Disclaimer: Hi! You've reached The Pixess; sorry I can't admit to copyright infringement right now, I'm too busy hiding my fictional doll collection from thieves (and Nessarose). Please leave your review at the beep.
A/N: Psst…keep a sharp eye out; you might notice someon- I mean, THING familiar ;) But don't get mad at me if you don't, plus at least one of them is in the next chappie…
"Feeling better now, Little Bro?"
Let's see; I invited- and, more importantly, paid, for the only guy in this solar system more physically attractive than I am (who just happens to be my brother) to come and steal my girlfriend, almost fiancé- why the Quox do I always wind up with psycho fiancés?- because he is so much more attractive than I am that girls fall over him on sight and completely forget I exist.
"I'm just peachy," Fiyero replied cheerily.
Willharry snorted and took another bite of his burger. They were at the McRonald's next to the nearest post office, as Avaric had insisted on sending their mother a telegram announcing their safe arrival (and he had vehemently forbade the two of them from sneaking into the ballet studio across the street in order to hit on the prettiest dancers, for which Fiyero was silently grateful.)
"Good," the elder prince replied, "Because you really had be scared with that whole maturity and growth thing."
"Oh, I don't know," Fiyero shrugged, pausing to sip his drink. "I mean, the last time I saw you, you might have pulled the whole Sarima Scare, but I know you wouldn't have owned up to it so quickly- that's a sign of progress."
"Uh-uh!" Willharry protested. "That was fair play- you'd already turned violet, your personal warning sign that a line is about to be crossed. And…" he let the word dangling in the air.
"Okay I can feel myself going lilac, spit it out, Will."
Willharry toyed with his necklace, a solid gold chain with a key on it, a family heirloom that Mother had given him when he was four. Fiyero had one just like it, only instead of a key there was a ring on it- Wills claimed that both knickknacks weren't heirlooms at all, just some junk Mother didn't want to part with when she helped some relatives clean out there attic in Filaan. Now he had his usual committed swagger in the way he moved as he moved the dinky piece of metal up the chain, but behind that Fiyero could sense genuine hesitation.
"Will?" he repeated anxiously.
"Aw, relaxify," he said, waving his brother off. "I just told Sari that I was going out of town for a couple of days, and if the joint where I was headed was any good I might invite her along." At the look on the younger prince's face, he quickly added, "Dude, she totally thought I was joking! She even threw a shoe at me and told me to 'stop taunting (her) with the riches (she) almost had before (our) Mother broke off (your) marriage (thank Oz)'."
"And were you joking?" Fiyero pressed.
Willharry took a sip of his Popsi before answering- not a good sign. "I briefly mentioned it in case your half-brained scheme doesn't work and we need a backup."
"Since when is it possible for you not to get any girl you want?"
"I wasn't talking about that," Willharry replied incredulously, as if the idea of a female not falling madly in love with him was completely ludicrous. "I mean, what if the chick doesn't meet my standards? Jealous Sociopath Ex-Girlfriend works just as well at getting rid of unwanted suitors as Hot Older Brother."
"Not when there's another suitor you want to replace her with, who you kind of want to live!" Fiyero hissed.
Willharry cocked his head to the side, clearly intrigued. "Oh?" he quipped, a grin slowly forming across his face. "Holding out on me, eh, little bro?"
Fiyero scowled down at the table, vehemently wishing McRonald's carried better projectiles than plastic forks.
"Oh Ti-ggy! Waiting for an an-swer!" Harry sang, in such an accurate impression of Sarmia his brother was disconcerted for a moment.
It might have been the "Tiggy" that did it. "Frankly, yes!" he exploded. "That way you couldn't steal her away from me like you always do!"
Willharry was greatly taken aback. "…I don't always steal your girls," he said slowly.
"Oh yeah?" Fiyero gave a harsh laugh most unlike him. "What about Katie?"
"Who?" Will asked blankly.
"When we were in the Evs for Mother's international tour, that little lost Ozian girl we picked up in Zarri Province?"
"Oh yeah…" Willharry drawled, comprehension gradually dawning. "Whatever happened to her, anyway?"
Fiyero scowled. "You started hitting on her after I already let her hold onto me riding horseback to that nightclub, where you hooked her up with Freddie once you got tired of her."
"…Freddie?"
Fiyero sighed. "The DJ's little brother," he elaborated tiredly. "The one with the Steven Crown novel?"
"Well, whatever," Willharry said impatiently. "So what I hit on Kitty, or whoever? I hit on anything that moves- and invalids, if their chests are big enough! But I wouldn't try to steal your girlfriend. At least, not without your permission, like now. I mean, I may be an egotistical bastard, but I'm not a soulless, egotistical bastard."
"Doesn't matter," Fiyero looked down at the table indifferently. "Whenever your around, girls completely forget I exist."
Will blinked at him. "Fif," he said, sounding legitimately concerned now. "Fif, that is so not-"
"OH MY OZ!!!"
Before either of them knew what had happened, three trilling girls engulfed the table, wearing- of all things- leotards.
"Ohmiozomiozomioz!" the first, a lanky redhead who appeared to have a pair of wings strapped to her back, squealed. "Your Willharry Tiggular!"
"Oh my Oz, I told you we should have changed before we left the dance studio!" the second- also tall, with chess nut hair swept into a bun- wailed. "I can't believe the flamingist guy in Oz is seeing me with a tiger tail!" And indeed, from the back of her tutu protruded a stripped wire that dangled somewhat similarly like an extra limb a large feline might possess.
The redhead ignored her, yanking a napkin from the boys' canister. "Can we, like, have your autograph?!" she gushed.
He shot Fiyero an pleading look; he returned it with a dark shrug and gestured for him to go ahead.
Frowning, Willharry grunted "Sure" and pulled out a pen.
One and Two hugged each other, jumping up and down on the balls of their feet. The third, however- a slightly darker brunette than the second, her tutu all black with silver fringe and eyeliner-seemed frozen.
"Who am I making this out to?" Will asked tiredly.
"Victorie Hugo," the redhead chirped, pressing her hand into his to shake it and pointed towards Tiger Tail with the other. "And this is Emmeline Dickinson."
"Pleasure," he replied dryly. "And her?"
Emmeline poked Black Tutu, who was still gazing at Will in a dazed look of awe. "This is Benjamina Bronte," she supplied. "I think she broke," she added for good measure.
Victorie shook her head. "I got this," she said confidently. She waved her arm in front of Benjamina's face. "Hey-hey-hey, Emo Chick!"
Benjamina jerked out of her revere. "For the last time- I am NOT EMO!!!" she roared. "I didn't even want to be in this stupid recital, you told me Lucillo was guaranteed to like me if I tried out, it's not my fault I got cast as Death and have to wear this moronic costume that makes me look like a- uh, hi…" She trailed off dreamily, eyeing the elder prince.
Victorie snorted. "Bye Bye Benny," she whispered to Emmeline, who giggled.
Hastily, Willharry made out the napkins and all but threw them at the fangirls, who tittered appropriately and then quickly dispersed ("I can't BELIEVE you wouldn't let us change out of our costumes, Tori!")
"You were saying?" Fiyero asked coolly.
Willharry fiddled awkwardly with his straw. "W-what I'm getting at is," he started uncomfortably, "I'm not all that, Fif," he finished lamely.
Fiyero snorted. "You're perfect," he said dismissively.
"I am not!" Willharry replied defensively. "What about- my eyes?"
"Your eyes." Fiyero was clearly skeptical.
"Yeah, my eyes!" his brother insisted. "They're all…weird and grey. Like Minerva Mouse's, or something."
Fiyero gave him A Look as similar to Elphaba's withering stares as he could manage. "Let me get this straight," he drawled, "You are not perfect because you have Minerva Mouse's eyeballs?!"
"Um, yes?"
In spite of himself, Fiyero cracked a smile. "You're right, Will, you really aren't perfect."
"I told you s-"
"You have got to be the worst self-insulter I've ever heard." Fiyero sipped his drink one last time before setting the Styrofoam cup down. "Let's just go back to my dorm, okay?"
Yes I know it's short and I'm horrible, but whatever. Still, remember to leave your review at the-
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