trying to give him and not the silly means of fantasy he once regarded them to be.
"Oh simple thing... Where have you gone? I-I'm getting tired and.. I-I need someone t-to rely on..."
Mabel pulled Dipper closer, making him remember that he did have her. He wouldn't die. No matter what, Mabel, Lee, and Ford would always be there for him. Mabel's voice cracked a little as she pressed on, trying to sing through her own small hiccups as she felt like she was just making it worse yet again for her brother.
"And i-i-if you have a minute why don't we go... Talk about it...somewhere only we know? Cause this.. Th-this could be the e-e-end of...of e-e-everyth-th-thing...", Mabel cleared her throat harshly, trying to keep from crying as both thought of what happened after Dipper dropped the knife. "...S-s-so why don't we go... Somewhere only we know?"
She stopped it early. Dipper took a breath, allowing the thoughts of his loving family and accepting that as long as Bill wasn't attacking now, he still had his family to hold onto and could hold onto them. It somehow made him relax, though he still clung tightly.
He felt a smile tug at his lips though he knew tears were falling.
"...Thank you..", he said quietly.
"...Did it help?"
"Yeah...", Dipper nodded.
Relief washed over Mabel and she heaved a sigh, allowing a smile to spread on her face as well.
"...Thank you.", Dipper repeated. "..Thanks for always finding a way to make me smile.."
"..I always will..", Mabel reassured warmly.
Exhausted from the day and night but happy with these thoughts, they now found sleep.
Laura: Ooh wow.. SO that got...intense... *Chuckles darkly.*
Amber: No duh, Sherlock.
Laura: Shut it, Watson. Lol. So! We've actually got the whole thing written so updates will happen sooner. ^_^ And don't worry, this isn't the last you've seen of Bill by far.
Amber: Oh, absolutely not. He DID say that he's gonna come back for the body soon, after all... :3c
Laura: Tee-hee.. 8D
(Laura: BTW. Real song she sang.
Amber: You guys should listen to the full song, "Somewhere Only We Know". Especially by Lily Allen, SO PRETTY. 8D Mabel sang a shortened version of the song that we heard in an old British Christmas commercial.)