The party wasn't very loud seeing as it was just starting up, but I could hear mumbled voices under the floorboards coming from downstairs. It's been days since I've left my room, embarrassed, hurt, guilty and mostly disappointed in myself. Dally found out what happened, not because of the gang, but it was around town. He came in the day after it happened and yelled at me telling me I was stupid and a brat.
It felt like time was closing in on me. Like I was counting down the minutes, the seconds, til it was all over. I have no one. Nobody has come and talked to me, no one has said a single word to me.
Laying in my bed day and night, engrossed by my sheets, I hadn't moved. I stare at the glass of water all day until I get tired and go to sleep. I might be taking this way out of proportion, but I've never felt so stupid and ashamed. If my grandma were here, she would be disappointed in me like I've never seen her before.
Sitting in a ball looking at my tan sockmonkey looking socks, there was a knock at my door, but I didn't move an inch. The person obviously didn't give a care that I hadn't answered the door as they walked in then closed the door after them. Still not looking up, I felt them sit next to me on the bed and sigh.
"How ya been?" Said the sweet voice I've missed. I still hadn't answered, but they didn't leave. "Maxy, you gotta get over what happened. It wasn't that bad," He continued.
I stood up and walked away from him, looking out the window not caring that all I was wearing was socks and a big sweater I found, no shorts.
"It was humiliating," The street was clear of cars and the street light was flickering on and off.
"Hang out with me tonight," It wasn't really a question more like a suggestion almost.
I stayed quiet while looking out the window, when I felt his hands on my shoulders. Looking more clearly into the window, I focused on the two bodies touching rather than the street. He was wearing his typical plaid button up, but unbuttoned, with a white t-shirt underneath and jeans with his ripped up white converse.
"Come to the Dingo with me, I want to take ya out for a bite," He urged on.
"Soda, I don't want to go out," I snapped at him quietly. Stilling looking at our reflections, I saw his hand travel down my arm to my hand and cover mine with his while resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Please Maxy," Looking back at our reflections, I could see his eyes sadden with my continuous no's, so I gave in, no longer being able to refuse his puppy dog face, plus I was starving.
"Okay," I said turning away and grabbing some real clothes and walking into the bathroom. I threw on a pair of skinny jeans and a hoodie with my white tank top and a pair of Ponyboy's old converse he gave to me cause they were too small on him.
I walked out of the bathroom to see Sodapop sitting on my body fiddling with his thumbs. "Let's go," He shot up at the sound of my voice and followed me out the door.
People stared at us because they thought Sodapop and I did the deed upstairs in my room. The girls glared at me while the guys either ignored us or gave Sodapop a look. Soda caught up to me and put his hand on the lower of my back while we walked out the door. I caught Dally's eye while we walked out the door. He was in a compromising position with some slutty looking blonde, but still took the time to glare at us.
Ignoring him, we walked out the door and I stopped not seeing Soda's car. "Aren't we takin' the car?" I asked.
"It's nice out, I thought we could walk," He said next to me. Nodding my head, we started our half mile walk to the Dingo. I didn't mind it, I needed the exercise anyways. The walk was silent, a bit awkward, but very content.
Once we got there, a girl who looked about my age, walked over to us. She was real pretty. Her hair was dirty blonde and was almost pin straight except the small wave on the bottom. Her hair was mid chest and very silky looking. She had green eyes that were beautiful in the light of the Dingo. She was short and skinny; not very built.
"Hey Sodapop!Wwho's the lady?" She asked.
"Max, she's Dallas's cousin," He answered with a smile on his face. At least he didn't hate me.
"So this is Max, huh? Two-Bit's talked 'bout ya a bit. Said you and Dally just reunited after your umm grandma-," She stuttered not exactly sure how to say it while trying to be polite.
"It's fine," I said quietly looking down.
"But umm I'm Kathy, Two-Bit's girl," She flashed me Two-Bit's ring on her finger showing their relationship. The thought of Steve and I being like that flashed through my mind, but I quickly pushed it out. I gave her a small smile as she lead us to our seats.
Soda and I scooted into a booth, sitting across from each other. "She's real pretty," I stated, not even realizing I said it out loud.
"Yeah, Two-Bit's got a good one. Better not hurt her though, she's a nice girl," Soda said agreeing with me. I nodded my head as Kathy came back over, ready to take our orders.
"What can I get for ya Pop?" She asked. I'm assuming she was talking to Sodapop.
"I'll get a double burger. Max?" Soda ordered.
"Umm, I'll get a cheeseburger," I shot her a smile as my stomach growled, making chuckles erupt from the two in front of me. Kathy walked away with a nod and finished scribbling down Soda's order.
After she was gone we sat in silence for a while until I felt Soda looking at me. I glanced up to see him looking at me with a nervous look, making me respond with a confused one. "You look like you haven't eaten in days," He spat out. "Why?"
"Didn't feel like it," I said trying to hide in my hoodie while my stomach erupted with another growl. I felt so sick from not eating for this long.
"That's not good," The sadness in his voice made me look at him, making me regret it immediately. His face made me melt right into the seat. His green eyes lost their sparkle while a happy smile no longer danced along his face.
"I'm eating now, so don't worry about it," I said just as Kathy walked up with our food. Just as she set Soda's burger down and walked away, he picked it up and took a huge bite. I couldn't help but laugh at his quickness of scarfing down the burger.
"Take a bite," He urged on with a full mouth of food. Picking up my burger, I took a bite giving Soda a satisfying grin on his face.
My grandma used to give me that same look of satisfaction every time she would see me starting to eat normal. I admit, I had a history of terrible eating diets. It would scare her when I would get so pale from the little food I would eat, or the poor nutrition I was getting making me sick every night. It was almost the same look she gave me when the doctor announced her going home. I knew a hiccup of flashbacks would occur.
This time, I couldn't push them. My grandma's death flooded back to me. The happiness in her voice while singing "Amazing Grace" was suddenly the only sound in my head, echoing eerily. Next, my screams covered the noise of her voice, making me feel nauseous.
I could feel my stomach starting to turn and I knew exactly what was coming next. Pushing the table further away from me to give me more room, I threw my burger down and sprinted into the bathroom trying to hold in the burger bite I just swallowed. I violently shoved the bathroom door open and slammed open the first stall door I saw and ran over to the toilet. Before I could even kneel down, I threw up; at least I made it into the toilet. Well, there goes my food.
I leaned with my back against the wall as tears flooded my eyes. My blood curdling screams filled my ears. Every time I blinked, my grandma shaking rapidly on the bed appeared. Moving my head back over the toilet again, I threw up whatever else was in my stomach. I felt an arm on my back as I wiped off the vomit left on my face on some toilet paper.
I curled into the arms of the person I knew to be Sodapop and cried. I knew my tears were being soaked into Soda's t-shirt, but I didn't care. I balled up his shirt as I made fists, clinging to him like if I let go, my life was over. We sat there like that for a couple minutes while he rubbed my back trying to calm me down.
"Do you want to come back to my house and calm down?" My heart skipped a beat and I knew he noticed. "The boys are at Buck's and Darry is probably still at work," Darry has been working late hours lately to help catch up with the bills. I nodded my head as Soda helped me up and out of the bathroom, paying Kathy on the way out.
Once we got outside, I felt cold drops of water fall onto my skin. Rain. I loved rain, but not so much anymore since it was raining the night my grandma died. I shook as the cold drops landed on my face. I snuggled into Soda's side while walking, trying to keep warm.
Although rain was no longer my favorite thing, I couldn't resist a good puddle to jump in. As we were walking down the street, I saw a huge puddle in the middle of the road. Pushing Soda off of me, I ran over to and jumped into it, letting the water splash onto my jeans, soaking my pants. I looked ahead and saw another puddle that I leapt forward into.
Soda's laugh echoed off the quiet streets. "What are you doing?" He asked. I'm guessing he thought I was a lunatic. I screamed and twirled at the same time until I got dizzy and fell over, wetting my entire body now. Soda gasped and ran over to me and helped me up.
"Are you okay?!" He asked looking over my body. I nodded my head while smiling and looking up at him. His hands were still in mine as we stared deep into each others eyes. I could stare at his for hours.
"Ya know, ya really are beautiful," Soda said staring intensely at me. I looked down attempting to hide my blush, but it wasn't much of a success. I felt his finger under my chin, redirecting my face to look back at him. He put his thumb on my right cheek and stroked it softly and reassuringly. I knew in this moment, that everything would be okay as long as I had Soda.
I smiled up at him receiving a smile back from him. Suddenly, there was a loud thunder bouncing off the streets, breaking the moment. I looked up at the sky, to see the lightening making thunderbolts, it was so beautiful.
"C'mon, it's getting pretty bad outside," I said to Soda. He nodded his head while we walked hand in hand back to his house.
Once we arrived, I called out names, getting no responses for any of them. I guess they all were still out even though it was almost 11 by the time we got back to the house. I told Soda I would be right back and headed upstairs to change into one of the guy's clothes. I grabbed Ponyboy's pajama pants he never wears, and one of Soda's sweatshirts. I didn't realize I was shaking until I was holding myself tightly, trying to keep warm.
I came back downstairs, to hear the shower running. Not seeing Soda anywhere in sight, I'm assuming it was him in the bathroom.
Wandering around the house not knowing what to do with myself, I came upon an old piano I never noticed before. I wonder if I can still play. When I was younger, my parents forced me to take piano lessons. They wanted me to have some musical arts in my life.
I found the piano bench under the piano and pulled it out, sitting on it. Opening the piano top, I saw that all the keys were covered in dust. I couldn't help, but chuckle at how poorly the boys take care of it. Bending down to the height of the piano, I blew on all the keys quickly, getting rid of all the dust. Placing my fingers on the C chord and C octave, I began playing a tune I had heard while watching a play with my parents when I was younger.
I remember it was a few days before my parents died. We were in the car on the way to see my favorite play, "After the Fall". I've seen it at least four times. Every time the show was in town or close to it, I would beg my parents to take me. The play was about a man who looks over his life to see if he should marry his new found love. Something about it captured my mind, even as a child.
The song I was now playing on the piano, was the song playing when Maggie dies. It's a sad yet beautiful song that just struck a chord in one's heart. As I hit the last note, I heard clapping coming from nearby. Looking up, I saw Soda standing against the doorway listening to me.
"That was real pretty," Soda said walking over to me and wrapping a tighter grip around my shoulders.
"Thanks," I said as memories of my parents death came back.
"Wanna stay the night? I'm sure you don't wanna walk back to Buck's in this weather," He offered.
I nodded my head while we walked up the stairs into Soda and Ponyboy's room. I walked a few feet in and heard the door close, being swept away by the darkness. Suddenly, I felt arms around my waist as I laid down in the bed.
His body left the bed, then returned in boxers and nothing else. Once my eyes adjusted and moonlight was all I had, I could see his figure perfectly outlined and his eyes shining in the light. His arms found their way around my waist again as I turned to face him in the bed.
"Soda, I just wanna say thanks," I spoke.
"For what?" I could tell he was confused.
"For being here for me when no one else is," After the words left my mouth, the room was silent. I could barely see Soda's eyes now, but next thing I knew, his lips enveloped mine. They were so soft, but not the lips I wanted. Soda was perfect in every way possible, but I would always want Steve and I don't know why.
I pushed him away quickly, still shocked. "S-Soda, I-I'm sorry, but I can't do this," I felt his body weight disappear as he leapt to the edge of the bed. I knew I hurt him. I crawled over to him, but didn't touch him, scared of rejection.
"Please don't be mad at me," I begged, but he didn't answer. Standing up, I couldn't stop the tears that suddenly poured from my eyes as I knew, I most likely lost my best friend and the only person I have left.
I walked out of the room and shut the door quietly, deciding I was going to walk back to Buck's. Once leaving the front door, I was already soaked head to toe. Cuddling into Soda's sweater, I could smell him. The smell I had loved of his aftershave and grease.
After almost forty-five minutes of walking, I finally made it to Buck's. Walking in, I ignored everyone's looks, running up to my room and slamming the door. Not even changing, I collapsed into my bed and cried myself to sleep at the final straw of losing everyone. Everything would not be all right now.
So?! What do you think!? Some feedback would be much appreciated...