The loud sound of Lady's bedroom door slamming shut jolted Dante awake. Quickly realizing Lady was coming back downstairs, he grabbed the book he had placed on the desk and held it back in front of his face. She could hear her footsteps slowly approaching him.
"Vergil."
Dante blinked. She hadn't said that in an annoyed tone, or any kind of tone he'd ever heard her use before. No, if anything, she was talking like she was turned on all of a sudden. Then he felt her grab the top of his book and push it down, and he suddenly got very nervous.
"...Lady?"
She had, for the first time Dante could ever remember, put on lipstick, something he didn't even know she owned, and she had gone out of her way to undo the first couple of buttons on her long-sleeved shirt, causing her to show a decent amount of cleavage. She batted her eyelashes at him.
"Vergil. How long are you going to make me wait for you?"
Dante was frozen. He had been prepared for many possible situations, but this is the last thing he had expected to happen. Lady leaned down, placing her hands on the desk.
"I've been waiting this whole year for you. The big, strong man, the Son of Sparda, to claim what's his."
Dante started to sweat, and gulped. "Lady, you're drunk." It had to be the only explanation for this sudden mood shift, even if he couldn't smell any alcohol on her breath.
"Oh, yes. Drunk on love." She climbed onto the desk, sweeping the stuff on it off of it as she placed her legs on top of it, sitting on her hands and knees. "I only want one thing as a gift. Not something you can buy. I. Want. You."
She started to reach forward slowly to grab Dante's face, and he slid backward in his chair, cursing his luck. If this had been anyone else, literally anyone else, he'd be all over it. But this was Vergil's girl, and he was currently pretending to be someone else. If he actually did anything, even he'd never survive the retaliation from these two when they figured it out.
"But, but, Lady, I thought we said we just wanted to, to be friends?" Dante said with a nervous stutter. Lady frowned.
"I know what I said. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends...with benefits." She crawled forward on the desk, swinging her legs over the side of it and kicking them back and forth.
She always had the hottest legs I've ever seen on a chick, I do wonder what's under the rest of-NO! Focus, Dante!
He shook his head rapidly in an attempt to clear his thoughts. "Look, Lady, it's just, this isn't the best time, I-"
"Awwww, come on." Lady said, pouting as she hopped off the desk. "What is it? Do you...do you not love me? Am I not pretty enough for you?"
"Nononononono!" Dante said, waving his hands in front of him. "I can tell you for sure that's not the issue! But I wanted to finish reading that book, and-"
"The book you were reading upside down when I came downstairs?" Dante's sweating only increased as he failed to think of a response to that. Lady strutted forward, placing her hand on Dante's chest. He attempted to back up only to find the back of his chair against a wall. "Why are you lying to me?"
"It's not that, no, I-"
"No, you would never lie to me, right, Vergil?"
She leaned in closer, and as her face neared his, she let her other hand slip behind him, grabbing his phone and wallet out of his pocket. Dante, meanwhile, was struggling to try to think of something to say to get out of this.
What would Vergil say, what would Vergil say...
"It's not that I don't want to, it's...I wanted to do it right. Something like a...candlelight dinner."
She blinked, and smiled. "Oh. You were going to do that for me?"
"I was! But, well, if you want to, ahem, skip the foreplay, maybe go wait in your room, give me...20, 30 minutes to get ready?"
Long enough for me to call Vergil and drag him back here!
Lady seemed to accept this, and leaned back up straight. Dante sighed in relief.
"Alright then. I'll be waiting. Just give me one minute, something I want to do before I go up."
"Sure, sure." Dante said as she walked further into the room, and he slid back up to the desk. Lady, meanwhile, walked over to the pool table, and grabbed a cue. She looked at the table, judging the positions of the balls and what she would have to do to get what she wanted. Then, she leaned down on the table, readying her shot.
"Hey, Dante."
On reflex, Dante looked up, only realizing his mistake when he saw Lady's wide smirk. She hit the ball, and sent it bouncing off the side of the table, hitting Dante directly in the forehead. The chair fell backward, and Dante hit the floor.
"Shit!" He yelled. Slowly, he got up, and saw Lady carefully examining one of her pistols.
"Lady..." Dante tried to hold up his hands in a non-threatening motion. "Look, I, I can explain..."
"Hmmmmmm...how many bullets do you think it would take to get through that thick skull of yours, Dante?"
She made a show of slowly loading a magazine in and cocking the slide on her pistol backward. Dante debated continuing. Then he bolted, fleeing out the door of the office. She waited a moment, then broke down in laugher again. She put her pistol away, redid the buttons on her shirt, and cleaned the lipstick off of her lips. She gave Dante a minute to get clear, then grabbed her bike keys.
Vergil, meanwhile, was having his own fun.
"What do you mean, you have no clips of ammo?" He said, clenching his teeth.
"Just what I said, dumbass." Nico said, smirking. "We don't sell em."
"You expect me to believe you sell guns, but not clips?"
"Yep."
The two stared each other down for a long moment.
"Then I will go elsewhere." He turned to leave.
"Now, hang on a second. You seriously gonna buy someone ammo for a gift?" Vergil paused. "Come on. Any serious gun nut has stacks of the things lying around. It's not going to mean shit."
"Then stop wasting my time and tell me what you suggest." Vergil said as he turned to face Nico. She reached over and grabbed something.
"Holsters." She said as she held up a pistol holster. "Everyone always underestimates the importance of a good gun holster. But if you're going to be doing a lot of carrying around guns, you need a good holster to go with it."
"Fine. Whatever you say. I'll take it." Vergil just wanted to get the hell out of here at this point.
"Cool. That'll be 3,000 dollars."
Vergil blinked.
"WHAT!?" He roared in shock.
"They don't come cheap." Nico said with a shrug.
"I refuse to pay that!" Vergil yelled, pointing in Nico's face.
"Fine. No skin off my back. Good luck finding a better deal in the city."
Vergil was furious. But he had no idea of this was the standard price or not, and he didn't have time to drive around the city and hunt for a better deal. He was lucky he hadn't cashed his latest payment into the bank yet.
"Fine. I think you're ripping me off, but you win."
He reached for his pocket, pulled out a wallet, and opened it. Only to find it empty.
"Wha-"
Then he realized. This wasn't his wallet. This was Dante's wallet. His wallet was still back in his coat, with Dante. He stood still, quietly shaking with rage.
"What's wrong? Leave your money in your other coat?"
Vergil did not dignify her with a response. Slowly, he turned around, only to see the exit opening.
"Hey, Nico!" Lady said happily as she walked in.
"Hey, girl, what up?" Nico said, waving as Vergil froze, thinking only one thing.
Dante, why didn't you call me and warn me she was coming here, you FOOL!?
Lady, meanwhile, saw "Dante" standing there, and made a show of looking surprised.
"Oh, Dante, didn't know you were here."
"...Surprise?" Vergil said weakly. Lady walked past him.
"So, what brings you down here, Dante?" Lady asked.
"He said he was shopping for a gift for someone." Nico said, piggybacking off of Lady as planned.
"Oh, a gift?"
"Yep. Man was prepared to drop 3 big ones on it."
"Ohhhhhhhh." Lady turned to Dante, smirking. "Dante. Have you finally met a girl?"
Vergil was standing still, petrified at what was happening.
She knows. She has to know. But I don't know that for sure. And if she doesn't, I can still get out of this situation. I will not admit defeat.
"Well..." Vergil scratched the back of his head. "I've been trying to keep it on...er, the downlow. But, ya, I might have met someone."
"Oh, I'm happy for you, Dante." Lady said. "A girl might be just the thing you need. A good girl will whip you right into shape. Now, you have to share the details."
"What?" Vergil's eyes widened. "I do not have to do any such thing!"
"Oh, come on." Lady said, frowning. "This is the first I've ever heard of you having a serious relationship with someone. You don't want to screw it up."
"Come on, give us all the juicy details!" Nico said, leaning forward on the counter.
"No!" Vergil yelled.
"At least tell us her name." Lady said. "You can do that much, right?"
Vergil glanced around, unsure of what name to give this fake woman. His eyes passed over one of the Berettas.
"Her name is...Betty."
"Betty?" Lady said, having not failed to notice where Vergil had been looking when he gave that name. "Sounds cute. So, where did you meet her?"
"That's irrelevant!" Vergil snapped.
"Oh, don't be a pussy!" Nico said.
"Come on. We won't tell. Or do you have something to hide, Dante?"
Vergil clenched his fist as he searched for a story,
"Let's see...I met her...at a club. Called..." He looked around, this time spotting a Glock. "The Lock and Glock."
"Oh. That's actually not a bad name for a club." Lady said, chuckling.
"Yes, and, we...we saw each other's guns, and hit it off. Lots of talking about...guns."
"That's great that you found someone with a common interest, Dante." Lady said with a nod.
"So, what's she use?" Nico asked.
"I'm sorry?"
"Her guns." Lady clarified. "Nico and I want to know what kind of gun she had when you saw her."
"Oh, yes, er..." He looked around at some of the posters, and pointed at one that claimed to be a "Luger" pistol. "That one."
Lady blinked, and chuckled.
"So this girl, she in her 60's? Or is she just that dedicated to her gun?" Nico asked.
Vergil tilted his head. "What?"
"Just that, the last Luger was made back in 1948. Whatever ones are left are all collectors items nowadays. Anyone who wants something like it just buys a Walther PPK."
Vergil said nothing. At this point, he no longer trusted himself to even open his mouth. Lady chuckled a little more.
"So, what's he buying?" Lady asked.
"He wants a holster. But he grabbed the wrong wallet, he got no dosh."
"Oh? That's unfortunate. Here, tell you what, Dante, I'll pay."
Vergil raised his hand. "Wait, you can't-"
'Relax. I'll just add it to your debt. I want to see you score this girl. How much, Nico?"
"20 bucks."
Vergil turned to her, rage returning. "That's not what you told ME!"
"Lady gets the hot friend discount."
"Awwww, you're too sweet, Nico. Here you go." She passed over a 20, and was handed the holster. She walked over, handed it to Vergil, then patted him on the shoulder.
"Good luck with your new friend, Dante."
Vergil sighed in relief as Lady approached the door, and it appeared he was in the clear. She paused as she reached it.
"Hey, Vergil?"
Like Dante before him, he turned on reflex to face her, only realizing his mistake as he saw her smirking face. She reached into a pouch, taking out his wallet. She opened it, took a 20 out, then tossed the wallet to him.
"You forgot this in your coat."
He said nothing as Lady walked over and hi fived Nico, clenching his fists as he realized he was being played the whole time. Lady, seeing his face, laughed.
"I'll see you at home, Vergil." Then she walked out.
Dinner was a quiet affair. Nether of the brothers were feeling up to talking much, and Lady was still chuckling every so often as she ate. When she was done, she looked at both of them.
"Now, boys, have we learned our lesson about trying to put one over on me?"
"Yep."
"Without a doubt."
Both of the brothers kept their eyes firmly locked on their food, and Lady chuckled again.
"That said." Vergil continued. "Your gift." He passed over the holster, which she took.
"Well, thank you, Vergil. But honestly, you already gave me my gift today."
Both of them looked at Lady, not getting it.
"A new holster, I can buy whenever I want. But the memories of today? Watching you two make fools of yourselves just to make me happy? You can't buy things like that. That's something special, something you can't replace. So, really, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you."
"...We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?" Dante said.
"I don't think she'll ever let us forget this, brother." Vergil said, nodding.
"Correct." Lady said as she got up. "Now, I'm going to try on this new holster. Talk to you two later."
Lady walked away, and Dante shrugged.
"Well, it didn't quite go how I planned but...she's still happy. That means we won, right?"
"I hate you, brother." Vergil said, shaking his head.
"Love you too, bro."