Alex and Maggie were enjoying their day at the aquarium with the girls. They were currently at the bottom deck of the viewing area for the penguins, watching them swimming around. "Mama," Hayden looked around to her, her hands pressed against the viewing glass. "We take one home?" Hayden wondered, looking up to Maggie, her eyes all wide as she waited on a response.
"What?" Maggie questioned. "A penguin?"
"Yeah," Hayden answered. "I keep it in my bedroom."
"You can't have a penguin for a pet." Emmi giggled at Hayden. Hayden looked to Emmi with a scowl.
"Please." Hayden pouted as she batted her eyelashes, looking up to her mums.
"Sorry sweetie," Maggie shook her head. "But you can't get a pet penguin."
"I want a pet." Hayden frowned, almost looking like she was about to have a tantrum as she banged her hand against the glass.
"Hey, don't do that," Alex told her daughter, Hayden still frowning. "And you have Trudi and the fish." Alex reminded her.
Hayden sighed. "I like the penguins."
"Well you can watch them when you are here." Alex said, running her hand through Hayden's ponytail. Hayden frowned some more as she leaned her head forward, squashing her face against the glass.
"Did you know that some penguins stay with the same penguin for ever and ever and there's even some who go find a pebble for their penguin buddy." Emmi said, looking to Maggie and Alex as she spoke.
"Oh yeah?" Maggie smiled at Emmi. "That's cool. Romantic little birds, huh?"
Emmi nodded. "Kinda like how you and Mum have your rings," Emmi noted, glancing down at Maggie and Alex's left hands. "But maybe they don't mean forever because you and Mum don't live together anymore." Emmi looked sad at that as she bowed her head.
"Sweetie," Maggie bent down a little, moving closer to Emmi's level. She took her hands in hers, squeezing them gently. "You know that's not going to be forever," Maggie reminded her. "Mum will come home."
"But why do we need to wait for it?" Emmi wondered. Maggie pursed her lips. She was originally wanting to spend some time apart from Alex due to the cheating and the trust being gone, but now she knew she hadn't cheated, maybe there wasn't as much of a reason, although there were still some trust issues but maybe they could keep talking with Alex being back home in the house. "You said you need to talk to fix things, but you can talk in the house when you are together." Emmi pouted.
"I know you don't like this," Maggie told her. "But we are still spending lots of time together as a family, right?" Maggie questioned, and Emmi gave a little nod, still not looking impressed.
"So does that mean Mum can come take Trudi a walk with us after here?" Emmi questioned.
"Sure she can." Maggie answered.
"And she can stay for dinner and do bedtime?" Emmi wondered.
"Yes, if she wants too." Maggie said, looking around to Alex as she spoke, as Emmi also looked to her mother.
"I would love that." Alex answered.
"Awesome," Emmi grinned. "Can we go see the sea lions now?" Emmi asked. "We've been at the penguins for ages." Emmi sighed looking back over to her little sister who was still engrossed in watching them.
"Yeah," Alex answered. "Jelly c'mon," Alex held her hand out for Hayden to take but Hayden shook her head, clearly not ready to leave the penguins. "We'll come back to see the penguins again later." Alex promised her.
"We are going to see the sea lions." Emmi told her, trying to encourage her away from the penguins before she walked off, because she wanted to move on.
"Oooh lions." Hayden started following Emmi, running a little to catch up with her, Maggie and Alex walking a little behind them.
"Thanks." Alex smiled appreciatively at her wife.
"For?" Maggie looked a little confused.
"For saying I could come over after here," Alex said. "Take Trudi for a walk with you, have dinner, put Hayden to bed," Alex was still smiling. "Thank you."
Maggie shrugged it off. "It's not like we are divorcing and it's supposed to be my time with the girls," Maggie murmured. "And spending time together can only be a good thing for us, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so." Alex agreed as their hands brushed together, the couple walking closely to each other. They looked around to each other, both of them giving little smiles as their hands locked together as they picked up their pace to catch up with their girls.
Alex walked into the kitchen, looking over to Maggie as she was unloading the dishwasher. "Three stories, singing her song, and about 16 goodnight kisses later, she is finally all cuddled into Hallie hippo with her eyes firmly shut, so…." Alex crossed her fingers as she walked across the kitchen towards Maggie.
"She was probably just excited. It's been a while since you will have put her to bed," Maggie spoke quietly as she put the cutlery back into the drawer. Alex pursed her lips, bowing her head a little. "Uh…Emmi okay?" Maggie questioned, looking around to Alex.
"Yeah," Alex answered, looking back to her wife. "She is reading in her room," Alex pointed upwards as a silence hit them. "So uh…I can go if you want me to," Alex rubbed her hands together. "We did the aquarium and I walked the dog with you and we did dinner then a movie and I put one of the girls to bed," Alex bit her lip. She hated that she and Maggie had awkward moments now. She knew they'd soon disappear, but she hated them all the same. "I get it was for the girls, so -"
"You think today was just for the girls?" Maggie questioned.
"I don't know, I…no," Alex shook her head. "I know it was for us too, but maybe we shouldn't try to hard all at once," Alex murmured. "We've had a nice day."
"Yeah, we have." Maggie smiled as she stepped a little closer to where Alex was standing.
"We both want to get to the point of me moving home, right, so…." Maggie noticed Alex was nervously rolling her rings around her finger as she spoke.
"So, we just need some time," Maggie told her. "You broke the trust, Alex. I…I need to trust you again before we can be what we had, you know." Maggie looked downwards as she spoke, not able to look her wife in the eye.
"Well being honest, I…" Alex trailed off as she gave a little shrug, Maggie looking back up to face her. "I didn't really cheat on you, so I -"
"I know you didn't," Maggie spoke softly, interrupting Alex. "And what happened there, with her, is something you need to let yourself face and work through," Maggie told her. She knew Alex was blocking it out like it hadn't happened, but she didn't want to ruin things any more than they already were between them, so she didn't want to force her, and it wasn't like Alex had been taking Maggie's advice lately anyways. "But Alex, I'm talking about the drinking and lying involved around that," Maggie said. "You swore to me that you weren't drinking."
Alex pursed her lips, looking down sheepishly. "I know. I'm sorry," Alex murmured, looking up to face Maggie again. "I'm not proud of how I was when I was drinking, when I was lying and sneaking around, I…." Alex bit her lip as she brought her hand up to her necklace, holding on to the love heart pendant. "I know I need to win back your trust," Alex told her. "I…." Alex looked towards the kitchen door for a moment, before looking back to Maggie. She took a deep breath, before glancing back to her wife. "Come with me," Alex walked out of the kitchen, Maggie following behind her, feeling a little intrigued. Maggie followed Alex down the hall and through the door leading to the garage in silence, wondering what was happening. Alex took another deep breath as she walked over to the storage unit. "I need to gain your trust, so I uh…." Alex exhaled lightly, looking around to her wife, who was standing with a puzzled expression on her face. Alex faced the storage unit again and took out the box that had the Christmas decorations in it. She took yet another deep breath as she opened it and reached amongst the decorations, pulling out the bottle of scotch. Maggie widened her eyes as Alex handed it out to her, not looking at the bottle.
"What the hell….." Maggie sounded shocked as she didn't move, like she was frozen to the spot.
"Please, take it off me." Alex pleaded, shaking the bottle a little in Maggie's direction. Maggie stepped forward and took the bottle in her hand.
"So, when I asked if there was any more alcohol in this house after you admitted to the bottle in the garden shed, do you remember what you said to me?" Maggie sounded almost angry as she spoke, Alex nodding her head as she felt tears forming in her eyes.
"I said there wasn't." Alex told her.
"And what else did you do?" Maggie questioned.
"I swore on…." Alex trailed off, shaking her head to show she couldn't talk anymore.
"You swore on the lives of our children," Maggie raised her voice, feeling angry with her wife. "You swore on their lives that the only bottle you had was the one in the shed." Maggie couldn't believe Alex had lied about that. Not when she'd swore on the kids.
"I'm sorry," Alex apologised. "But I wasn't me. I had an illness, Maggie. I was suffering from PND and -"
"Ah so this is going to be the excuse for everything now, is it?" Maggie questioned.
"I'm not making excuses," Alex shook her head. "I'm just stating facts. I was dealing will an illness and I lost all control. And I know you are hurt. And not just for the lying and the drinking but for the way everything has gone since we lost Carter, but I am trying to fix things," Alex reminded her. "I'm sober and I'm talking to the therapists and I'm telling you about this now. And I know it's late but I'm trying," Alex swallowed a lump in her throat. "I'm trying to win your trust back, Maggie."
Maggie looked down to the bottle before looking back to her wife. "I guess it's more fool me for trusting that the alcoholic was telling me the truth in the first place," Maggie sounded angry as she spoke. Alex wasn't sure if she was angry and her or herself or both. "Is there any more anywhere else?" Maggie questioned, looking around the garage. Alex walked sheepishly over to the plastic storage boxes at the other side of the garage. She took the lid off from the box marked 'Alex's Midvale stuff' and pulled out another bottle of scotch. She walked over to Maggie and handed her the bottle. "Any more?" Maggie questioned.
Alex shook her head. "I swear on…" Alex trailed off, biting her lip. "I swear, that's all."
Maggie pursed her lips as she looked down to the two bottles in her hand. One half empty and the other about three quarters full. Maggie turned around and walked away, Alex following her out of the garage and back down to the kitchen. She watched in silence as Maggie opened the first bottle and poured it down the sink. Maggie reached for the second bottle and did the same, not saying a word as she poured out the alcohol, Alex watching as it disappeared down the kitchen sink. Maggie banged the empty bottle down onto the worktop before she turned around to face her wife. "You should go back to Eliza's now." Maggie said, Alex giving a little nod as her lips were pursed.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" Alex questioned. "Or the girls. Maybe I could take them to the playpark and out for some lunch." Alex suggested, rubbing the back of her head as she spoke.
"What's your Mum doing tomorrow?" Maggie questioned, not making eye contact with Alex.
Alex scrunched her face up, looking a little confused. "I don't know, uhm…." Alex paused for a moment, her eyes widening as she realised why Maggie was asking. "You don't trust me to have them myself, do you?" Alex asked. Maggie bit her lip, her eyes looking anywhere but on Alex. "You don't need to answer," Alex murmured. She knew by the look on Maggie's face what her answer was. "I uh…I'll go and ehm…see you." Alex said as she walked out of the kitchen and made her way out of the house, wondering how she was going to win back Maggie's trust.
Maggie turned off the TV and picked up her glass, making her way over to the door. She flicked off the light in the living room and walked though to the kitchen, walking over to the fridge and filling up the glass with more water from the dispenser on the fridge. She walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, seeing Emmi's side light was still on. She walked into the room, seeing she was still up, reading her book. "Emmi Danvers," Maggie gasped. "You, lady, are supposed to be sleeping." Maggie told her, walking over to the bed. She put her water down on Emmi's bedside table and sat on the edge of her bed.
"I just like this book so much, Mama." Emmi told her, her eyes still in the open book.
"Well even so," Maggie exhaled lightly. "I came up over an hour ago and told you once you'd finished the chapter you were on it was time for lights out," Maggie reminded her. Emmi sighed as she picked up her bookmark from her bed side table and put it in her book, so she wouldn't lose the page she was on then put the book down on the bed side table. Emmi was currently reading Mary Poppins and was very much enjoying it and Maggie was glad she was branching out to something that didn't involve mermaids or the sea. Maggie smiled as she lightly rubbed Emmi's cheek, looking into her rather tired and heavy looking eyes. She knew it wouldn't be long before Emmi did fall asleep. "You have a good day today?" Maggie questioned.
"Oh yeah," Emmi nodded, a smile on her face. "I was at my most favourite place with my most favourite people," Emmi told her, the smile on her face only growing larger. "Well except Grandma and Auntie K and Auntie Ava," Emmi added, Maggie giving her a smile as she rubbed her cheek again. "But it was good and so was the family walk with Gertrude and dinner was yummy and then we got to watch The Greatest Showman," Emmi grinned, Maggie nodding as Emmi went over what they had all done that day. "Will we get more days like that?" Emmi wondered. "It's been so long since we've done stuff like that."
"Uh," Maggie sucked in her bottom lip as she nodded. "Sure we will."
Emmi kept smiling. "Did you and Mum talk more when I came up here?" Emmi questioned, her big, green eyes looking so full of wonder.
"Yeah we talked," Maggie nodded. "But sweetie, it's going to take some time, okay?" Maggie once again rubbed Emmi's cheek comfortingly. "I know you don't like this. Me and Mum don't really like it either, but right now, we just need this." Maggie told her. It continued to break her heart to see Emmi hurting over this, but the best thing for Emmi was them taking some time apart and getting this right.
"It's rubbish," Emmi sighed. "Do you think for my birthday that Mum will be back living with us?" Emmi questioned. Emmi's birthday was only a few weeks away and she was hoping for her parents to be reunited by then. "Because we have IHOP for pancakes."
"I know we do," Maggie answered, IHOP still very much a birthday tradition. "And no matter what, we will be together to celebrate your birthday and take you to IHOP," Maggie assured her. "Speaking of your birthday, you need to let us know what you want to do so we can plan it and you can ask your school friends." Maggie had been meaning to arrange something, but she'd been a bit preoccupied with everything that was going on with Alex.
"Uhm," Emmi scratched the side of her head. "Can we go to the cabin by the lake?"
"For your birthday?" Maggie looked a little confused.
"Uh-huh," Emmi nodded. "Just me, you, Mum and Hayden," Emmi said. "That's what I want." Emmi looked into Maggie's eyes as she spoke.
"You don't want to do something with your friends?" Maggie questioned. "Turing 10 is a pretty big birthday. Double digits." Maggie nudged her daughters arm.
Emmi shrugged. "I can do something with my friends any time. We can't always have little breaks to the cabin by the lake," Emmi said, looking at her with pleading eyes. "You and Mum are always happy there," Emmi noted. Maggie exhaling lightly, it seeming like all Emmi wanted for her birthday was for her parents to be happy again. "Well, except when big bugs scare you." Emmi gave a cheeky grin, trying her best not to laugh.
"Hey." Maggie tickled Emmi's side, Emmi starting to giggle.
"But it's true." Emmi said between laughter.
"I guess it is." Maggie stopped tickling her daughter as she gave a yawn.
"So, we can go?" Emmi looked hopeful as she spoke.
"I don't know, sweetie," Maggie shook her head and Emmi pouted. "I…I don't think so," Maggie didn't know if a little break away with Alex would be a good thing or not right now. "We'll see."
"That means no." Emmi frowned.
"It means we'll see," Maggie told her, although more often than not, when Alex or Maggie told Emmi 'we'll see', it was a no. "Now, it's way late and you should be sound asleep, so goodnight." Maggie leaned down and kissed Emmi goodnight.
"Goodnight Mama. I love you." Emmi yawned.
"I love you more." Maggie told her as she stood up, picking up her glass of water that she'd left on the bed side table.
"I love you the most." Emmi told her as Maggie leaned down and gave her another goodnight kiss.
"Sleep tight sweet girl." Maggie said she switched off the side light and walked out of the bedroom into the hallway. She quickly peeked into Hayden's room, seeing she was sound asleep, spread out like a starfish, her cover hanging off her and Hallie hippo firmly in her grip. Maggie smiled at the scene, deciding not to put her covers back over her as it was a pretty warm night. She walked down the hall and into her bedroom, going over to the bathroom to get herself ready for bed, her thoughts never far from Alex.
Kara had gone over to Eliza's apartment and was currently eating breakfast with her sister. "So, you don't eat breakfast with Neil?" Alex wondered.
"Well yes," Kara answered. "If he's not already at work," Kara added as she looked to Alex, Alex staring back at her sister. "Okay, so this is my second breakfast," Kara said. "That's allowed, right?"
"I suppose it is for you," Alex stared down at the plate that was heaped with pancakes and bacon as Kara was squeezing out at least half the bottle of maple syrup over it. "But Mum made those pancakes for me." Alex muttered.
"Ha," Kara stuffed a forkful into her mouth. "You could never eat all this," Kara pointed to the pancakes, bacon, fruit and French toast that was on the centre of the table. "The kids coming round for breakfast or something?" Kara questioned as she picked up her apple juice and took a drink.
"No," Alex shook her head. "I guess this was all just for me. Mum went a little overboard."
"Eliza always goes overboard," Kara noted. "Where did she go?" When Kara arrived at the apartment, Eliza was already out, and Alex was just about to tuck into the breakfast.
"Farmers market," Alex answered. "So, what you come around for?"
"What?" Kara questioned, her mouth full of pancakes and bacon. "I can't come visit my sister?"
"Don't talk with your mouth full," Alex scolded her like she was one of the kids. Kara pulled a face at her sister. "And yes, you can come visit," Alex said. "But I'm pretty sure there's a reason for it."
"I just thought that maybe you'd like to talk," Kara said. "You've uhm…." Kara cleared her throat. "There's just some stuff that maybe you'd like to talk about." Kara spoke nervously. She knew her sister didn't want to talk about her sexual assault, but it needed to be done, for Alex's sake it was the healthy thing to do.
Alex sighed, knowing what Kara was getting at. "I wish people would stop trying to get me to talk about it." Alex mumbled as she picked up her coffee cup and took a drink.
"Don't you think it's something that you need to talk about?" Kara questioned. She couldn't begin to imagine what Alex was feeling right now, but she knew it was best if she talked about those feelings.
Alex shrugged. "Some lady drugged me and did stuff to me," Alex's lip started trembling. "I don't remember a lot, and what I do remember, I wanna forget," Alex said. "And making me talk about it, isn't going to let me forget," Alex paused, taking a moment to compose herself. "I appreciate that you care. I know you all just care, but Kara," Alex shook her head as she felt tears in her eyes. "There's more important things for me to be dealing with."
"What's more important?" Kara questioned. "Alex this is important. This is so, so, very important." Kara told her, not believing that she couldn't see why it was.
"Fixing my marriage and making it so my wife can trust me is what matters to me. It's what I need to focus on," Alex said, Kara shaking her head lightly. "It's what I want to deal with right now, Kara, okay."
"I think you are wrong," Kara told her. "And Maggie…I hate the way she is dealing with this. The way she's just kicked you out like you've done something wrong," Kara said, her head still shaking but for a different reason this time. "It's unfair."
"It's not though," Alex retorted. "I started drinking again, okay, I -"
"You lost your son," Kara raised her voice. "How can she be so cruel when you lost your son. She shouldn't be wanting a break right now. She should be holding you and comforting you and getting through this with you. Not making you live somewhere else from her and your girls. She's being unreasonable."
"No," Alex shouted as she banged her hands off the table. "You are. You don't get it, Kara. You don't…" Alex stood up from the table. "I've already told you to stop with the hate you have for Maggie right now. She is not in the wrong. She's not being unreasonable, so just stop," Alex said. "If you can't be more open minded about this and see things from her perspective then I'm not talking to you about any of it," Alex said. "Just…please try and see this from Maggie's point of view." Alex told her, before she stormed off and went down the hall, Kara jumping at the sound of the bedroom door slamming shut.
Thoughts?