"The flavor of your lips is enough to keep me pressing for more than just a moment of truth between the lies told to pull ourselves away from the lives we leave back."Coffeehouse Soundtrack - All Time Low
The Undeveloped Story
Chapter Ten
When you get back to your town the next day, you don't even go to your apartment. You go straight to Black Mamba to apologize to Shane for skipping out and to demand his phone number. What you didn't expect was it to be the lunch rush, and even more - you didn't expect him to be working. Whenever you have seen him, he has always been chilling in the background - but that afternoon, he was going all over the place. You sit at the furthest booth, watching as he goes back and forth from his office to the register. You figure it's either pay day or he's counting the money for the week. Or…? You shrug and lean back on the cushion. You lower your eyebrows at the way his face is so serious.
He looks seriously stressed.
You sigh and tap your leg against the metal of the booth, waiting for a waitress. You look around and see Sabrina and another blonde running around with fixed smiles and panic behind their eyes. You frown. Something is going on. Your eyes follow Sabrina as you she goes to the counter and puts her head in her hands for a couple seconds, looking ready to cry. Shane comes to her and sighs, putting his hand on her shoulder and saying something. He nods over to you, probably not even knowing it was you, before rolling his eyes. You watch him tell her that you have my table and maybe she should take five before she drops.
He comes over to your table quickly. You look at him worried when you see the slight bags under his eyes and the heaviness of his steps. He doesn't say anything when he slides into the booth across from you, immediately putting his head and arms on the table. You frown deeper, not knowing how to comfort him. You bite your lip but dig your hand softly in his thick hair. He makes a small noise before lifting his head. Your hand goes from his hair before tracing down his cheek and rounding off his chin. You feel soft prickles against your skin as he leans into your hand, until suddenly he is looking at you with a scowl. "Hey, thanks for the call so that I didn't have to drive to your place for nothing." He says sarcastically, his eyes glaring.
You respond immediately. "Thanks for giving me your phone number so that I could call so that you didn't have to drive to my place for nothing." He rolls his eyes again, digging his hands in his hair. "What's going on?" you ask, your voice a little softer. He looks at you confused before he remembers what's wrong. His face pales slightly as he shakes his head. He sighs heavily before squeezing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. You bite your lip again. You don't know how to fix this. You guys left it all at such a crazy place. Really, the talk didn't resolve anything, but just brought up more problems. Sighing, you lean forward as much as you can and peck his lips to get him calmer, but it just does the opposite.
He instantly moves away from you, looking around to make sure no one was looking. He even brings the hood of his jacket up, before looking at you shocked. You blink at him, sitting back down slowly. "Mitchie." He almost scolds you. Swallowing, you shrug questioningly, your hair going in front of your eyes. "I work here." He continues, almost huffing. You raise an eyebrow - knowing that he has kissed you in front of the establishment before.
"No." you say, clicking your tongue. "You own here." You say, not even caring that you don't make sense. "What? We are only allowed to kiss if you start it?" you ask, crossing your arms. His eyes soften and he opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. You just stare at him for a few seconds. You notice how the purple hoodie frames his face, making his thick hair go in front of his eyes. You notice that he is wearing random jeans and a plain shirt under his hoodie. He looks like he has had quite a night. "What's wrong with you, pop-star?" you whisper, bringing your fingers back to his cheek. You pull them away hurt when you see him move away. He doesn't meet your eye but instead steal a glance to his right. You lower your eyebrows and look as well. His office is closed, but there is light flickering from the bottom of the door.
And then it hits you. You know exactly why he doesn't want you touching him.
"Mitchie please." He halfway begs, uncomfortably shuffling.
You tense and look at him coldly, completely leaning back - away from him. "Jade is here, isn't she?" you don't say it loud, but you know he heard you. He winces slightly and looks away. You feel a wave of emotions come at you - anger one of them. You are having second thoughts about going to a great school because of this boy. You didn't even shower or take a well deserve nap just to come see this boy. You swallow harshly and go to stand up, rolling your eyes in the process. You freeze when his hand curls around your wrist, asking you to stop. "Why are you with her still?" you blurt out, turning sharply to look him the eyes. You see his eyes widen for a second and he opens his mouth to answer. You cut him off. "No. Like, I don't get it. You told me she was a convenience. That, you needed someone to love you and to understand you. That, you don't actually care for her. So why are you with her?" you ask again, your voice strange. It's going back and forth from angry to upset.
His lips go into a straight line and he pushes himself up, his hand still bounding your wrist. You try to take a step back in order to give him more space to stand but his grip is too tight. "Are you really asking me to break up with her?" he hisses under his breath, his eyes flashing. "You cannot just come into my life like this Mitchie. You ask me the other day if I liked you, so here's your answer: it doesn't matter how I feel about you. It doesn't matter if I love you or if I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life. There are bigger things in life than first loves and lies and drama." He starts unloading quickly. You can see him start to unravel. "Do you understand that I'm missing almost three hundred dollars from my register today? I have five waitresses - three of which have been here for more than a year. The other two are both single moms and under the age of twenty. I have bigger things to deal with than my ex, okay." He tells you before abruptly sitting back down.
He pulls at his hair and closes his eyes. You swallow and run a hand through your hair, looking at his office door for a few seconds before looking at him again. "Okay, this is what you will do…" you start as you slide in the booth again. You don't want him to unravel. You need him whole. It's just something personal. When he looks up at you, you continue. "You will call a meeting. You will get everyone together and inform them that there is three hundred dollars missing from the register. You will provide them until tomorrow night to return it in a white unmarked envelope, but that if it ever happens again, the culprit will be fired - no questions asked. You will talk to each one individually and try to see if any of them are in desperate need for money. Then when you find out which one is the worse and most likely the one who stole the money, you will talk to them about how to maybe make a plan for the next couple months." You advise him, trying to keep your own pain about him choosing Jade over you away from interfering with helping him.
He doesn't belong to you. He's just a boy - and he isn't yours. "But…" he mumbles, sighing. He looks so confused and for a while, he doesn't speak. When he sighs again, he lightly nods. "Okay." He accepts, digging his hand in his hair again. "Where did you learn that?" he asks, his eyebrows knitting together.
"Business minor." You answer immediately. His eyes widen in surprise.
"What happened to the music?" he asks, clearly shocked. "What happened to wanting to spread your sound to everyone - even the nonbelievers?" You laugh sardonically that talking about music can get Shane out of this funk, even for a few minutes before - you are betting - he goes back to sulking.
"You know, I would answer that if you answer a couple questions of mine." You propose sarcastically. He raises an eyebrow and doesn't say anything. "What happened to the music, Shane?" you repeat his words, leaning in again. "What happened to wanting to spread your sound to everyone - even the nonbelievers? What happened to music being acceptable as the great love and not having to look for happiness in a woman's bed? What happened to being all you can be and making it? I wouldn't make it, Shane. It was a phase of mine. I thought I was going to be this great artist, but I wasn't and I didn't become one. And that's fine. I'm not sad about it, but you Shane? You were the lead singer of the hottest boy band in the world. People killed to go to your concerts. People did anything to just meet you - to hold your hand for five seconds. You had it - fame, love, the music - and you gave it all up. What happened to the music?" you finish sadly before getting off the booth again. He avoids your glance and instead stares at his fingers. "What happened to believing in yourself?" you whisper before turning away from him.
--
When you get home, you feel bad for chewing out Shane after having a crappy day - but for some reason, you got really defensive when he asked about the music. But at the same time - he is killing you with his lifestyle. Why the hell is he with Jade? It's not like you want him to come in his white horse or anything, but he could at least try to acknowledge that you two have something going on. Because you do. After you got to the hotel after seeing Nate at that café/bar in L.A., your mind could not get off Shane and you. He kisses you. He holds you. He protects you. He makes you breakfast. He drives you to school. He brings you free coffee most of the time. If that doesn't spell out that you guys are doing something, then you don't know what will.
Whether you want something is a different story. The point is that there is something.
Sighing, you pick up some clothes off the floor, ignoring the fact Amy put in her headphones the moment you walked in the door. You and her haven't talked at all since Shane decided to tell her everything you wished you could have. You go over to your bed and just lay down, slamming your nose in the soft white pillow. And then you remembered something.
Shane still has not given you his number. "Fuck." You groan, getting off the bed again. You again ignore Amy as you leave the room. You walk quickly back to Black Mamba, totally intent on just getting his damn number and leaving (and maybe apologizing for being an asshole). When you get there, you slow down when you notice that only one light is turned on. You peer in the windows to see Shane in the meeting you told him to have. Biting your lip, you breathe out and turn around. You walk slowly down the empty sidewalk. There's hardly anyone present - only a couple SUVs, a Jeep and Shane's expensive sports car. Sighing, you cross your arms, wondering who to call - because you need to talk to someone. You feel lonely. Except, you don't want to call Mandy, or even Caitlyn or Sierra. You just want to talk to…
Shane.
You want to talk to Shane. It pains you to admit it, but you want to talk to Shane. You want him to be close and you want him damn number and you want to get away. Except, now you kind of don't. Ever since Mark stopped harassing you, you have fallen back into the routine of Berkeley. Moreover, you have friends now. And of course, Shane. On the other hand, your roommates hate you, as does Jade. And let's not forget, Nate is due to arrive (you think) at any second to talk to Shane - and you don't want that confrontation. And there's also that slight problem of you feeling completely left out and lonely. But will L.A. be any better? There, you will really not know anyone. You will not know a single soul. It will be starting over - but it will be starting over late. You will be coming in when everyone has already made friends and has settled slightly in place. You will be the one who shakes up everything. Again.
You turn around and stare at the road, looking back at Black Mamba. You watch as Shane speaks to Sabrina, who looks ready to cry. You feel so bad for him - for them. You bet, if he hired them, then they aren't bad people. Times are tough. You know that, and they probably figure Shane is well off enough to be okay with three hundred dollars missing. You move forward involuntarily, you eyes glued to him as you lean against the wall to hide yourself.
He is so beautiful - but such a mess. Maybe, he isn't suicidal or crazy or depressed, but he is a mess. He has spent forever hating and pushing people away for the longest time, and now he was forced to do a 180 in a day. You know in his heart he must still not trust you. Maybe that's why he won't break up with Jade. He still doesn't trust you - not that you blame him. Thinking about it, you don't even know if you want him in your life and you are thinking about moving away; you are the last person he should trust. You are fickle and are constantly all over the place. Maybe it would be best if you stay away.
You walk for a while, not going to your house but rather going over to the small playground you had first seen Shane and Francesca making out in. You go over to the swings and just sit, biting your lip in contemplation. You don't know even know how long you stay in that position for. "Mitchie" you gasp softly, looking to your right from where the voice came from. Shane is leaning against the pole of the swing set, taking out a cigarette and putting it to his lips. You watch as he fumbles for his lighter as he closes his eyes.
"Hey." You whisper quietly. All of a sudden, you feel like crying and you don't even know why. You thought when you turned twenty you were over that whole teenage angst thing. You thought you would be in a serious relationship where it would be all butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes, you really are so naïve. "Listen Shane…" you trail off, when he lets some smoke leave his lips. He looks at you behind clouded eyes. You shake your head, letting the words die on your lips. Instead, you say something else. "What happened at the meeting?" you ask, swinging slightly just to have something to do - to distract from the tears.
His lips remain in a straight line before he parts them to allow the cigarette in. "They all claim to have done nothing wrong. I looked over their stuff and Sabrina is the only one who would really need it. When I questioned her, she started crying and begged me not to fire her because it wasn't her. I know she seems guilty, but I believe her. So basically, I'm screwed and someone is stealing and I just have no fucking clue who." He stresses, but his tone is off. He is mad at you, and really you do not blame him. You attacked him and that wasn't fair.
"I'm sorry." You say, but he takes it as an apology to the situation. He shrugs and takes another drag of his cancer stick. "Shane…" you choke out again. Swallowing, you stand up and go in front of him. He avoids you and looks away from you, so you awkwardly lean against the pole as well. "I got accepted into UCLA." You break the silence. He blinks and just looks at you. You clear your throat. "They are gonna give me a great scholarship and I just need to find an apartment." You say, digging your hands into your pockets.
He blows the smoke out, whistling at the same time. "Well, look at you - I knew you would get places, Mitch. I'm proud of you." He says seriously but it almost seems like he doesn't even care. He is mad? Upset? Indifferent? Okay, Shane. Show your emotions please, you argue in your head.
"That's all? You have nothing else to say?" you say sharper than you mean to.
He scoffs humorlessly, taking another drag of his cigarette. "Like what Mitchie? What do you want me to say? Ask you to stay? Tell you that I still love you and I want you around, and to forget your education and consequently your future so you can stay with me? Do you want me to tell you that -" he starts almost yelling, but all you do is put a hand on his cheek.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean to attack you. I realize now how sensitive music is to you now." You say softly. You know this is bothering him and honestly, you just wanted him to stop yelling. A flash of pain goes behind his eyes. "I'm sorry." You repeat. The apology is soft and sincere. You bite your lip, coming closer to him before going on your tippy toes. Your press your lips on his cheek but graze his lips. His hands go to your hips and lightly stay there, as he leans down. Your lips brush slightly but not anywhere close to a real kiss. He gets off the pole and straightens his body so that he is closer to you. You shiver as his nose brushes against yours.
"It's okay." He resigns, his sweet breath going on your lips. Another shiver goes through you when you realize just how close he is to you. Literally, his lips are an itch away and yet feel so far. You know you initiated it, but you hate that he can make you weak with a kiss. But thinking about it - is it that bad? He is obviously a good person. He cares about his workers enough to not fire any of them even though he knows one is taking advantage of him. He got you back your guitar when you asked. He called Nate. He is trying, and that's more than a lot of guys can say.
And then you realize it… you might actually be falling for him again. "Shane." You breathe out, bringing your arms around his neck - eliminating more space between you. "Lean down and kiss me." You blurt out softly. He sucks in his breath sharply, gulping slightly. He comes down a little, his lips touching yours finally. You try to deepen the kiss but he moves away.
"I cannot break up with her." He tells you pointblank. You feel a surge of pain go through you as you scoff under your breath. He shakes his head. "She's a good girl. She might have her faults but we all do. She's been there for me, and maybe I'm not completely in love with her, but she's my support, you know? She's my rock at the moment."
"So, she's perfect?" you snap, jealousy and hurt going through you. "You don't even love her." You repeat again. You know it's getting redundant, but love is supposed to be a big thing is relationship. Right? And you know he doesn't love her. He told you so. She's manipulative, bitter, crazy and apparently a thief who took your guitar. He doesn't love her. He can't love her.
He tenses and narrows his eyes. "Love isn't everything, Mitchie. We aren't teenagers anymore." He hisses under his breath. You laugh shakily at him.
"You're twenty-one, not forty. You knew as well as I do that you are using Jade as a tool to fill the void music left you. She isn't something you need or something you will ever need. You need the love from your family, from your fans. The ones that appreciate you and can be truly appreciated by you. The ones you ran away from because you couldn't deal. They are the ones you need and you're trying to get it from meaningless sex and petty words. You are better off without her. You are better off trying to find yourself again by yourself or at least with someone that understands you. You need to in order to love yourself and eventually love the music again." You practically psychoanalyze him. He swallows harshly, his Adam's apple bobbing furiously up and down. You make him nervous - and in this case, probably, very angry.
"You are really trying to get me to break up with her?" He scoffs, almost growling. You do not answer. Inside of you, your heart is screaming yes.
"She isn't right for you." You finally vocalize your thoughts. His eyes flash with something and you watch as anger fills up his face. He closes his fists tightly and his body tenses even more.
"Oh, and you are?" he snaps. Your eyes widen and your throat closes up. His hand suddenly goes to your hip, squeezing roughly. You wince at the hold, squirming under his grasp and glare. "Mitchie, you broke my heart in a way no one ever has beforehand. You aren't an ex; you are the ex. The one who absolutely changed everything - including my life. You know what Jade is? Past the bullshit, she is stable and loving. Maybe I don't actually love her all that much and maybe I'm not attracted to her all the time and maybe I cheated on her one fucking time because I just wanted to get you riled up, but at least she's stable. At least she loves me. Maybe I don't love her, but the last time I loved someone, I was led to believe that I was deceived by not only the girl but also my little brother who was practically one of my best friends. Why shouldn't I stay with her? At least she won't hurt me." He finishes, shaking his head.
He lets go of your hips, his eyes growing distant again. "Oh, and when you kiss me, it isn't cheating? When you hold me or make me breakfast or pick me up in the mornings - that isn't doing something wrong? Maybe we aren't jumping in bed, but having these feelings aren't exactly innocent as well. You aren't living a life, Shane Grey. You are pretending to be happy with a girl you don't even respect and trying to maintain a pointless anger towards me because you think I caused this huge pain of yours. Wake up, Shane. I didn't cause shit. I loved you so much Shane. I never wanted to hurt you - ever - but you believed Tess. You did. You caused this pain." You are halfway crying by the end of your sentence. His jaw tightens and his fists ball up again.
You cross your arms. He isn't living right. Relationships should be filled with love and happiness and trust - not lust and drama and lies. It should be emotional and physical. It should be about passion and listening and kissing and talking. It should be everything. Inside your heart, you know that as soon as you saw Shane a month or so ago, it sped up like crazy. You are turned on by him in ways that aren't just sexual. You missed him but now you also want him. Maybe he's a pain in the ass, but he's beautiful and he makes you want to get drunk and cry because you haven't worked something out. He makes you want to leave the damn state so that you don't have to see his face. He brings feelings up to the surface that aren't clear or right, but are real. They are so real.
His eyes flash with anger again and you know he is about to blow up at you. So, you act on an impulse. You are so tired of yelling at your heart and telling everything to stop. You are so tired of hating him and wanting to get away. You just want to solve this damn problem and get it over with. You grab the back of his head to help you lift your body up in order to reach his lips. Your mouth connects with his and a wave of something goes through you, you shiver harshly as he moans gently and brings his large hands to your waist. For a second, you think he is going to push you away and scold or yell some more, so you tangle your fingers in his hair and deepen the kiss. He breathes out softly, obviously just giving in. You feel shivers run up and down your body, and you think how insane his kisses always make you. When you feel him moan again, you realize you drive him pretty crazy as well.
He sighs in your mouth as his tongue slips in between your lips. You can feel every nerve in your body jump and scream as he pushes his body against yours. "Shane." You moan in his mouth. You pull away slightly to get some air, but he follows you, kissing you some more. You whimper and lean back into him. When he lets you breathe again, you realize how out of breath he is as well. You bring your head to the nook of his neck as you pant, wrapping your arms around his thin waist. He brings his hand up to the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair. "That's what a kiss should be like." You don't even realize you say it but he immediately tenses.
He just sighs and untangles you from him. "I can't do this again, Mitchie. Honestly, baby, I am so attracted to you and I want you so badly. But that doesn't do anything. I want stability in my life. And you… you are moving. You aren't moving. You want me to disappear. You want me to break up with my girlfriend. You are here. You are there. Jesus, you are anything but stable."
XXX
Hey guys. I think this might be one of my last post before I leave and Sabrina takes over. I'm gonna miss you guys ]= But I love you guys!!!! I asked for 280 and I got it. thank you! I knew you guys could do it!
I hope you liked this chapter, and I have a surprise for you!!! :D I wrote a brand new story that I hope you will read. It's called Just Friends and it's found at - http: //www. fanfiction. net/s/557 23 89/1/ (no spaces). It's definitely not as angsty or whatever. Just fluff and cuteness, I hope. Watch me make them suicidal by the end of it haha. Sorry. I have too many issues. :D
I cannot wait for your reviews :D how about 310? I know you guys can do it. You guys motivate me so much.
I love you. Tell me if u hate Shane or Mitchie more haha.
Sandy.
(Happy holidays)