Wasted time

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N The last chapter I made Bella really feisty but that's because you know she's just got the love of her life back after thinking he was dead and she's not going to let him go unless he wants her too. She still is self-conscious and what Tanya says to her hits a nerve. I also feel that I've made Tanys sound really dense. I think I've made her sound more like Lauren or Jessica.

Let's recap:
I walked towards her, staring into her hate-filled eyes, knowing mine showed the exact same emotion. I now stood before her. We were at eye level with one another. I thought of all the hate and anger I had ever felt and focused it on her. I pulled back my arm and clenched it into a fist. I narrowed my eyes at her and a snarl escaped my lips. Oh man this was going to hurt her bad. Excellent! I threw the punch and it landed a perfect bulls-eye right on he nose. I heard a crack come from her nose and a scream come from her mouth. Whoa I actually broke it. Ha ha! Go me. I understood what Alice had meant by earlier and continued to laugh to myself.

"Serves you right bitch," I muttered under my breath.

Bpov

I stopped laughing. On my god! What have I just done? I've just punched Tanya. That's so not like me. I don't know what came over me. I replayed the scene in my head. After seeing her forcing herself on him I just saw red. My senses clouded over with a red haze and I lost control. I attacked like the lions I prey on. I'm not human, I'm nothing but an animal, a monster.

The rest of the Cullens and Denali clan came into the room. Carlisle, Esme, Carmen and Eleazar were staring at me shocked. Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper were rolling on the ground laughing while Irina and Kate were helping Tanya and taking it in turns to throw me a glare. Edward was standing back from it all with a look of shock and worry on his face. Was he worried about Tanya? Thinking about Tanya made me remember all the things she had said and it was only now that they registered in my mind that I felt pain. It hit me full blast in the face and I couldn't hold back the tears. I ran out of the room and past a bent over Jasper who was being over-whelmed by the pain I felt. Seeing him in pain only made me feel guilt and that then added to his pain making me feel guiltier. It was a vicious cycle.

I ran as fast as I could. I didn't hear anyone persuing. I know Alice would tell them to give me time. But I thought he would have at least tried to follow. Probably too worried about Tanya. How could such a perfect day turn out to have such a crappy ending.

"You're plain and boring. You're nothing special. You're a useless little nobody." Her hurtful words kept running through my mind and every time they brought on a fresh wave of pain. I sobbed tearlessly. How I wish I could be human right now. Sometimes a girl just needs to cry. Why wasn't he here comforting me? Was he back there comforting her? Tanya was right, why would he want to be with me? I'm nothing, I'm plain, boring, useless and nothing special. She was right. She was only voicing what I had alwayss thought about myself but when I was with Edward he made me feel like somebody. He made me feel special and wanted. I almost started believing him when he called me beautiful ... almost. i just couldn't believe that someone like him could want to be with me. I was right of course, he wasn't here so that could only mean he doesn't care about me like I thought he did. You know what I just realised, not once has he ever told me that he loves me. I told him every day when he was lying sick in Chicago. I was there to comfort him and care for him.

Her words ran through my head again and I sank deeper into my depression. This was a hundred times worse than the first time I lost him.

"You haven't lost me Bella." It was the voice of my angel. I could hear pain in his voice. Why is he in pain?

"I'm in pain because seeing you like this is hurting me Bella. Why did you run away?" He looked at me with those piercing topaz eyes and I felt like he could see into my very soul.

"I ran away because what Tanya said was right. I'm nothing. I don't deserve you. I mean look at you and look at me. Why would you want me?" He groaned in frustration.

"Bella you are not worthless and you are somebody. You are Isabella Marie Swan, the most beautiful being in the world. You are the most loving, caring and selfless person I know. I want to be with you because you mean the world to me. I want to be with you because you are smart, kind, beautiful, funny and you can kick ass when needed. Bella I want to be with you forever."

"That doesn't mean anything Edward."

"What can I do to make you see how much I care?"

"You can tell me you love Edward. That's all I need to hear. When you were sick I told you everyday but not once have you told me you loved me back. All you say is that you care and ant o be with me forever. Well I want to be with your family forever because I care for them and love them but that doesn't mean I'm in love with them. I just need to hear those three words Edward. Say them and I'll believe you care for me."

He was silent and could only stare at me.

"I knew it. I knew you couldn't say them. I knew you couldn't love me as much I love you." I turned away from him before he could see the pain on my face. "I better go now. Goodbye Edward." I felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest. I had hoped so much he would say them. I had hoped he would run towards me and kiss me and tell me he loved me but that's all it was, empty hopes. I started to walk away from him.

"Bella wait please."

"No Edward, just leave me alone."

"No Bella" I heard footsteps come towards me. He spinned round to face him. He crashed his lips on mine and I knew then that he did love me. I could feel the love in the kiss. It started off hard and urgent but thenit became soft and filled with so much passion I felt myself so weak at the knees. I had to cling to him for support. Finally he pulled away.

"Bella I do love you, Really I do. I love you so much. It pains me to be away from you even for an instant. I can't even think of words to describe how much I love you. I love you and only you. Really and truly I do. My whole heart belongs to you, my soul belongs to you. You are the most important thing in my life now and always will be. Bella please say that you believe me?"

I did. I could see it in his eyes that he meant every single word of it.

"Yes I do, I love you too."

A/N Did anyone else notice that they never said "I love you" to each other? I'm not felling very good today. I got my brother aodh to collect me from school early. I have a splitting headache and just don't feel good. I'm sitting in my cold living room with my Ocean City hoodie, jeans and a pair of uggs wrapped up in a blanket. I have a nice cup of tea to warm me up. I think reviews could help me get better. Why don't you review and we'll see what happens.

Helen x