I am absolutely sorry that it took so long. You can find out about the reasons for those long months of silence from me on my new facebook site: Split words. You're welcome to take a look and leave a comment.
A big thank you to my beloved beta reader, who had so much work with the text this time because I forgot half my English since last summer ^^°
Also a big thank you for all the kudos and favs, comments and adding to follower alerts... this keeps me going and made taking so long even harder. I hope to be a little faster in the future, though no promises.
And now: have fun with the new chapter!
oOo
Lieutenant Mathew Scott looked around carefully. The planet seemed deceptively calm and peaceful. There had been too many unpleasant surprises for them here already, and Matt could not even relax halfway. Even after they had removed the bodies of the alien crew from the ship and buried them, the ship still felt a bit fishy to him. And it was not the only source of danger. There was the possibility of Eli leading the reptile-like creatures directly to this place, intentionally or not, even though the probability sank with every passing day. Matt had no desire to get into a fight with a race as dangerous-seeming as them.
Three days had already passed since Eli went away and so far there was no sign of him or any aliens. First the events occurred thick and fast, like everything usually happened on their journey, and then a kind of grief had spread on the ship, as if Colonel Young had already announced Eli's death. Even though no one said it out loud, everyone seemed to sense that Eli would not be able to survive alone out there. Only a miracle would help now, and they had already used too many of them on their journey.
After everything Matt had heard, he himself was not sure what to believe, but he had not yet lost hope. They could only pray for Eli and had to trust him. Like Rush did obviously for once.
O
Matt followed Colonel Young as he stomped through the hallways of Destiny. Originally he had been on the way to the observation deck because he had not been able to find sleep and did not want to wake Chloe with his restlessness. But before he could reach his destination, he had heard the radio messages from the guards in the gate room and gone to investigate. There he had met Young and as soon as it had become clear that there was no imminent danger, Young had signaled him to follow him, quietly cursing a certain scientist.
When they reached the bridge, Rush looked up only briefly and then continued working undisturbed while Volker jumped in alarm.
"Colonel! Is there something wrong?" he asked frantically. Young's expression spoke volumes.
"Why is no one answering the radio here, and what happened to the internal ship communication?" he asked threateningly calmly.
"I … uhm …" Volker stammered and looked around in confusion. He wasn't carrying a radio, but Rush had one of them clearly visible lying next to him.
"Oh, that. Communication must be down because of the diagnostic I'm currently running. I didn't think anyone would need it at this hour of night. And the radio's battery must be empty again, happens all the time lately. Why? Did something happen?"
Young went over to him. He pushed the burned out smoke bomb that they had found near the gate room into Rush's hand and took the radio instead. Matt watched Young's movements. The device had just been switched off. "Stop playing games. This is from you, isn't it? Nobody else aboard would dare to do something like this. What are you planning now?"
Rush's silence showed clearly that Young had hit the mark. Matt had learned as much so far.
"Colonel Young, do you read?" TJ interrupted their conversation via radio before it could really start. Young ignored it and waited for an answer from Rush that did not come.
"Colonel Young," TJ repeated urgently, and Young finally reacted.
"Young here, can it wait, TJ?"
"Eli has disappeared, and I found Airman Rennie unconscious in the infirmary. I can't wake him. So no, it can't wait."
"What the hell … Take care of Rennie. I will order a search for Eli."
"That would be a waste of time," Rush threw in unperturbed.
Young threw Rush a piercing look, which made Rush finally explain the whole situation.
"Eli is already off the ship by now. He put TJ's sleeping pills into his guard's juice and used the distraction to go through the gate." Rush took the smoke bomb – the converted hull of a former kino – and threw it in the air a few times to catch it again. "This was just the distraction so he could get away unhindered …"
Young did not let Rush finish. Angry, he grabbed him by the jacket with both hands and brought their faces close together. The smoke bomb landed on the floor with a clank.
"You knew about this?"
"Let go," Rush replied calmly. He seemed intent on not responding to Young's anger. A dangerous tactic, because often it made the colonel only more angry, but this time it took the wind out of his sails. He took a few deep breaths, released the fabric and took a step back. Rush smoothed out his jacket before he finally answered. "Of course I knew. Alone he wouldn't have managed it this fast. Who do you think disabled the doors?"
„What the hell is wrong with you?" asked Young. He looked as if he would attack Rush again any second now.
"Haven't you understood it yet? Or have you forgotten again? Eli is not like you or me, one of your soldiers or the other scientists aboard. With all his brilliance, he is still a boy. He acts from gut feeling and with his heart. Most of the times he's rash and doesn't think through all the consequences, but when he sees a solution he'll stick to it. We can't heal him. The creators of the nanites can. He knows the way to them. That's his solution. If I hadn't helped him, he would've found another way. It's better this way. He is more useful to us healthy."
This time Young hit him so fast even Matt didn't see the movement.
"Colonel!" Matt shouted. He wanted to interfere. He would have loved to hit Rush himself, but they had already learned the hard way that this was the wrong path. Luckily, Young left it at that one hit. Matt hated to go against his superior.
Rush had stumbled a couple of steps backwards before he could recover. He touched the injured corner of his mouth and looked at the small trail of blood on his fingertip. When he looked up again, the surprise on his face had been replaced by his typical neutral mask. "It's okay. I guess, I had the wrong word choice. Listen, I know that this is not about anybody's usefulness. Like everybody else aboard, I want Eli to get well again. Do you really think I would've let this happen, if I had known another way?"
"That doesn't matter. This decision was not yours to make," Young replied. He stared angrily at Rush, then he turned to Matt. "Lieutenant, assemble a team. Get Eli back."
"That is a waste of time," Rush repeated and stepped back behind the console. Probably to get a safe distance between himself and Young. Matt was not sure, but his words sounded resigned.
"You might be able to find out which planet he had dialed from here, but that's it. Contrary to the gates of Milky Way and Pegasus Galaxy, the gates from the seed ships are simplified and don't have a data storage. That's regulated with the remotes. There is no way of finding out, which way Eli went. He is the only one who knows and by now he will have put about a dozen planets behind him and reached his destination."
"Where did he get those addresses in the first place?" Matt asked. Next to him, Volker just listened silently to the conversation. Matt got the feeling that the man would have loved to vanish, and he could sympathize with that.
"From the other Eli. He didn't seem to have much trust in our ability to find a solution, either. Eli thought you would never allow him to choose this way and I share his assessment. Don't think that it was easy for me to let him go. He is the last one who should be out there alone and unarmed, but you should have a little faith in him."
"Faith, huh? We will see how much is left of that when he doesn't return and you have to tell his mother that you send him into his death."
"You're giving up on him that easily?" Rush replied without hesitation.
Matt did not have to be a mind reader to see Young's predicament. There was hardly anything left to put Rush under pressure with. Now all the cards had been played, as far as Matt could tell. Even putting Rush under arrest was not an option for Young because they needed him. Now that Eli was gone, even more so. If Young were to punish him it would fall back on him and the crew as soon as they met their next problem. These everlasting power games were tiring, even just from watching them, and they got them nowhere. Rush and Young were just too different in their ways and opinions to find an agreement that would last longer than a couple of hours.
"Colonel?" Matt asked, unsure of what to do now.
"Wake up Brody. He should take a look at the gates. I want a second opinion." He threw Rush a dark look that made clear that the trust thing between them did not work at all. "And tell everyone … " He took a look at his watch. It was still in the middle of the night. "They are to meet in the gate room at 0800, everyone from the planet, too. I'm going to make an announcement."
"Yes, sir."
O
Brody had confirmed Rush's statement after an extensive check, damning them to do nothing. Doctor McKay had returned immediately to Earth, taking the bad news with him. Meanwhile, there were more than enough things on Destiny and the planets that needed their attention.
Despite the danger that the aliens could appear, Young had finally allowed a team of scientists to make a trip to the crashed ship to get as much information as possible and to bring samples back aboard.
Matt rubbed over his sweaty face and glanced to the ship, where some scientists were examining every last detail and taking notes. At the beginning they had been hesitant, maybe because the trip from the gate had not been exactly a walk in the park. But now they were like kids in a toy shop. Obviously they had forgotten everything around them, showing once again how necessary Matt and his team was.
Rush was not among them. It seemed as if Young had managed to get his proscription of gate travel through with him, but Matt did not trust the peace. Rush probably would have gone against the order by now if he had not been busy on Destiny.
But brooding did not get him anywhere. At the moment he had only one duty and that was being watchful and taking care of the scientists' security, even though at the moment the only danger around here seemed to be a heat stroke.
oOo
TJ sighed silently, rubbed her sore neck, blinking to refocus her sight. Staring through the ocular for hours was not just tiring for her eyes. But no matter how much progress she made the mountain of samples did not seem to shrink. She would not complain about it because this diversity was a gift, but the routine was just not made to keep her wandering thoughts in check. They were going in circles and she was aware that her mood was at least as low as that of the rest of the crew. It was getting harder to keep up the façade.
After a look at the clock she decided to work another hour before she would call it a day. There was no helping it. She wanted to return to her notes, but steps followed by a knock at the open door stopped her. When she turned Varro was leaning in the doorframe, arms lightly crossed in front of his chest.
"Hello Tamara."
"Hello, you are back from the planet?" TJ gave him a small but genuine smile.
"Yes, I came back with the last change of shift."
"Ah. How can I help you?"
"I just wanted to check in on you and see if you could use some help?"
TJ's smile got a bit broader. "Not really help, but I could use some company." Unconsciously she rubbed her neck and shoulder again.
Varro stepped closer and pushed her hand away softly. "Let me help with that. Sitting like this for hours must be strenuous."
„It's okay." She hesitated but she resisted the reflex to push Varro's hand away. She also did not want to ask from where he had this sudden courage to come so close suddenly. Instead she let her head fall forwards slowly and closed her eyes while the big, strong hands massaged her tense muscles. Pleasant goosebumps spread over her body.
„How are your injuries? I didn't get another chance to take a look at them."
„Everything healed nicely. I'm like new. So you don't have to worry about me."
"At least that's some good news."
There was nothing but comfortable silence for a couple of minutes between them. TJ sank back slowly and finally leant against Varro's strong body. She felt safer than she had in a long time.
"Do you think he has any chance out there alone?" she asked suddenly. She hardly dared to ask anyone this question, because she would not believe the optimistic "he is fine" nor did she want to hear the pessimistic "he is dead already". But she could not keep it to herself forever, so Varro seemed to be the best choice because he was not nearly as much emotionally involved as the other crewmembers.
The picture of another Varro standing protectively in front of a fierce Eli appeared before her inner eye. It was still hard to believe that there existed other versions of them out there, making other decisions, loving different people, still being similar to them.
The hands on her shoulders had stopped for a moment, before continuing softly and accompanied by Varro's strong voice. "Obviously Eli is very resourceful, and after everything I've heard he really seems to be convinced of being able to do this. Why are you asking me? Nearly everyone aboard knows Eli better than I do."
"Yes, but you know how to handle yourself out there, how to survive; and I thought because the other … uhm, it's not important." She became sheepish, made a dismissive gesture and tried to gather the motivation to continue her task. That was anything but easy right now.
The hands on her shoulders got slower and the massaging turned into a soft caress. Then she could feel a warm touch on her head, Varro's lips. She did not know when they had reached this kind of familiarity. It must have happened sometime during the past few days. It was surprising and comforting at the same time. She did not fight it.
"Is it because of the relationship that our visitors from the other universe didn't try to hide?" Varro continued their conversation. "To calm your mind, I would like to be able to say that Eli will return without doubt, but he is not the trained fighter we met. I don't know what kind of connection the other two had. Independent from that I can only make speculations about what will await him, like everyone else. In a fight, armed or unarmed, realistically he hardly stands any chance, but when it comes to solving a problem with his wit, you shouldn't give up hope yet. It seems to be his biggest strength besides his big mouth."
TJ had to smile involuntary and let the words sink in. In the end they only confirmed what she had thought the whole time. There was only one person who could give them certainty and that was Eli himself.
"Don't you mind?" TJ asked quietly.
"What?"
"That the other one is in a relationship with a man."
"What do I care about the life of the other one? If I understood it correctly then there are uncountable versions of myself out there. I could have died in any fight I survived. Maybe my wife would still be alive and I would've never stepped aboard Destiny. I could've stood against the crew of Destiny and never come to know you like this. To have somebody by my side as funny and intelligent as Eli doesn't seem to be a bad alternative. But in the end any of those variations are out of reach for us. There is only one of each of us in this world and I am quite content where I stand at the moment."
TJ understood the hint. Yes, she liked where they stood, too. More and more each day.
She thought about how Eli looked at Everett sometimes. She had registered that. And also how Everett suffered under his disappearance. Her feelings about that were twisted and the topic could not be ignored in the long run if Eli actually returned. "There are people on Earth who don't see that as uncomplicated. And there are surely people aboard who aren't able to differentiate between the different Varros and Elis. So don't wonder if someone brings up the topic and don't hesitate to tell me. We don't need that kind of problems aboard on top of everything else.
"You humans from Earth are really complicated."
"That seems true."
"But there is an easy way too. Finish for today. The samples won't go anywhere and you look tired." Varro caressed TJ's cheek and looked at her frankly. She had no strength left to fight his attention and nodded in acceptance. She laid one hand over his and leant closer into the touch, then she stretched and kissed him. It was not passionate and fiery, but slow, soft and support-seeking. Everything else would follow on its own. Soon.
oOo
Chloe sat thoughtfully on Eli's bed and looked around slowly. The walls were covered with pictures and calculations. Small things were scattered around the room. Everything was as Eli had left it, as if he would return any moment. She missed him. The past weeks had been hard, but thanks to Eli's numerous stays in the infirmary they had had a lot of time to talk. It had been only small things, but it had brought them closer again. That Eli had not told her everything was clear to her now as she had had no idea of his plans. The Eli that had sneaked off the ship was a complete stranger to her.
A noise at the door made her look up. Her heart stopped, then beat faster, but of course it was not Eli.
"Doctor Rush."
"Miss Armstrong," he replied, stepping up to the desk with Eli's notes.
Chloe watched him silently while he seemed to search something without much coordination.
"What are you looking for?" she asked when he took the same piece of paper a second time and laid it aside again.
"Calculations, but in this chaos it is pointless."
"Can I help?"
"No," he answered curt.
Chloe stood up slowly and stepped closer. „You don't have to come up with an excuse to be here."
"What?" Rush looked at her in irritation as if he really registered her only now.
Chloe crossed her arms in front of her chest and returned his look with a challenge. "You've had the same piece of paper in your hand three times without actually looking at it."
"Don't be silly, Miss Armstrong."
She smiled. "You can deny it as much as you like but it's obvious that you miss him too."
"Hardly, as he has barely been gone six days now."
She held back a comment about Rush knowing this instantly when he normally lost track of time so easily.
"And if I did, then it is only because he is one of the few aboard who actually get any work done," he added, hardly credible.
Chloe left it at that. She did not want to argue with Rush. A part of her was still pissed at him for letting Eli go, but by now a much bigger part of hope and understanding had the upper hand. After all her time on Destiny she was starting to get experience in reading him.
She turned to leave but stayed a little longer.
"Do you think he'll come back?" she asked quietly. Silence answered her and her hope dwindled. What else had she expected?
"Eli is one of the most resourceful people I know and always good for a surprise," Rush finally surprised her with an answer. She thought that was all, but after a little pause he continued. "And even though nobody aboard seems to believe it: I'm well aware that I'm responsible for what happened to him. To believe that Eli will return - as small as that chance may be - is the only justification for what I've done."
Chloe turned and hugged Rush fiercely. He let it happen, surprised and stiff. Quickly she let go of him again before he could turn her down. "Eli was right. You are not as bad as you always make everyone believe."
Rush looked at her skeptically. "Please keep in mind that Eli has been out of his mind for a while now." She looked at him, flabbergasted, before bursting into laughter. The contradiction in Rush's words was too obvious. "Yes, that's what I thought, too. I'll leave you to your search now. Good night."
"Good night," Rush replied automatically and Chloe returned to the quarters she was sharing with Matt. She felt a little bit lighter.
oOo
Nicholas stayed back alone. Unlike Chloe, he did not sit on the bed. He stayed standing at the desk but gave up his aimless search. For a moment, he allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts.
Few crewmembers reacted like Chloe. He never had much sympathy amongst them, and only a couple of them seemed to understand that he had helped Eli. The rest of them handled him like he had committed murder. Maybe, indirectly, it was, but he would not give up on his stance of having done the right thing. He could not change it anymore anyway.
The question was, if Young would get over it. Nicholas had to admit that working with him was easier when they both acted in concert. That was unlikely to be possible again in the future. Since their last conversation on the bridge they had successfully avoided each other.
O
After Scott had gone, Nicholas threw a short glance over to Volker, who turned hastily back to his monitors. It was clear in his face that he felt uncomfortable, but that was nothing new. The man still had not developed a spine or any authority.
Young turned to leave the bridge without another word, probably to go and see TJ and the unconscious airman.
"Don't I get a punishment this time?" Nicholas asked before he could stop himself, a challenging tone in his voice, and Young stopped dead in his movement.
"What would be fitting in your opinion?" he asked with suspicious calm. "What kind of punishment would actually get some results? I already forbade you from gate travel and took away your chance to examine the alien ship yourself. The only thing I could take from you now would be your work on the systems, but that's not possible because it is your fucking job. So, any suggestions? Apart from the fact that you think you haven't done anything wrong anyway?"
Nicholas kept silent. Not only because he had no answer to that but also because he knew that another word would be too much. It was not his intention to provoke the colonel any further.
Everett finally left the bridge without giving or getting an answer to his question.
oOo
Lisa sat on a camp chair at the edge of the camp and listened to her surroundings. Without eyesight, there was nothing for her to do here. Because of that she had tried to refuse to come, but TJ had insisted on her going anyway. The fresh air and the sunlight would be good for her, she had said. Lisa did not deny that, but she did not feel safe here. If one had nothing but the sounds around them then the difference compared to Earth became painfully obvious. Chloe had described the surroundings to her. It seemed familiar, but the lack of birdcalls made her nervous. Other unknown noises replaced the familiar sounds of animals.
That she could not orient herself and would never be able to find her way back to the gate made the feeling of helplessness only worse.
Footsteps came closer to her, dry branches cracked. Lisa turned in the direction of the sound.
"Hey Lisa, it's me, Kentra. May I keep you company?"
Lisa recognized the soft voice of the woman and nodded. She had already wondered who would be next in line. She felt uncomfortable about depending on someone playing the babysitter for her as long as she was here. In the end she was thankful that it was Airman Richmond this time instead of one of her tight-lipped or embarrassed comrades.
"Hello Kentra."
"Give me your hand," Kentra said. Lisa looked at her skeptically. Hidden behind the sunglasses it was okay if she did not get the direction quite right.
"Trust me." Kentra did not wait but took Lisa's right hand and pushed something soft into her open palm.
"What is this?"
"Berries. TJ gave her okay."
Lisa smelled them carefully. They smelled fruity and sweet. Something that had become rare in their daily routine. Then she tried them. "They are really good."
"Chloe found a whole clearing of them on her first day here. I'll show you, come."
Lisa sank back into her chair depressed. "That will hardly work."
"Don't be upset about it. You have more than one sense. You can smell and hear and I can describe it to you. Come on." Before Lisa could react, the seemingly petite woman had already taken her hands and pulled her onto her feet. She linked their arms and Lisa could not do much but walk with her.
Kentra described her every little detail in their surroundings. The colors, the shapes, just everything. The vague picture in her head from Chloe's earlier descriptions became clearer and clearer. Before she could think about it, she let herself be carried away by Kentra's cheerful mood. For a while she forgot the negative thoughts and was able to relax a little for the first time since she had arrived on the planet. Just like that, time spun away.
oOo
Eleven days. Eleven days had already passed since Eli had gone.
Eleven days since Young had stood in front of the crew, again, with bad news.
Eleven days in which the mood aboard was at a constant ebb. Every single death hit them hard, but Eli was something else. He was something like the heart of the team. At the beginning probably everyone had hoped that Eli would return, but with every day more believed that Eli was dead already. Why else would it take him so long?
Even Rush did not seem to be immune against the sinking mood. He kept to himself, shouting at everyone who dared to interrupt him. That was nothing new. But it seemed as if he was looking more dark than usual, being more mean and withdrawn. Dale felt it more than anyone and found it harder to be around him from day to day.
As if that was not enough, Young's behavior had changed too. He was in a bad mood and broody. What one once could observe as progress in the communication between Rush and Young, was now gone. They seemed to avoid each other completely. It was like an Ice Age.
Eli has been gone for eleven days and Destiny was at a virtual standstill. The fact that they were stationary in space and just kept working on new repairs from day to day only made the feeling worse. Small and big successes, like when another energy line had been repaired or when another section of the ship was accessible again, were swallowed by the depressed mood. Even all the exciting findings from the alien ship had a constant stale taste.
Dale had had enough of it. That was why he went to Brody's distillery right after his shift. Thanks to the rich food supply from the planets Brody had been able to replenish their alcohol stock. The stuff still burned through your throat, but the engineer's skills seemed to be improving. Slowly the stuff was getting a good taste depending on which kind of alien greens he used as source.
When Dale entered the room, he stopped for a moment in irritation. There was nothing left of the depressing mood in here. A group of people had gathered at the biggest table and seemed to be celebrating. Lisa was among them. Brody was behind the bar and smiled.
Brody never smiled.
Dale went to him and sat on one of the bar stools. "What are they celebrating?"
"Cocktail test drinking. Becker diverted a couple of juices from the kitchen and now they're discussing which combination looks and tastes the best." Dale took another glance at the table, but he could not see much.
"Then I'll take one, too."
"One cocktail coming up." Brody put some of the homebrewed in a cup, added two different colored fluids and then- with a wrist movement - threw in a berry that landed with a blobb and drowned. Brody would have been a talented barkeeper.
Dale took a sip from his drink. The burning of the alcohol was unchanged but this time it was followed by a fruity taste. It took getting used to, but he could see how this diversion had lightened up everyone else. He gave Brody a curt nod and then went over to the cheerful group. It was time to get rid of his dark thoughts, at least for one night.
oOo
Matt knew that he had drunk too much. The hangover the next morning would kill him, but it was worth it. Their mood had not been relaxed like this in a long time. This diversion had been what they had needed so desperately. And the evening was not over yet, even though it was already well past midnight.
He and Chloe were on their way to their quarters, but walking was more difficult than it should have been. They staggered and stumbled more than they walked because Chloe had had her fair share of drinks, too. They laughed foolishly and hardly managed to keep their hands to themselves. Because they were kissing hungrily every couple meters they hardly made any progress. Matt had his hands full with keeping Chloe from jumping him in the middle of the corridor. He had not known that too much alcohol had this kind of effect on her.
Suddenly, Chloe freed herself from him, laughed and turned away. "Catch me!" she shouted and ran surprisingly surefootedly down the corridor. Matt looked after her perplexedly for a couple of seconds before he followed her, clearly slower than it would have been possible in a sober state.
"Chloe, wait!" Matt finally caught up with her at the door to the observation deck, but she escaped him again and began to dance through the big, empty room.
He would never complain about seeing her happy like this, but a small worried voice in his head told him that something was not right. "Don't you want to come to bed with me?" he asked and hoped that she would calm down a little.
"Not yet," she replied, continuing to dance around. Matt tried halfheartedly to catch her, but as soon as she was close to him, she spun away again. Coltishly she started to jump on the benches.
"Chloe, what is wrong with you?"
"Nothing is wrong with me." Chloe built up some momentum and jumped onto one of the tables where she spun in circles, laughing, and tried to do wobbling yoga exercises.
"Chloe, get down now, you're going to hurt yourself."
She just laughed but then suddenly stopped dead in her motions. "I feel dizzy suddenly."
"No wonder, with the way you're jumping around. You are going to be sick." He walked to her, to finally get her down, but before he could reach her, she sank down unconsciously.
„Chloe!"