"So you and Thorin?" Fili asked in a low voice as Dain was steering the boat.
"Nothing official or worth mentioning." Dain hissed. "Just some fun. Not like you and Kili."
"It's only some fun for Kili." Fili hissed back.
"And you're risking everything again, is it really worth it?" Dain asked slowly.
"Everything is worth even a few minutes with him by my side." Fili told him.
"If you need me I'm here." Dain told him with a gentle smile.
"Do you think we'll ever see home again?" Fili asked him gazing at the endless sea.
"I doubt it." Dain answered.
"Too bad. So if everything goes to hell, we might as well go down with it." Fili hissed and went back to the ropes.
"Are you serious about the boy?" Thorin gazed at Kili strongly.
"Are you serious about his uncle?" Kili hissed back.
"Nope, just plain old fun." Thorin hissed.
"Too bad." Kili noticed.
"So we could live like one big man fucking family?" Thorin raised his eyebrows.
"Half of the crew is man fucking and family at the same time." Kili smirked. "It'd be nice."
"Stop day dreaming boy!" Thorin scolded him.
"I asked him to move into my cabin, but he refused." Kili noticed dully.
"At least he's the smart one." Thorin replied calmly.
"I love him." Kili told him uncle firmly.
"You only think that now, we'll see what you say after a year or two. He's too soft for this life." Thorin told Kili.
"Say what you want." Kili hissed. "I'm going to do exactly what I want."
Kili felt upset that both Fili and Thorin doubted him. He needed the blond desperately. Only in his arms he felt safe, only with him in his bed he felt complete. Fili insistence on not moving in, Thorin's words kept ringing in his head. The blond never replied to his love declarations, which stung like hell. So he just stopped, one day he just stopped saying it. Since it was meaningless and unanswered anyway.
Fili would come over for some nights, but he rarely stayed the whole night. Kili wanted so much more, and he felt like he was getting scarps of the blond's attention. He felt like any attempt to invite him over was like begging. And he was tired of begging. He was tired of the wall in between them. Anytime he tried talking to Fili, there was another wall in between, and with his insistence the blond was colder and colder.
Kili sat there feeling cold, as the blond was getting up. The dim light helping to conceal just how sad he was.
Fili gazed at Kili with pain, the sex had changed. There was less passion, and less emotion in it. He couldn't remember when the last time he heard Kili say he loved him. Something was missing and he was slowly realising something in between them was gone.
Leaving him then he made a decision not to come over unless invited directly, a cold feeling of rejection stinging so badly he thought he would die right then and there.
"What's going on?" Nori asked Kili in a very worried voice.
"Nothing..." Kili just shrugged.
"Bullshit..." Nori gasped annoyed. "Talk to me..."
"It's just... it just seems it's over..." Kili noticed grimly.
"Then why do you both act as if someone broke your hearts?" Nori asked him gently.
"He... he just stopped coming to me and I'm tired of begging." Kili told him slowly.
"Are you sure that's the case?" Nori asked him slowly. When he saw Kili did not understand what he was hinting at he just gasped and continued. "You hurt him a lot... you broke his heart... he gave you another chance, something no sane or rational person would do after the trick you pulled. If he gave you a second chance, that can only mean he loves you deeply."
"He doesn't love me... he said he will never love me again..." Kili felt the tears roll down his face.
"Then why is he acting as if the world had ended? Why has he become so reckless even your uncle gives him the safest tasks possible?" Nori asked him slowly. "Love is not easy... but life is always better together." He added his bit.
"You love Bofur don't you?" Kili gently asked.
"With all my heart. I hate and love him at the same time. He's just... the only person for me in this whole fucked up world." Nori noticed.
"I just lost mine..." Kili had tears again in his eyes.
"Man up and talk to him. Make up with him. You two are breaking everyone's heart around. If any two people are meant to be together it's the two of you." Nori gently noticed.
Kili just walked away feeling it was too much for him.
As they were sailing on the weather was getting bad again. Thorin ordered them to sail seeking shelter behind one of the islands.
"We need to change that sail." Dain noticed grimly as one of the sails got ripped because of the strong wind.
"Fili detach the line!" Dain ordered. "Bring in the sail!" The crew quickly fulfilled the orders pulling the lines to get the sail.
The rest of the sail was waving madly, and the ship was slowly losing speed.
"Bofur and Nori get a new sail!" Thorin shouted at the men.
"We better not set up a new one, it's too dangerous as it is." Dain noticed. "Maybe we should reef the sails?"
"We need shelter..." Thorin noticed grimly.
Focusing on the environment they failed to notice Kili walking towards the mast. The sail suddenly inflated again as the men were trying to fold it, and it blew Kili against the railing. Before he could even grasp what was happening, he was falling overboard.
"Kili!" Nori yelled, but before anybody could do anything, Fili detached the sail completely and jumped into the sea holding the sail line after him.
"Hold the sail!" Dain yelled as the sail began going overboard because of the pull on the line.
"Those fucking idiots!" Thorin gasped and quickly ordered the crew to reef all the sails to slow down the boat even more.
"We got them!" Nori urged the men to pull the sail back on board. "Heave!" He ordered in a strong voice and all the men followed him. Dain was quickly at his side and helping pull the sail back on board and the two people holding the line at the end.
Fili was holding onto Kili desperately but the boy wasn't really responsive. The moment they pulled him on deck, water poured out of his mouth.
"Get Oin!" Thorin yelled, and watched Dain quickly put the boy on his side so that more of the water could come out.
"Come on..." Nori held Fili tightly. "Calm down... you're both back on board..."
"Breathe... breathe boy..." Oin urged Kili forcing the water out of his lungs. The crew held their breath as Kili finally began coughing.
"Thorin!" Dain yelled from the wheel.
"What?" Thorin yelled back.
"We're in deep shit!" Dain pointed to an unusually tall wave.
"Get him under deck!" Thorin quickly ordered. "Brace yourselves!" He ordered. Everyone grabbed old a line or the ship, and when the wave washed across the deck, nearly making the ship flip.
"Damn that was too close!" Dain began laughing.
"What a fucked up day!" Bofur followed him.
Oin and Nori carried Kili to his cabin and Fili followed them on shacking legs. Almost losing the person he loved most was so close and so dreadful, he couldn't shake the feeling Kili could just die any moment.
"Watch over him..." Nori gently told him and left them just to run back to the deck.
Fili held Kili's hand all night, he listened to his heart beat and breathing, worried he might be gone.
"Hey..." Fili's gently words were the first thing Kili hear when he awoke. He gazed surprised at Fili's hand holding his own, but the moment the blond noticed the glare he let go with regret.
"How are you feeling?" Fili asked gently.
"Like I swallowed a tonne of water... what the hell happened?" Kili asked surprised.
"You feel overboard..." Fili gently told him. "You did swallow a lot of water..."
"Fucking great... has the stupid storm ended?" Kili asked.
"Yeah, it should be dawn soon. Would you like something to eat or drink?" Fili asked him gently.
"Water... but without salt..." Kili gasped.
"Give me a minute..." Fili rushed out to get his request.
"Here you are..." He handed Kili a bottle.
"Thank you..." Kili gazed at him slowly. "You don't have to be here..." He noticed slowly seeing the blond sit on the only bed in the room.
"I promised to watch over you." Fili gently noticed.
"I'm fine now..." Kili replied. Fili saw some kind of pain in his eyes, and he lowered his head and got up.
"As you wish." Fili gasped feeling the pain of rejection yet again.
Thorin gazed at Kili strongly, the boy was very pale, and lifeless since the accident. He stayed mostly in bed, and was obviously depressed.
"You were practically dead... it's rare to pull someone out during a storm... I hope you thanked him." Thorin suddenly noticed.
"What?" Kili gazed at him surprised.
"You should thank Fili, if he hadn't jumped into the water after you, you'd be dead." Thorin told him slowly. "I was wrong about him."
"He did what?" Kili gazed at him surprised feeling tears come to his eyes.
"He risked his own life to save you... I know you're not together anymore, but there are few people who would do that. And even fewer who would do that for an ex lover." Thorin slowly told him. "He didn't tell you?"
Kili just shook his head as a reply. "He doesn't come here anymore."
"Then maybe you should go to him?" Thorin gently suggested. "No matter what your feelings are now, but he deserves a thank you at least."
Kili looked at him panicked. He avoided going out not to face reality anymore, he would sneak out to the latrine and come back. He gazed at Thorin strongly, and he knew his uncle was right. He had to face reality eventually.