Chapter Ten: Doubt
Did the Grimm really destroy this much?
The thought entered Ruby's mind every time she went to Vale. Admittedly, it had only been a few days since Breach, so it was not often this thought popped up. Ruby had been at the center of the action for the entirety of the Breach, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember all THAT much being destroyed. The town square was littered with debris from collapsed buildings, which Ruby couldn't help but notice as she walked to Dust Till Dawn.
Yet as she walked further down the walkway, Ruby found even more destruction than she had thought. I mean, we stopped them at the Breach - how'd this much of the town even get wrecked?!
The day of Breach had been a whirlwind of events… or rather two days' worth of events. I'd say two since I didn't get any sleep that night. Ruby looked down and pouted at the culprit, the corgi not noticing the glare of his owner as he kept walking down the sidewalk. Ruby couldn't leave Zwei alone in the room, and since her other teammates were a bit busy, she'd taken the corgi along with her. Of course, if Zwei hadn't woken up, we wouldn't have found the train.
It had been a crazy fight. Ruby knew she didn't see the worst of it; she'd been with Doctor Oobleck the entire time. Although… I still had to fight people.
The fact she had fought the White Fang made Ruby feel… uncomfortable. It's not like I haven't fought against people before! I do have a sparring class… However, to Ruby there was a huge difference between sparring or a friendly match with someone and actually fighting them fighting them.
Mindlessly walking into the store, Ruby's mind was still stuck on the train fight. There are bad guys and good guys, and the White Fang are bad guys. At least that's what I thought. It had taken Ruby a while to realize something about the White Fang.
They can't all be bad guys.
Blake complicated things. She broke Ruby's moral paradigm of good guys and bad guys. Blake was decidedly a good person, yet she had been part of the White Fang, who were bad guys, even if she had left. So it stood to reason that there might be others like Blake still in the White Fang. From what Blake had told Ruby, she and others just wanted to stop the discrimination against the Faunus.Stopping discrimination is what good guys do. That would make the White Fang misguided good guys. I don't want to fight good guys.
Team RWBY's first real mission resulted in a considerable amount of the downtown area getting wrecked, and as team leader, Ruby couldn't help but feel responsible for it in some way. If Ruby was being honest with herself, she felt like she had hesitated on the train. I could of just rushed the front of the train… it's not like I was helping Doctor Oobleck all that much with the mechs. If Ruby was still being honest with herself, she could even admit she may have just stood there and let Doctor Oobleck do most of the fighting. Maybe if I had just helped out a bit more we could have stopped the train and Vale wouldn't have gotten wrecked.
It was a thought that left Ruby uncomfortable.
At least it's over, Ruby thought as she left the store, I only need to fight Grimm now, right? Ruby knew that it was a lie; she would most definitely be fighting more people in the future. However as she attempted to push the thought to the back of her head, a new thought occurred to Ruby.
Where's Zwei?
I wonder when the damage will be fixed, Pyrrha idly thought as she walked through the city of Vale. The city was by no means devastated, but at the epicenter of the Breach a multitude of buildings had been demolished by the efforts to contain the Grimm.
Grimm had breached the city a few days ago, and while they had been fought off, resulting in the capture of the mastermind, Roman Torchwick, the city had suffered significant damage. Not to the people who dwelled in it, thankfully, but the same could not be said for the buildings and structures of Vale. Even as Pyrrha walked through the place, she saw a bakery that had been crushed by something. Wasn't that from when Nora had slammed a King Taijitu?
It had been an intense battle, Pyrrha's own team being one of the first responders to join team RWBY. With the arrival of other huntsmen, they had been able to plug the flood of Grimm before the situation had gotten even further out of control. It had been miraculous that team JNPR hadn't yet left for their mission. If we had, we might not have been able to stop the Grimm…
Back at Beacon, classes had been disrupted as the most students were out on missions, while those who had headed to the city to help were kept on standby in case of another attack. To think that the White Fang actually started it… In theory, Pyrrha agreed with the White Fang - discrimination was bad, after all - but their methods were horrifying. It was a monstrous thing to help Grimm infiltrate the middle of Vale, a huge population center. Pyrrha had heard that team RWBY had to deal with fighting the White Fang during their own mission to Mountain Glenn.
Pyrrha's thoughts died down as she came to a dead end. I'm lost aren't I?
Pyrrha had been heading towards one of the major weapon stores originally, until she found it had been crushed by a Nevermore falling on it. Realizing that she'd have to wait until the next airbus arrived, she had opted to try and find another weapon store. With the Vytal Tournament, I need be prepared after all. Looking around, Pyrrha decided to turn around, maybe I missed something?
Bark! Bark! Bark!
Glancing towards the origin of the noise, Pyrrha saw a small dog nudging the debris from the smashed-up bakery. It may have been the middle of the day, but there were not many people out on the streets, given recent events. Especially no one who looked like they owned him, does no one own him? Curious, Pyrrha walked closer to the small dog. No, he has a collar.
Approaching carefully, the dog just stared at Pyrrha as she slowly bent down to pet him and see if he had any identification on his collar. The dog just stared at her, panting with its tongue hanging out of its mouth, wagging its nub of a tail as Pyrrha scratched behind his ears. At least he seems to be friendly, Pyrrha thought as she looked at the collar.
Zwei.
Pyrrha's brows furrowed as she vocalized her thoughts, "I feel like I've heard that name before…" After a moment of thought, Pyrrha shrugged. "So your name is Zwei?" The dog stopped panting before looking up at her, its head tilting to the right, its floppy ears perking up. Pyrrha couldn't help but smile at the cute action. Adopting the gentlest voice she could do, Pyrrha kept talking at the dog, "Are you lost Zwei?" Zwei's head tilted towards the left.
He's so small he must be a puppy, how could someone leave a puppy this cute alone? Pyrrha looked around again. Still no one was running towards the two. Maybe he ran away? Pyrrha quickly discarded the thought as Zwei continued to stare at her, no; he is way too obedient to do that right? Those big eyes continued to stare up at her, while Zwei's little tail wagged back and forth. Right?
What should I do? Should I take him to him the authorities? Even though Pyrrha had never had a pet before, she had heard things about the pound. Glancing at the cute puppy, Pyrrha shook her head, nope nope nope. May by I could start setting up poste-
"Zweeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Where are you?!"
Pyrrha nearly fell over as the dog in question sped off towards to the familiar voice. Turning to look at where Zwei had darted off to, Pyrrha watched as the small dog jumped into her friend's arms.
"Zwei! Is this where you went?" Bark! Bark! Ruby rolled her eyes, "Zwei you know better than to run off b-" Zwei licked Ruby's nose, causing her to giggle, "I can't be mad at you." Then it clicked, Zwei is that dog that was hanging around team RWBY after the battle. Truth be told, Pyrrha hadn't seen much of team RWBY since the Breach. "Oh, hi Pyrrha!"
"Hello!" Pyrrha gave a small wave as she walked over to the two. "Is Zwei your dog?"
"Yup!" Ruby nodded as she looked back at Zwei. "He decided to run as off when we left from Dust Till Dawn…" Zwei jumped out of Ruby's arms and plodded over to Pyrrha, before lying down on her feet. "He must have found you." Ruby's head tilted in a quizzical manner, a mannerism that reminded Pyrrha of Zwei, "I didn't know he took such a liking to you… or that you two met even…"
Pyrrha bent down as much as she could as to not disturb the sleeping dog, so she could scratch behind his ears. "I'm afraid that wasn't the case, when I found him he was nudging the door to that building over there." Pyrrha gestured towards the collapsed structure.
Pyrrha watched as Ruby's face went through a number of changes. At first, it was seemingly apathetic as she looked at the sign, then it was full of excitement. However the excitement quickly faded as Ruby's face went blank, a horrified look entering her eyes, as she fell to her knees.
"Not the bakery, NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!" Ruby's arms fell limply to her side, her chin resting on her chest. Zwei, hearing the cry of distress from his master, jumped to his stubby feet, rushed towards Ruby, and began to nuzzle her.
"Um." Pyrrha could only blink as she watched the scene unfold, "I'm sure there is another bakery in Vale." Ruby didn't react to her words. "Or they could rebuild it…?"
That, however, did get a reaction. "Really?!"
Ruby's silver eyes, full of hope, bore into Pyrrha's head. Can't… say…. No…. "Of course they will!"
"Yay!" Ruby gave a jump of joy as Pyrrha shook her head. "So whatcha ya up to, anyway?"
"I was trying to figure out where to find an open weapon shop. The one I usually go to had a Nevermore crash land on it." Pyrrha gave an ambivalent shrug. "I don't know Vale very well."
"Hmmm..." Ruby tapped her chin as she thought. "I bet I could find an open shop!" Pyrrha didn't even get a chance to respond, as Ruby grabbed her and sped off, with Zwei following as fast as his stubby legs could carry him after the two huntresses.
"What do you need from the store?" Ruby asked. The two had been walking in silence for the past few minutes, keeping a walking pace to allow Zwei to keep up with the two.
"Well, let's see…" Pyrrha paused for a moment as she started to tick off fingers, "I need to get a box of .30-06 rounds, I've been meaning to replace my old whetstone, so that's another one, then…" Pyrrha rattled off a few more basic weapon maintenance items.
It was all very basic equipment, nothing like what Ruby usually got. To be honest, I do get all of my stuff from custom orders… As much as Ruby knew a ton about weapons, she rarely bought anything directly from weapon shops. More often she would order something through a store rather than buy what they had in stock. I could just take her to the store I always go to? Ruby turned the idea over in her head, which should work!
"I think the store I was just at might have what you need… I think." Pyrrha nodded encouragingly at Ruby. With that sorted out, Ruby changed directions going back the way she had originally came, to Dust Till Dawn.
"The place I go to a lot, its called Dust Till Dawn," Ruby started to explain without any prompting. "Usually I just order stuff there, but they probably have what you are looking for in stock."
Pyrrha kept pace, hands clasped in front of her, "How come you don't buy stuff from there, instead of ordering?"
"Well, 'cause I like to have more customization options for Crescent Rose." At the mention of her weapon, Ruby pulled it out, hugging the weapon to her, Ruby cooed. "My sweetheart can only have the best, just like the new scope I bought for you…" Thoughts of how cool the new scope would look on the weapon filled her head as Ruby cradled Crescent Rose in her arms.
Bark!
Ruby didn't know how long she stayed like that, absorbed in thoughts of new customization for Crescent Rose, before Zwei's bark pulled her out of it. "Huzha-what?" Looking down at Zwei, the corgi was staring at her, sitting, tongue lolling out. She lifted her gaze up and found Pyrrha,covering her mouth with her hand so that Ruby could still see her eyes. The eyes clearly communicated what the hand was hiding to Ruby - Pyrrha was trying to suppress herself from giggling.
Immediately, Ruby felt very, very embarrassed and pulled the hood of her cape over her head, as if she could physically hide the embarrassment by hiding. "It's not that funny… " Ruby muttered. "I just really like weapons…"
Ruby started to walk briskly away to avoid any further shame, but she stopped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. "I wasn't laughing at you." Pyrrha's tone didn't hold the same mirth that the eyes had held a few seconds ago, "It's just… " Pyrrha stopped as she tried to find the right word. Ruby slowly pulled off her hood, to watch Pyrrha grapple with what she was saying. "…it's cute to see you so excited about something. "
"Oh." Ruby could feel her face redden further, as Pyrrha stared at her with honest eyes. "Um… thanks." It was odd to her for someone to actually compliment Ruby on her devotion to Crescent Rose. Back at Signal, they'd make fun of me for it… as long as Yang wasn't around.
"You're welcome!" Pyrrha's voice was as cheerful as ever. Ruby didn't trust herself to not embarrass herself again, she stayed quiet, playing with the thought of someone seeing her as a weapons geek as a positive thing. Mulling over her opinions on weapons, an old thought reemerged. Ruby felt the feeling of uncomfortableness and perhaps a twinge of guilt emerge as her mind became stuck on Breach.
The feeling built as Ruby tried to think of a way to stop it. Maybe if I talked to someone about it, it'd help? That's what Yang always says about problems, talking about them helps.
"You fight people a lot, right, Pyrrha?"
Pyrrha cocked her head, "I suppose I do, but you do as well."
"Yeah, but, like, other people." Pyrrha continued to stare blankly at her, making it abundantly clear that Ruby wasn't explaining herself very well. "People you don't know…?"
"Do you mean fighting outside of sparring?"
Ruby snapped her fingers. "Yeah! That! You do that, right?"
Pyrrha tapped her chin as she thought for a moment. "I did fight a lot of people in the Mistral tournaments." Pyrrha's curious gaze focused on Ruby. "Why do you ask?"
Ruby had something on her mind that was for sure. She had fought the White Fang a few times - heck, they even captured me! As bad as the capturing had been, that wasn't what plagued Ruby. It was the fighting people. Actual people.
"Y'know how my team was on the train… the one that caused this?" Ruby gestured to a collapsed building. Pyrrha nodded in silence. "Well, we had to fight the White Fang on the train…" Ruby trailed off into silence. "I thought it'd be fine, that they are the bad guys. We are huntresses, so we fight monsters and bad guys, right?"
"That is part of the job description, correct."
Ruby stayed silent for a few more seconds before continuing, "But they can't all be bad guys, right?" Pyrrha gestured for her to continue. "Like Blake was part of the White Fang, and she is a good person…" Ruby paused again as she tried to find a way to put thoughts into words. "Everyone is good inside, deep down inside, that's what I believe in…" It was hard to pinpoint what she was trying to say. "Like, y'know when we spar, we know each other, we see each other on a daily basis, right? Fighting the White Fang isn't like sparring; this isn't a match someone can just walk away from."
Ruby waited for Pyrrha to say something. She knew she was being unclear, but maybe Pyrrha knows what I am talking about? "Are you scared of fighting other people?"
"Yes! No! Maybe!" Words were not serving Ruby well today, "It's different from fighting a Grimm. A Grimm just wants to kill you because that's all they can do. A person fights you because they decided they want to kill you when they have some other choice." Taking a breath, Ruby continued. "They are bad guys, I know! It's just… Blake was one once, so what happens if I screw up and actually kill someone? What happens if that person was a good person?" Ruby's voice started to trail off, "What happens if they're all good people? I don't wanna fight good people…"
Pyrrha waited for Ruby to continue. When it became apparent that Ruby wasn't going to, Pyrrha started to speak in a slow, almost hesitant tone. "I don't think I can answer it." Ruby hung her head downwards. "I don't think anyone can." The hesitant tone left Pyrrha as she continued, her voice gaining a confident quality. "But I think you did the right thing."
"If your team hadn't fought them, who knows what could have happened?" Pyrrha put a hand on Ruby's shoulder. "If you and your team hadn't found them in Mountain Glenn, hadn't been on the train, there would have been no one at the site, no one to stop the Grimm from killing people."
"But I still didn't stop them from breaking into the city…" Ruby replied in a quiet tone.
Pyrrha just shook her head. "You did the best you could." It wasn't good enough, or the city wouldn't be half destroyed Ruby thought glumly. Apparently, her face betrayed her thoughts, as Pyrrha continued, "The Grimm may have entered the city, but no one died."
"A lot of people still got hurt!" Ruby trembled at the thought of people dying due to her. "If I had been able to stop the train, the city wouldn't have gotten wrecked." Ruby's voice felt small, even to herself, as she add. "No one would have gotten hurt."
"Ruby." Pyrrha's hands rested on both of Ruby's shoulders, as the taller girl stood directly in front of her, forcing Ruby to actually look at her. "Buildings can be fixed. People can heal. Thanks to you, Torchwick is behind bars and no one died. Think of how many people would have died if your team hadn't been there to fight the Grimm from the start."
Ruby didn't speak as Pyrrha continued to give her a comforting shoulder grip, making it clear she was waiting for a response. Even if Pyrrha is right, I could have done something else, I could have stopped it, it was my team's mission to stop it and we failed… "We still didn't stop the train…"
Pyrrha pursed her lips for a moment. "Doctor Oobleck was there, right?" Ruby nodded. "If he, a trained huntsmen who trains hunters, couldn't stop it, I think you did the best you could." Pyrrha's eyebrows furrowed as Ruby stayed quiet. "You did a great job with what you had, so why do you doubt yourself?"
Why do I doubt myself? Is that what this is? Doubt? "Because I was the team leader, and we failed the mission!" Ruby felt like yelling, although Pyrrha didn't seem to be phased by it, just keeping steady eyes on Ruby. "A lot of people got hurt, Vale got wrecked, and I fought people I don't even think are bad people!" Ruby could feel the tears go down her cheeks. "If you guys hadn't been there, people could have died…"
"But no one did die." Pyrrha sighed softly. "You did a great job, you may not have stopped the train, but you did the next best thing and made sure the Grimm didn't break out into the rest of the city." Slowly, Ruby felt Pyrrha's hands pull her closer, the comforting weight on her shoulders shifting into a hesitant, tentative hug. "You did a splendid job, don't doubt yourself."
Ruby numbly hugged back as she replayed what Pyrrha had said, she's right. No one died, and the Grimm were stopped. The flash of the destroyed buildings went through Ruby's head. But those can be rebuilt. Buildings can be rebuilt. There was just no way in which Ruby could see that Pyrrha was wrong as she turned the older girl's words over and over in her head.
I guess I did do my best.
"You're right." Ruby finally muttered, as she stayed in the embrace of the taller girl. "You're right, no one died." Pulling out the hug, Ruby gave her a small smile. "Thanks Pyrrha, I needed that."
Pyrrha beamed. "It was no problem." Pyrrha gave a glance around, "Where did Zwei go?" Ruby's eyes widened as she couldn't find her dog at all.
Bark!
Pivoting towards the noise, Ruby watched as Zwei plodded towards her, holding something in his mout- wait is that…cookies!? Zwei stopped before placing a box of cookies down.
Snerk
To Ruby, Pyrrha was trying to suppress a giggle, and she was managing it. Barely. "I think Zwei was trying to cheer you up too." Pyrrha tilted her head. "Maybe that's why he went to the bakery?" Ruby couldn't respond as she stared dumbstruck at the box, when did Zwei learn like the most useful trick ever?!
"Hey! Get back here!" A wizened elderly shopkeeper hobbled towards. "You need to pay for those!"
Ruby sighed, so much for free cookies. Yet Ruby didn't feel like she needed cookies to cheer up now, not that I would say no to free cookies! But rather, Ruby felt better after talking with someone, with Pyrrha. Giving Pyrrha a glance as Ruby fished for some lien to pay for the cookies, Ruby had a new thought.
It's good to have Pyrrha around.
Editor: ASouthernRussian
AU: In my head the scene after team CFVY annihilated the Grimm and Goodwitch fixed the Breach, the scene where team RWBYZ is hanging out on the platform takes place a few weeks later. At least ten days. This chapter takes place in the middle of the episode 12, vol 2 'Breach'.
Ruby is doubting herself as a leader, because ultimately if she had done her job properly, none of Breach would of occurred. Its not that she inherently screwed up, but Ruby thinks she could of done far better. There is some basis for Ruby having the moral questions that she does in the chapter. Ruby without a doubt sees the world in the most black and white lighting compared to her teammates. Pre-No Brakes, Ruby never fought the White Fang post-Black and White. Heck she never even fought them straight up. The only two people she fought, from her perspective, was some masked lady, and one of the most notorious criminals, Roman Torchwick.
Okay. I'm sorry. I did change one other bit of canon. When Nora nails the grimm in the head at the 3:26 mark of Ep 12, Breach, it slams into the ground. In this version it slammed into the bakery that Ruby mentioned in the same episode. Ruby's bakery freak out was literally me trying to replicate a scene from The Two Towers, except instead of hobbits, its baked goods.
So I don't know how obvious this is, but the reason Zwei suddenly disappears is because he is like "Ruby-friend is sad now, OH NOES! I must find poison-bread! She really likes the poison-bread!" ….'cause y'know chocolate is poisonous to dogs. Basically Zwei was trying to find cookies to bring to her but the only smell of cookies he could find, or the closest led to the destroyed bakery.
To that guest reviewer…
Do you see all that dialogue? Does this not please you? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!
ALL THAT BEING SAID, here we go to to me talking about stuff right before I publish this chapter. I'm not gonna lie, this thing was literally the hardest thing to write. Heck, the original concept for this chapter didn't take place outside or involve Pyrrha. Or Zwei. The first scene was actually the last bit of it that was written, and I do fear that the logical progression of Ruby's mental freakout/doubt might perhaps be horribly flawed given I didn't create this chapter in a linear manner. In fact this chapter was written over the course of five days, which is insanely long for me. Most of these chapters are done either in one go or two sessions. I started this chapter on friday, but didn't finish it until Tuesday.
In the end did it make sense or come off as incoherent jumble?
Thanks for taking the time to read this, especially if you forced yourself through the author's note! Until next time (which will probably be a week), have a great day/week/preferred unit of time!