Disclaimer: I do not own the original plot/characters of Twilight. I just like to twist their fate a little.

A/N: Sorry for the long delay in updating. RL has been hectic but I promise I will finish this story! I love the end of this chapter so I hope you do too :-)

Chapter 10

From Here

Becoming a doctor had been my number one priority for so long that I found trying to balance my newly active social life with my education extremely difficult. The hours I was required to put in at the hospital were horrendous at best and most days all I could manage after my shift was a short shower before succumbing to exhaustion. There was no way around doing the time no matter who my connections were and I would not have let anyone give me preferential treatment anyway. I needed this experience in order to excel at my career. I had to remain focused on my main goal or I would end up with little to show for all my hard work.

Despite understanding this, I could tell Carlisle was depressed about the lack of alone time my residency permitted. Our relationship had yet to be defined and his apprehension regarding the nature of my feelings was obviously eating away at his confidence. Even knowing what my silence on the matter was doing to him could not aide me in forming the words to assuage his fears. My inadequacies knew no bounds when it came to interacting with others, especially in the ways that truly mattered. I had laid it all out there once. The idea of making myself that vulnerable again scared the shit out of me and I wasn't sure if I could handle anymore rejection. Jacob had been safe and loyal, almost to a fault, and kept me from experiencing the need to put my feelings out there for someone else to destroy. This thing with Carlisle was getting perilously close to crossing all the boundaries I had created to protect my barely mended heart. It never had truly healed after Edward left. The idea that my trepidation could lead to a path of solitude had never really bothered me until Carlisle kissed me for the first time.

As I lay alone in the dark, I contemplated the events of the past few weeks. Little progress had been made as far as decoding my feelings for Carlisle. He was always there, even if only in the background, but relying on him to stay around was not something I was ready to do. It wasn't fair, but he was paying the price for his son's actions. Biblically speaking, things should have been the other way around. Carlisle and I saw each other regularly at the hospital but the crowded atmosphere afforded little opportunity to speak candidly. Because of my need to get at least a few hours of sleep a day, chances to see each other outside of the hospital were rare at best. The looks I caught from him here and there often held the power stop me in my tracks with their intensity. He wanted more. I was too terrified to open myself up and risk total devastation again.

I often wondered what my life would have been like if I had never moved to Forks. Lately, that thought creates an ache in my chest that has nothing to do with Edward. If I had not met him, Carlisle would not be standing there across the hall looking at me with so much passion and longing. I had to remind myself that we were in a very public place; that ravishing him here would be an incredibly bad idea. He was just too tempting sometimes. I had finally realized several days ago, after catching him cast a wary glance in my direction, that I had been purposely avoiding him. I may have been working more hours than absolutely necessary and the excuses I came up with were starting to run thin. So, when I was offered a few days reprieve, I took it without a second thought. Normally, I would have waved off such a recommendation. Not this time. And I couldn't wait to tell Carlisle.

"What is so important, Dr. Swan, that you have me running across the hospital at almost nonhuman speeds? I must admit you have me a little on edge at the moment." The tinge of fear in his otherwise melodic voice made my heart clench. His hesitancy was entirely my doing.

"First, I obviously need to apologize for my appalling behavior as of late. I have absolutely no defense strong enough to absolve me of my actions. But, I hope that what I called you here for at least partially makes up for my recent idiocy." I fought to keep my gaze focused on Carlisle as my courage waned under the scrutiny of his hard gaze.

"Isabella, I know that you have a lot to deal with right now and it would be completely insensitive of me to hold your actions against you. In light of recent circumstances, I think you are doing remarkably well." His words encouraged me so I took a deep breath and hoped for the best.

"Were you aware that I have been given the next four days off?" I asked quietly as we were no longer the only ones in the corridor.

Before answering, Carlisle gestured toward his office. I followed with my head down in order to conceal my elated expression. Since my avoidance had become blatantly obvious, Carlisle had begun finding reasons to have others around us at all times. He did this for my benefit only and the knowledge that he would deprive himself of something he clearly desired in order to ensure my comfort was quite endearing. This was literally the first time we had been alone in almost two weeks. Once the door was secured behind him, Carlisle turned to face me and motioned for me to sit on the couch occupying the longest wall of his large work space.

"Yes, I am aware. I was asked to approve it and did so without dithering. Does that bother you?"

"No, not at all. I was actually hoping we could spend as much time as possible together during my mini vacation." I tried to cover up my trembling by fidgeting with the hem of my white coat.

"And you cannot possibly think that I could ever refuse such an offer, can you?" His question brought my eyes up to finally meet his.

"Honestly?" I asked with much trepidation. He nodded in encouragement. "I no longer trust my instincts in these types of situations." I hung my head once again.

In an instant Carlisle was at my side enveloping me in a comforting embrace. I pressed my face into his chest and let out a long sigh. I wanted nothing more than to give into the release I felt in his arms but, of course, my insecurities refused to allow such relief. Wow, I really was an emotional mess. For years I had ignored the lasting effects of Edward's sudden departure. Only now that I found a reason to want to love again did I realize just how psychologically stunted I had become. Poor Carlisle did not deserve to be burdened with my issues. He certainly had endured enough in his long life. And there was getting past the whole vampire thing too, of course. That was also a huge part of my concern. I knew his stance on creating more beings like him, but I could not deal with those thoughts right now.

"Not a day goes by that I do not regret the way I allowed Edward to dictate my actions all those years ago. Even at the time I knew it was wrong. I cannot ever hope to atone for my actions. I do not deserve your forgiveness but I beg for it nonetheless."

I felt his body shiver against mine. Reluctantly, I pulled away from him so that I could look into his face. What I saw there crushed me to my core. If vampires could cry, Carlisle would most certainly be doing so and I was to blame for his agony. So, I did the one thing I could for him, I shed the tears he could not. For several minutes we simply held each other. My worries were set aside momentarily so that I might offer the man in my arms some solace from his pain.

"Carlisle, you can't be held responsible for the decisions of others. I have never blamed you for his choice. The damage he caused is in no way your fault. The only injury you inflicted was due to your wordless departure, which you have already apologized and received forgiveness for. I imagine you are blemished in your own way by events in your life. I can't see how either of us could come out of these situations unharmed emotionally."

"I'm glad we are finally talking about this, but I really would like to spend the next few days enjoying our time together rather than dwelling on the mistakes of our pasts," he said softly while pulling me closer to him. I decided to change the subject.

"Have you ever thought of keeping those hand warmer things in your pockets to help with the chilly temperature of your skin? I can't believe people don't wonder all the time about how cool your touch is," I questioned, pulling out the first random thought that came to mind.

"The gloves we are required to wear at all times helps conceal my cold nature from patients but I could use them for those times I have to shake hands. I will have to get you to show me ways to help enhance my humanity," he finished with a wink. The man was flirting with me and my heart responded by beating wildly.

He smiled widely before lowering his lips to mine. We were so totally lost in our impromptu make-out session that a soft knock on his office door startled both of us. I couldn't help the pride I felt in distracting a vampire to the point of being caught off guard. I muffled my laughter as Carlisle quickly smoothed out our appearances and walked over to his door. He raised his voice slightly higher than necessary and began spouting off stats that I couldn't place.

The door opened to reveal an incredibly attractive woman. She smiled brightly when her eyes landed on Carlisle, she didn't even notice my presence in the room. They talked for a few moments but I couldn't hear the conversation from my position on the couch on the opposite side of the room. Her hand kept finding its way to Carlisle's arm and I found myself wanting to rip the damn thing off her arm. Jealousy was not an emotion I was overly familiar with so I was a bit surprised by my hostile reaction. My whole career was centered on healing but I wanted to hurt this woman who was touching my. . . Okay, I have no idea what to insert there. At least this thought takes my mind off the slut in the doorway for the time being.

I refocused my attention to the leather under me. It was soft and, I'm sure, very expensive. I began to wonder if Carlisle had it imported straight from Italy when I heard the most obnoxious sound I'd ever heard. My eyes flashed up to where Carlisle was standing. He was laughing, which was wonderful, but the noise the mystery woman made was horrendous. My hands want to reach up and block the noise from entering my ears but I realize at the last second this would be extremely rude. Not that she would notice. Carlisle seemed to be enjoying their conversation as much as she was and my stomach fought to retain the contents of my lunch.

After several more minutes of this, I decided to just leave. My anger had boiled to the surface and my patience had been tested to its limit. As I got up, Carlisle finally turned in my direction. The look on his face would have ignited my fury even if I wasn't already pretty enraged. His expression was one of shock, as if he had forgotten I was there. I blatantly ignored his protests as I walked past him and his little friend. I made it down the hallway and into the closest restroom before I totally broke down. Part of me hoped he could hear me crying; as I'm sure would be the case if he wasn't so absorbed in what that blonde woman had to say.

The rest of the day was spent completing rounds and avoiding being alone again with Carlisle. To his credit, he did make several attempts to speak with me; I just was not in the right frame of mind to listen. My heart had recoiled into its protective shield and thrown away the key. This was all too familiar territory. Once the day was over, I headed to my car knowing Carlisle was locked in surgery for at least two more hours. He had asked me to assist with this one but I had convinced a colleague to step in for me at the last minute. I gave some weak excuse about not feeling well before I bolted out of there. Now, I had four days of absolutely nothing to do with my time. I briefly considered driving to Forks, but then remembered Charlie mentioning an extended fishing trip with Billy. So, that was out because I was pretty sure I could not stomach hanging out with Jake and his girlfriend. Although we still talked regularly, the shift in our dynamic was staggering and I was still adjusting to the change. Plus, what girl in her right mind would want the ex-love-of-his-life around? Imprint or no imprint, that was not a situation to walk into willingly.

Three hours after arriving home, I ran out of things to clean. I was showered and dressed for bed fifteen minutes after eight. I debated going to sleep early rather than attempting to find any more menial tasks to occupy my time and mind. Feeling pathetic and dejected, I headed in the direction of my bedroom mumbling to myself about going out to adopt a few cats the next day. My life had officially reached an all time low. I sighed and shuffled my way across my hard wood floors and had just about reached the door to my inner sanctum when there was a loud knock at my door.

If I ignored him would he give up eventually and go away? Knock, knock. Maybe if I stood completely still he would think I was not home despite the presence of my car in the driveway. Knock, knock. I wondered if he could hear me breathing or my heart beating. Hopefully, there was enough space between me and the thick door to conceal my presence even from his advanced hearing. Knock, knock. I went back to the theory that once he realized I was not answering, he'd just go away. Knock, knock. Could my neighbors hear him now? He was banging so hard at this point that I feared for the safety of my front door. Knock, knock. I actually watched the door buckle a little that time. My feet remained frozen in place. I was pretty sure movement would be impossible even if I had made the decision to allow him entrance. Knock, knock. The trembling in my limbs was no longer subtle and my knees felt somewhat weak. How cliché of me. Knock, knock. It had been over fifteen minutes at this point. I was almost certain there was a dent on the other side of my door that was the exact shape and size of Carlisle's fist. The standoff had to come to an end and one of us would have to fold. Might as well get the show on the road, I thought as my body finally began to stir from its statue like stance. Edward would even have been impressed, I think.

The door opened with a slight creak. I allowed just enough room for me to peak out and had no intention of opening it further. The thudding that resounded in my head matched the staccato of my heart as my eyes came into contact with black orbs filled with rage, sadness and fear. Carlisle was blatantly afraid of something as he stood there begging for me to let him in and talk about what happened. A mature woman would have stepped aside and let the man she had shared a few intimate moments with provide an explanation for his behavior. But, I have never been accused of being rationale and, even though I have typically behaved in a manner to be proud of, the stone wall that ensconced my emotions was still locked up tight. Therefore, Carlisle and I entered into a staring contest of sorts. All things considered, this was probably the dumbest thing I have ever attempted. He did not have to blink, or breathe, or move so it wasn't exactly fair. I essentially lost before we even began. That, however, did not stop me from trying. I was stubborn to a fault, just like my father, and I would not give up that easily. Just because I did not have a chance in Hell of winning, did not mean I would not stand my ground. I placed my hands on my hips in a stance of determination.

What occurred next was not what I was expecting, at all. He laughed. Carlisle Cullen laughed at me. I saw red. My hand reached up and slammed the door shut in his guffawing face. Take that, vampire-man. Bella Swan was a force to be reckoned with, even vampires did not scare me. My best friend was a werewolf after all. My cockiness lasted all of ten seconds before the door splintered open. An unattractive squeal escaped my lips as I took in the scene before me. Never had I seen Carlisle as a monster, he was unerringly loving and compassionate. Dr. Cullen never lost his cool, until now.

I whimpered as he crossed the distance between us in a mere fraction of the amount of time it should have taken him to do so. His hands reached out to hold me in place by my hips and his gaze bore into mine all fury and desire. My knees quivered in the presence of this new side of him. I wanted to explore this aspect of his persona further. I ought to have been afraid. But, I never was one to give into normal fears. A traitor tear flowed down my cheek and I desperately swiped it away. This man had managed to break down all my armor and I was terrified of the power that provided him. He had proved six years ago that his family, namely his first son, came before all else. What if Edward returned and told Carlisle to leave me again? I really needed to sit down. So I did. I sank right to the floor slightly surprised that Carlisle had allowed my movement without interference. To my astonishment he appeared right in front of me matching my posture.

He leaned toward me until our noses were separated by only a few centimeters of empty space. My breathing grew haggard as I watched his expression shift from hard to soft. I itched to reach out to stroke his face to explore the texture of his skin. So I did.

A/N: Awww, isn't that sweet. Carlisle still has some 'splainin' to do so he's not off the hook just yet. I'm sure he had a legitimate excuse for the little encounter in his office. I also have a feeling Edward is going to make an appearance eventually. I don't think he can stay away from his family forever...

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~SP