Another revamped chapter.

New ones coming up soon.

I forgot today was Monday again...

"Oh my god," Kathryn said in a shocked whisper, her eyes widening. I released Deidara with a word of thanks and a smile. In the next instant, however, I was thrown aside into Kisame. He caught me with wide eyes as he watched Kathryn linebacker tackle Deidara in her attempt to smother him with affection.

"Kathryn!" I said loudly, hearing Deidara yelp with shock when she collided into him.

"What the hell, un?" he asked, desperately trying to keep his balance so he didn't fall over. "Someone get her off me, yeah!"

I laughed and pulled on Kathryn. "Kathryn, let the terrorist go. You can't attack people like that." I pulled on her again.

"No! He's mine!" she said loudly, latching on tighter to the blond. "My artist!"

I distinctly heard Sasori scoff at that.

"Kathryn! Release the murder!" I said firmly, pointing at the ground. When that didn't work, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled. "Let go of Deidara!" I looked towards Kisame and Kakuzu who were both chuckling at the display. "One of you criminals help me out here!"

Kakuzu wrapped a powerful, stitched arm around Kathryn's waist after making me move and ripped her off Deidara with ease. She struggled in his grip, fighting to get back to Deidara who was hiding behind me now that Kathryn was no longer attacking him.

Kakuzu seemed completely unfazed by her efforts to get free.

I hit Kathryn in the head lightly with a pillow. "Behave, Kathryn." I said. She stopped fighting the miser and hung limply in his arm, pouting.

"Why did the Jew rip me off?" she asked. "I was just hugging him."

I sighed and face-palmed. "You're outrageous. You can't attack Deidara like that. And Kakuzu's not a Jew, don't be judgmental or prejudiced." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder at Deidara who crouched behind me. "Apologize to him."

Kathryn looked up at Deidara and extended her arms and legs in his direction. "I'm very sorry, Mr. Cutie-pants." I rolled my eyes and patted Deidara's hand which was on my shoulder since he was still using me as a human-shield.

"It's alright; she won't attack you for a little while," I said reassuringly, though it didn't help very much because he looked reluctant to come out of his safe hiding spot. "You can put her down now, Kakuzu. Thank you."

Kakuzu released Kathryn and she plopped on the couch. "How did this happen? How did they get here?"

"They were my cats," I replied, shrugging. "They changed back into their original forms when I tried to give them a bath."

"So wait, it's like one of those fan fictions?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. I nodded. "That's so awesome."

"Indeed," I said dully. I joined her on the couch. The others who had gotten up when she attacked also sat down, feeling that they were now safe from her wrath.

She crossed her arms. "So, did you use hot water on them?" she asked.

"Yeah, and they exploded in my bathroom in all their naked glory," I replied. She laughed.

"So wait, you saw them naked!" she said loudly, pointing accusingly at me.

I sighed. "I did indeed see them naked, but as soon as I realized they weren't cats anymore, I snatched Konan and ran out of the bathroom, I saw nothing below the waist."

I had accidentally seen below the waist on a few of them but that was only for me to know and everyone else to never find out.

All I have to say on the subject is: Seriously Pein?

Her eyes had fallen on Konan who was sitting beside Pein on the other couch. "Awe, they're so cute together!" She pointed at the pair, practically vibrating with excitement.

I think only Kathryn and I saw Konan's blush because we were looking for it and she hid it really well. Pein stiffened slightly and they both looked away from each other but said nothing.

Kathryn turned back to me. "So, I guess you and Brett would have been in the right if we named the kittens after the Akatsuki," she said. Then she paused. Her gaze drifted to Hidan. "Oh god! I named him Shiny!"

I laughed, as did Tobi, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Kisame. Sasori chuckled and Itachi smirked with Pein and Konan. "Yeah, I wonder how pissed he was when you named him that."

"Really fucking pissed!" Hidan said, scowling. "What kind of fucking name is Shiny?"

"It's a damn good one for someone that wears too much hair gel!" she replied.

I smiled. "Alright Kathryn, leave the zealot alone. You named Sasori Loofa."

She giggled at the reminder.

"Normally I'd care, but I don't know what a Loofa is, therefore I don't." Sasori said boredly from his spot on the computer chair.

"It's a big, frilly sponge you use to wash yourself," I replied with a shrug. I saw his eye twitch at that. Deidara who was leaning against the wall beside him started laughing loudly.

"Shut up, Blondie," Sasori said with a growl, glaring at Deidara.

"Sorry, Danna, but that was funny, un," Deidara replied through his chuckling.

Kathryn squealed and clutched my arm. "He's so adorable! He says 'un' and calls Sasori Danna and everything!" She shook me roughly to show how excited she was.

I rolled my eyes at her antics as I shoved her off. "Yes Kathryn, Deidara is very adorable. So are the others." I patted Itachi's knee for emphasis. Since he was sitting beside me, it was very easy for me to reach. He just gave me a raised eyebrow.

Kathryn looked around me to stare down Itachi. She grinned after a minute. "He's sexy too." She then wrapped her arms around one of Kisame's massive ones. "Kisame is sexy as well." I saw Kisame give me a terrified look, searching for rescue.

"Kathryn, don't attack people. We just went over this," I said with a sigh. "Let Kisame go. If you want a hug, just ask."

Kathryn pouted and squeezed Kisame's arm once more before releasing him. "Yes mommy." She looked at Kisame innocently. "I am sorry for creeping on you, Kisame."

Kisame grinned at her. "It's alright, you just caught me off guard."

Kathryn's eyes landed on her next victim. I noticed instantly that she was about to attack. She was glaring across the room at a certain good boy with an orange mask who was standing dangerously close to something breakable. My eyes widened.

"Kisame, grab her!" I said suddenly, reaching for Kathryn myself.

I grabbed enough of her shirt in time to jerk her back onto the couch. "Tobi, run away!"

Kisame pinned her against the back of the couch with one powerful arm as we both struggled to protect the poor kid.

Tobi jumped and scurried behind Pein, assuming the leader of the Akatsuki would save him. I was pretty sure Kathryn wasn't suicidal so I assumed she wouldn't attack the pierced man. However, I wasn't sure and I sure as hell wasn't going to risk it.

"Kathryn, if you don't behave I'm going to let Hidan do whatever he wants to you," I said threateningly, knowing full well she wouldn't challenge me or take the risk of time alone with the Jashinist.

"Don't throw me to the sharks!" Kathryn said desperately, looking at me in terror. Then she paused, looked to Kisame and grinned. "On second thought, throw me to the shark." She pointed at Kisame. "Preferably this shark."

Kisame laughed, as did a few of the others.

"You're right, Alice, she is crazier than you." Sasori told me, looking at Kathryn.

Kathryn scoffed at that. "You have no idea." She jerked her thumb towards me. "You haven't seen any of her crazy side yet. If you had, you'd be dead." She then giggled. "Though, I can be worse than her. It just depends on the situation at hand."

"She seems to be a lot fucking saner than you," Hidan said.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow. "Oh, and this is coming from the psycho-maniac-religious-freak-with-a-killing-problem?"

Hidan's eyes narrowed from his spot on the floor beside the recliner that Kakuzu was occupying. Kakuzu was snickering at his partner's expense, enjoying Kathryn's statement. I had to laugh to, her name was spot on.

"Okay, okay, that's enough picking on Hidan. He was already tortured this morning," I said with an amused snort, trying to sooth Kathryn who was close to death laughing at Hidan's glare.

Kathryn stopped laughing instantly. "What happened to him?"

"Alice fucking woke me up by jumping on top of me," Hidan said dangerously, glaring at me angrily. His scowl was reinforced at the memory of my wakeup call.

"Wait, where did they all sleep?" Kathryn asked. "Surely they didn't all sleep in your room."

"Don't call me Shirley," I replied. "And no, they didn't. Hidan and Kakuzu slept on an air mattress in Louis and Brett's room while Konan and Pein slept in the bed. Deidara and Sasori shared the spare room, Kisame and Itachi stayed in my room, and Tobi and Zetsu slept down here on the couch-beds."

She smirked. "So Kisame and Itachi slept with you, huh?" She looked towards Deidara and Sasori. "And tonight, I get the artists. I have to admit I like this set up."

"And I ask that we alternate routinely so no one gets sexually assaulted," Sasori said calmly from his spot. Kathryn pouted at that.

"I am disinclined to consent to your request, Loofa-sponge," I said. "Pein and Konan get a bed because they are the leaders. Hidan and Kakuzu have to room with them because I'm hoping Pein will make Hidan behave. Zetsu and Tobi get down here because they don't have partners to pair up with." I shrugged. "That leaves you and Deidara to switch with Itachi and Kisame."

"Either way, someone will get love," Kathryn said. "I have nothing against the Uchiha or the shark."

"Don't worry Sasori; I give you permission to restrain her with your puppet jutsu or whatever. That, and if she does try to pull anything on you, I'll allow Hidan and the victim to enforce her punishment," I said, looking at Kathryn pointedly.

She looked at me with a pouting face. "You would allow that?"

"Why yes, yes I would." I nodded firmly. "Of course said punishment would have to be within reason and approved by me." I hummed. "Which reminds me: Now that Kathryn's here, there're a few new rules."

"More fucking rules?" Hidan asked.

I rolled my eyes and waved at him dismissively. "Oh quiet you. Most of them are for Kathryn." When I had everyone's attention, I looked at Kathryn. "There will be no harassing or being mean to the ninja unless they're mean to you first. If they tell you to leave them alone, do as they say. They're ninjas. They can kill us if they want to."

She made a face. "Fine."

"Rule number two," I said. "No hurting Kathryn unless she deserves it; that includes blowing her up, eating her, sacrificing her, turning her into a puppet, shredding her to ribbons, almighty pushing her, using jutsu on her, etc." I held up three fingers. "Three, no one is allowed to leave this house with Kathryn or Kathryn's permission. She is not in charge here. I am, though I give Pein partial authority."

"Partial?" Pein asked.

"My house, Ginger, and that means I rule here," I said. "By partial, I mean you're in charge of your idiots and I'm in charge of mine."

He seemed satisfied by that because he dropped the subject.

"Rule four," I held up four fingers. "Kathryn is not allowed to touch anything remotely sharp or pointy. Do not give her anything that a normal, chakra-less, teenage girl can use as a weapon. Kathryn, you are not allowed to ask to touch the weapons or do so without permission unless your life is in danger."

"Kay," Kathryn said, sighing.

"And finally," I said. "No one, especially Kathryn, is allowed to touch my hummer."

Kathryn deflated. "So mean, Momma."

"I'm a mean person," I replied indifferently. "Follow the rules or I'll cut something valuable off of your person."

Everyone in the room jumped slightly when my phone vibrated on the coffee table, breaking the silence that ensued after my threat. I quickly snatched it up and looked to see who the caller was. My eyes widened slightly when I saw it was Louis.

"Oh shit." I said in shock.

Kathryn looked over my shoulder. "Oh you are so dead," she said, reinforcing my horror. She helped me hush everyone before I flipped open the cell.

"Hello?" I asked the caller.

"Hey Alice, how are you?" Louis asked.

I whimpered silently at Kathryn, begging for rescue. "I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm alright, we got here about an hour ago," Louis said boredly. "Where are you?"

"I'm downstairs with Kathryn," I replied.

I heard Brett say something cheerfully to him. "Tell her I said hey. Brett wants you to get on Skype with us." He said in a tone which was closer to ordering me to go upstairs and get on Skype with them.

Louis didn't request things. He gave orders.

I died a little on the inside. "Louis says hi Kathryn. He wants us to go and get on Skype with him." Her eyes widened in shock and her jaw dropped.

"Hurry up, I miss your face." Louis pretty much growled into the phone.

"Okay, hold on a second," I said. I muted my phone and looked at everyone. "Okay, everyone go into my room and be as silent as humanly possible."

"What's going on?" Itachi asked, looking at me with curiosity and slight concern as he stood up.

I sighed. "I'm about to tell Louis and Brett you're here." I shooed them all up stairs, scurrying up after them with Kathryn on my tail. "It'll be alright, but I need to prepare them."

"Why tell them?" Pein asked as they entered my room and took their seats around the room. I sat at my laptop and quickly logged in.

I paused. "Louis is like a fucking ninja dog. No matter how hard I try to leave no trace of your existence, he'll figure it out and he'll torture me until I tell him the truth. Trust me, he's done it before." Kathryn shuddered at the memory and nodded to confirm my reasoning.

The ones listening raised their eyebrows curiously but said nothing as I turned the mute off my phone and addressed Louis again. "Okay, I'm on Skype, call me."

He told me he would as I made sure the only people visible in the web camera were me and Kathryn. I would spring it on them gradually.

I swatted Hidan away when he whispered something into Kathryn's ear. Her eyes lit up and she giggled, nodding at him and shooing him away with me. I ignored this and focused on the incoming Skype call.

Louis and Brett's faces popped up on the screen and I shut my cell phone. I almost melted. I didn't realize how much I missed my two best friends until I saw their faces. Brett was grinning madly and waving at me. I waved back with a small smile of my own.

"Hi Alice, hi Kathryn, I see you!" Brett said excitedly. He was sitting on Louis's lap who was resting his chin on Brett's shoulder, looking at us boredly.

"Hi Brett, hi Louis, we see you too!" I said in a slightly off voice.

Brett noticed. He frowned instantly. "What's wrong Alice, you seem sad."

"She misses you!" Kathryn said, saving me.

Louis gave me his usual, lazy smirk. "We'll have reunion sex when we get back." Hidan snorted at this, earning him a middle finger from just outside of the camera angle.

I frowned at this. "No thanks Louis." He just pouted in response. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed Hidan's snort of laughter was picked up on the microphone.

"Alice, I wanna see one of the kitties!" Brett said. "Get one."

Fuck you, Brett. Why you gotta do that to me?

"I see you let them out of your room," Louis said in a scolding tone. He then paused and frowned. I almost died, thinking he heard Hidan.

"Alice," he said. Kathryn and I both exchanged a horrified glance. "Why are all of the things I ordered you to store away strewn about your room?" he asked threateningly.

I exhaled loudly and hit my head on the computer desk in relief. That was short lived because just then, Kathryn grabbed the laptop and span around in the computer chair, showing the Akatsuki in all of their glory, sitting around my room.

"Alice has hot guys!" Kathryn said cheerfully. I punched Kathryn in the back of her head and snatched the laptop, making it face me once more, hoping to safe myself from utter destruction.

It was a wasted effort.

The damage was done and Louis looked livid

Ah, classic cliffies. Though it's not as much of a cliffy since most of you already know what happens after.

Oh the disadvantages of rewriting a story. I'll have to come up with some new ones to keep you guys on your toes.

Fun Fact: In addition to being able to breath through their butts, turtles can also pee out of their mouths. Fucking ew.

Answer: Job as a ninja... Probably ANBU or just a regular Jonin. I wouldn't want to be a sensei because I hate children. ANBU would be cool though because then I could kill people for money. Bounty hunter was an option, but with ANBU, you have the backing of your village to protect you. It's safer that way. But of course, GlitchInTheSky made a good point saying you'd have to obey higher-ups which is a downer. Maybe I'd be like a mercenary. Could you guys see me being a mercenary? I'd be a pain in everyone's ass.

QotC: I'm running out of Naruto questions I haven't already used before... Which member of the Akatsuki do you guys think would be the best teacher and why? Don't ask me why. Just answer the question. It's for science. And by science, I mean I'm having a discussion with one of my friends and I would like outside opinions.

I don't really have anything exciting to talk about today... I have like 2 exams tomorrow? That's fun, I guess. History and Lit, dude. I'm going to rock history like nobody's business. Lit won't be too bad either but I'm not in the mood to write an in-class essay analyzing a bunch of pieces of literature. It's boring. Fuck college.

But anywho, you all are amazing and I adore each and every one of you. Don't hesitate to message me or contact me in some way if you have questions, comments, or concerns regarding the story/anything else. I'm happy to chat with you guys about anything and everything. Mama-Dani's here for you, babies.

Also, I'm getting emotional about the Naruto characters since the manga's about to end soon. Don't judge me if I start flipping shit about them in the author's notes.

Toodles~