Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: Ever read a chapter that's not only very long, but also full of randomness, fluffiness and semi-smuttiness? Well, I'm afraid you're about to. Oh god. *attempts to flush herself down the toilet*

A/n2: Once again – thank you, anonymous reviewers! Some of you really made me laugh with, for example, a very casual suggestion to let Lovi top – you know who you are!~ I'm afraid I have to turn you down for now, though…

A/n3: …please let me know if I actually went too far in this chapter. Because I think I might did… oh, and review me if you feel like it, okay? ^^

** Bottoms-Up! **

Chapter X:

What What – In The Butt
(Samwell)

I had always told myself that I didn't like being the one getting topped.

Because… well, it was weird to like something like that, dammit! How the hell could I enjoy something as… as dirty as getting something "up my bum", as Feliciano, subtle as he could be, had put it? I mean, eww! If you really, really thought about it, it just wasn't right! In fact, it was very wrong! 'Cause things aren't supposed to go up there, no matter how nice the feeling is!

…n-not that I could tell from personal experiences. Hell no. I mean… it's not that I secretly liked to shove random things up my butt in private and then pretended it was Antonio or something like that…

…w-well… okay then… m-maybe sometimes, when I was bored. Which was like, almost never. Four, five times a week, mostly.

…

Yeah. That certainly counted as "almost never". In fucking France.

U-ugh…

But I swear to God I didn't do it very often anymore, since Antonio one time actually caught me when I was... doing something… interesting… to myself…

Yeah. I never saw somebody change from "extremely confused" to "extremely turned on" that fucking fast, dammit.

…well, i-it's safe to say that that particular night became a tiresome one. Very tiresome. And rough. Oh god. Couldn't walk for days.

We sure had fun, though.

…anyway…

What I'm trying to say is… I actually always had been pretty satisfied with the way Antonio and I had divided the roles. Just like France the fuckface had said: it seemed pretty natural for me to be the one getting bottomed. And no, Antonio and I also didn't have a long heart-to-heart talk about who of us would be the attacker and who the receiver… it just happened. Just like that.

Sure, during our first time together Antonio did give me a worried "is it okay if I do this and that to you Lovi" –look before he happily tore my pants from my ass, but really, that's the only piece of "conservation" he and I had about the topping-subject. Which was perfectly fine by me, because it's a freaking embarrassing subject to talk about.

But even when I was… um… n-not totally unhappy with my role as the one on bottom, it was Antonio himself who made me wonder about how it would be if I was the one topping.

I mean, the sexy noises Antonio made during sex weren't the same as mine. Yeah, well, sure, since I always was squirming and panting and whining really sinful things whenever we did it – not exactly something the one on top should be doing – but still! I got curious. I started to wonder what Antonio felt when he was moving inside of me. I wanted to know why he always seemed to get so much satisfaction of seeing me… p-pretty literally getting satisfaction. It was fascinating, really.

So, to return to the question "what is my call right now – top or bottom"…

Top, dammit! Top top top top top top!

…even though I knew it probably would be a lost cause, anyway – come on, I was wrapped up in fucking sex-ropes, for God's sake, and everybody with at least one eye in his head could see how fucking horny Antonio was…

…but still, I could always try, right? Right! So I was going to, dammit!

xXx

'Well?~'

Antonio smiled patiently at me and intertwined our fingers together, slowly moving a bit closer to me. The long sleeves from his PJ's were now covering my hands as well, but I didn't mind that, actually. It was warm inside of the sleeves, s-so that was nice. His gentle hands were holding mine carefully and damn those fucking green eyes of his, looking at me like s-some kind of… of lovestruck… stupid… handsome… fool…

'Yes or no, Lovi… you decide. Ah, but if you say "yes"…' Antonio let go one of my hands and placed a finger right on top of a small, extremely sensitive part of my chest, pressing it lightly, '…I won't let you regret it, my luscious little Lovi… ahaha…'

I noticed I got some trouble breathing normally. Yes, I was definitely panting already, and it wasn't (just) because of the ropes and stuff. Oh god, he was touching me already and he was so freakishly hot, oh yes, so very hot, hopefully he'd kiss me again and pinch and flick that little nub of flesh and then put his hands down my pants to— shit, fuck, no, look away, look away!

'N-no.' I heard myself mutter and managed to avoid his longing gaze by quickly turning my head the other way. I used my free hand to halfheartedly swat his hand away from my – by the way still fully clothed – torso.

Antonio made a surprised sound, but became silent after that. Which was disturbing, since Antonio was never quiet.

It kind of freaked me out a bit, even after only a couple of seconds (shut the fuck up, I was worried about him, so what), so I forced myself to look his way again – after promising myself I would not surrender to him, not at all, no matter how sexy and warm and attractive that bastard was.

'…no?' Antonio finally said, right on the moment I looked at him again. He was staring at me in a startled kind of amazement. It seemed like he wasn't sure he if should be either very disappointed (because "no" meant no sex) or very pleased (because "no" also meant I was actually being honest about something for a change) with my reaction.

'That's right, I-I said no!' I stuttered, but clumsily pulled his hands to my chest as a reassuring hint that he shouldn't take my blunt "no" as a rejection – because hell, I knew how downright devastated that weird lover of mine could react if I turned him down - fucking asshole for some pervy reason always assumed I wanted to have sex just as badly the fucking minute we saw each other as he did.

…which was true most of the time, actually. B-but still!

'…l-look, don't make that face, dammit…' I mumbled, folding my hands over the hands on my torso, '…i-it's not that I don't want you, you dramatic bastard – now wipe that pout of you face already, dammit…'

Antonio was relieved to see I held his hands like that and he smiled at me – a small, unsure, but also curious smile. He turned his hands, so that my hands could hold on to his easier. Then he, once again, moved somewhat closer to me.

'Ah, I'm sorry, I moved too fast, didn't I?' he softly said and brought a hand of mine to his face, pressing a light kiss on top of it, '…I'm so sorry. I didn't even give you a chance to say what you wanted to say. Please forgive me – ouch!'

I snorted and pulled back, ignoring the faint pain shooting through my forehead, caused by the firm head-butt I had given to the apologizing Spaniard.

'Yeah, well, it's not the end of the world, dammit, so cut it out already! Geesh, how many times do I have to say it? I'm not a porcelain doll or something…'

After hearing that, Antonio smiled a bit more dreamily. 'That's because you're already my princess, Lovi!~ Ahahahaha!~'

I cringed and shot a glare at him. '…I once kicked you in the balls because you called me that, remember? I'm not afraid to do it again, you know. And then I'll make sure you won't be able to reproduce – ever. Am I clear?'

'T-that's horrible…' Antonio shivered, '…please don't do that, I still want to get you knocked up with our lovechild one day!~'

'That's the sickest, most disturbing thing you've ever told me.' I made a horrified face, even though I had to bit on both of my lips to prevent myself from smiling shyly at this impossible, y-yet somewhat… somewhat romantic idea of his, '…g-get away from me, you friggin' psycho.'

'Ah, I was only kidding, Lovi…' Antonio chuckled lightly, '…but really, it's too bad. You'd be such a cute mom, ahaha...'

I frowned. 'Thin ice, buddy. Very thin ice.'

'And a grumpy one, too.'

'Hey, do you hear that? That's the ice, cracking! Now shut the fuck up about… about whatever you're talking about, dammit!'

The Spaniard smiled a bit more, lazily stroking one of my cheeks with the back of his hands. '…ah, alright, alright. But… hey, Lovi?'

'W-what!' I huffed and pretended I didn't like those sweet, caring touches and caresses of him at all, because it'd make me look very vulnerable, and I think, I think, I really didn't need to look any more jumpable than I already did, dammit.

Antonio took a deep breath. 'Lovi… is it safe to assume you're not mad at me anymore? Y'know, because of the whole "it's up to you to decide what we'll be doing in now and five seconds but please hurry up 'cause I'm horny~" –thing?'

…well, I was astonished, really. Just leave it to Antonio to make something so vulgar, so dirty sound like something really cute and innocent. Damn that bastard.

He stared at me hopefully, pleadingly. He hesitated, but then moved his face closer to mine and nuzzled my cheek gently, every now and then pecking a careful kiss onto the hot, bright-red skin.

'Tell me, my love…'

I furrowed my eyebrows, but was too busy blushing my fucking face off to even try to push him away.

'…s-shit, what the fuck are you talking about, y-you ass, I'm not mad at you at all.'

'Y-you're not?' He stopped showering my face with kisses and locked his eyes with mine, '…ah, that's a relief, but… w-well, call me a simpleminded man, but can you tell me… why exactly did you say "no" for, then?'

'Um.'

Oh god.

xXx

I gulped and turned my head away from him to stare at my fumbling hands, resting in my lap.

W-was I going to tell him I wanted to top tonight? I was going to say it, right? Oh crap, I totally was, I really was going to tell him, shit, why did that make me this freaking nervous and anxious and uncomfortable and—

Oh wait, that was because I was still tied up, of course. I almost forgot about those ropes and bindings around my body because of Antonio's stupid blabbering, dammit. That reminded me: how was I supposed to get out of this mixed-up mess of bondage-shit? W-without risking any topping-chances?

'I get it now…' Antonio suddenly said and quickly backed off after observing my trembling figure for a while, giving me a thin smile, '…ah, I'm sorry, I must have misinterpreted something. Y-you see, I-I thought you would want to make love with me after returning from Germany, and... and that your tangled body was some sort of kinky present for me, but I see I was wrong and I'll… I'll go clean up the house now, just wait a minu—'

Whoa, whoa! I looked up at him with a jolt. W-what? No, no!

'S-stay here, you fucking idiot!' I snarled, grabbing the seam of his nightgown-thing, '…I-I never said I didn't want to, dammit!'

Things were going a bit too fast for the Spaniard, because he gaped at me like I just asked him to tell me more about his fucked-up economical status and I just knew he didn't know shit about that.

'I'm confused, Lovino… so… does this mean that you do want to have sex with me?'

'G-go to hell.' I muttered, but nodded. I may or may not have blushed while I did so.

'Ah…' He flushed a bit and immediately got rid of this unpractical thing called "distance" by shoving his body almost totally against mine, his bare legs wrapping themselves around my awkward sitting-figure, his warm skin softly pressing against my own legs, '…I love you very much, but ah, I wish I knew what exactly you want from me, my lovely Lovi…'

He probably wanted to sound serious, but with that joyful "so I WILL eventually have sex tonight!~" –smile, those big, gentle hands holding mine and that giant blush on his face, he wasn't convincing me of his seriousness at all. B-but he did look very…

…v-very charming, yes. A-and smitten.

It made me blush even more when I saw this tender expression. It's… It's just… h-he still looked absolutely smitten with me, he still… he still thought… he still thought I was the greatest thing in the world, w-wasn't he?... Damn that… bastard…

'What do you want, Lovino?' He tugged on my hands to pull me closer and his lips almost touched mine as he cocked his head to the side, '...ah, it must be very important for you to tell me, right…'

T…

Too close too close too close! Don't let him catch you off guard, Lovino! Pay attention! Focus your eyes on your surroundings! Be one step ahead of that Spanish moron!

…

…and for God's sake, stop staring at his legs already, you fucking perv. Damn.

I swallowed and automatically leaned back a bit when he leaned forward.

'I'll… I'll tell you what I want, Spai—'

I felt my breath hitch in my throat when he instantly cut me off with a firm kiss.

'Antonio,' he whispered hoarsely against my lips, his voice insistent as he bore his freaking soul-stabbing eyes into mine, '…don't call me Spain when we're like this, Lovino… call me by my name. My human name.'

'A-alright…A-Antonio…' I muttered, and couldn't repress a dazed—n-no, relieved sigh when he pulled away from me.

…but mind you, he only backed off a little bit. It was still Antonio, after all. Hadn't heard of the term "personal space" whatsoever.

'So?' he asked, smiling patiently.

I nodded and drew in a deep breath, exhaling slowly after that.

'Antonio. B-before we're going to fuc—'

'No no no, it's "make love", Lovi.'

'…yeah, whatever floats your boat, bastard.'

He pouted. 'You shouldn't call our lovemaking fucking, Lovi… that's not romantic at all...'

My face felt hot and I tried to ignore the building feeling of arousal inside of me. 'S-shut up.'

No, I didn't get turned on by Antonio saying the F-word, dammit! Not in the least! Leave me alone!

'A-anyway…' I quickly continued, before Antonio could see something growing I really didn't want him to be seeing growing, '…before we're going to do it, I just want to let you know that I want to… I want to…'

My voice started to shake. Oh crap. Oh crap.

'Lovino?' Antonio frowned.

Say it. Come on, say it! Say "I want to top"! Don't you fucking dare to bail out now, Lovino!

'You can tell me.' He rubbed his thumb over the back of one of my hands reassuring, '…you want to do what, Lovino?'

Yeah, you want to do what, Lovino?

'I…'

'Yes?'

'I… I want to t… to t…'

'T…?' Antonio nodded encouraging.

'I… want to… t-t-t-to— talk to you!'

…

What?

WHAT?

I WANTED TO DO WHAT?

TALK? TALK?

GODDAMMIT! THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO DO AT ALL!

xXx

…but I guess I couldn't change what I had said, could I? Right.

So after I had - loudy - cursed myself over and over again, not paying attention to the hopelessly and utterly confused Spaniard in front of me, I finally decided to give myself a break and quit the shouting and swearing.

Well, that wasn't totally true – Antonio had to hug me tightly for a while before I finally calmed down a bit, still panting and wheezing and gasping like I was about to choke in my own words. I even felt something wet running down my cheeks and the fuck, was I crying? Holy shit. I wanted to touch my face, but Antonio's hands were faster, pushing down some of the ropes and ribbons around my chest to give me a better access to fucking air – how pathetic was I, dammit! – before wiping away some of my tears.

'It's okay, it's okay…' he softly said, kissing the tip of my nose, '…we can talk, we can talk about anything you want, Lovi, but please, calm down, my love… and let's get you out of these ropes, okay?'

I bit the front of his PJ's in frustration, squeezing my eyes shut as even more tears started to drip off my face, but complied. I trembled when I felt Antonio's hands on my body, those wonderful hands setting my skin on fire with every light touch of those long fingers, as the unknowing Spanish nation continued taking away the bindings carefully.

So close.

I had been so fucking close.

Dammit.

xXx

'So, what do you want to talk about, Lovi?'

Antonio smiled. Right after he had released me from Germany's sex-stuff, he had pulled me on top of his lap so that we were facing each other. He was slowly running a hand through my hair now and skillfully avoided the bouncy curl.

I didn't mind it at all, to be perfectly honest. Hell, I was just glad there weren't any annoying ropes squeezing my limbs together anymore and Antonio's lap was a comfortable and very welcome alternative to the stiff, red couch.

Not that he would ever know that.

I sighed, still tired from the ridiculous tantrum I had thrown. I closed my eyes again when Antonio gently massaged my scalp. Oh, it felt good, it felt very good…

'…I guess I want to talk about you, Antonio.' I heard myself mumble.

If my eyes had been open, I'd surely seen him getting flustered.

'Y-you want to talk about me?'

'Yeah. Yeah, why not.' I shrugged, '…so, how have you been, huh? Still sick?'

Antonio laughed. '…ah, I guess so?'

'I don't believe you. You're not sounding sick at all anymore. Stop pretending already, dammit.' I snorted.

'I'm not pretending.'

'Yes, you are.'

'Lovi, I have a fever.'

'Big deal.'

'Lovino…' He heaved a sigh, but chuckled. '…ah, you don't have to believe me, my love, since it's true that I am feeling better, indeed. That's good, right? I'm glad I don't feel tired all the time anymore…'

I opened my eyes and gave him a small, hesitating smile. 'Well, it's good you're getting better – I don't like it when you're a coughing and panting mess instead of a stupid, naïve nation.'

Antonio nodded. 'Ah, I think so too, my lovely Lovi.'

The hands on my waist started to wander off to my lower back and I held in my breath when he splayed his hands, slowly pushing me closer to him.

He was up to something. Oh crap. Oh shit.

I froze on the spot when I felt he was trying to tug my jacket and shirt (t-two pieces of my tux at once, d-dammit) upwards a bit, but I still somehow managed to grab the sides of his face to keep it from coming any closer to me.

It had to be because of the annoying voices in the back of my head, screaming and shouting (disturbingly obvious) things at me – something like: "you wussy batty boy, just give it up already, he's soooo going to get you!~" – and fuck, I'd be damned if those voices weren't shockingly close to the voices of France and Prussia.

Oh god. Well, this certainly proved I needed to hang out with other people more often. Fucking France and German creeps.

I shivered and tried to shoo away the horrible images of a chanting France and Prussia inside of my brain, playing the fucking Wheel of Fortune with the last shreds of manliness I had in me…

...shut the hell up, I'm sure I had to have some of it, dammit!

xXx

'…by the way, Lovi… did you like it?~' Antonio suddenly asked me, not bothered by my trembling hands at all, and gave me an excited smile.

'Did I like what?'

I tried to give him a very pissed-off look, but failed miserably because… well, I just really didn't feel like it. I think I was too tired of acting like a total freaking spazz to actively use my death-glare skills. That cost me a fucking shitload of energy.

…

…a-and besides, the bright, hopeful smile on the Spaniard's face happened to be one of my favorite Antonio-smiles. And yes, that was one of the many secrets I'd be taking with me in my grave.

Antonio chuckled and took one of his hands from my back, only to put it over one of my own hands on his face. I felt his cheeks were getting warmer again.

'Ah, I just wondered if you like the way the House looks, Lovi,' he said, simply plucking one hand off his face, '…I thought I'd be nice if I decorated the place a bit before you'd come back from Gilbert!'

I raised a brow. 'Oh, so that's why this place looks like France's bedroom.'

'Well, I did ask him to help me with it...' Antonio smiled, but got a little bit nervous when that same brow of me started to twitch dangerously, '…b-but really, Lovi, only the rose petals were his idea.'

'You don't fucking say.'

'It's true!'

I believed him.

So my anger – that actually hadn't been very serious to begin with anyway – faded away quickly and made room for bashful fidgeting. Something I happened to be very good at.

'So… the rest of the House… you know, the candlelights and the cheesy music and shit… that was your own doing?'

He nodded and pressed his forehead to mine, not meeting any resistance from the hand that was still holding his face. 'Ah, and don't forget to mention the romantic ambiance, my love – I did that, too!~'

'I-I didn't forget to mention that…' I softly said.

'Hm?' He blinked, '…what was that, Lovi?'

His confused face told me he had meant that remark as a joke, but I actually was... v-very serious about it.

'I didn't… forget to mention the romantic ambiance…' I carefully moved my fingers up and down his cheek, avoiding his questioning eyes, '…it's just… it gets fucking boring to mention you created a nice atmosphere every single time, you see… e-especially because…'

I finally looked at him and smiled shyly. '…especially because it's always nice t-to be around you, Antonio…'

Seconds later, a Spanish jaw hit the floor.

xXx

I knew Antonio stared at me all the time. Hell, it's not like he was trying to hide it, he even was painfully straightforward about it – I mean, pretty much everybody knew the bastard passionately ogled me to his heart's content. So seeing him stare at me wasn't something new or rare for me.

But the way he was staring at me absolutely was.

Because... because I rarely saw Antonio stare at me in the way he was doing right now.

His eyes were shining brighter and more blissfully than ever and he smiled a big, broad and somewhat unsure smile at me, a smile that almost made him close his beautiful green eyes completely, but just not quite yet. It was like his whole being just… just lit up, like… s-shit, I don't know, like the fucking s-summery sun after it had been blocked by some stupid clouds for a certain amount of time or something corny like that…

…i-it's needless to say that t-this particular smile actually was my most favorite Antonio-smile, because it was the rarest one, the one he seldom showed to others – but me.

It was the smile he only smiled whenever I treated him with the love and respect he deserved so much, whenever I reminded him as clearly as I could to the undeniable fact that I loved him and wanted to be with him.

And yes, I knew I should say sweet things to Antonio more often, I knew I shouldn't be ashamed to show him my friendlier side, b-but hey, that's that annoying thing called personality for you.

'L-Lovino…' Antonio muttered with a delighted sigh and suddenly pulled me against him in one smooth, impulsive movement, his lips lightly brushing mine again, '…ah, that's so nice of you to say, so wonderful, so sweet of you to say, Lovi…'

'S-shut up…' I flushed, but didn't look away from him.

He smiled fondly and gave me a squeeze. 'Ah, I love you, Lovi…'

'T-that's… that's nice… I…' I gnawed my lower lip.

He knew what was coming and nodded patiently, rubbing circles on my back.

'I love you too, d-dammit.'

'I know you do, my lovely Lovi.'

I noticed my eyes already were half-lidded as I let the both of my hands intertwine with each other just behind Antonio's head, using them to softly push his face closer to mine until I felt those sweet, familiar lips press onto mine more firmly, more insistently.

Antonio made a very happy squealing noise and took this opportunity to slip his hands underneath my shirt, immediately trying to deepen the kiss.

Then I just as suddenly broke the kiss off again, breathing in and out raggedly as I gazed at Antonio.

'…y-you're way too eager, you know that?'

'Ah, I'm not sure if you should call it "eager", Lovino…' Antonio, sounding a little bit annoyed because of the interrupted kiss, grabbed my chin and turned it away from me so he could give a long, teasing lick to my uncomfortable red cheek, '…I think it's a very cautious way of describing the term "having an unreasonable desire for sex", you know?'

His eyes were practically burning when he looked at me again and I could only nod a bit, faintly wondering if I was still going to fight for the top-position.

'So…' Antonio smirked and started to unbutton my jacket, his eyes never losing contact with mine, '…is it okay if I fuck you, Lovi?'

I gasped, eyes spread open wide. Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god.

'Y-you…' I mumbled, pulling up his nightgown with shaky, sweaty hands.

'Oh yes, I know you like to hear that…' He smiled and calmly waited until I had taken off his stupid PJ's before pushing me to the seat of the couch, '…I love you so much, Lovi… so I'll be glad to do and say whatever you want me to, my love…'

'T-then…'

Well, reality struck me once again.

I sighed and almost desperately reached out my arms to him. '…j-just get down here already, d-dammit…'

I wasn't going to top tonight.

He smiled, a light flush on his face as he lowered himself towards me, letting me wrap my arms around him.

'Ah, aren't you just the cutest lover someone like me could ever wish for…' he whispered.

Yeah. Yeah, I was.

And probably the most pathetic one too. Fucking shit. Here I was, about to get topped again, just as usual…

...

…w-well... m-might as well enjoy it, r-right…