AN: I hope you enjoy what this chapter brings! A glimpse into how Christian & Elena's relationship began and Christian's reaction to Ana's big reveal. What are his thoughts in that moment? Read on and find out!
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I sit behind my desk and Ana sits in the leather chair on the other side. Having something between us might help while we negotiate the contract. It's been hard enough hiding my raging hard-on from her while we were in the playroom and the kitchen. At least in here I'm safely behind the desk with solid oak between us. Yes that'll help me keep control.
"There are rules. They may be subject to change. They form a part of the contract, which you can also have. Read these rules and let's discuss." I hand her the papers. As she reads I try to find any hint as to what her feelings are, but she's as taciturn as she has been all evening. Fuck Ana. Throw me a bone. Let me know what you're thinking. Please. Her face remains passive as she studies the page.
RULES
Obedience:
The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fir and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.
Sleep:
The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours' sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant.
Food:
The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and well being from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.
Clothes:
During the Term, the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the Submissive shall wear during the Term and any adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit.
Exercise:
The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive's progress.
Personal Hygiene/Beauty:
The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waved at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant's choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit.
Personal Safety:
The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in any unnecessary danger.
Personal Qualities:
The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.
Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by the Dominant.
When she finishes reading the document. She stares at it blankly for a moment before bringing her eyes to meet mine.
I am briefly transported back to when I first sat looking over my contract at the age of fifteen. Elena and I were in her kitchen, I had just completed four hours of grueling, back breaking stone removal for her husband and she asked me in for a snack and iced tea. She had never invited my inside before. When I hesitated, she repeated the previous three days episodes of slapping me hard across the face, grabbing my face and pushing her's against mine in a kiss, then backing away and slapping me hard again. This time she did not return into the house alone, she grabbed my ear and pulled me with her. She forcefully sat me into my chair and placed a glass in front of each of us before she came to rest across from me.
"Christian, I know you're working very hard to please myself and Mr. Lincoln with your work here. I also know, this job will be coming to an end in a few weeks. I would like to offer you a position working solely for me. We will begin with a six-month contract. It will require you to trust me, it will require you to listen to me and abide by my rules, and for you to begin to learn to control your body and it's impulses. Are you interested?"
"Umm…" I paused. I looked around the kitchen, not knowing how to respond. She grabbed my face again and looked into my eyes.
"It's me. Christian, you know you can trust me. I have only your interests at heart. I want to see you succeed in life. Right now, I know you may well be headed down a difficult path, I just want to give you a chance to right that and…" She paused for a moment and I noticed a hint of wickedness in her smile, "I'd like to teach you how to fuck. The proper way."
This time she didn't give me a chance to respond. She just began as I tried to conceal my now rock hard cock from her gaze.
"You will refer to me as Mistress Lincoln. When you arrive at work to remove rubble you will do so until 7pm then from 7-8pm we will begin your training. By the time the removal job is complete for Linc, you will be ready to begin working full time for me. Do I make myself clear, Christian?"
I sat stunned in silence. Her hand came hard across my cheekbone and I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face and the twitch in my pants. Here is this woman, hot older woman, who wants to teach me to fuck. And she hits me, and I like it. Yes. This is perfect.
"Christian. I am waiting for my answer. Now. You may speak."
"Yes, Mistress Lincoln. You have made yourself clear."
And that is when it all began.
Ana breaks me from my memory.
"Hard limits?" She asks.
"Yes. What you won't do, what I won't do, we need to specify all of these things in our agreement so everything is understood. Boundaries and trust are essential to this kind of relationship Ana. It's all about trust. Having these things in writing helps to assure that."
"Okay." She swallows and breaks for a moment before continuing. "I'm not sure about accepting money for clothes. That feels wrong to me." She shifts in her chair and I can tell she is uncomfortable with being labeled a whore.
"I want to lavish money on you. Let me buy you some clothes. Plus, I may need you to accompany me to functions, and I want you dressed well." Oh. This is a new thought. I've never wanted to bring a sub anywhere before besides Esclava, the salon where they have their treatments done, to meet Elena. But Ana's different Christian. Ana is very different. "I'm sure your salary, when you do get a job, won't cover the kind of clothes I'd like you to wear."
"I don't have to wear them when I'm not with you?"
"No."
"Okay." I sag momentarily back into my chair. Okay, Grey, back on guard, we're not done yet.
"I don't want to exercise four times a week."
"Anastasia, I need you supple, strong, and with stamina. Trust me, you need to exercise." Hours upon hours in the playroom can be cut all too short if you're not strong enough to withstand the multiple orgasms I will surely be giving you. Endurance is the key.
"But not four times a week. How about three?" No. Four.
"I want you to do four."
"I thought this was a negotiation?" She says as she raises her eyebrows at me. I can almost see her stamping her foot in her mind.
"Okay, Miss Steele, another point well made. How about an hour on three days and one day half an hour?"
"Three days. Three hours. I get the impression you're going to keep me exercised when I'm here."
Suddenly, I realize what she has just said and I smile at the thought. She said 'when'! I feel a sense of relief wash over my body and relish it for a moment before continuing.
"Yes, I am." Alright. Alright. You may win this battle as long as I win the war. "Okay, agreed. Are you sure you don't want to intern at my company? You're a good negotiator."
"No, I don't think that's a good idea." She says and she stares back at the page in her hands.
Alright, Grey, you have momentum. Hit her with the limits. If she's going to even entertain the thought of walking into the darkness with you, she needs to know what the fucking boundaries are. My subconscious is frantically drawing out battle lines in the sand, ready to take on the 'enemy'. Although, I'm not sure who is cast as the 'enemy' for him in this scene. And by the looks of him, he's not willing to share that intel.
"So, limits. These are mine." I say as I slide another piece of paper across the desk to her.
HARD LIMITS
No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.
No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.
No acts involving children or animals.
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.
No acts involving breath control.
No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire, or flames to the body.
She looks as though she might vomit. Her face has lost the little coloring she had. Perhaps this is enough for tonight. Maybe I need to let this all sink in for her before she can continue to talk about it…
"Is there anything you'd like to add?" I ask. I'm aware that I am feeling again like a man in a cage with a wild animal who is unpredictable at best.
She sits, fixing me with a blank, pale gaze.
Try this again. "Is there anything you won't do?"
"Uh, I don't know."
I'm beginning to get the feeling I should get the fuck out of the cage before it's too late but I ignore that sensation, remain rooted to my spot and press on.
That's what the lion tamer that was attacked two years ago in Vegas decided to do also, asshole. Grey, this is never going to happen.
She squirms again in her seat and rounds her shoulders over. Why is she making herself smaller? There's nothing to be embarrassed about here. I want her to be open with me, honest. She has to be if this is going to work. And then she bites her lip. Good god, I cannot keep resisting this.
"I've never done anything like this." Her voice mirrors her shoulders, hunched and small.
"Well, when you've had sex, was there anything you didn't like doing?" I press on, ignoring the hair beginning to stand up on the back of my neck. This always happens before I lose a deal. Be gentle with her Christian. Gentle.
"You can tell me Anastasia. We have to be honest with each other or this isn't going to work." I repeat the words I said in my head only moments ago and watch her shift again in her seat. There's something she is hiding from me. I need to know, now. Leave her alone, Grey. She's too pure for this shit.
"Tell me." I command. Her cheeks flush and then I hear it…
"Well… I haven't had sex before, so I don't know." I know her voice is barely audible but her words ring on in stereo in my brain.
WHAT THE FUCK. I can't do this. She is completely forbidden for me. You can't take a virgin, someone as pure as her, and bring her into this kind of life. Why not? Elena did. My subconscious's words feel like the backhands she gave me all those years ago. No. She saved me. I owe her everything. My thoughts are pulled back to Ana when I hone in on her with my vision. I knew she was inexperienced; it was part of what drew me to her, but FUCK a fucking virgin. Oh this is so fucked up, even for me. I notice my face must look like I've just seen the crack whore's ghost. Say something, Christian.
"Never?" All I can manage is a whisper. As she shakes her head I swallow my fears hard along with the bile that has just risen in my throat with all that she's now implying.
"You're a virgin?" She nods and flushes again. I close my eyes and rake my hands through my hair.
Count to ten Christian. Hell count to fifty. That's more appropriate for this matter don't you think?! Fuck, even little man hopeful is giving me shit right now.
When I open my eyes again I cannot mask the anger residing there.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I growl out through gritted teeth. Fucking hell, Ana.
I continue to run my hands through my hair and at some point I stood up from my chair. The energy coursing through my body is making it impossible for me to stay in one place never mind still entertain the thought of sitting down.
Breathe Christian. Most people don't walk around with the number of how many people they've fucked plastered to their foreheads.
"I don't understand why you didn't tell me."
"The subject never came up. I'm not in the habit of revealing my sexual status to everyone I meet. I mean, we hardly know each other." She's staring at her hands and I gape at her, unbelieving.
"Well, you know a lot more about me now!" I snap and turn my head to look at the Seattle skyline. "I knew you were inexperienced, but a virgin!" I spit out the word to her like it's the crack whore's name. "Hell Ana, I just showed you…" I groan my voice trailing off as I realize the implications of what I'm asking her to do with me. "May God forgive me." Perhaps she's never even been kissed before? I need to know. "Have you ever even been kissed apart from me?" I breathe.
"Of course I have." But I don't feel the strength in her words. My bet is it hasn't been often if she's being honest. If she hadn't been do you think she'd tell you with the way you're flying off the handle like this, Grey?
"And a nice young man hasn't swept you off your feet? I just don't understand. You're twenty-one, nearly twenty-two. You're beautiful." I just don't get it. How is she still single, never mind a virgin, I wonder as I pull my hand through my hair once more.
I look at her to find her blushing, looking at her knotting fingers, trying hopelessly to conceal a large goofy grin on her face as I say she is beautiful. Well good. She should know these things. Yes, she should Christian; it's okay to tell her she's beautiful. My subconscious bites back at little man, What are you crazy, her being a virgin means hearts and flowers and all kinds of romance and making love shit. This guy isn't capable of that. This guy- is a fucking monster. With those words, I seriously want to prove my subconscious wrong. But I need to find out why she is even considering my lifestyle when she's never experienced sex before. Why did you, Christian? I respond mentally by reminding little man that I have not found anything that serves the thought of a traumatic life for Miss Steele prior to meeting me, so our reasons for considering are certainly not the same. He backs off with his hands in the air as if in surrender.
"And you're seriously discussing what I want to do, when you have no experience." I feel my forehead tighten as my brows weave together, "how have you avoided sex? Tell me, please." Maybe she is gay. No. She's not. I think back to her pure embarrassment at asking me if I was gay in the interview. No way is she gay. Just a virgin. I don't get it. How? Tell me, Ana.
She shrugs then continues, "No one's really, you know…" No I don't. Please elaborate. "Why are you so angry with me?" She says quietly.
I let out a heavy sigh. Not realizing I had been holding my breath much of our conversation.
"I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with myself. I just assumed…" You know what they say about assumptions, Grey. When you assume you make an ass out of you and me. Assuming is what got you to a place of a near panic attack and Ana sitting across from you desk looking like she'd rather disappear than be anywhere near you. I shake my head in hopes that all these thoughts bouncing around will subside.
"Do you want to go?" I ask and I realize immediately that I don't want her to leave. Not even now. In fact, this could work to my benefit, her being a virgin. I'd be the only one to have her. I'd be able to train her from the beginning. Teach her all the basics, all the techniques, everything. Hell this is suddenly looking like it could be fun, really fun.
"No, unless you want me to go," she murmurs quietly, but the look on her face probably reflects mine, panic at the thought.
"Of course not. I like having you here." I step back a moment and look at my watch. Oh wow, it's already quarter to one in the morning. "Listen, its late," I say and as I turn back to look at her she's biting her lip, god that does things to me. "And you're biting your lip, Miss Steele."
I begin to undress her with my eyes, thinking about what it will be like to know I'm the only man ever to see her skin flush as she topples over the edge of an orgasm, the only man to be inside her, the only man to fuck her. Make love to her. WHAT? Where did that thought come from? But suddenly, I don't care. I realize I'd like to have sex with her, no toys, no nothing, just beautiful Miss Steele and myself. In your bed…
"Sorry." She submits, but remains planted with her teeth crushing into her bottom lip. That mouth of hers is like pure sex.
"Don't apologize. It's just that I want to bite it, too, hard." Could I have squeezed any more carnality into those words? I sincerely doubt it. I watch as she pushes her thighs together and simultaneously pulls in a rush of air, her chest rising sharply in response.
That's it. I'm in. I'm hooked. I'm doing this. It's going to be hell when it falls apart. But I'm going to make love to Miss Steele, tonight, in my bed, if she'll have me. It goes against everything I know and value in my life, but for some reason, I want this with every fiber of my being. I don't know where this journey is going to end between Miss Steel and I, but I am certain I have no choice but to find out.
I feel a stab of pain lance through me at the idea that she will say no. I have to try. I attempt the fight the panic down and take control, "Come."
"What?" she asks, confused.
"We're going to rectify this situation right now." I say. Not the best wording, Grey. She's not a situation and neither is her virginity. Little man jumps behind my subconscious and adds, Ana is not an acquisition in your usual sense, and you need to be sensitive to her. Now, stop being an ass and treat her right. Okay, point well-made guys, I hear you.
"What do you mean? What situation?" See, we told you.
"Your situation. Ana, I'm going to make love to you, now." There I said it. It's out there. Please, God, let her say yes. I won't be able to stand it if she says no.
"Oh." The shock registers on her face and she hasn't inhaled and exhaled since she last spoke. Fuck, I can't tell if that's a good response or not…
"That's if you want to, I mean, I don't want to push my luck." Back off a little, Grey. There you go. Give her some room to breathe. You're really piling a lot of shit on the poor girl tonight, aren't you?
She finally regains some semblance of composure and states, "I thought you didn't make love. I thought you fucked hard."
I grin and watch mesmerized as her breasts again shoot up with a sharp intake of breath beneath her blouse.
"I can make an exception, or maybe combine the two, we'll see. I really want to make love to you. Please, come to bed with me. I want our arrangement to work, but you really need to have some idea about what you're about to get into." Please say yes. Hearts and flowers brought to you courtesy of Grey. This is new. Never thought I'd see the day. Beauty and her sadist beast. "We can start your training tonight- with the basics. This doesn't mean I've come over all hearts and flowers; it's a means to an end, but one that I want, and hopefully you do, too." I say in response to my subconscious, but also to reassure my beautiful Ana. My Ana. My body relaxes at the thought.
"But I haven't done all the things you require from your list." She breathes, her voice rugged and husky like mine, laced with desire.
"Forget about the rules. Forget about all those details for tonight. I want you. I've wanted you since you fell into my office, and I know you want me. You wouldn't be sitting here calmly discussing punishment and hard limits if you didn't. Please, Ana, spend the night with me." I hold my hand out to her in hopes that she'll accept it. I can feel the excitement pulsing through my body, radiating off me as I gaze at her.
The moment her fingertips make contact with mine, I pull her into my chest, wrapping her in an embrace with her arms pinned to her side. I pull my hand into her hair and inhale her intoxicating scent. I pull her ponytail so her gaze comes to meet mine.
"You are one brave young woman," I whisper, the wonder evident in my voice. "I am in awe of you."
Her breathing changes with this statement and I take a chance. I lean forward and close the distance between our mouths, gently at first then I suck her lower lip. It takes every ounce of self-control not to bite hard into that plush pink edge and take her in my study. I want to do this right. I need to do this right.
"I want to bite this lip," I say before we've even put space between our mouths. I tug gently on it as I look into her eyes. She responds with a gentle moan and I know I have a green light. I smile and release her lip, but I need to hear her agree.
"Ana, please, let me make love to you."
"Yes," she whispers. I smile, take her hand, and lead her through the apartment once more.