I had a nice long note here, but then you don't really want to read that.

I did not have Wolfgirlnowandforever beta this for me, because I wanted to get it posted. If you find mistakes, those are all mine. This is mainly filler, though I do finally address the point of the story…somewhat. Sorry if this chapter is somewhat lacking.

Again, thoughts are in italics and imaginary voices are in bold italics.

The Kerl~

Chapter 9

"My words are nearly always an offence.

I don't know how to speak of anything

So as to please you. But I might be taught

I should suppose. I can't say I see how."

– Home Burial, Robert Frost

Larka

Why is it that all we ever do is fight? My reunion with Fell did not go as expected. Where Kar's face had clearly expressed his feelings about my unexpected survival, Fell was more guarded. There was so little of the cub I remembered in him. Unlike I had hoped Fell was every bit as lost and full of anger as he had been at Harja. Simple statements curled his lips in a snarl, leaving us all on edge. Cadea was the most comfortable with him, but I suspected it was because we all knew that this was not our Fell.

His scent was the most familiar to me, with faint traces of the earthy smells I remember. There was the smell of our birthing den; the dirt and old leaves. I could smell the dew on the spring grass of our Meeting Place. His scent was something that always comforted me. The new scents were the part that frightened me. He made me think of deep, dark caves. He smelled of deep forests that were so dense the sunlight was blocked out.

His stood taller than Huttser, now. He was thickly muscled, but the way he slouched you would never notice. His coat was black as night, blacker than it had ever been. It was matted as well, evidence that he'd spent his time living in the dense undergrowth of the forest. What was perhaps the most startling change in Fell was how dark his eyes had become. The unique fleck of green in his right eye was nearly lost in the hollow sadness that haunted the golden orbs.

I was unsure how to act around my brother, and was unsettled by that fact. No matter what he may have done, he is still the same Fell who sat by me and listened to Brassa's stories when we were younger. I only have to bring that Fell back. I had no idea how to do that.

At the moment I felt like mauling the stupid idiot. Kar told me I should give him space – that he hadn't yet learned how to deal with everything he'd been through. Of course I understood this, and I told Kar as much. "I don't care what he's been through – there is no excuse for the way he is behaving," I shouted. What gave him the right to drag Cadea all those miles and then ignore her as soon as he'd delivered her to me? What was more inexcusable was the fact that he hadn't spoken five words together since we'd returned from the hunt. It was time he had a piece of my mind. A bewildered Kar watched as I stormed off in search of my brother. I left Cadea with the rest of my family, as the cubs had taken an immediate liking to the young she-wolf.

"Fell!" I cried. I could follow his trail easily enough, but I knew the only way he would speak with me was if he met me halfway. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of digging him out of the hole he was in. If he refused to climb out on his own, I doubted there was much we could really do for him. "Fell, where are you?" He had gone off into the woods, trying to avoid our inquiries. Palla told me that he'd acted this way after my "death," and that they gave him room to think and to grieve. Now that I wasn't dead, I needed to confront the brute.

While I stalked along I realized that the summer was slowly fading away. The first of the trees were beginning to turn. The grass was still green, but it was firmer and less comfortable bedding than fresh spring grass. I actually preferred old grass because new green always turned my coat. For being white, I seldom showed the true color of my fur. Nature frowned upon my coloring.

A low rumbling sound echoed through the air, giving away Fell's hiding place. I stood my ground, glaring at the black area beneath the tree Fell was hiding under. The deep claw marks and fresh earth revealed where he had enlarged the area beneath the gnarled roots. The rumbling increased, goading me along. I didn't want to give in, but I was already upset. My own growl erupted without my permission and was abruptly cut off as the wind was knocked from my chest. I peered up through bleary eyes to find a large black male pressing down on my chest, his jaws opened in a snarl inches from my exposed throat. If fighting gets whatever is bothering him from his system, then I have no choice but to fight him.

Without warning I rolled onto my stomach, prying him off of me as I stood. His jaws closed around the back of my neck, but he wasn't biting down. He just wants to prove he's in charge. I don't think so. I nipped at his right foreleg, bucking him off of me in the process. He yelped, releasing the scruff in his mouth, and was sent flying through the air as a result. Refusing to give him time to recover, I whipped around and bolted for the mass struggling to regain its paws. He pulled himself to his paws just in time to leap away from my attack. We faced each other, snarling. The fur on my back was raised, and I could feel a shiver rushing along my spine. It occurred to me that Fell was fighting me because he didn't know what else to do. Fighting was natural for him. It was how he dealt with unfamiliar circumstances.

He was much like Huttser in that sense.

Taking a deep breath, I forced my body to calm down. It was difficult to do with an angry male so near and ready to fight, but Fell needed to understand that fighting solved nothing. Morgra had shown me that. "Fell," I growled. "You need to stop this."

His words dripped from his mouth like they had when he thought himself Wolfbane. "You think you're going to stop me?"

I snarled back in response. "Look at yourself! Why are you acting this way? You don't have to be this way anymore, Fell."

"That is quite amusing, coming from you. I cannot be anything other than what I am, Larka. You of everyone should know this. Morgra has molded me into a killer – it is all I know."

It was a lie and we both knew it. "Really? Morgra made you this way? By Fenris, Fell, you were not like this as a cub. This is not you."

His teeth flashed in warning and I knew he was preparing to attack again. Still, he was holding himself back. If he had willpower enough for that, then he was not lost to me yet. "What do you know of Morgra? She showed me my true potential. Do you think I enjoy being 'The Dark One'? She was strong enough that both of us were needed to overpower her. No one can fight her alone."

"Listen to what you're saying, Fell! Morgra is dead. She's gone, Fell. She can't hurt us anymore!" I was desperate. How could I make him see how ridiculous this was?

"That's where you are wrong, Sister." He was shaking with anger, but as the words left his body, so did his strength. He slumped to the ground, defeated. My heart ached to comfort him, but his moods were still too volatile. I sat where I was, determined to speak with him.

I gave him a moment to calm down before asking what he meant about Morgra not being gone. It wasn't possible that we'd both survived, was it? "No, Morgra is dead, but… I can't explain it," he sighed dejectedly. "I still hear her, Larka. I saw her body – I know she is dead. It's like spent so much time in her mind that she's in mine, now. She won't go away."

"Fell, she mustn't win. You have to let this go."

"You can't ask that of me. It may be easy for you to forget, but I can't."

"I'm not asking you to forget, Fell. None of us can truly forget what happened."

"Palla told me you lost your memory for a short time." His voice was almost hopeful.

"I did. They tried to keep the truth from me, but too much remained. Palla and Huttser were both so happy, and I kept thinking that something was wrong – that I should be worried about something. I started seeing in the water again and the reality I was told did not match the past that I saw. How could I have been happy as a cub when I saw myself in the water having nightmares? I saw you - ." He needed to understand, but I wasn't sure I was getting anywhere with him. I prayed Tor would give me the patience to help my brother. "Anyways, Kar helped me straighten out my tangled memories."

"Even without your memory of it, you were still able to control the Sight. Impressive."

"Fell, the Sight is a part of us. It cannot control you and you cannot control it – it simply is."

"How can you say that after everything that we've been through? Morgra, and the boy, and – "

I cut him off. "Don't you see, Fell? It was all a matter of choice. The prophecy guided me, but the Sight did not make me follow. I knew that Morgra would use the Vision to control the Varg. I knew that I would fight her and that I would die. There were so many times that I could have run away and freed myself from this burden, but my heart told me that I had to go through with it. It was my choice, Fell.

"The Sight is like an extension of your body. You have sharp teeth for hunting, but this does not make you a killer. It is your choice to decide how and when to use your teeth as a weapon. But are teeth not also used for comfort? When a flea bites at your flesh, you bite at the flea. You could rip out my throat now, but you won't. The Sight is nothing more than a tool – another sense beyond yourself. You know as I do that the Sight does not control you."

"Do I?"

"Yes, or you would not have brought Cadea to me for help. Why did you bring her, anyway? You can't stand to be near me – why would you bring her all of this way."

"She told me she needed your help. She told me what happened, and I remembered how you were unable to hunt when you first discovered your ability. I assumed that you learned to control the Sight in order to survive, so I brought her here." His head dropped to his paws, which he proceeded to place across his muzzle as though he were hiding himself from the world. I couldn't stop what happened next – it was like I lost control of myself, set all of my senses aside and acted on instinct alone. I didn't – I couldn't – know that it would work. I just knew that I had to try.

Moving quickly so that Fell would not have time to pull away from me, I made my way to his side and lay down so we were touching. He twitched as I concentrated upon him next to me, and then it happened again.

I blinked, overwhelmed by my brother's intense anger and revulsion. I felt our bodies jerk apart, and my eyesight shifted as Fell's body rose. We were seeing through each others' eyes, yet we were still in control of our own bodies. What did you do, Larka? His thoughts rang through my mind as clearly as my own. I knew he could understand my thoughts; could feel what I felt. I concentrated on a specific feeling with all that I had. If this didn't make him understand, I wasn't sure that the Sight could heal him as it had me.

I felt him pause in confusion, and though his movement registered in my mind I continued concentrating until I could feel the same emotions I felt coursing through his body. Our eyes met for a moment, and then the connection was severed. "Larka? What was that? I – I don't understand…" The anger was gone from his eyes and I knew I'd done the right thing.

"That was me, Fell. It's how I feel knowing that you were not lost to the river that night, knowing that Palla and Huttser are alive and safe and happy. It's how feel around our family. It's the way that Kar makes me feel…It's completeness, Fell. I know you think that you can never find this on your own, but you need to know that we are here to help you. You aren't alone anymore, Fell. You can come out of the shadows." His eyes shone with understanding for the first time since we'd started talking. With this understanding came a vulnerability that I vaguely remember seeing in him as a young cub. As when we were cubs, I waited for his defenses to cover up for the slip in his control.

It didn't come. Instead, he searched my face for an answer to the unasked question. "Larka, I don't know if I can," he whispered. I licked between his ears in comfort, and he allowed me momentarily to soothe his troubled soul. He snuggled into my side like we had in our birthing den and closed his eyes. This moment will not last for long, but at least this is progress, I thought to myself with a small smile. After some time he spoke. "How does that work, exactly?

"How does what work?"

"I mean, how are we able to see through each others' eyes and still keep control of our bodies? It doesn't make sense. I mean, I never experienced that with Morgra."

I thought for a moment. "I don't know – Skart never told me about this ability. Maybe it is because we have a stronger bond as brother and sister. Or maybe it is because Morgra and Tsarr were so much weaker than we are. Tor only knows why this happens to us."

We lay there for some time, both lost in our own thoughts, before the soft crunching of leaves alerted us to Kar's approach. Fell shifted away from me unconsciously and cued me to stand and greet my mate. My mate. That thought alone lifted all of the darkness from my heart and I bounded over to Kar to greet him. He licked my muzzle in response and nervously made his way to Fell. From what Kar had told me, their parting had been abrupt and full of tension and unexpressed anger. Kar was angry that his brother was abandoning him, and Fell was angry because…because he was Fell.

Fell stood and greeted Kar in turn, though their exchange was far more formal than friendly. "How are you, Brother?"

"I remember happier times. And you? I see that I should be congratulating you on finally claiming my sister's affections." How wrong he is. My affections were Kar's a long time ago. Fell had not loved him as dearly as I had, but the three of us were so close as cubs. We'd laughed and played together, told each other stories, made up… That's it!

The two males saw something in my eyes that made their heads cock in question. "Fell! Of course – I can't believe we didn't think of this before! First it was you, and then Kar, and now me. It clears up everything!"

"Larka," hedged Kar. "What is cleared up, exactly?"

"What are you talking about, Larka?" Fell echoed.

I huffed in exasperation but truthfully was too excited to be angry that they'd forgotten. "Don't you remember when we were cubs, and we used to play together and Bran told us those horrid stories about the Stone Den? We were frightened of Morgra, and I was frightened of what was going to happen to the pack. I wanted to run away to find Morgra, but you wouldn't let me. Don't you remember what we did?" Kar and Fell exchanged a glance and answered 'No' at the same time. "We swore by the Stone Spores that we would always be there to fight for each other so that nothing bad would happen to us."

"Larka, we were foolish cubs when we said that – we obviously weren't there for each other. How were we to know all of that would happen to us?" Fell shook his head as I listened in shock. Kar looked like he agreed with Fell. "Besides, Fenris knows that curses and promises mean nothing outside of cubs' tales."

A frustrated growl startled them both. "How can you be sure? You fall through the ice and we all thought you were lost. Kar and I were separated by a fire, and I was sure he'd burned."

He winced. "What makes you think I didn't?"

I shot him a piercing look. "When Skart came and got me, I was convinced that you were both dead. For all I knew, Huttser and Palla had fallen through the ice after we left them fighting. And then I found out that you were both alive and I –"

" – and then you died."

"No! You two came back and helped me to defeat Morgra. You were there for me when I needed you most. Now it is my turn to repay the favor."

Kar had a doubtful look plastered across his muzzle. "Do you really think so? I mean, do you really think that our pact saved us, somehow?"

My head bobbed up and down emphatically. "Of course. What are the chances that we were each put in those near-death situations and we each survived?"

Fell's hackles rose, but he managed to contain his anger. Barely. "I hope the two of you realize that I have brought this upon myself and that you have no obligation to help me. You do know about them, don't you?"

"About the Balkar? Yes, I have seen them looking for you. But Brother, something worse than the Balkar is troubling you. Tell me."

He fixed me with one of those desperate looks I remember all too well from our youth. For a minute I saw in him the care-free cub he once was. The varg before me now was angry and confused about why he was angry. There is so much of Huttser in him. "Larka?" The eyes that met mine were full of hurt and confusion. "Something is happening to the Lera. Cadea isn't the only one to be affected. I think…I think I am losing the Sight."

"Losing it? How?" Kar knew about as much as Fell did about this strange power that seemed to encompass all of nature. With the death of Tsinga, Tsarr, and Morgra within the same year, I was now the holder of what little knowledge remained regarding the Sight and its origins. Perhaps this was the reason Fell brought Cadea to me. I would have to teach her as Tsarr and Skart taught me…and if I had my way, Fell would learn as well. He turned to me with a knowing look. "The same thing is happening to you, isn't it. It's why you cannot control your visions like before."

I nodded. "It could be, but I'm not sure. Wait – Kar, where is Cadea?"

"I left her with the cubs. They were asking for you. Both of you."

Fell was shocked. "Both of us?"

Kar chuckled, his eyes shining with good humor. Perhaps now we could finally leave our bad moods behind. "Come now, Fell, surely you remember what it was like as a cub. How many times did you beg Brassa to tell us tales of Wolfbane and the Grasht? It seems all cubs are curious for morbid tales like we were." Fell muttered about some being more so than others, but we ignored him.

"I have an idea, but I need Cadea to help explain. Fell and I will be back soon, Kar." He took that as a dismissal and bounded off as though he had not a care in the world. How is that it that after all we've been through, Kar is so lighthearted? Deep down I knew that was the reason I loved him so, but I still had to wonder at it. Shaking my head with a smile I turned to face Fell's solemn expression. "Fell, I followed you out here for a reason, and I'm not leaving you alone until you hear me out."

"I would not expect anything less, Sister." His words were sarcastic and mocking, but I shook the bitter feeling from my mind.

I waited until he met my eyes and saw my determination. "Whether you like it or not, you and Cadea have something in common. She needs to learn how to close her mind to the Sight, and you can help her learn."

He was bristling instantly. "And what makes you think I can teach her how to do this when I cannot do it myself?"

"You must learn from each other. You have more control than you think you do, Fell. Teach Cadea, and maybe you will learn something as well." I hoped that Cadea would have the patience to deal with him, but then she'd made it this far… When I saw his jaw fall open in protest, the words dammed by his teeth, I turned away to find the others.

I turned around before I lost sight of him and called over my shoulder, "Besides, if you feel the need to atone for what Morgra had you do, this is an excellent place to start. It is her memory that is tearing up your heart – not the Sight, and not even yourself. Learn to forget, Fell."

Fell

It was my opinion that Larka wanted Cadea dead. Not only dead, but she wanted me to do it.

I could come up with no other explanation for her wanting me to teach Cadea about the Sight. Honestly, had Harja left her mind altered? Was she insane?

She has always been insane, dearest. You know that she never would have chosen to bond with that Sikla of a male had she been in her right mind. No, I disagreed weakily. No, Kar was there to protect Larka when no one else could. Without him, she would have perished long ago. Kar will be good for her. I saw the way they responded to the other's company and a deep pang in my heart told me that I would never experience that feeling for myself. Larka had forced me to feel a portion of her love for Kar, but there was no way a wolf with my past would find a mate. Not that I want one, though. What would I do with a mate?

My sister seemed to have faith in me, though I would never understand why. She was convinced that my soul was not lost to darkness, but how could she be so certain? No matter how I longed to forget my past, I was sure it would be impossible. It was like we were polar opposites, the two of us. She was drappa, and white: I was dragga and black. She had been tested by the gods and had miraculously survived and kept her mind. I, on the other hand, failed miserably. Not only had her entire life (up until now, that is) been a sacrifice for others, but I was ultimately the one she was fighting against. I had done her enemy's dirty work, and look where it had gotten us.

Surrounded by my family, seeing how easily they made each other happy, brought to mind all of the reasons I'd left them in the first place.

Maybe this is why Cadea's presence was so welcome in comparison. She was a stranger to the pack. The cubs welcomed her well enough, but she was still out of place in her fur. Her discomfort soothed me, as if the knowledge that we suffered in our own ways reminded me that I was not the only unhappy one. Perhaps that was unfair of me, but who was I to care?

"Fell?" I startled from my reverie and glared at Cadea, who pretended that I actually wanted to pay attention to her.

"What." It wasn't a question. We were hunting – rather, I was accompanying her while she attempted to hunt.

We were getting on each others' nerves. "Has it ever occurred to you that you are not the only one left scarred from Morgra's actions?" She sniffed the ground tentatively for a scent.

"What do you mean? Of course I realize that Morgra affected all the Varg in some way." Was she questioning my guilt?

"Yes, but have you ever thought about how they were affected? You seem to think that Morgra only wanted to destroy your life, when in reality she was just using you. She could have picked any number of her Night Hunters or the cubs she captured to be 'Wolfbane', but she chose you. Haven't you ever wondered why?" Who does she think she is, asking me these questions? I wanted to pry the answers from her mind, to hurt her. I could take away her sight, and then she would wander blindly through the world, unable to see or hunt. That would serve her for prying.

Go ahead, Fell. I won't tell.

No, leave me alone. At that moment I realized that Larka was right – I needed to gain control of my mind and my body. Morgra had used me, but did Cadea's word hold truth? Frustrated that the younger wolf knew more about my situation than I did, I growled out a response. "The Prophecy spoke of Wolfbane, Cadea. It was my part to play."

Her eyes met mine for the first time since we'd ventured out. They were full of sorrow and confusion, like she was unable to comprehend why I felt this way. "Rar told it to me when Larka first came to us. 'When Wolfbane is dreamt of with terror and dread', right?" I nodded, unable to speak. She actually laughed in response. "You don't really believe that single line meant that you were to be Wolfbane, do you?"

"If there really is no Wolfbane, then someone had to be the Shape Shifter."

"I don't think so."

"Oh, and just what do you know about it?" I was bristling for a fight – barely a day since I'd argued with Larka, and here I was allowing my anger to control me. Let the fire flow through your mind, Fell. Remember how good it feels to release that burning hatred upon another…Remember… "NO!" I snarled as I took off like a startled Herla. I ran, not caring if my fur was caught in the undergrowth or not. I was panting and bleeding by the time I stopped and realized that Cadea was right behind me. By this point I was too tired to fight. When I saw her through the trees I slumped to the ground and hid my muzzle beneath my paws. I was sure that if I was able to block out the world, then the world would forget about me.

As with Larka, my behavior had no effect on Cadea.

"Fell, stop acting like a frightened cub and listen to me." Her heavy panting came from directly in front of me. I kept my eyes covered.

"No."

"Fine then. I will simply talk to that bird up there. Listen if you like. Hello, bird." I peeked through my paws and saw no bird. Fenris, she's talking to herself now. "I was just trying to tell Fell that the verse did not mention anything about the Varg actually seeing Wolfbane. They were just supposed to be afraid of him, and we all know that parents like to frighten their cubs with tales of Wolfbane." I growled from my hiding place, causing Cadea to bark with laughter. "In my opinion, Fell is being childish, what do you think?" She paused and I wondered if she was really expected a response from her imaginary bird. "Exactly my point! Thank you, little friend."

The sun shone brightly through the canopy of the wood, and the leaves dancing in the light flickered light across my eyes so that I soon saw red. It wasn't the red I saw when I was angry, though, so I tried speaking. If she could humor my anger, I could at least humor her insanity. "You don't expect me to believe that you are really speaking to a bird, do you?"

This time she addressed me instead of the 'bird'. "Can't you hear him? He says that Morgra could have killed you when she found you, but instead she let you live. She realized that she could mold your troubled mind to better serve her, and the fact that you were Larka's brother was simply fat on the Herla, as it were. Not only would your power ultimately aid her, but you would be able to dig under Larka's skin in a way that no one else could. She could feel the power in you, even when you were half drowned. Did you really not know until then that you had the Sight?"

"He really knows all of that?"

"Yes, now answer my question."

I raised my eyes at her brash words. Are you going to allow that little Sikla to order you around? Yes. I balked at that thought. Why should I let her do that? At the moment, I could not think of a reason not to. I blinked, trying to remember back to when I was a cub. It seemed so long ago. "I – there was a time when I thought I heard a bird speak. It was screeching, but I imagined that I heard words. I only assumed that I imagined it, because I wanted to…be like Larka."

She was on her feet, prancing in excitement. "See? You are no different than the rest of us who see and hear things that we shouldn't. Now let us hunt. What do I have to do?"

Her mind bounced around too rapidly for me to follow. "What? Why do you expect that I can help you?"

"Larka would not have insisted that you come with me if you could not help me. You can hunt, can't you?"

"Of course I can! But you don't understand – I killed the Lera with my mind. Morgra usually brought me – I mean I did not hunt unless I was bored."

"You mean that you hunted simply to kill? You did not hunt to eat?" Her eyes shone with understanding, but she said nothing. I expected to see fear in her eyes, or at the very least disgust. Instead her brilliant golden eyes shone with excitement, which confused me into another confession.

"Sometimes I ate my prey, but most of the time I did it to show them I was no Sikla. Morgra called me wicked and ugly – I had to prove that I wasn't a pathetic scavenger, that I was Putnar." Why am I telling her this? For once, Morgra's voice did not provide an answer.

Cadea yipped and turned to run off, shouting for me to follow her. Unable to stop myself and wonder at the foolishness of my actions, I chased after her. I easily overtook her, as my legs were longer and stronger than hers, but I slowed to match pace with her. Every so often we came across a set of tracks and we would stop to see how old they were. It was thrilling, hunting this way. Since Harja I had been hunting on my own, but wolves live in packs so that they may hunt in packs. The Varg track their prey through forests and over mountains. It struck me just how unnatural hunting alone had been for me, and despite our differences I was glad to have Cadea at my side. Her energy was infectious, and couldn't help wondering at Larka's words. 'Teach Cadea, and maybe you will learn something as well.' Was it possible?

We ended up tracking a lone stag to the edge of the pack boundary. It was a magnificent sight that had my mouth watering the moment we saw it. The antlers were split and gnarled and the fur on its face was grey. It is old, I thought. It would be simple for the two of us to overpower the creature. Instead of racing in for the kill, we hid ourselves in the undergrowth and the crest of a hill and watched the stag from above. It was grazing below, unaware of our presence. I could hear the rapid pounding of Cadea's heart from my spot next to her. We were so close we were nearly touching, so I leaned over to whisper some last minute advice in her ear. "It is important that you remember that the Herla is a meal. It is not our equal in any way. The Herla were created for the Varg to chase and feed upon. Do not see it as Lera, but as food." Her head turned my way and she nodded, her mouth already beginning to salivate. I nodded and she slipped around to the opposite side of the deer.

She moved so quietly that I could not make out her presence. The tall grass whispered in the wind, covering her movements. I counted in my head, giving her enough time to circle around. The stag's head lifted quickly and its nostrils flared. I licked my lips, eager to spring. Its ears swiveled around in order to catch some sound of us, but we had it now. The wind shifted and I caught Cadea's scent coming from the direction of the stag.

The stag caught her scent as well.

I began creeping towards the Herla and sprang as it did, cutting off its escape. Cadea leapt out next, snarling and nipping at its heels. It bellowed as it reared. It boxed the air for a moment before dropping to its hooves and swinging its antlered head back and forth in an attempt to keep us at bay. I snarled and made to charge it as Cadea instinctively crept around to its unprotected backside. Its attention focused on me, Cadea sprang and caught its long neck in her jaws. It tumbled to the ground, bringing Cadea with it.

She had a firm grasp on it as it tried to paw its way back to its feet. Blood was already spilling to the ground and I noticed how dark Cadea's eyes had become. Her eyes no longer showed the happy, care-free Varg I'd been running with earlier. Before me was a she-wolf, hungry and lost in the bloodlust of the hunt. The sight of her was more splendorous than the old Herla dying at her teeth. It fainted in exhaustion and she leapt to its front and tore its throat out. I could have done this, but Larka said it was important for Cadea to hunt for herself. With the final kill brought on the feast, and I approached the carcass quickly and began tearing large chunks of flesh from the animal. Cadea was quickly devouring the tender meat of the belly, happy growls coming from her throat.

We played with the ribs, tugging them back and forth between us to see who got the meat. I hadn't felt this free in a long time. I felt right, helping Cadea. I contemplated that as I chewed the marrow from the pelvic bone of our kill. With a satisfied grin on her gore-stained muzzle, Cadea plopped to the ground. "Thank you for this, Fell. I haven't felt this good since…well, never. It is refreshing to let your instincts take over and leave your mind far behind, isn't it?"

I agreed with her entirely, but my pride prevented me from acknowledging the fact. Still, I had to reply to her. "What changed? I mean, what did you do that allowed you to hunt?"

"I thought about what you said. When you were speaking of the hunt, and how the Varg are superior to the Lera, I realized that I did not see them the same way. Whenever I saw a fawn trailing behind a doe, I savored the sight. I envied the bond they had, knowing that I may never have cubs of my own. I wished that my clumsy paws did not prevent me from moving with the grace the Herla possess. They run effortlessly through the brush and climb hills in the blink of an eye." I was amazed as she went on to describe how she would lie on her back and watch the way the flying scavengers effortlessly drifted in circles on the air currents above their meals. She spoke of salmon swarming through streams. My mind went blank and her words caused images to appear before my mind's eye. The feeling was incredible. How have I never seen the world this way before? My anger towards Morgra grew as I realized that at one point, I had been happy. With a frown I thought back to that night on the ice, when I had discovered just how big the sky was. Gazing at the stars was the reason I'd fallen through the ice. My appreciation for nature dwindled after that night.

"I suppose that I grew to see them as more than a meal. You helped me to realize that no matter how beautiful, they exist to be eaten. Thank you, Fell." Is she really thanking me for distorting her view of the world? I was going to have to think about this for a while. Is it possible to see both beauty and food when looking at the Lera? I looked over at Cadea's pleased expression with confusion and guilt, wondering how she could be so happy with killing something she'd clearly loved.

Larka

"Larka, do you think that Fell will stay with us very long?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so, Skop." We were at the Meeting Place, waiting for Fell and Cadea to return from their hunt. We'd decided that the only two things that could have kept them away this long was Fell's killing Cadea or Fell's running away from Cadea and her chasing after him. As bad as I felt for forcing Fell to do this, I knew that he had to do something, and Cadea seemed to rub his fur the wrong way, more so than the rest of us. Surely there was a reason for that.

Kipcha wanted to know if they had done something wrong. "Maybe we remind him of when you were cubs. Father says that Fell was always unhappy."

Kar made sure to catch my eye before he spoke up in defense of our brother. "You have to understand, Kipcha, that none of us were happy back then. We kept expecting the Balkar to leap from the trees at any moment. When we see you all playing, it makes us see that you all have the happy and worry-free life that we never had. It doesn't sadden us, though. We are very grateful that you could grow up without the hardships we endured."

"Exactly. Fell just…I don't know…he feels more than the rest of us. The same things that distress us cause him far more upset," I attempted to explain. My brother was a unique creature, and I was sure that with his past…exploits, most would have difficulty understanding why he acted the way he did. "He just needs to see that we love him and accept him, hurting or not. Can you do that?"

Larka barked in laughter. "Of course we can. We did it for you, after all." My head lowered in embarrassment and I nodded. "Do you think he would mind if we asked him some questions?"

"What could you possibly have to ask him?" cried Khaz. "Palla and Huttser already told us all about what happened."

"I don't know. I just hate having to watch what I say around him."

Kar nudged her with his nose. "Maybe it would be best if you didn't watch what you say anymore. That way he will feel more comfortable, knowing that we aren't keeping anything from him."

"Yes. I can say that the feeling is not a pleasant one." Each of them, Kar especially, laughed at my displeasure. He rubbed his muzzle against mine in manner that meant he hadn't intended to hurt my feelings. I nipped at his ear, causing him to leap back into the cubs. I felt my eyes crinkle in a deviant grin.

"All right, I think the rest of you owe me. Get him," I commanded my siblings.

Kar cried out as the four young ones began creeping towards him in a low crouch. "What! She started it – I do not deserve this treatment."

Kipcha was torn, but Khaz settled the matter. "She is blood related, and you are not, Uncle Kar."

With that they leapt en masse and tackled him to the ground. I laughed heartily at the sight of him struggling beneath the four smaller, excited bodies. My heart lightened, I knew that things would work themselves out in time. As soon as Fell and Cadea returned we would come up with a plan to deal with the Balkar, who I was sure were still searching for my brother.

Everything will be fine, now that I have Kar and Fell back.