Disclaimer: Hasbro Takara Dreamworks Owenership. Me Wishful thinking.

A/N: I am so sorry! -grovels- I've just had serious upheaval in my life right now and writing was the furthest thing from my mind for quite a while. Forgive me?

Chapter 9 Psychosomatic Reaction

Caitlyn had the great joy of being a slow waker, her mind would pull itself out of sleep, but her body would take a few more seconds of 'snooze time' and she knew from experience the any attempt to speak would be hilariously distorted by an unresponsive tongue. In this case her leisurely waking process allowed her time for her recent memories to present their mortifying selves to her still dozy brain.

'Oh shit...OH SHIT! I fainted – I fainted. Well that's a good first impression, at least now they won't be able to think of you as any kind of threat'

Somehow that wasn't much comfort.

She could hear something, someone large and most probably metallic moving quite quietly around. She guessed from the echoes that the room she was in was large, and she could tell that the surface she was laid out on was high – she had had a top bunk in her youth and you tended to recognise the feeling of being up high unless you wanted to hurt yourself getting out of bed.

"So Miss Edens, I see that you have finally gained consciousness."

Caitlyn pulled herself up so she was sitting upright and regretted it. There was a distinct possibly that the place she had fallen was populated by a large colony of rocks that didn't appreciate visits by human backs and shoulders and left bruises as warnings not to come back.

She guessed the room she was in was some sort of medical centre, while the 'beds' were monstrously oversized and much of the equipment looked like the love children of microwave ovens and bicycles with perhaps some genetic tinkering towards clotheslines, the pristine white walls, the complete and utter cleanliness and stoic organisation of everything in the room was familiar. No scientist's lab could be so organised, nothing else could be so ordered. This was definitely the paradise of someone who cared for the sick and injured, this place suggested home to Caitlyn – OH&S to the letter.

The Autobot whose domain this obviously was was watching her reactions with amusement.

"I take it you approve of my medbay?"

'My medbay'. There was definite pride in that.

"I guess medical requirements are pretty much universal. I started out in healthcare before I became a researcher. Everywhere I went everyone had their own processes and tips on how to keep places clean and tidy. This sort of set-up is familiar to me."

The bright yellow medic (because there was no doubt in Caitlyn's mind that was what the Autobot talking to her was) settled onto an overlarge chair beside the table-like construction she sat on.

"So you were a medic?" He asked.

She paused, wondering how to word her answer.

"Not a medic as such, not a doctor or nurse. I was a masseuse, but you still have to know how the human body works, it's various systems and their workings and what can cause it to stop working properly. I would never profess to be able to perform surgery or be able to diagnose someone, but I can recognise if something is wrong and in some cases help; if it relates to the muscular system."

"So would you have a diagnosis for why you lost consciousness before? My scans show nothing wrong with you that should have caused that sort of reaction."

He was teasing her, she realised. But she knew the answer anyway.

"I believe the term you're looking for is 'psychosomatic reaction'. In the past week I have found out the research facility I was working for was conducting alien experiments, I broke a confidentiality agreement, I survived an attempted assassination, I was shot, I was kidnapped by the government, I was interrogated, I was told I was going to be put into the custody of the aforementioned aliens and then I get towered over by the biggest fucking kids action figure you have ever seen. Frankly the fact that I didn't have an apoplexy is deserving of praise, fainting is so much easier to deal with don't you think?"

Caitlyn was startled by the sound that came from the medic, until she realised that he was laughing, in fact his mirth so overpowered him that he nearly fell of the chair he was using.

'This guy ain't too bad; this might just work out – Now if I can just stop freaking out at the sight of...What did he say his name was? Optimus Prime?'

The medic finally managed to calm down, but his optics were brighter than before and she supposed that was an indication he was still amused – muck like a humans eyes 'twinkling'.

"I think Miss Edens that you might not want to repeat that comment about Prime in front of the others, Bumblebee might find it amusing in time but Ironhide will most definitely not."

"I think that if I'm doing to be staying here that we can at least drop to first name basis...uhh, I don't even actually know your name, all I know is Jazz and Optimus Prime"

"Ratchet, but you may hear me referred to as 'The Hatchet', especially if the news about the new arrivals is true." Ratchet looked as miserable as it was possible with a metal face.

"And call me Caitlyn, but you probably knew my name anyway. You mentioned Ironhide and Bumblebee. I'm hazarding a guess that the little, well, little-er one, with the yellow and black paintjob is Bumblebee? So that leaves the big black walking gun store as Ironhide, am I right?"

Ratchet began to laugh again. Caitlyn was beginning to find the noise pleasant, a soft huffing coupled with a sort of synthesised laughing sound. She guessed that if she had any use to the Autobots it would be in a medical area. She hoped so, Ratchet reminded her of her family GP, a grandfatherly man with a wicked sense of humour, but a no-nonsense attitude when it came to medicine. When he calmed down again she asked the question that had just occurred to her as she ran the conversation through her mind.

"You mentioned some 'new arrivals'? Do you expect to have more Autobots land Ratchet?"

"Oh, we don't expect anymore, we know. Prime was contacted just this morning in fact; perhaps that was why his welcome was a bit intimidating, because he was distracted by the news. Usually he is a lot more careful with his interaction with humans." Ratchet clarified.

"Well, I guess I can handle taking second place to news of Autobot arrivals."

Caitlyn really didn't mind, after all what was more exciting? Some new human or meeting friends you hadn't seen in centuries, millennia even?

"So who are the new arrivals? You didn't look overjoyed at the prospect."

Ratchet gave her a searching look.

"You are very good at reading Cybertronian facial expressions. To answer you question the new arrivals will be an invertor named Wheeljack, a set of twins known as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, a sniper called Bluestreak and one of Bumblebee's minibot comrades, an older mech called Gears."

"So what's so horrible about them? Anything I need to worry about, since I'm guessing that you need an extra pair of hands anyway and I'm your best bet?" She had meant the first part in jest but it turned out to be a good question.

"Yes, you will be assisting me and there are some things you should know. Wheeljack, through he is a good friend of mine, has the unfortunate ability to make things explode; not a helpful talent when you deal with dangerous chemicals and machines on a regular basis. Sideswipe is an agreeable mech but his brother is vainglorious and sometimes violent. Bluestreak is what you humans would call 'a sweetheart' but his mouth never stops. Gears is simply a grumpy old mech."

"So we've got a walking disaster zone, an evil twin, a chatterbox and a grumpy old man, nothing I can't handle and we all have our faults, 'cept you of course Ratchet."

Ratchet smiled at that, while inwardly he marvelled at this particular human's ability to get on his good side, not an easy task for most cybertronians.

"You are learning well, my young padawan." He quoted.