"Caulfield, wake up!" The pounding and shouting of her name snapped Max's eyes open.
"Go away," she grumbled. Her hands fumbled for her phone, holding it in front of her blearing eyes. "7 AM!" The pounding and shouting came again.
Swinging off her futon with a groan, she shuffled to the door. Who in the hell would come to her door at 7 AM on a Saturday morning?
She flung open the door to find Chloe standing there, bags in each hand. A blast of cold air come in with her causing Max to wrap her arms around herself and shiver. It had snowed a little overnight, just enough to leave a fine white dust everywhere.
"Close that door, sista," Chloe said as she set down her bags. Max was only too happy to comply.
She turned around to find Chloe unbuttoning her jacket, eyes scanning her. "Cute pajamas," Chloe said as she pulled off her coat. Max just grumbled and went back to her snuggly, soft blanket.
"Uh, uh, uh!" Chloe came over and hauled her to her feet. "Not today, girlfriend! I finally figured out what to put on your wall and I need you to get lost."
"What? Why?" Max had pulled the blanket with her and wrapped it tight around herself. It was cold in her apartment as well. She went to the thermostat to change the temperature. Her apartment had baseboard heaters and would soon make her little nest cozy.
"Because you can't see it until it's done." Chloe was pulling cans of different colored paint and brushes and tape and other things from the bags.
Sitting herself firmly on the corner of her futon, Max watched her a few minutes. Her mind still wasn't all with it. "And when will that be?"
"Tomorrow, at the earliest."
"Tomorrow!" That woke her up. "But where will I stay? I can't go to a motel for the night? I don't have-"
"Silly Max." Chloe came over and knelt in front of her. Taking her hands, she said, "Don't you remember? We have D&D tonight. You can stay over after that. We have plenty of room."
Max turned her head away as her mind began reviewing the things she'd need to do and bring. "That's true. You do have a couple of futons."
"Or you can sleep in my bed."
Chloe's words were so soft, Max wasn't sure she heard them right. The color in Chloe's cheeks and her eyes focused on their hands told Max she did hear correctly. Her own cheeks warmed as those words sank in.
Max reached down to her camera lying next to the bed. It had been so long since she'd taken a picture of her and Chloe together and this was the perfect opportunity.
The sharp smell of chlorine hung in the air, tickling the eyes and nose. She tilted open the camera and lifted it to capture this perfect moment.
"Photo bomb!" Chloe's words rang out as she rolled over and placed her head on Max's shoulder.
A genuine smile spread across Max's face as she pressed the button and the flash went off.
Max blinked away a tear.
"Damn," Chloe breathed as her eyes focused on Max. "We've shared a bed before?"
"We were at each others house every weekend, and often during the week. We slept in the same bed since I was five until I was thirteen." Those words came from her automatically, like she was reading from a script.
Peering into her eyes, Chloe said, "do you miss that?"
"It was one of those things that made us who we were," Max said, turning her eyes away. Focusing her mind on what she needed to take to Chloe's apartment helped keep her emotions in check. "We told jokes, we talked about the future, about us, about everything while we were supposed to be sleeping."
Chloe nodded her head, eyes returning to their clasped hands. She raised their hands and kissed Max's fingers. "Let's rebuild that then. Sleep in my bed tonight and let's bring that back for you."
"I don't want you to do the things she did, just because that was my past," Max said as she returned her eyes to Chloe.
"Fair enough," Chloe said, "but I want to do the things that bring you happiness, that help heal you."
That brought a smile to Max's face. "Ok."
Now Chloe smiled and she leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on Max. "When you get to our apartment tonight, put your stuff in my room. Oh! That reminds me!" She rose and put her hand in her pocket, fishing around for a moment.
When she withdrew her hand a small piece of shiny metal lay in it. She held it out to Max. "I want you to have this."
Max looked at what lay in Chloe's hand: a key. So many emotions churned within her at sight of the key she was paralyzed. It was going too fast! She was pushing Chloe too fast!
"You'll need it to get in tonight in case Steph isn't home. I'm not asking you to move in with me," Chloe said.
Max looked up at her. "Was it…that obvious?"
"That you're scared? You both want to take it and don't? Yes it's obvious, at least to me." Chloe knelt again, putting her face on the same level as Max's. "But that's how it should be, right? We're supposed to know each other so well we can guess what the other is thinking."
Except that normally took months or years, not two or three weeks. Slowly, Max reached out and took the key. She supposed she should give one to Chloe for her apartment. From a practical standpoint she needed to anyway. She didn't want the apartment left unlocked over night.
Chloe returned to getting her supplies ready for her project. Max wrapped her hand around the key and stayed sitting awhile, thinking. At last she rose and started getting ready for the day.
Once she had the futon converted into a couch, she moved things around in the room to give Chloe plenty of space to work. That done she found her old satchel and put clothes and other things she'd need for staying the night, and tomorrow's activities.
After that it was shower, clothes, and breakfast. She offered to make Chloe something to eat, but she declined, saying she got something on the way over. Max showed her how to work her little coffee maker and told her to make herself at home.
Leaving was hard. She wanted to stay and watch Chloe work on her project. Chloe would have none of that though. She wouldn't even start until Max was gone. Reluctantly, she hunted down her spare key to the apartment, gave it to Chloe, and left.
"And with a sweep of her great axe, Callamastia knocks the head off the last goblin standing between you and the great Warlord." Steph grinned at the girls opposite her. "The Warlord rises from his seat, throwing back his cloak as he stretches to his full seven feet in height."
Max looked at Chloe then back to Steph, who was hiding a little behind the dungeon master screen. She'd forgotten how anxious RPGs made her. She got so wrapped up in her characters, she didn't like it when they got hurt.
"With a mighty roar, the Warlord draws his sword and points it at Callamastia. 'You think you can challenge the great Thud and st-'"
"Wait," Chloe said, "the wardlord's name is 'Thud'?" Max giggled. It was a funny name, and Chloe looked very skeptically at Steph.
Ignoring her, Steph continued, "and stop me from conquering Avernon?'" She looks at each girl in turn. "What do you do?"
"I want to taunt him," Chloe says, "because he's got a stupid name. What do you think, Max?"
Looking down at her character sheet, Max scanned it for help. Steph had given her a Master Illusionist, and she didn't know how to play that class very well. Already Chloe'd had to bail her character out of an ambush when she'd sent Illaria into a trap.
"Um," she said aloud, "what do you recommend?"
Leaning over, Chloe said, "let me see." Her finger ran down the list of Illaria's spells and capabilities. "Ooh, this one looks good: deepest nightmare. You can make 'Thud'", she snickered at the name, "see whatever he fears the most. That could incapacitate him."
She scanned further. "Fear, invisibility, and Phantom Blade are also good."
All those options sounded good to Max. Now she had to pick one.
"How'd your project at Max's place go today," Steph asked as Max read the descriptions of the spells.
Shooting a glance at Max, Chloe said, "it's fucking great. I was able to sketch the whole wall and start filling it in. I'll be done tomorrow."
"Good," Steph said, her eyes dropping to the map in front of her. When she was sure Max wasn't looking, she shot a particular look at Chloe. Her eyebrows raised and she tilted her head in Max's direction.
Chloe shook her head, mouthing No. Steph furrowed her brow, but right then Max looked up and she hurriedly changed to a smile.
"After Chloe-I mean Callamastia taunts 'Thud', I…I mean Illaria will cast Fear on him."
"Alright," Steph said, looking at the girls. Her eyes narrowed just slightly as she looked at Chloe. "Do you have a taunt you want to use, Callamastia?"
A huge grin took over Chloe's face. "Yes I do. 'Do they call you Thud because that's the sound your head will make when I hit it?'"
"Roll for success."
Chloe grabbed the die, shook it, and rolled it into the box. They'd taken to using a box long ago because the dice kept sliding off tables and under things.
"You roll a sixteen," Steph said consulting her charts. "Thud bellows in anger and looks ready to charge. 'Your insult dishonors my mother who handed down her name to me, filthy elf!' Ill-" But both Max and Chloe were laughing, interrupting her story.
"Seriously," Chloe said, "his mother was named Thud?"
Steph wrinkled her brow as if she was irritated, but really she was pleased. She loved playing with Beth because she could inject this kind of humor into the game.
"What was his dad named, Thunk," Max said as she laughed.
"Actually," Steph said slowly, "His father was named Charles." That just made the two laugh more.
When they finally calmed down, Steph continued, "Illaria, you need to roll a 16 or higher for Fear to work."
Grabbing the die, Max sent it tumbling into the box. It rolled and spun and stopped: 8.
"Illaria begins to chant the words to drive fear into Thud's heart, but chokes on a crumb from lunch. A coughing fit consumes her causing her spell to fizzle and die."
Max made a pouty face and said, "Sorry, Callamastia!"
"Let's do this," Chloe says, rubbing her hands together.
"Hold on," Steph said, "I need to refill my drink." Grabbing her cup she stood. "Beth, it looks like you need a drink too. Why don't you join me."
Glaring at Steph, Chloe grabbed her cup and stood.
"Why do the two of you need to get a drink at the same time," Max said. "If you need to speak without me around, just ask and I'll go into the bathroom or something."
"Sorry," Steph mumbled, "yeah, there's something I need to say to Beth. Do you mind?"
"No," Max said and she rose from her seat with a smile. "I need to use the little girl's room anyway." She walked around the table and disappeared into the hall.
Once they heard the door close, the two girls reseated themselves. "Did you ask her yet," Steph whispered.
"No," Chloe said. She fiddled with her cup. "I was going to ask her this morning but she got really emotional about my giving her a key to the apartment. I thought if I asked her then…well, I don't know."
A frown creased Steph's face at that. "Are you going to ask her?"
Pushing her beanie back, sending it tumbling to the floor, Chloe said, "yes, I am."
"What's holding you back?"
Chloe's eyes shot over to Steph. They had been friends for many years. They had been through a lot of rough and happy times together. They trusted each other. "I'm scared she'll say no."
That made Steph nod. Her hand reached over to brush Chloe's. "That might happen. We can deal with it if it does. Plans can be changed."
Chloe smiled at her friend. She was about to say something else, but just then they heard the bathroom door open. Moments later Max appeared.
"Is it ok for me to be here? Do you need to talk some more," she said as her hands worried the hem of her hoodie.
"It's all good," Steph said. She rose, gathering hers and Chloe's cups. They did need drinks.
Max leaned down to pick up Chloe's beanie, handing it to her. She retook her seat as Steph disappeared into the kitchen. Next to her, Chloe was fiddling with some of the dice.
"So uh, what are you doing for Thanksgiving," Chloe said, her eyes focused on the dice.
"I don't know," Max said, "I haven't given much thought to that."
"Do you have any time off?"
Looking at Chloe, Max said, "The cafe is closed that whole week because most of its customers aren't there."
"Cool," Chloe said, becoming a bit more comfortable with the conversation. Steph came out at that point with filled cups. Handing Chloe's to her, she seated herself and took a drink.
"Steph and I took a few days off and are going home for Thanksgiving. I was wondering if you'd care to come with us."
Max froze. Did she hear Chloe right? Go home with her.
"Do you mean…go to Arcadia Bay with you?"
"Yes."
The world seemed to close in on Max. She hadn't been there since…well since she'd made her own choice. The void where pain and other emotions made their home within her roared to life as a screaming vortex. A hand covered hers, fingers curling gently around it. She realized Chloe was speaking to her.
"I need," she said. What did she need? She knew neither of the girls understood what they asked. She needed air. She needed something to calm that darkness brought to life inside her.
Standing suddenly, she said, "Excuse me," and went to the front door. Before she could open it Chloe was by her side.
"Don't leave," she heard Chloe say. But she didn't bar her way. Without a word, she went onto the shared porch and leaned against the railing. Her eyes focused on nothing, looking into the night.
The coldness of the night shocked her from her stupor. A chill wind was blowing and her hoodie was not blocking it. Her hands clutched her arms, seeking to rub warmth into them. A moment later Chloe was beside her with a large blanket which she wrapped both of them in. The other girl didn't say anything, just stood there in silence with her.
After a time, when the swirling inside Max had settled, she leaned back against her girlfriend. Chloe put her arms around her, further warming her with the contact.
Wind and rain thrashed the hill around them. Debris crashed against the lighthouse, sending splinters of rock flying everywhere. The cold storm pummeled them as they stood supporting each other.
"No, Max," Chloe said, "you're the only one who can." The wind nearly ripped her words from the air. Max looked at her best friend. Emotions raged behind her eyes, stabbing into Chloe's heart.
Almost as if something was making her say the words, Chloe said, "Max…it's time."
Max kept her gaze locked on Chloe several moments, before lowering her head and turning away. The chaos of the storm outside matched the storm of emotions inside her. How many times had she used her power to save Chloe, and now she was asking Max to let her die? Again.
Dark memories of time after time standing on this hill, sitting by her paralyzed form in bed, shrieking as a train bore down on them. Rewind after reset after rewind. How many times had this week played out? She had lost count.
Her heart was being crushed by a pain so heavy, so dire, no one should be asked to bear it. And yet she was. Why? She had hurled that question into the storm on more than one rewind, to no avail. She couldn't do it again. She wasn't…she wasn't strong enough.
The cold night air nipped at Max's cheeks as the memory faded. Arcadia Bay. The lighthouse. That fucking choice.
Chloe's body had gone stiff and her arms tight during the replay of her memory. Max had hoped this time none of the dark ones surfaced. But they always did. They always came along and changed things. Hope was futile.
"That was the lighthouse in Arcadia Bay," Chloe said. Fear and wonder tinged her voice.
"It was." Simple words.
"I felt…That's where this all began, isn't it?"
Max only nodded. She had told Chloe that weeks ago, but there was something about seeing the reality of it that always drove it home.
"Will going to Arcadia Bay with me…break you?"
Will it? She'd avoided the town for years now. For as long as she'd ghosted Chloe, longer even. "I don't know."
"Forget I asked you to come." Chloe's words were rushed, fearful.
Finding Chloe's hands under the blanket, Max wove her fingers through them. "No," she said. "I want to be with you. To go with you."
"Not if it's going to break you! I couldn't bear the thought of putting you through such pain."
"Chloe…" How could she say this?
"My heart has been in constant pain for years now. These last three weeks doing things with you, being with you, has given me more joy than I deserve. I want to go with you, no I need to go with you. Because staying here without you…I think will do me more harm than going with you."
Chloe didn't say anything to that. She stood there, her arms hanging over Max's shoulders, holding her. "You hurt…even though I'm bringing you joy?"
Max lowered her head. It was always a bittersweet message when she had to explain this. "Yes." She turned to face Chloe, head tilted up to look into those amazing eyes.
"Take me there, please. I want to see Joyce and William and the beach and the lighthouse. I want to walk through the forest where we built our fort. I want to see all the places that brought you happiness."
Chloe looked into her eyes. Her own eyes were swirling with worry and joy. "Ok. You deserve happiness too."
Max snuggled against Chloe then, her arms wrapping around her waist. They stood that way a time before Max said, "I'll need your help though. Being there…I'm going to make mistakes, know people I shouldn't. Worse…I'll likely have dark episodes, where I may not even want to see or talk to anyone."
Her head turned up to look at Chloe. "Except for you. No matter how much I might say otherwise, I'll always need you."
Chloe stroked her hair. "I'll be there, even if it's just to hold you."
"That's the best thing you can do for me."
More silence past while they held each other. "This wind is fucking cold on my feet," Chloe said.
Max giggled. "Yes it is. We should go in and finish the game."
Silently, Chloe opened the door and they went back inside. They found Steph on one of the futons playing a video game. "Ready to finish the session," Chloe said as she closed the door.
The rest of the game went really well. Callamastia and Illaria both survived, with Illaria using Deepest Nightmare to drive Thud into impaling himself on Callamastia's blade. The two were declared heroes and given a grand welcome on their return.
Real life was more mundane. After the session they put the game away, cleaned up their mess, then sat around watching a comedy. Max sat leaning back against Chloe on one futon, with Steph on the other futon.
There were still flecks of paint on Chloe's hands and she kept picking at them. Max finally took Chloe's hands in hers to prevent the girl from picking through the skin.
When the comedy show was over, Chloe slipped from under Max. "I'm gonna get things read for bed," she said as she stretched. She left the room.
"Did you like the game tonight," Steph said once Chloe was gone.
Pulling her attention from the TV, Max looked at her. "It was different from when I last played. Yes, I did like it."
"Good," Steph said with a smile. "I can count on you to join us for future gaming sessions then."
It wasn't a question, more a statement of certainty. Max pondered that a while. She was being brought into a group, forming friendships. Even though it was only a group of three, she, Chloe, and Steph, it was more than she'd had for a long time. It brought a smile to her face.
"Yes. You can count on me for future gaming sessions."
Steph nodded, her eyes still fixed on the TV. They were binge watching a series on Netflix and the next episode had just started. "What are your plans for tomorrow?"
"It depends upon the weather. If the snow is gone I have some photo shoots planned, otherwise, I don't know."
Steph didn't answer or acknowledge the statement. After a few minutes, Max stretched. "Well, I think I'm going to bed as well." Was that a smile she detected on Steph as she said that?
Rising from the couch, she shuffled toward the hall. "Have fun tonight, Max! Remember to let Chloe get some sleep."
Her face started burning at Steph's teasing. There was no way she could reply to that and make sense!
At Chloe's door she halted. It was closed and it felt strange going in there. Earlier she had quickly opened the door, dropped her bag, and closed it. She had no idea what Chloe's room really looked like and she was really nervous to find out.
Knocking softly, she said, "Chloe? I'm coming in now to get ready for bed. Is…is that ok?"
"Come on in," was the muffled response.
Cautiously, Max turned the knob and entered, and stood frozen. Chloe's room was dark, lit only by tiny colored lights twinkling on the ceiling and a soft lamp in the corner. It was Chloe's bed that captured her attention. Chloe had built a tent from pillows and by hanging blankets over a cord stretched across the room.
Chloe sat crosslegged at the entrance of the tent, in her pajamas and examining her phone. She glanced up with a smile. "I figured since I missed all the campouts as a kid, we could do at least one as adults."
"Oh my god, Chloe! It's so…it's so…" She couldn't get the words to come. They stayed in her mind taunting her. All she knew is the scene reached a happy place in her heart and lit it up.
"Does that mean you like it," Chloe asked.
"I love it," Max breathed.
"Then you better get ready for bed and come join me on this campout! I'm getting mighty lonely in here."
Numb with happiness, Max grabbed her bag and stumbled to the bathroom. Several minutes later she exited, wearing her own pajamas and bag in hand. Steph was outside waiting. "She's been planning this a while," Steph whispered.
Max still couldn't speak so she nodded and gave Steph what she hoped was a smile. When she tried to walk past her, Steph grabbed her wrist. "I've never seen her this happy, this focused on someone," she whispered. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, thank you."
For several seconds Max looked at Steph. It finally registered what she was saying. "I'm the one that should be thanking you," she whispered in return. "If you had not been so persistent with me…all this may have turned out differently."
Steph smiled and blushed a little at the praise. She let go of Max, gave her a wink and disappeared into her room. Max looked at the door a while, wondering what life had been like for Steph and Chloe these last few years. What had happened between the girl and Rachel?
Shaking herself free of those thoughts, she opened the door and walked into the indoor campout. Chloe had turned the lamp off, leaving the room lit only by the tiny lights on the ceiling. They pulsed softly with their colors, giving a reasonable impression of the night sky.
Setting her bag on the floor, she crawled onto the bed to sit next to Chloe. The other girl smiled at her and pulled out a tablet. In a few moments there was a campfire flickering on the screen. She placed it in front of their tent.
"I know it's nothing like the same thing," Chloe said. "But I wanted to be as faithful as possible."
Giving in to an impulse, Max leaned over and kissed Chloe on the cheek. Eyes and teeth flashed in the dim light as Chloe looked at her. "Thank you for doing this," Max said, "it was so completely unexpected and a wonderful surprise."
"You're welcome," Chloe said, her eyes still fixed on her. "Maybe we can do this for real sometime."
"That would be fun," Max said, staring into the fake fire. She glanced up at the twinkling ceiling. "Wow, you even have a constellation…is that the Big Dipper?"
Chloe chuckled. "It took a while to get it right. The lights are arranged according to how the stars appear in the sky tonight."
A chill swept up Max's back and neck. What Chloe said told her just how much she cared about this experience. Max turned around and lay down with her face below the stars. Chloe soon joined her.
"Does your tablet or phone make forest sounds," Max asked as her eyes traced across the stars. Some of them were colored like the planets she realized.
"One moment," Chloe said. She turned over and Max saw a light flash. Moments later the faint sound of wind in the trees came to her ears. Occasionally an animal sound would intersperse with the wind.
Max took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her hand reached out to find Chloe's and wove their fingers together. They stayed there some time with only the sound of crackling fire and the forest sounds for company.
When they began talking, it was Max who first broke the silence. She brought up topics they had discussed as children in another time, another life. It was like nothing had ever change, although everything had. Long into the night they talked like old friends and new lovers, drawing closer together.
Sleep finally made them stop. Max begged Chloe to leave the tent up so they could continue pretending until morning. Chloe was only too happy to oblige. They fell asleep in each others arms, snuggled under the softest blanket Chloe had.
Chloe's eyes fluttered open. All around was darkness and the soft twinkling lights above. What had awakened her?
Next to her Max twitched, then kicked. She was murmuring something. Propping up on one elbow, Chloe peered over at her friend. It sounded like…was Max crying? Suddenly Max called her name, then dropped her voice to a murmur again.
She looked closely at Max. The girl was talking in her sleep. Her legs continued to twitch and move, her arms sometimes as well. It definitely sounded like she was crying. She must be having a bad dream.
Cautiously she raised her hand. She wasn't sure if she should wake Max, or hold her, or what. Her hand touched Max' shoulder.
Flames bloomed all around, casting hideous shadows throughout the street. Smoke overwhelmed all smells, stinging the eyes and nose. Everywhere was the noise of panic, sirens wailing, people shouting and crying, horns blaring. Max spun trying to get her bearings.
Terror was in the air, filling her with each breath. A powerful urge to run pressed against her. She couldn't go though, she had to find Chloe!
Ash and more fell from the sky. The sound of a car crashing nearby caused her to jump. Finally she saw a street sign and used it to orient herself. Pointing herself in the proper direction, she took off at a run.
She passed people along the way, most of them running in the other direction. A lot of people, far too many, lay injured or dead on the street and sidewalk. Debris was everywhere, choking alleys and streets, blocking sidewalks and stairs.
She ignored it all and kept running. Why had she waited so long? Why had she ignored the warning signs? Such useless questions. She cried as she ran. Cried for the people lying broken and dead around her, cried for her selfish inaction that lead to this, cried for the loneliness that was her only companion, cried that she had to separate from Chloe. Again.
She ran and ran and ran. Up one street, across another, left, then right, then straight. She ran until she found the apartment and stopped. And the world around her stopped.
Where the apartment building stood was now a towering inferno. Even as she watched something flew from the sky shattering against the top of the building. Flaming debris was blasted into the air by the impact.
Falling to her knees she screamed Chloe's name, over and over and over. She was crying but the air was so hot the tears disappeared faster than they could be shed. She curled into herself on the ground. This was her fault. It was all her fault. How many times must she destroy peoples lives? How many times must she make people suffer? Why couldn't she learn?
She had to reset this, all of this. No more would she allow herself to get close to Chloe. No more would she allow this to happen. She vowed to reset the timeline the moment she and Chloe came together again. Better that she sacrifice her own happiness, her own needs, than to visit such suffering on others. She steeled herself to do the reset.
Chloe tumbled away from Max's sleeping form, the smell of fire and blood still fresh in her nose. Her breath came in rapid gulps and her heart pounded loudly in her chest. A sense of fear and terror and loss permeated her. She blinked rapidly several seconds as if in the midst of smoke. What the hell was that?
For many minutes she lay there, trying to take in what she just saw. She knew it was one of Max's memories, but she'd never experienced one like that before. It's intensity was unreal. That terror and heart numbing sense of pain churned within her. An unimaginable sense of loss strangled her thoughts.
Until tonight she'd only seen memories of them as children or teenagers. But this one, this was very different. She needed time to think it through. Rising carefully from the bed, she left the room.
Max started as the nightmare faded into wakefulness. It took her several moments to remember where she was. Above her twinkling lights were just visible through the blanket. She was in Chloe's bed, in the tent she had made. Her heart was still racing and her pajamas were damp with sweat.
Turning over she realized Chloe wasn't in the bed with her. Thinking maybe she'd gone to the bathroom, or went to get a drink, she waited a while. It was taking too long though so finally she rose, wrapped herself in a blanket and went in search of her girlfriend.
She found her sitting on one of the futons in the front room, just staring into nothingness. Carefully she eased herself onto the seat next to her.
"Everything ok," she whispered into the quiet room.
After a long time, Chloe said, "I saw something tonight that I don't understand."
"Oh," Max said turning her face to her. "What was that?"
Eyes focused on nothing but the darkness Chloe said, "You were crying in your sleep and saying my name. I thought you were having a bad dream so I…I touched your shoulder to wake you. You were having a bad dream…only I got pulled into it."
Blinking her eyes she shifted on the futon until she was facing Max. Her hands slipped into the blanket to grasp Max's. "Fire and death and pain. So much pain. Things were falling from the sky. People were shouting in terror and panicking. You were looking for me."
Drawing a ragged breath, Chloe realized just talking about what she saw brought back all those feelings. Her heart was pounding again and a soul weakening sadness pulled at her. "What was that, Max? What did I see?"
At the first words, Max had stiffened. She knew what was coming but still she shook her head in denial. "No," she said, "It can't be. None of you have ever seen one of those before."
"See what, Max? What did I see?"
Dropping her head, Max did her breathing exercises. She knew what Chloe saw and it scared her. It scared her more than anything. "You saw…" she tried to get words out, but they wanted to hide in her darkness. "You saw…what happened the last time you and I became close."
"You mean that was…that was real!" Her hands went slack in Max's and trembled.
Screwing her eyes shut Max again did her breathing exercises, but they didn't help. Panic was rising in her, seeking to claim her mind and body for its own. Run! It whispered. She fought it with everything she had, to push it down, to quiet its urging. Her hands tightened on Chloe's, tighter, tighter until Chloe gasped with pain.
Eyes flying wide at what she did, she forced herself to drop Chloe's hands. Shame and sorrow spread through her, smothering the panic. "I…I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to hurt you." Her hands dropped into her lap under the blanket. There they proceeded to grip each other in a bone crushing grasp.
"Yes," She finally managed to say. "Yes, that was real."
Forcing her head up, she made herself look at Chloe. Already it felt like she was saying goodbye to her. Chloe was gazing at her through the darkness and she thought she saw something glint on her cheek. Ripping her hands apart, she raised one to touch the glint. Tears.
"Why," Chloe said. The rest of the words were stuck, making her swallow hard. "Why am I that important?"
"I-I don't know. I just know that each time you and I are tog-"
"That's not what I mean," Chloe said, interrupting her. She reached out her hand again to touch Max's face. Lightly she traced under her eye, across toward her ear, and down to cup Max's cheek.
"Getting that glimpse of…I don't know what to call that, but knowing that sadness, that tragedy is a constant for you? And you willingly do that to yourself for me? God damn, Max, but that's the most humbling shit I've ever experienced."
Now her other hand had searched out and claimed one of Max's. She held it briefly to her lips, then to her cheek. There was a tremble in Max. She could feel it where ever they touched. The girl wouldn't meet her eyes, keeping them down.
"Why, Max? Why me? What did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?"
Max only had one answer for that. "When this all began," she said after a long silence, "I told you that you were my number one priority. That has never changed. Your happiness has always been important to me, because you are my friend, and because I love you."
"But you never get to enjoy that love."
Max tried to pull away from Chloe, but the other girl pulled back. Instead of fighting, Max went limp, slouching against the cushion. "Sometimes I do," she said, eyes focused on the futon. "Like now. These three weeks are the happiest I've been in a really long time Chloe."
"I don't get it though." Chloe reached out and placed a hand on Max's chest. "The pain you must have in here. How am I worth that?"
Max smiled at her. "Your happiness is worth more to me than life, Chloe."
Chloe searched her a time, eyes flicking over her features. "I guess that's what love is," she said finally. "And I should accept it, and not question whether I'm worth it or not, because only you can decide that."
They sat a while in the dark silence, Max kept her eyes focused on their clasped hands. "You said 'none of you have seen one of those before.' What did you mean?"
Laying her head on the futon, Max said, "You always gain my memories, from the time we met as children, to the time I made my choice." She paused there, reflecting on how many times that had happened.
"Do you mean the memory we saw on the porch tonight?"
Nodding, Max said, "Yes. You never get any of my memories after that."
"What does that mean?"
Making herself look at Chloe, Max studied her face. The tears had dried but her face still looked sad. "I don't know what it means. I hope it means this timeline gives me…something different."
Chloe unwrapped the blanket around Max and slipped inside. She pulled the girl close to her from behind and rewrapped the blanket. Max didn't fight her. "It sounds to me like you're still stuck with two shit choices," Chloe said. Her fingers traced along Max's jaw.
"What do you mean?" Those fingers were so distracting. She was trying really hard not to think about that night that never happened with the fire that never came. Those fingers, god! They were bringing back memories and feelings long buried. That dream and this talk had brought them close to the surface.
"You said," Chloe whispered into her ear, "that your original choice was between letting me die, or letting thousands of people die. You hated both, so you created a new, third choice." Chloe tilted her head to better look at Max. "It seems to me your choice now is either eternal loneliness, or to draw close to me only to watch both me and others die."
Having no answer, Max stayed silent. "I…I didn't really understand what I was pushing you into the other day," Chloe said, "when you finally told us what was going on. I'm not second guessing myself…just admitting I understand a little better now."
Dropping her hand, Chloe held Max tight, heads resting together. After a long silence, she said, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I still want to fight for your happiness."
"Even though you know you will fail and die?"
"Max…we don't know that. You've already said something is different this time, like me seeing that memory. Maybe whatever is different will give us the edge we need!"
It was such a fleeting hope that Chloe wanted to cling too. Swallowing the bitter cynicism that crept into her mind, Max focused instead on what Chloe was saying. She'd fight for Max's happiness even if it meant her own death.
It was the closest to saying "I love you" Chloe had come so far. Although it tore at her heart, Max took those words and treasured them. "Thank you," she said, "for caring that much about me."
"Always," Chloe said.