I woke to Ymir's arms around my waist and her mouth right against my shoulder, keeping it hot with her breath as she was still deep in sleep.

I lingered like this, enjoying the haze between consciousness and sleep.

That is…

Until…

"Gkk," Ymir rumbled, snoring obnoxiously once and then going back to her quiet slumber.

I had to stifle the giggle that was threatening to bubble up as I carefully reached out for my cellphone.

I unlocked it, ready to take a selfie of us. I always wanted to update my background anyways.

One new text message.

I exited out of it and quickly went to snapping my picture. It took a few tries to get the perfect angle where I didn't look… well, look hung-over.

Eventually, I got my prize and smiled.

Ymir always looked so beautiful and cool. Even in her sleep…especially so…

My phone vibrated, shaking me out of my daydreaming to see that I got another message.

I opened it up and saw it was from a number I didn't know.

Probably spam.

I read it.

My head hurt.

My stomach dropped.

Everything went really quiet and loud at the same time. Just like in those movies when an explosion is nearby and deafens people.

'You will tell Ymir. I know she doesn't know.'

The first text read.

'If you don't tell her, I will.'

I felt the blood drain from my face as my hands shook, staring at the words, repeating them over and over in my head.

Who was this?

Why was this happening?

'Who is this?'

A fast response.

'Doesn't matter. What does matter is that you tell Ymir and not lead her on like you did Reiner. You can't keep pretending.'

My jaw clenched as I angrily jabbed at the keyboard.

'Is this Reiner? I swear to God if you are Reiner!'

'No. You know Reiner's number.'

I felt tears welling in my eyes.

What was I going to do?

I could break up with her and—

'No matter what you do, I will tell her tonight. She deserves to know regardless of what happens.'

'Why are you doing this?'

There was a long pause in between.

A moment too long went by. Enough to threaten to suffocate me as I choked on the lump in my throat.

'She deserves to know why you will leave her in the end or before you guys get too deep.'

I blinked back the tears.

'Why? How do you know?'

There was no response.

'You're a fucking asshole!'

There was a fast reply to this, too.

'I'm not the one lying to others.'

I felt my arm grow light as a feather, ready to assert my rage by throwing my phone against the wall, but I stopped when Ymir breathed really loudly—a breathy yawn.

"Mm…Historia…you alright?" Her voice was heavy with sleep and slurring.

"Um, yeah…"

"You sure…? You're pretty tense…" Ymir nuzzled back into my shoulder.

I was torn apart as I clung my phone close to my chest.

This would be the last moment we had to ourselves and I had a picture of it.

I didn't know what was worse—that either I'd run like a coward and never know her anger, or that I would have to confess and I got to watch her gun me down.

You should've got out of it while you had the chance, Historia.

"Um…Ymir…" I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I—I have something to tell you."

I couldn't hear my own words as my mouth went dry.

I licked my lips over and over but it never seemed to make the words caught in my throat easier.

"Yeah?" Ymir exhaled, pulling away a bit to stretch. She sat up, dazed, but nodding.

"I'm game," she cleared her throat and then yawning, raising her arms above her head in a hearty way.

Why was I doing this…?

I couldn't tell her that I had lied… that I saw myself in a way that many others didn't agree with…

Ymir glanced at me.

"You look…constipated?" Ymir remarked but I could shake from this.

It was the end.

I might as well…just make an ass of myself…

I mean, at least I could try and pretend she knew about it and accepted me as who I was—a girl.

Sometimes a boy.

Mostly a girl.

Lost in between.

I quickly grabbed her shoulders and kissed her, disregarding her morning breath as she froze and then returned my affections.

"Mm…Historia…that…isn't…talking," she whispered between kisses. Her hands were on my cheeks and they were so warm.

Like the coming spring would be.

A spring without Ymir.

Her hands would never be like this anymore.

"Shush," I whispered, too stubborn to let this go and cry in defeat. Even if my whole body was shaking and I wanted no better than to run to the falls and hide away.

"I just want us…together and in bed." I told her and suddenly she pulled away, eyes lit up in surprise.

"H-Huh?" She stuttered.

No more Ymir who was as shy and adorable as a puppy in a new home.

"I want…to make love." I told her again and she seemed starstruck.

"Please, take me," I told her, staring her in the eyes.

Just pretend she knows and accepts it.

This is us having our first time and not—

"…Y-You sure?" Ymir's freckle dusted cheeks were red as clay as she leaned forward, putting our foreheads together.

"Yes…" she saw how shaky my hands and body were.

"We don't have t—"

"I want to…It's my first time," it was a truth and lie at same time.

It was my first time.

I wanted to.

But not ever like this—not to scare Ymir away for good because I couldn't say what I had to.

Ymir was good to me as she always was, though—she stopped talking and kissed me deeply, hands roaming to my face and then down to my shoulders.

"I—I could at least," she hummed against my lips, licking and kissing the corner of them, "brush my teeth."

I couldn't help it this time—a quiet chuckle came from my mouth.

It would be useless for her to do that.

After all, once she learned she'd wish she did worse to me.

Just like Reiner, right?

I shushed her by grabbing her shy hands and putting them to my chest. Upon contact, she shivered, almost moaning in my mouth as her palms were filled with me.

Slowly, gently, kindly, and lovingly, she squeezed and kneaded, never leaving my lips as she felt me through and through as if she never felt a thing more pleasant than me.

I didn't want to rush but I felt myself slipping with each second, realizing she was going to find out within minutes.

I felt the tears prick, but I wouldn't let them fall.

If they did, she'd stop and ask why because Ymir was sweet like that. And she wouldn't continue till I said why, and I couldn't lie to her anymore and I'd run away.

At the very least, Ymir deserved the truth…and to have an opening to express how betrayed she'd feel.

"Historia," she whispered, heated as her hands went lower and lower.

I tensed up.

And she lifted my shirt up and I relaxed as I was exposed. I had only Ymir's shirt and my underwear to protect me, but I was completely barren now.

If she looked down below, she'd see me.

Her large hands covered my chest again and she finally pulled away, staring down at my collarbones and then my chest.

"God," she whispered almost in prayer, "you have the best t—um…y-you're very pretty."

I gave a small smile.

The only one I could even afford now.

She lowered her mouth and I felt her hot tongue swipe over my neck, biting lightly but not leaving a mark. She trailed her mouth lower and lower till she had her way with my chest.

I felt it—the twinges of excitement and pleasure but it wasn't enough to override the horror of knowing she was getting closer and closer.

And then I felt her hand.

Lowering.

Going past my ribs, my stomach, and hips.

It gently stroked my thigh.

"Relax," she was so considerate, "I won't do what you don't want to, okay? We can stop."

It was too late.

It had to be done.

I nodded.

She smiled. I knew she was aware I was as stiff as a board and that there might've been more to it, but she didn't know.

Until now.

Her hand went to my underwear, cupping me and then she tensed altogether.

She stared me, eyes widening.

"…Uh," she weakly smiled, blinking.

I felt tears well up finally, unable to keep them at bay.

"Y-Ymir," I choked because she was slowly pulling back, but her hand stayed there.

"…w-what's in your underwear…Historia?" She asked, eyes frantically staring down at her hand which was covering my flaccid member.

"Y—I—I'm so sorry," I couldn't stop whimpering as I covered my mouth, crying.

In slow motion, I watched her golden eyes flash down, quickly removing her hand from my underwear and seeing the obvious bulge the girl underwear could never hide.

Her eyes went wide as her shoulders went up as she jerked back, gasping loudly as if she saw a knife stab into her own foot.

What I heard next was something I thought I'd never hear from Ymir.

Something I never wished to ever hear.

And it rattled inside my bones, squeezing them so violently I swore I was going to puke up all my innards.

Ymir screamed.