A/N: I suck and there is no excuse, just the same old life and work. But I promise I have not forgotten any of my stories and they will all be finished.

I hope you like this chapter, it's the most emotional piece I have written so far and I hope you'll think it was worth the wait. I can't promise I will start updating weekly, but I can make the commitment to update at least monthly now that work seems to have settled down.

Again, I'm sorry and thank you so so so much to all of you that still follow this story.

Breakfast was… awkward, to put it lightly.

Quinn had slept on the couch, well technically speaking she didn't sleep, more like spent the night on the couch trying to sleep. She kept looking over to where the main bedroom was to see if Rachel would come out, but she never did.

Rachel had had similar issues. She kept glancing at the bedroom door hoping Quinn would come in at some point, but she never did and Rachel couldn't say she was surprised about it, she did make it pretty clear to Quinn that she did not want to be near her and apparently Quinn had chosen that particular argument to listen to her.

Neither of them slept more than a couple of hours and only got up when the sun was so bright it might as well have been midday feeling both exhausted and disappointed. Once they were both in the kitchen, they fixed their own breakfast and not a word was said, they sat on opposite sides of the table looking everywhere but each other reading the information on the milk and cereal boxes or trying to find inexistent flaws with their nails or scrubbing invisible stains in the table. They finished eating and remained seated for another five minutes until Quinn sighed and got up, picking up both their plates and putting them in the sink; she was really grateful that both of her hands were busy because she couldn't have reached out to touch Rachel's hand without dropping the dishes.

She leaned over the sink, her hands grasping the edge harshly counting down to twenty, because ten just wouldn't do the trick.

"Thank you, Quinn. But just leave them there, I'll wash them later."

Quinn heard the tiredness on Rachel's voice and felt a rush of fear running through her, she hadn't heard Rachel like that since, well… ever. Not when she had gotten rejected at auditions, not when her composition teacher decided to pick on her, not even back in highschool with everything she went through.

"It's fine, Rach, I got them."

She got the water running but before she could start actually washing the dishes she felt Rachel's hand on her forearm and she was surprised when Rachel pulled her back roughly, she turned to look at her and noticed that those brown expressive eyes were cold and detached, but it was nothing compared to how that melodious voice sounded, it chilled her right to the core.

"Don't. I said leave it, Quinn. I got it."

Rachel's grip was really strong, Quinn realized that if she hadn't been wearing a long sleeved shirt she could have felt Rachel's nails digging into her skin, she could feel Rachel's hand shaking a little and she recognized what she was doing. Whenever Rachel felt out of control of a situation she would set to at least have a tiny amount of control of the mundane things around her. Like washing dishes. Quinn looked again into Rachel's eyes, trying desperately to find something else there, something other than that dullness that was sucking out her life. She didn't find anything and raised her hands in defeat.

"Okay. Okay, I'm sorry."

Quinn barely took a step to the side before Rachel shoved her away and started actually washing the dishes, they weren't many of them so Quinn knew she wouldn't have to wait long. She decided to watch as the Rachel did the task, trying to figure out what was happening, what to say. How to fix it.

Rachel, on her side, found an odd feeling of calmness as she washed the dishes, something about water running and cleaning up things made her feel not as unsteady. Maybe it was the cool water, or the methodical circular movements in which her hands were moving, or maybe it was just focusing entirely on the task at hand, she wasn't sure but she wished she could just take out all of their dishes and wash them too. There was no hurry in her movements and she was so concentrated in scrubbing and rinsing that she didn't hear or felt Quinn moving until she felt herself being trapped by the waist in Quinn's embrace. She almost dropped the glass she was holding as her breath was taken away and her eyes started to water.

She froze and felt, as if it was slow motion, Quinn's movements behind her until Quinn breathed in the scent of her hair but didn't fully realize that Quinn was crying until she felt hot tears on her own neck when Quinn buried her face in the crook of it.

But it wasn't until Rachel heard the first sob coming out from Quinn that she registered her heart breaking, at that moment all she wanted to do was turn around and kiss those tears away, she wanted to hold Quinn and take her by the hand and make love to her all day. All she wanted to do was turn around and fix everything. But she couldn't', not because she lacked conviction but she physically couldn't get herself to move, everything she was feeling was just frozen inside of her and she stood there while Quinn crumbled behind her.

"I love you, Rach. I love you, I love you. I do. I love you."

Rachel felt Quinn's hot lips dropping a kiss on her neck and it was like that kiss was a spark and it ignited all the fire Rachel had been holding on to, her hands started shaking again and she was suddenly angry, suffocated by Quinn's arms around her. She needed out, she needed Quinn to let go, she just needed her to stop.

"Quinn, Quinn stop. Come on, Quinn. Quinn! Stop! I said STOP! Let me go!"

She managed to break free and pushed Quinn, a broken Quinn, away from her. She saw how the girl intended to come close to her again and she moved away from the sink, leaving Quinn behind.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm sorry."

Quinn's voice was soft and defeated, and it made Rachel even angrier than she already was. She turned around and took a good look at the blond girl in front of her: her shaking hands, her messed up hair, her shinny eyes, the tears streaming down her face, her neck, her lips… she took a good look at everything and wanted to scream.

"What are you apologizing for Quinn? Jesus! Do you even know?"

Quinn wanted to move close to her again but she moved in order to have the table between them, all she saw on Quinn's face was confusion, she could virtually see the interrogation sign floating over her head, she was furious at that point. She waited to see if Quinn said something but she only saw her opening and closing her mouth a few times, flustered, waving her hands around as if the answer she was looking for was something palpable in the air.

When Quinn let her hands fall and looked away, Rachel laughed, a hollow, empty, bitter laugh.

"God, Quinn! What? You figured that if you just said the words, if you just said 'I'm sorry' everything would be magically fixed? That everything would instantly be alright again? That I would just… I don't know… that I would just jump into your arms and we'd kiss and walk away into the sunset or something?"

Quinn's eyes were frantic, looking all over the place, trying to lock on Rachel's but they couldn't stop moving, it made Rachel uneasy, she couldn't really remember a moment when she had been as angry as she was right then.

"Do you even really know what you're apologizing for? Or were you just fishing for something to say? Some… magic phrase that would make me forget."

"Rach… Rachel, come on. Please. I'm trying here. I'm sorry that I hurt you like I did. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm so, so sorry."

"Are you, Quinn? Are you really sorry for lying? Or are you just sorry you got caught?"

Quinn's expression turned to disbelief and Rachel realized she had lost the battle against tears.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. That's what I'm sorry for. I never wanted to hurt you, I have never wanted to hurt you in any way, you have to believe that. I know it was wrong- I know I was wrong in keeping things from you but I know you, I know you would've found a way to stay home if I told you and nothing happened to me. I'm okay. See? I'm fine."

Quinn's eyes were suddenly bright again as she extended her arms in an attempt to further prove she was fine, but Rachel felt her heart sinking deeper, she looked up and tried to stop the tears from flowing, but it was impossible, she walked away from Quinn and into the living room where she sat down on the single couch, exhaustion washing over her as soon as she did so. She ran her hand through her hair and looked at Quinn, who was now sitting on the couch next to her.

"You don't get it, Quinn. It's not even about that. Yeah, you lied. Yeah, it was insensitive and selfish and I would have stayed here with you. But it's not about you lying because I know you know I would have eventually found out, I just… I just can't stop wondering why. Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you want me to stay home with you? And don't… don't even tell me that it was because of the show because you have convinced me to stay home for something as silly as you feeling you were going to get a cold."

Through her tears, Rachel saw how Quinn hesitantly reached out for her hand and she let her, she was too tired to pull away now.

"Rachel, I don't understand. I honestly just didn't want you to miss your show, it wasn't worth the trouble and-"

"Who are you to decide what's worth something or not? Especially when it comes to me! It was my decision to make, it was my call and it was worth it for me. I would have called in sick in a heartbeat… for you, but you took away that decision because it wasn't worth it for you and from where I'm seeing it, it feels like… as if…"

Quinn was now kneeling in front of her, the tears were weighing her down and she hadn't been able to look up since she started talking. She felt Quinn touch her face gently and then lift it to be able to make eye contact. Quinn's eyes were genuinely concerned and scared and Rachel almost threw herself to Quinn.

"It feels as if… what? Rach?"

"It's been feeling like… like I'm not enough anymore."

Rachel's voice was small, smaller than she intended it to come out but it was honest, as honest as she could be at the moment without entirely breaking down.

"What?"

"Nothing, just… ignore it."

Rachel stood up and it took Quinn a few moments to be able to stand up to follow after her, she was definitely not expecting that, although thinking back to their argument the day before she probably should have.

"Wait, Rachel. Wait please. Do you really think that?"

Quinn tried to take a hold of Rachel's hand again but was pushed away, not aggressively like earlier but it stung her the same, even more because Rachel refused to look at her.

"Come on, Rach. Stop. Look at me. You cannot possibly believe that is true, do you?"

Finally stopping, Rachel turned around to look straight at Quinn, smiling sadly and shrugging.

"Yeah… I kinda do."

Neither of them had ever really known what it was like to feel the world come to a full stop until that moment, Rachel had finally let go of what was hurting her the most and Quinn was shocked to the ground, out of all the things she definitely did not see that coming. She tried to make a quick trip back through her memories to see if she could find the moment she had deviated so far from their road together to make Rachel feel that, but she couldn't. She was just left baffled and without air.

"How … How can you say that, Rachel? You are my entire life, everything I do, everything I've done I've done it-"

"Please do not say that you have done them for me, Quinn, because you have not. Lying to me yesterday was not for me, it was because you didn't care enough to tell me when it mattered. It has been a while since you have done anything for me."

Rachel was getting angry again and she didn't want to, she didn't know if she was going to be able to control herself again, and Quinn's eyes showed that Quinn noticed it too.

"You don't mean that, Rachel. I know you are angry with me right now, but you cannot seriously mean that. All I care about is you, and this, and us. And I show it every single day. How can you not see that? I love you!"

"I have never said that I don't believe you still feel something for me, that you care about me. But, Quinn, you don't have to love me to buy things. I have never asked you for that. You are different, you changed and I am aware that we are all constantly changing but you just, you changed all of you. Everything that made you, you. I don't even know how to be close to you anymore, Quinn! It is so stupid and ridiculous because we've known each other our entire lives and yet here we are and we have become strangers and it's so hard loving a stranger so much. I don't care that you change some parts of you, it happens, we all change and grow and everything but, you're not even you anymore, Quinn."

Rachel didn't look away from Quinn as she spoke, she couldn't she just wanted some resemblance or recognition or something from the girl standing in front of her. But there was only confusion and sadness and Rachel had enough of that with her own.

"I don't know what to tell you Rach, I know I've changed, you have too but I still love you the same. I mean, I know I've been different but … I don't even know. I honestly don't know what to tell you, this has taken me entirely by surprise, I know we've had some issues but I never imagined… Why didn't you tell me all of this before? I could've done something or said something or… Or something, Rachel! You can't just drop all of this on me and … What do you want me to do?"

There it was, what Rachel had wanted to see, a moment of clarity in Quinn's eyes, the different tone in her voice and the delicacy of her mannerisms at the moment she spoke. It made her ache for it, but she was afraid that it was just a fleeting moment that would pass just as quickly as it happened. She didn't dare look away, it didn't matter tears were running down both their faces.

"You know, Quinn? Maybe we really were too young, we hadn't even really started turning into the people we would turn out to be. We were all hopes and dreams and nothing of reality. I know I fell in love with you really fast, and really, really hard, but I never thought we would change so much from who we used to be."

"Come on, Rach. Don't do that, don't try to make it seem like we've been nothing but an illusion or something because we are real, we have always been real and I don't think we would have gotten this far if it wasn't true."

"If we've managed to stay together this long, Quinn, is because I have never stopped hoping you'll wake up one day and realize you've been pulling away and snap out of it. But it all seems pointless now, you don't seem to care enough to notice on your own. Can you tell me when was the last time you held my hand in public? Yesterday doesn't count ok? It just doesn't. Or the last time you kissed me in public? Or the last time you told me you loved me without me having to say it first or ask you to say it back? God! Or the last time we made love because we were in love and not just because you just felt like it? You say you love me, Quinn. But you love me in your mind and with the lights off."

Quinn didn't say anything, her mind wandering to another place and her after a couple of moments Rachel saw how realization sunk in and the way Quinn looked at her, the way those hazel eyes were filled with regret, it made her heart hurt. The way Quinn's hands went to cover her mouth and how tears filled her eyes… Rachel couldn't tell if it made her feel a little better that Quinn finally realized it, or if made her feel a little worse because she hadn't had a clue before.

"You didn't have a clue, did you? How could you not notice? My God, Quinn. I've always known you're not big on the expressing emotions department, but you had always found a way to at least making me feel what you felt. But you just suddenly pulled away and you left me alone in trying to keep this going. And to be honest, I can't keep carrying us around. I just can't. I need you, I need you to care, I need you to need me. And I'm not even saying I need you to go back to who you used to be because I still fall in love you with you every single day, I don't need you to remain static in one place in order to be okay, I just need you to not leave me behind."

Quinn was still frozen in her place, looking at Rachel intensely, silent tears staining her pale skin as they fell down, and if Rachel had any doubts about what Quinn felt they disappeared in that instant because she could see Quinn's heart breaking just like hers.

"We grew up, and we grew out of a lot of things. We let go of a lot what we were back in Lima and at times we forgot about everything else in the pursuit of our dreams, especially me, but I never left you behind and I never forgot what was the thing that really mattered. Us. You and me and everything we have built together. Growing up I realized that not every single detail has to be part of a relationship, we still are our own person and we can still have things to ourselves. But we were just supposed to grow up, not grow apart. Never apart, Quinn. That was what we said from the beginning."

"I know. I know, Rach. I am so sorry. I know that it doesn't make any difference and that it won't solve or fix anything right now, but I hear you and I'm sorry. I didn't notice, I didn't realize… Had I known how you felt I would have paid more attention, I-I would've done… anything… EVERYTHING! I wish you would've told me sooner, Rach, because I can't fix what has been already done, I wish I could go back and stopped all of this before you started feeling like that. I wish I could kiss it all away or have a spell that will take it all away and make it better."

"But you can't."

"No, I can't. But I can work harder, better. You're right, we both grew up and changed and became different persons in a lot of ways but there has not been one day when I haven't loved you, a day when I have loved you less or a day when I haven't thought about you. I swear to you, it's true."

Rachel sighed at the sound of the words she longed so much to hear, it's impossible for her to fully tell how long she waited for Quinn to realize, to tell her exactly that, to look at her in the eyes and tell her that she still loved her and mean it. But now that the words had been said, it wasn't the feeling she expected, it wasn't that rapid heartbeat and immediate smile followed by a hug and a kiss and a promise to work together, she still felt a little numb, unsure, insecure. There was nothing more she wanted to do than believe those words and believe in Quinn but there was still a part of her that was wary and that stopped her from allowing herself to be excited.

"You have to believe me, Rach. You have to. You have to give me the opportunity to prove that I can fix this, to prove you that you still are the most important part of my life. We can't go back, but we can move forward and you wouldn't have told me any of this if at least a part of you didn't believe it too. I'll stay here. I'll stay here all day, all week if you want to and just listen to everything you want to tell me, no matter what it is or if it might hurt… I don't care, but I'll stay. We- I can fix this, I can make it better, I know I can… just give me the chance, please."

They looked at each other, Quinn saw the aftermath of everything she had done and Rachel saw the honesty in Quinn's eyes, the innocent shinning of those hazel eyes and she had to close her own, she had to because she didn't think she could muster any more energy if she started crying again, and suddenly she felt Quinn right there in front of her, their lips almost touching and the warmth coming from Quinn's hands as they hovered over her waist without making contact.

"Please, Rachel. Please, baby, please. You are entirely right, you have done so much for us, let me do it now, let me be the one to make it all better now."

Quinn held her breath as she waited for an answer, anything would do, just a sign that Rachel was still willing and she would do anything, slowly Rachel started nodding with her head and sighed.

"Okay. Okay, Quinn. We'll talk it over, but not today. I have a performance tonight and I have to go."

"That's okay, thank you. Yeah, okay. So we'll talk when you get back? I'll be here, you tell me what you want for dinner and I'll cook or order or we can go out. Whatever you want, Rach."

"No, not tonight. I don't think I could handle it tonight, to be honest I was thinking about staying at Kurt's tonight and there are no shows on Monday and I know Monday is your laziest day at the university and you won't be back late and we can talk tomorrow after your classes. Okay?"

"But… I thought, you said we'd work it out. How can we if you won't even sleep here? I don't want you to go."

Finally, Rachel dared to touch Quinn and she placed the palm of her hand in one of Quinn's cheeks, the touch was hot and reassuring and she smiled s little.

"I'm not going going, I just don't think we can maintain the will to have that conversation if we spend the night together. You know I'm easy with you and it wouldn't take much to make me forget about it, at least momentarily and that wouldn't do anyone any good. Please understand that I need this. We need this."

"Alright. If that's what you need, what you want. Then it's okay. We'll see each other tomorrow. But… is it okay if I text you or call you? I don't like it when we sleep apart and two days in a row is too much."

"Yeah, that's alright. Two nights is too much. But we're going to be fine, aren't we?"

Quinn took hold of Rachel's waist and squeezed tightly, she knew they had what it took, she had faith that she could fix it and make Rachel happy again.

"We will, Rach. I promise."