A/N so here's what happened on Cat's end in chap 4 as a fun little extra. bet you never saw that coming

idk why I even write this anymore no one reads it. but anyway, here you go imaginary people

So this is what it had come down to.

Tori cornered you in your own home, and now you were trying to avoid her eyes at the local coffee place. You didn't even like coffee. Well, you did, but your parents never let you have it. What did they say it made you? Unmanageable?

Whatever. Who cares what they think, they're stupid anyway. And Tori is stupid too, for "wanting to talk."

You feel guilty for lumping the two together.

You still end up getting a caffeine-free fruit smoothie.

If you never stop drinking it, maybe you won't have to answer whatever questions you know she has.

"How's your smoothie?"

Okay. You can answer this.

"Strawberry-y."

"Well, that's good." She laughs, but you're onto her. You know her game and you won't let your guard down.

"So."

"So?" Whatever information she wanted, she was going to have to work for it.

"So Sam seems good."

You nod.

"It's crazy how you guys have lived together for like a year and it's my first time seeing her. Besides the times she's dropped you off or picked you up from school, of course."

You take a sip. "Yeah, she hates people so..."

Now she nods. "Yeah, but I mean, it feels like you deliberately don't want us hanging out." She's really leaning on your art school education right now, looking out the window and pretending to be casual.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You got high grades in your acting class too.

"I dunno. It's like, you tell me everything, and you don't want me to find out she doesn't know anything, because you think I'll tell her something."

You roll your eyes, bringing the straw to your lips again. "That's crazy." You think you might lose it if Tori keeps speaking in circles. It makes you feel like you're at the therapist. Sometimes she makes you feel like you're at the therapist, and she's your therapist, and it's usually not fun.

"Cat." She finally tries to make direct eye contact with you, but you watch your smoothie move towards you in the straw as you drink.

"Cat."

She sounds like someone's parent.

You take a long and audible slurp.

"Cat- stop that." She puts her hand on your cup, bringing it away from your face. "Cat, why haven't you told Sam you're in love with her?"

You push a strand of your hair behind your ear, keeping your eyes glued to the table. Everyone always knows more than you do, always know exactly why you behave the way that you do. "I'm not in love with Sam."

"Oh, please. All you do is talk about her and sigh, and doodle Catarina Puckell in your notebooks. Which is not her last name by the way."

You shrug your shoulders, feeling and probably looking like a belligerent child who just got asked why they pushed their sibling.

"Cat, come on. Be serious."

So she wants you to be serious. You look into her eyes. It feels like taking off an armour and it feels like aging a hundred years. Would anyone even recognize you? "You know why."

"Why? The stuff with Jade? Because-"

"It's not just the stuff with Jade, it's the stuff with everyone!" You're not stupid! You wish she would stop treating you like you're stupid! She'd probably have a heart attack if you told her you knew exactly what you were doing! "You know, the boys and my parents- you said that yourself. You said, 'Cat, you can't fall in love with everyone who shows you affection'- that's you, that's how you sound." You hate that your eyes tear up when you're frustrated. You're sure everyone in the shop is looking at you.

Tori looks ashamed, like she should. "What I meant-"

You cut her off, standing up from the table. You didn't want everyone to see you cry. "I'm leaving."

"Cat, wait!" You hear from behind you, but tears are streaming down your face and you're already not exiting fast enough.

You burst through the door, and you can't really see, so you settle for at least getting away from the giant windows of the coffee shop and lean against the building. You just want to sob in peace, and you want to see Sam.

You feel someone grab your arm, and although you're angry with her right now, you hope it's Tori because the last thing you need is to deal with a stranger's bullshit.

She pulls you into a hug, and it is her, and your chest sinks with relief because, even when you hated her, she was your best friend and was only ever trying to help you. "I'm so sorry, Cat. I didn't mean to upset you. I should know by now that you always tell me everything, just when you're ready, not necessarily when I am." You can hear the embarrassment in her voice, it reminds you why you trust her. "I just want you to be happy."

You make eye contact with her for the second time of the evening. "I know." A rush of fresh tears come to your eyes and so you press your face back into her chest. "I'm so scared. I'm so scared of being too much. Again."

She takes your head in her hands so she can wipe away the water from your cheeks. It reminds you of when you came home with squeegees stuck in your fists, and Sam pretended they worked so you would stop crying. Even now, as you're trying to tell Tori she's the scariest thing you can think of, you want only to be home with her.

"You've never been too much. All those other people? They're actually the ones that are missing something inside." She smiles. "I also don't think you have anything to worry about. Granted, I've only met Sam that one time at that party, and seeing her from across the parking lot at school. But, from what you tell me about her, I think everything might be okay this time."

You suddenly realize how stupid keeping them apart was. If Tori knew Sam better, she might've had a more sure answer. Best friends are kind of meant to spy on their best friend's crushes. Although, with the severity of it, you don't know if it can even be classified as a crush anymore. "Maybe."

"Alright, let's get out of here. I can tell by that faraway look in your eyes that you're sick of me and wish me to return you to your dearest." She laughs, and it makes your face redden. You push her away from you, but she throws a long arm over your shoulder. Your blush only seems to make her laugh harder. "Next time, I promise we'll actually just hang out and don't have to have any deep conversations. And bring Sam!"

Even though you were just thinking about how that would be a good idea, you aren't sure it's actually a good idea. You weren't joking about Sam hating people. "Maybe." You say, because it seems to be all you can commit to.

You both walk off into the sunset and if this were a play, the curtain would be closing. But unfortunately, it isn't, and Tori wasn't done talking.

"Hey, you remember at that party, how you had a throat infection and you had to type everything you wanted to say?"

You nod, because of course you remembered that, you remember everything. For better or worse.

"Well, do you remember, after we realized iCarly was there, you texted me saying you knew for sure Sam was your soulmate? Without saying even one word to her?"

You cover your face with your hands. You wouldn't give Tori the satisfaction of seeing how red you were again. "Tori, please stop embarrassing me!"

"I'm just saying!" She's back to laughing, even though NOTHING is funny. "Maybe you should trust yourself. Maybe you were right."