Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Been so long by Gob
Chapter 9: Been so long
How I long to see your eyes,
Your eyes fill me up,
I breathe them inside.
I have your image deep inside of me.
I
hold your picture, it's a part of me.
It has been so long,
without you there's no sun, just sky.
I'm a wound that's bone deep, bled dry it has been so long.
Ellie's life had settled down into a regular pattern of school, Sean, cutting, caring for her mother and being on the end of her mothers alcohol related rage. Sauve was still attempting to persuade her to start taking steps in sorting out the problems behind her cutting but she was still refusing because it meant confronting her mom about her drinking and she knew she wasn't ready to do that yet.
It was just after dark and Ellie had just returned from Sean's apartment. As she locked the door of the house behind her the phone started to ring. She dropped her bag and picked up the receiver.
"Hello Nash Residence" Ellie said absentmindedly taking over her coat with one hand and holding the phone in the other
"Hi Sweetie" Ellie's dad's voice said cheerfully down the line
"Dad!" Ellie smiled happily dropping her coat on the stairs "How are you?"
"I'm good sweetie, how's everything back home?" he asked
"Everything's fine" Ellie lied playing with the phone chord
"That's good, I've got some great news! I've finally got leave and I'll be coming home in three weeks!" He told her
"Really?" Ellie asked in a slight state of disbelief not quiet believing what he was saying.
"Yeah things have really quietened down here we're barely even needed anymore, I suspect I won't have to come back here either" He told her
"I can't wait to see you again" Ellie smiled happily "I've missed you loads"
"I've missed you too and I can't wait to see you either sweetie" He told her "Is your mom around? I want to tell her the good news"
"Yeah I'll just get her" Ellie told him deciding her mom defiantly had the right to find out he was coming back for herself.
"Mom!" Ellie said excitedly opening the living room door "dad's on the phone"
Ellie watched as her mom jumped up off the sofa as if she hadn't just drunk a litre of vodka and walked quickly over to the phone which Ellie held out to her. Ellie listened intently to her mother's side of the conversation.
"Dave?" She said down the line sounding soberer than she had done in days
"How are you?" She asked
"You're coming home?" Her mom said her face lighting up "three weeks? Oh Dave that's Fantastic."
Ellie shook her head and headed into the kitchen knowing her mom was about to spend half an hour to an hour trying to keep her dad talking until he really had to go. She helped herself to a sandwich and sat at the kitchen table munching contentedly once she had finished her tea and done some homework she settled down into her bed smiling to herself a little she had already started counting down the days till her dads return and she couldn't wait.
---
"Hello Ellie" Miss Sauve smiled as the opened the door to her office
Ellie couldn't hide her smile, she was so happy that her dad was coming back in just under three weeks, she had been grinning like an idiot all day though telling Marco, Paige and Ashley and even though getting a C on her latest maths test, it seemed that nothing could bring her down.
"You seem really happy today" Sauve commented as she pulled out her notebook
"I am" Ellie replied "My dad's coming home in three weeks"
"Oh that's wonderful" Sauve smiled knowing how happy it would make Ellie to see her dad again
"Miss Sauve?" Ellie said cautiously
"Yes Ellie?" Sauve asked
"I want to stop." She looked into the older woman's eyes not quite believing she was actually doing this "I want to stop before he comes back."
"Well stopping is a long process as I've said before and you might not ever be completely rid of the yourself of the urge to cut." Sauve reminded her "It's a day by day thing but if you've got the motivation I think you can do it."
"I don't expect to be completely better after three weeks, I just think now is the right time for me to try and stop." Ellie told her
"I think that's great" Sauve smiled. "Well I know you said you wanted to work on issues behind your cutting first and we have already worked on school work and talked about friends and pressure from them, your dad coming home solves another of them doesn't it? There's just…"
"Mom" Ellie sighed "She'll stop drinking the day before he comes back, she always does."
"But that won't make the problem go away forever will it?" Sauve reminded her
"So what do you want me to do? confront her and end up getting…" Ellie started sharply but stopped when she realised what she was saying "I can't confront her"
"Maybe you should tell your dad and he can confront her" Sauve suggested "You could do with telling him about how him going away affects you and your mother anyway, he needs to know Ellie."
"I might mention how it makes me feel and I know I should talk to him, but I don't want him to find out about my cutting and I feel I owe it to mom not to tell him about her drinking." Ellie sighed
"Well it's your choice Ellie, I just don't want to see you go down the same path again if he has to leave again." Sauve told her
"I won't, I'm sure I wont. I'm going to get better so that of he ever goes again I won't slip back into my old habits." Ellie told her
"Well you seem determined to get better which is a good thing and I hope once you are you do never slip back into your old habits." Sauve nodded "Well since we're talking about stopping distraction is probably going to be the best method you could use to stop yourself from cutting, so perhaps you could play your guitar or drums, maybe do some writing or talk to someone."
"Yeah" Ellie nodded taking in Sauvé's advice
"There's another little method that some people find useful to distract them or as some see it replace cutting" Sauve said fiddling in her desk draw and pulling out a bag of elastic bands "Some people find it helps to snap an elastic band around their wrist when they feel like cutting."
"Thanks" Ellie said accepting the elastic bands "I'll try it"
"Now were nearly out of time but I want you to know that if you feel like cutting while your in school you can come and talk to me anytime ok?" Sauve told her
"Ok" Ellie agreed
"And you should try using the elastic band or any other distractions you can think of even talking to someone who knows about your cutting if you feel like doing it." Sauve suggested and Ellie nodded standing up
"I'm going to do this, for my dad" Ellie told her determinedly.
"Just one more thing" Sauve said pulling out a leaflet and handing it to Ellie "if you do confront your Mom you might want this, it's a leaflet about AA meeting in the Rec centre"
"Thanks" Ellie nodded "same time next week?" she added
"Same time next week" Sauve confirmed
Ellie left Sauve's office and looked at the leaflet in her hand. She doubted that she would get up the guts to confront her mother but it was there if she did. She slipped the leaflet in her bag and pulled the string shut, Chucking it on her shoulder she headed down the front steps of the school and began walking towards Sean's house. She arrived on his doorstep and knocked loudly.
"Hey" She smiled as he answered the door
"Hey El" He replied "what do you want?"
"I want to talk to you." She replied nervously
"Sure whats up?" Sean asked opening the door wider so she could slip inside. Ellie entered the house and put her bag and coat on the table before heading over to the sofa with Sean. "So what do you want to talk about" Sean asked as they sat down.
"I've just had my session with Sauve" Ellie told him "I told her I want to stop. It feels right with my dad coming back and everything but I wanted to tell you too. Get your support I guess."
"Oh El that's Great" Sean smiled pulling her into a hug "I'm always going to be here and you know that, anything you need you come to me got it?"
"Got it." Ellie smiled as he kissed her forehead
"Want to hang round for a bit and watch television?" Sean offered
"Yeah sure" Ellie agreed snuggling down in his arms contentedly everything felt like it was slipping into place, everything but her mothers drinking but Ellie was trying to forget about that.
---
A week later Ellie had managed to avoid cutting, the elastic band thing Sauve suggested was working well, whenever she felt like she was going to cut she'd snap it on her arm a few times and then usually ring Sean. Paige, Marco and Ashley had all been happy for her when she told them she was trying to stop and although it had returned Ashley to her constant talk of Sessions with Sauve and the idea of group therapy meetings, but still Ellie was glad she had told them all because it meant even if Sean was busy she had someone else to ring or talk to.
Ellie slipped into the house on Friday night after another session with Sauve who had been telling her how proud she was that she had gone a week without cutting.
"Where've you been?" Her mom asked drunkenly as she entered the house.
"Paige's" Ellie replied simply
"Well you should have been here, its two weeks till your dad gets back and its time you started tiding the house." She told Ellie drunkenly.
"Mom you should be cleaning not me." Ellie told the woman in front of her a hint of anger in her voice "You're my Mom, You should be looking after me and tiding up after me but I'm the one that's doing all the looking after and tiding up." She told the older woman bravely.
"Not now Ellie I have a headache, just tidy the kitchen" she told her daughter irritably
"No mom." Ellie said standing up to her mother for the first time since her dad had left. "I've had enough, You have a headache because you've spent the past six months completely off your face."
"Pardon!" her mom said angrily
"Mom if you don't stop drinking I'm going to have to tell dad when he gets back." Ellie told her matter of factly
"What? There's nothing wrong with my drinking!" She replied shaking her head, Ellie rolled her eyes at her Mom's denial.
"Yes there is!" Ellie told her angrily "You're killing yourself with that stuff. I'm sick of keeping your dirty little secret, you can either try and get better before dad comes home or the second I see him I'm going to tell him exactly what's been going on and he's not going to like it."
"I…" Her mom started before breaking down into tears "I'll try and get better please don't tell him" she begged
"Really?" Ellie asked wondering if it was actually going to happen.
"Really" She assured her
"I have a leaflet about AA meetings at the Rec centre, if you stop drinking, enrol and go to the sessions I won't tell him." Ellie told her passing her the AA leaflet Sauve had given her. "If you don't enrol, don't go the sessions and keep drinking I'll tell him"
"I'll do it ok." She replied "and If I do you promise you won't tell?"
"Not a word, ever." Ellie replied "It'll be our secret."
"You're a good girl Ellie, looking after me, I'm a rubbish mother" She said pulling Ellie into an awkward hug "I'm a mess, It's time I sorted myself out, we don't want your father to see me like this again."
"Yeah" Ellie agreed in a state of slight disbelief realising she had just confronted her mother "you can do it mom" Ellie added supportively hoping this time would be the time she finally stuck to her word.
---
Monday morning arrived and Ellie kissed Sean, who had walked her to school, goodbye before heading towards Marco who was putting something in his locker.
"Marco!" Ellie greeted her friend enthusiastically with a hug
"El!" Marco smiled back returning the hug "You seem happy this morning. What's going on?"
"Mom's going to go to AA Meetings." Ellie told him
"Oh Ellie that's great!" Marco said hugging her again Ellie just grinned in response "what with your dad coming back next Friday too…" Marco pointed out back "you totally deserve some happiness El"
"Thanks Marco" Ellie replied as Paige and Ashley approached them.
"Where's Ellie gone?" Paige asked jokingly "I haven't seen you so Happy in ages hun, what's happening?"
"My Mom's going to stop drinking and go to AA meetings" Ellie told her
"That's great El" Ashley smiled
"Yeah El it's fantastic" Paige nodded as they headed to homeroom together. The day passed quickly and final bell rang before Ellie knew it, she left Chemistry with Marco, Ashley and Paige and they headed towards their lockers discussing the chemistry test they had just sat. Sean was waiting outside her Locker for her and gave her a kiss when she arrived.
"Have a nice day?" He asked as she pulled away
"It was ok, English was a complete snooze fest..." she rolled her eyes as she opened her locker
"You guys want a lift back with us tonight?" Marco asked as Ellie locked her locker again
"Sorry I can't" Ellie replied "I need to go see Miss Sauve before I leave. I want to tell her about my mom"
"Oh Ok Els" Marco nodded "see you tomorrow"
"Yeah bye El" Paige agreed.
"See you later" Ashley added and the three of them headed off towards the entrance hall together.
Sean stayed with Ellie and walked her up to Sauve's office.
"I'll wait for you, we can get drinks at the dot after if you want" he suggested with a small smile leaning on the wall as Ellie nodded in agreement and knocked on Sauve's door.
"Ellie!" Miss Sauve Smiled opening the door "I did expect to see you today"
"Yeah I know" Ellie nodded "I just wanted to tell you something"
"Come in then" Sauve said opening the door a little wider to let her in
"I confronted mom last night." Ellie admitted as the door clicked shut. "I threatened to tell dad if she didn't try and get better, she's starting AA meetings tonight."
"Oh Ellie that's really good." Sauve smiled "Is everything else going ok?"
"Yeah, I still haven't cut and everyone's being so supportive." Ellie replied
"Well I'll see you on Friday then" Sauve smiled "unless you need to talk before then drop by if you want"
"Thanks" Ellie nodded back as she left the office. Sean stepped away room the wall and took her hand and they walked out of the school together and towards the dot where they had chocolate milkshakes before Ellie realised her mom would be wondering where she was.
"I best get going" She said as she stood up
"Wait a sec and I'll walk you" Sean told her
They reached Ellie and they exchanged a quick kiss before Ellie scuttled inside.
"Eleanor, your back late." Her mom said appearing from the kitchen. Ellie rolled her eyes, at least when her mom was drunk she didn't constantly question her every move.
"I went to the dot for a drink with Sean" Ellie said putting her bag on the stairs
"Well tea's ready come and lay the table." Her mom said disappearing back into the kitchen
Ellie paused before following her mom into the kitchen, it was really strange having her sober and it was going to take some getting used too. Ellie took out the knifes and forks and began to lay the table. Once she had done she sat down and her mother produced plates of Vegetarian lasagne for them both. Ellie was taken aback her mom even remember she was vegetarian, that was a first. After the initial shock had worn off She tucked into her meal hungrily realising as she ate her Mom wasn't actually that bad a cook when she was sober.
---
It was a Bright and sunny day at Degrassi. It reflected Ellie's mood perfectly. Her mom had been sober for two whole weeks and she hadn't cut in three. She had the boyfriend of her dreams, great friends and to top everything off her dad was coming home tonight. She enter the entrance hall hand and hand with Sean following Jay and Alex why had given them a lift to school. Jay and Alex headed off somewhere as Marco started to approach them.
"Ellie!" Marco said excitedly, Ellie let go of Sean's hand to return the hug Marco gave her.
"Hey Marco!" Ellie smiled as Sean draped his arm over her shoulder.
"So Tonight's the night!" Marco he nodded "Bet you can't wait!"
"No I can't" Ellie said cheerfully
The bell rang and Ellie hugged Sean goodbye before she headed to homeroom with Marco.
"Looking forward to tonight?" Paige asked as Ellie entered the classroom
"Yeah" Ellie smiled taking her seat next to Ashley
"What's tonight?" Ashley asked vaguely confused
"Dad's coming back" Ellie reminded her
"Oh I completely forgot!" Ashley smiled
"It feels like forever since he was home." Ellie sighed as Marco sat down on the seat the other side of her
"Ok everyone settle down!" Miss Kwan said as she entered the room.
The day seemed to past slower than Ellie thought physically possible, the last bell seemed like it would never come but finally the day drew to a close. The final bell went and she hurried out of down to her locker where she quickly put her books away and then She climbed down the stairs to her mom's car which was pulled up on the sidewalk outside.
"Ready?" Ellie's mom asked as she climbed into the car.
"Yeah" Ellie smiled and her mom smiled back.
The journey was quiet and felt longer than it was. They arrived at the Meeting point and the sun was still beating down upon them. There was a small gathering of people waiting for the returning soldiers. After what seemed like forever an army coach rounded the corner. Ellie could feel the butterflies in her stomach she was so excited and nervous too. The first couple of men came down off the coach into the arms of their loved ones and then her dad finally appeared. He came down the steps and over to them. Ellie smiled as he hugged her Mom first and then came to Ellie.
"How's My little Ellie then?" He said pulling her into a hug "You've grown so much I could barely recognise you!"
"Hi Dad" Ellie smiled "I missed you"
"I missed you too sweetie" He smiled "So shall we get home?"
They got into the car and Ellie listened to her parents idle chat as they drove home. Her mom had kept her side of the deal so Ellie wasn't going to tell her dad what had been going on while he had been gone not that it made her feel any less guilty that she was keeping such a big secret from him. They arrived home and while Ellie's Dad unpacked and settled himself back into the family home Ellie's Mom cooked a family dinner. Ellie set the table and watched her mom bustling round the kitchen. Once it was ready they all sat down together and ate the meal, three weeks ago Ellie could never have dreamed this would be happening but now here she was eating a meal with her sober mother and her Father. She smiled contently as she chewed on her Vegetarian sausage, their family was back together and everything was really looking up.
a/n Thanks to all my reviewers, the next chapter should be up soon :)