It was a miracle for Fox, to see his father alive again.
To see his father walking towards him, to see his father speaking to him as if he had never left at all… to say that the vulpine was shocked was an understatement. And it was all obvious to James, judging from the dumbfounded look on his son's face.
He wasn't prepared for this. He wasn't prepared for any of this at all.
Fox struggled to say something, anything to his father, but he could only stammer as the gears in his head grinded against each other to come up with a single coherent thought.
"Dad..." he whispered.
The last time he had ever seen his father was right before he had left for his mission... to find out what Andross was doing. He told him. It was for the good of Corneria... it was for the safety of his people. And it was for his mother.
He remembered that gut wrenching feeling when he had first heard of the news. That he would be sent to a barren wasteland on the edge of Lylat, the likes of which no one would ever dare to venture. That there was a chance that he wouldn't return. He remembered that feeling well.
His father said that he would be fine, and that it was all routine.
I'll be fine.
He remembered his father saying that with a signature smirk on his face. He had a backup plan. He had his teammates. He had the Arwing. Nothing could go wrong.
Back then, his father was the only thing he had left. After his mother passed, they had mourned together. They had grieved together. Together they spent Christmas, their birthdays, and every other holiday that he could think of with grief-stricken despair. And for a while, the times they had spent with each other were nothing but miserable. But eventually, things would begin to pick up again... because at least they still had each other.
Until one day... everything went wrong.
All he wanted his father back. All he wanted to hear was the sound of his voice... to hear that he was safe and sound after a successful mission more than anything...
All he got was a fucking letter.
All it could do was confirm his suspicions. His father was killed. He would never be seen ever again. His mother was long gone. He had never faced so much sadness, so much soul crushing pain in his heart as he finally realized... that he was truly alone in this fucking world.
But he had to live on. It's what his parents would have wanted, after all. To see their beloved son grow older and wiser and become the man that they knew he could be. To bring honor to the McCloud family name. He couldn't refuse their wishes... he loved them more than life itself.
And so he continued on... keeping up his studies at the Cornerian Flight Academy and forever improving himself as an aspiring pilot. He strived for the top as the greatest that the world had ever known while trying to repress the sense of loss that he had felt every single day for the rest of his life... a kind of loss that the world would never know. Flying was just a way to get him to take his mind off of these things. Flying was all he had left.
It wasn't enough. It was never enough for him to move on from these thoughts. And now, after seeing his father again, he couldn't help but break down in the worst of ways.
"Dad," he whimpered. Tears had already begun to trickle from his eyes and soak the fur on his cheeks as he had said that single word.
Dad.
"Shh." James shushed him, before pulling him into a warm embrace. Fox buried his face and muzzle into his father's jacket while he silently cried, meeting his father's embrace with one equal in warmth and longing. They held each other for what seemed like days, allowing Fox to savor what he had missed for the past twenty years.
His love.
His advice.
His silent, confident presence that made whomever he was around feel at ease.
Fox missed him. He missed his father so much. James couldn't even possibly begin to comprehend how much his son had missed him.
Before breaking away, the older vulpine met his son's gaze with his own, showing him the vibrant, solemn eyes he had yet to see in some time. "Let's take a walk," he said, reaching out and placing his hand on his son's shoulder. "There's somebody I would like you to meet."
Even amidst all the tears that were still visible on his cheeks, the younger vulpine couldn't help but feel a small grin slowly emerge from his muzzle. No matter how much he suffered… no matter how much pain he felt at the moment… just hearing his father speak to him was enough to bring a genuine smile to his face.
He couldn't remember the last time they've shared a moment like this.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy.
000
Fox was in the sick bay.
No visitors would be allowed. Not Peppy. Not Slippy. Not Falco.
And not even Krystal.
All any of them could do was silently watch through a tinted glass window as ROB meticulously operated, treating the vulpine's wounds with careful precision and accuracy. He was alive. They all knew that much.
But he looked as lifeless as ever.
His face was pale. The once colorful orange-reddish luster of his fur had dulled and deadened, with each and every individual hair on his body blackened and flush with self-deprecation. He looked far skinnier and weaker than anyone could ever have imagined... that there wasn't even a single doubt now about everything that the vulpine had went through.
It had only been a couple of hours since he was admitted to the sick bay. How many had passed, however, the vixen lost track. She remembered that the whole team earlier had stood in her place, as they too let their minds wander in complete silence. Not a single word was uttered. The heroes of Lylat could only continue to ponder soundlessly at what had occurred over the course of this entire week, but it didn't take a telepath to know what any of them were thinking.
They were no heroes. They were failures.
No man left behind, they all once said. They knew how he felt about losing her. They knew how he would try to pull something like this, but when the time came to act, their true colors had shown. Each and every single one of them knew that they couldn't care any less about the vulpine.
He struggled. He fought. He needed help so, so desperately...
But nobody was there.
And it killed the sapphire vixen, to know that single fact. She could've been there for him. She could've come back for him.
But she didn't. And that made all the difference.
Look what happened.
Those thoughts came to mind over and over again as Krystal stood in front of the doors of the sick bay's intensive care unit, peering into its lone window to catch just a glance of Fox as he received his treatment. Her Fox. Her hero.
If it were up to her, she would be by his bedside in an instant, never leaving him ever again like the most lovesick puppy in the world. There wouldn't be a single doubt in her mind that that would occur, despite it being against her as well as everyone else's better judgement. The ICU was kept to be sterile, and she nor anybody else on the ship would be allowed in there during surgery. She knew. Peppy knew. Slippy and Falco knew.
But none of that mattered to her.
She knew that she couldn't be with him... to comfort him like she should've done earlier. Like she should've done so, so long ago. Not yet. But at least she could have the next best thing.
And so, the vixen's lone figure continued to linger in front of the sick bay's single window, her eyes never ceasing take their gaze away from the vulpine's figure as he lay dormant. It was the only thing she had, for now.
All Krystal could was stare at him in silence as she let the flood of memories surge within her mind.
That muscular, athletic build of his as they held each other's embrace.
The roughness of his paw pads as he took her hands in his.
That forehead that she had loved to kiss as they drifted off to sleep on those cold, restless nights.
That coy, confident smile that he used to show her, in a time long past.
There was no doubt about it. She missed him. She missed everything about him. But over the course of these past few years, seeing Peppy and Falco and Slippy and now Fox... it was the hardest for the vixen to discover that everything had changed, even though she hated to admit it. After she saw the state that her Fox was in... there was no telling whether or not he would be the same ever again.
Never again would she receive the warmth of his embrace, or the touch of his coarse paws, or the feel of the white fur on his head. Never again would she get to see his smile… that smile which would only reveal itself in his most vulnerable moments. That smile which she had grown to love.
She would never get to experience any of it ever again.
Because of her.
Just look at what happened
Despite her efforts, it seemed that his wounds were far more severe than she had hoped. He was already weak enough to begin with, and he still lost a sizable amount of blood. It was hard to ignore that he was still dying, and that he was still suffering in the worst of ways.
She continued to set her gaze upon his body. Amidst the gunshot wound, she could see it all… she could see the hopelessness and depression that he felt during his time alone. He lost weight. His fur was dirtier than ever before. His eyes conveyed his experience of many a sleepless night alone.
The vixen could hear him now. She could hear his voice chime in her head, as if he were standing right next to her, whispering into her ear.
What's the point? What's the point of going on like this?
She didn't know how to answer that question. She didn't know how it felt…to feel so lost and abandoned by your only friends, that death would be the only way out. Her hope was that she would never come to know that feeling.
But at least she could stay here and help him overcome it. It was the least she could do, after everything that's happened.
He saved her. He loved her. He suffered for her.
He sacrificed his own happiness for her well-being, because even if he was killed, at least he could die knowing that she was safe and sound from harm. Until she threw it all back into his face.
Krystal knew that she had fulfilled Peppy's request. She was free to leave now, to leave him, to leave her teammates, to leave her past behind without a single moment's notice. It would be so easy. But something, a sinking feeling in her gut, just wouldn't let that happen.
Maybe it was her time to finally repay the favor… and maybe things would never be the same again. But she wanted her past back… she wanted all of it. She wanted her teammates, the only friends and family that she had left in this lonely world. And she wanted him back.
She wanted her Fox back, most of all.
Why? Because she loved her life back then… and she hated her life the way it is now.
After everything that's happened, it didn't matter whether or not things would never be the same again. That wouldn't stop her from trying to make it that way.
I won't let you down Fox. Not again.
000
"Where are we going?"
Fox's lone voice echoed, nowhere to go but through his companion's ears at this point, but his father paid no attention as the two continued trekking on.
"And where the hell are we?"
From that, James paused in his movement and gave his son a glare, stopping the former right in his tracks before he finally chimed in.
"You know your mother wouldn't want you to use language like that."
Fox almost laughed at how comical the situation was. It was something that he would only ever see on the mind numbing broadcast of cable television, but in the end he could only sigh. "I'm thirty years old now Dad."
His father replied. "That's all the more reason to stop, son," before they continued on with their excursion, smiles forming on each of their muzzles, unbeknownst to the other.
Fox missed these conversations that he had with his father. Even if he felt that he was being lectured, there was something different about this than that of those by that gruff old hare. Sometimes he felt that Peppy could have a hidden drawstring located somewhere on his body, given that their arguments always sounded the same… something about a barrel roll, and something about being more like his father.
But not this though.
Fox's grin grew wider and wider as time went on, but he could see the same effect showing through his father's demeanor. They each wanted this, both of them could tell, for the longest time.
Now they finally had it within their reach.
And so, the two moved on, father and son, side by side as they opened up each other's hearts to what each had yearned and missed for so long. They grinned. They laughed. They took each other's words in those conversations to heart, when they asked about the 'what's and 'why's and 'how's each of them had experienced in life.
"Why did you go to Venom?"
"What was your reason for going to the Academy?"
"When did you know that you wanted to create Star Fox?"
"What was your life like, before you started piloting?"
"What made you want to become a mercenary?"
Both ways, each of them exchanged questions at a rapid rate, hoping to gain an answer as to confirm each other's suspicions. Now that Fox was older and wiser, there was much that he could learn about his father, and thus about himself through these intimate conversations.
Not that it really mattered, of course, but it was definitely something that piqued the former's interest.
Over the course of the journey, they talked so much that Fox couldn't even begin to realize what was happening around him. Slowly the nothingness vanished… replaced by trees and grass and bushes. The tainted greyness of the sky slowly merged with the navy blue of a Cornerian afternoon, before it became a gradation of color. Sunlight slowly came into play, little by little of it began reflecting off of James' vintage aviator sunglasses, but still he couldn't hope to perceive what was happening around him.
But his cluelessness wouldn't last for long.
This neighborhood… those trees... I've seen this before.
Eventually, the vulpine couldn't help but notice… that they were standing in front of somewhere that he had held very dear.
His old house on Corneria City.
His mother's car was sitting in the driveway… the same as it's always been. And as the vulpine accompanied his father inside the house, he also noticed the frames and family photos that were kept on various counters and shelves. They too were the same.
The architecture. The same. The furniture. Same. All the various appliances and items around the house… he remembered them as the same from his childhood.
So that means…
He wouldn't get to finish that thought before his ear twitched, hearing the hushed tones of two familiar voices as they emanated from the kitchen… but he couldn't quite make out what they were saying.
"I have a surprise for you…"
He heard that whisper… he knew that was his father's tone of voice. And from that statement alone, he knew that something was up. Fox could feel it.
The vulpine ambled on towards the kitchen, padding silently throughout the house in determination to discern more about what was happening. From the hallway, he slowly rounded the corner to the kitchen in curiosity.
"What's going o-." He stopped in silence.
As he came face to face with his own mother.
For a long time the two stared at each other, seeing the striking resemblances that appeared within their own features, but neither one of them could utter a single syllable… all the while James McCloud stood idly by with a smirk on his muzzle.
She's so beautiful.
That was all he could think as he continued to stare.
The slenderness of her muzzle. The vibrant emerald green of her irises. The deep shade of red in her fur. He could see it all, upon hearing her name which so gently rolled off the tongue… a name that he could rarely hear from his father once she had passed. Her name was Vixy.
He had only one photo of her in his possession but he remembered everything about it… refusing to part without it, refusing to let go of the past he had so cherished. He knew her. He knew her from every dot to detail in her appearance… that there was no doubt that this was his mother despite his foggy memories.
And now, here she was, standing in front of him with a look of concern.
Seconds passed, then minutes. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Fox thought that his muteness would've lasted for all eternity were it up to him to stop it… but luckily, his mother turned towards the older vulpine before she promptly broke the silence.
"James," she said, as her son stood there, dumbfounded. "Is he…?"
"Yep," his father replied, already knowing beforehand what she would ask.
That response was all she needed. She turned back towards her son, showing her fangs with a bright smile on her face before she wrapped her arms around his frame.
"Welcome home, Fox!" she exclaimed. "I've missed you!"
Still stuck in shock, the vulpine stared blankly ahead as his mother embraced him, with no choice but to meet her loving hold with his own. With tears in his eyes, he rested his muzzle on her shoulders before he slowly wrapped his arms around her delicate frame.
It had been so long… so long since he had felt this feeling. So long that he couldn't even begin to comprehend how much he had missed his own mother. For the first time in a while… he felt that he had belonged.
This was where he had truly belonged.
000
"Where am I, Mom?" the vulpine whispered. "Am I… am I dead?"
It was such an honest question, that his parents took a second glance at each other before struggling to come up with an answer.
"It's complicated, son," his father answered. "But no, you're not dead."
"Then… then are you real?" he retorted.
"Well… I'm not sure how to answer that either." James replied with a smirk on his face. "I'm sorry I can't answer that for you either."
"But we're here to talk some sense into you."
"I don't understand." Fox's voice trailed off.
Vixy frowned, then sighed as she turned to look out a nearby window.
"You've been struggling, Fox," her tone full of concern for her son as she explained further. "You've been hurting yourself."
Her words shocked him. The signs had been obvious, Fox had thought. He hadn't slept. He hadn't eaten anything. He couldn't hide it from himself, so how he hide it from his own mother?
The vulpine was so detached from reality that up until now, his pain and suffering seemed to fade out of existence. Now, in one explosive thought, it all came rushing back to him. He remembered all of it.
How he sought vengeance for his parents.
How he expected to die in combat after living without meaning.
How he abandoned the only one he'd ever loved, his only saving grace, the only one who gave him a will to live.
How he went back to Sauria to experience his last moments in this living hell, only to see her again at the last second.
It was all for her. Everything he did… it was for her.
Krystal.
Fox sunk his head in shame as he remembered every last detail.
How could he not struggle? Up until this point in time, never had he felt so hopeless in life, that the only option he had left was to remove himself from existence. Those feelings of self-rejection were slowly coming back to him in waves at a time. In waves… he remembered them more clearly now.
His shock at his loss of her. His denial that he was doing anything wrong. His false hope, that he could ever force a façade of confidence upon himself to get her back. His self-rejection after he couldn't.
And finally… his acceptance on what he would do afterwards.
Kill myself.
That was the only solution.
"It's not your fault," his mother said, turning to face him and bringing him back to reality.
His ears twitched at her voice as he slowly met her gaze.
"What did you say?" he asked, his voice incredulous at her response.
"I said…" Vixy repeated, her voice confident and stoic. "What you did to Krystal… it's not your fault."
"Of course it's my fault!" he shot back, his tone full of self-deprecation. "I hurt her! I ruined her life! I saved her from death… only to realize that I took away the only thing that she had left in this world."
His outburst had frightened his mother, but he had to continue.
"Everything I've thought about… everything I've done for her turned out to hurt her! I wish… that she had never even met somebody like me!"
"Look at what she did to you. After you pushed her away… look at how she treated you!" she shot back, in her own fierce tone.
"Because I deserved it! Look at what I did!" He clenched his fists as tears began to form within his eyes.
"No, Fox." She whispered, causing him to fixate on her eyes. "Nobody deserves that kind of hurt."
He bowed his head, trying to think of something to say, but he couldn't manage to utter a single syllable before she spoke.
"She used you, Fox. She joined Star Wolf out of spite for you. So she could show you how much she hated you."
Vixy shook her head slowly.
"All you wanted to do was protect her… but she threw it all back into your face despite how much you cared for her. You spent years caring for her. Loving her. Cherishing her. You're right about everything that you've done to her. But just look what happened."
Vixy made sure to stare into her son's eyes before she ended her lecture.
"She tried to ruin your life."
Silence filled the air.
"Why are you telling me this?" he whimpered.
"Because I'm your mother."
She cupped his cheek with her hand, continuing to stare deeply into his eyes. With her spare hand, she wiped away any stray tears on his muzzle before she whispered to him. "I love you Fox. You'll always be my baby boy to me."
Everything he did these past few years, came back to haunt him at this exact moment. All of the guilt he experienced as a result of his actions, all of the suffering he endured at Krystal's hand, all of the negligence he directed towards himself… he recollected all of it. And because of it…
Never had he felt so ashamed in his entire life. Never had he felt so ashamed, that for the first time after meeting his parents again, he would have to explain everything to them. His shortcomings and his faults… his ignorance in being abused… it was all there.
"Mom… I'm sorry," he sobbed, breaking down and letting his emotions out right in front of her.
He'd fucked up. He'd fucked up so badly that there was no point in apologizing.
"But it's okay, Fox," his mother murmured, pulling him into another embrace and rubbing his back gently.
"We all make mistakes, and we worry," she said. "It's what it means to be alive," she said, with a smile.
"How... how do you know all this?" Fox asked carefully, with his tears still streaming down his face.
"Because, Fox, we can see everything from here. And we just couldn't stand to see you like this." James responded with a smile while he was sitting on a nearby counter.
Fox sat down on a kitchen chair and buried his face in his palms with a slap.
"She said… she said that I was worse than Andross." He looked up at his parents with remorse. "I wanted to die because of that," he muttered, looking away in sadness.
Vixy and James placed their arms around each other while they smiled at him.
"You've done nothing wrong."
"These things happen."
"Everybody makes mistakes."
His parents encouraged him. They were proud of him, and they loved him. They've given him everything that he had ever wanted.
Never was he so proud of his parents.
And for a while, it was silent within the McCloud family household while Fox had deliberated quietly on everything his mother had said to him, but ultimately the younger vulpine's father had to break the peace and quiet. "Well… Fox, we don't have much time left at all. We have to go."
"What-" he said, turning quickly around, but what he saw in their places was nothing less than shocking. They were nowhere to be seen.
His world started disappearing around him. His perspective changed. The room blurred.
He was spinning now… spinning until he couldn't see anything anymore.
I'm so glad we've gotten to have this conversation with you, Fox.
That was his mother.
You look more like me every day, son. Trust your instincts.
That was his father.
We're so proud of you Fox.
We love you, Fox.
"But, I just finally found you! I...I don't want to leave!" he screamed.
Don't worry… we'll see each other again someday.
After that everything went black.
000
He could only hear himself now. In this nothingness, he could only hear his own voice.
His mother's was gone. His father's was gone.
In this darkness, he could only utter one word as he came back to life, his world ruined by the one he once loved.
Krystal.
Krystal.
Krystal.
"Krystal."
He was wide awake now… sitting up straight in a gurney. He knew he was in the sick bay. He knew she was here, waiting for him all this time.
He could feel her presence, and he didn't even need to bother glancing across the room to address her.
Could she feel his emotions at this point? Could she feel how much pain and suffering he felt, to be waking up like this, losing what he had wanted for the past twenty years?
Could she feel his animosity towards her?
"Fox-." That was all Krystal said as she rushed into the room, but she was cut off before she could say another word.
"Why?" he muttered, that single syllable instilling nothing but dread into the vixen's heart with its spine-chilling tone.
Why didn't you leave me?
Sorry about the long wait before the update. The holidays have a way of getting in the way.
Leave a review if you can please.