Chapter 9
Diary a la Rikku!!
Okay, I am getting really sick of teachers coming up to me and pretending to be all friendly when all they really want to know is what the fuck is happening with Paine and Baralai at the moment! I mean, it would be okay if I actually had something to tell them when they asked, however tactlessly, but I don't and it's so goddamn frustrating!! I mean, yes, Paine was supposed to ask Baralai to the dance. We all get that. I think even Paine is wondering why the hell she didn't, but geez, it couldn't have been too hard to remedy that! All she had to say was "Hey, 'Lai, I fucked up. Dump LeBlanc for me!' It's not like there's any way he would have said no!!
But here we are! It's the day before the dance and I've still got teachers coming up to me asking why Baralai and Paine have gone off their heads the past few weeks, their performance in class is slipping, yadda yadda… as if I have a clue what's going on!!
No, something needs to be done about this whole deal big time, and it may as well be done by me!
Rikku out!
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Private Property of Paine K. Keep the Hell out.
I haven't totally lost my mind, you know. I know that this is ridiculous. I've got people lining up for miles in all directions just to tell me that! Not. I'm not insane, I'm not loopy, and I'm not suffering any sort of mad delusion that this isn't entirely… or almost entirely… my fault.
The fact is this: I love Baralai. Love him to death and beyond, kooky as it sounds coming from me. And Yevon knows the last thing I want is to lose him…
I know very well that Baralai wanted to go to the dance with me a million times more than he wanted to go with LeBlanc, and I know that the night before is a pretty shameful time to be acknowledging that I really wanted to go with him too… But what I don't want is to be bogged down into one of those stupid teenage romances that you're so certain are gonna last forever when suddenly bam! Some stupid high school issue that doesn't measure up to a mosquito bite in the real world ends up separating you from the one guy you're supposed to be with forever… And I really do think that Baralai might be that guy.
So what? Do I want him to start talking to me again? Yevon, of course I do. Do I want to go to the dance with him? Again, of course… but can I handle everything that goes along with that? Could I—could Paine, the eternal loner—handle being Baralai's girlfriend….?
I don't know.
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PRIVATE!! Please return to Yuna T. Roll class: 11M-LK
Sleeping the night before the Year 11 Formal was always going to be difficult. There's all the usual last minute worries, of course… Dress, make-up, date—all of them appropriate and ready for the big night? But then there's the additional worry of Paine and Baralai.
Yes.
Still.
The night before the dance.
When we look back on this day in years to come I'm going to kill them both for having me so worried… presuming that they're both married with children by then. If they're not, I'll probably just feel even more depressed.
The worst part by far, though, is that I think Rikku has a 'plan'. Rikku's plans never end well, and she never sees fit to warn anyone about them in advance either! I have absolutely no idea what's going on, and Yevon, do I wish that I did! I have enough to worry about without Rikku going off independently and deciding that the one thing we need to bring Paine and Baralai together is absolutely, 100%, without a shadow of a doubt…………………………..a stripper.
Or something equally embarrassing.
Yevon… I sure do wish I knew what exactly she was scribbling in that little diary of hers right now…
Yuna
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Private Property of Paine K. Keep the Hell out.
It's 3am, Saturday morning. In less than 24 hours the dance will be but another memory. I can make up with Baralai once it's over…
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Diary a la Rikku!!
It's 3am!! That leaves approximately 12.5 hours until Painey arrives at me and Yunie's place to get all gussied up and my great plan begins to unfold! I can hardly wait!!
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PRIVATE!! Please return to Yuna T. Roll class: 11M-LK
I'm so exhausted… Why can't I sleep…?
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Private Property of Paine K. Keep the Hell out.
I'm so tired of this coldness between me and Baralai… I've just got to keep thinking that it's almost over.
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Diary a la Rikku!!
Hey!! I think the sun is finally coming up!!!
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Diary a la Rikku!!
Oh, reader! Do you remember your last school dance? Everything about it is just so romantic that you can't help but feel it the very minute you walk into the room! …Or at least, I won't be able to help but feel it because I'll be walking in with the most romantic couple in the world, who will, of course, thanks to me, be newly reconciled by then!
It's 6:30. Paine, Yunie and I are all in our dresses, shoes, etc, having a quick, non-spillable meal before we put our faces on. Tidus is due to pick Yunie up in about 10 minutes. Too bad she'll miss the fun! I won't. As long as I'm quiet in the cupboard where I'll be hiding by then. Yup!! Not long at all now!!!
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Private Property of Paine K. Keep the Hell out.
It was just a bit past 7 when the doorbell rang. Of course, I knew it was Baralai by the way Rikku immediately scarped (presumably to hide in the hall closet) the moment it sounded, but I surprised myself by being not in the least bit hesitant to open the door. (Though I must admit that I did call out to stall a few moments to check myself in the mirror in the hall bathroom…)
"Who is it?" I called coyly, as I brushed away an errant strand of hair that had attached itself to my glossy lips and batted my mascara'd eyelashes at the mirror experimentally.
"It's me."
'Course it was.
"Just a minute."
When I opened the door he was frowning to himself, but he snapped out of that the moment he saw me (or so I'd like to think, perhaps). The frown was replaced now by a nervous smile.
"I'm giving you a last chance, Paine. LeBlanc is waiting for me to pick her up right now." He waited a moment for me to process this. "Tell me to stand her up. We'll go out ourselves—forget the dance; there'll be billions of them. Tell me that's what you want and I'll do it."
I was going to say yes, you know.
But at the last moment, his arrogance got to me.
Here he was again, putting me on the spot, forcing me to admit what he already knew—he wouldn't be here if he didn't, after all.
In the end, my stubbornness got the better of me.
I breathed in deeply, took a step back from him, and said, "She's waiting for you, 'Lai. Don't disappoint her too."
And then I shut the door in his face and heard Rikku wail miserably from the hall cupboard. Of course she had orchestrated this. I'd known that from the start. I also knew that Baralai typically wasn't one to push— that even the first time in my bedroom he'd probably been put up to asking me upfront. He'd always known better than to box me into a corner, push my back up against the wall. He knew that I hated it…
I suppose he must have been really desperate.
I sighed to myself as I heard Rikku clamber out of the closet.
"Paine?" she asked cautiously, as though afraid I might turn her away too.
"Wrong house," I said flatly and she blinked in surprise.
"I thought I heard Baralai…?" she pressed.
I just shrugged. "That's strange," I said, and I walked back past her into the kitchen.
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PRIVATE!! Please return to Yuna T. Roll class: 11M-LK
I'm going to assume that Rikku's plan was a failure…
Not because Paine just walked in the door to the dance alone (she could have done that even if it had been relatively successful), but because Rikku looked so utterly miserable as she herself walked in. I know she regrets that she and Sir Auron couldn't go to the dance together (she understands why, of course, but she does regret it), and for her brilliant plan to fail, on top of that… I suppose it's a bit much for her. Still, this is definitely her sort of event, and I doubt it's enough to keep her down for long.
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Private Property of Paine K. Keep the Hell out.
It was late, it was cold, and I was tired.
Not that I could tell anyone that: they were all too busy having the time of their lives to pay me any mind. Tidus with Yuna, Lu with Wakka, Rikku moving around so fast that she could have been with everyone at once… Gippal was the only one who showed me any sympathy. He also assured me that Baralai was out there suffering just as much as I was. It didn't make me feel any better, of course. In fact, it made me feel worse.
I hadn't seen him since I'd arrived but I could picture it. He'd be in that nice tux I helped him pick out for his Aunt's wedding, and wearing the same green tie he wore that day. I loathed the colour myself, but he'd been so taken with it that I couldn't say no. In fact, for reasons unbeknownst to me, I'd purchased a dress in the exact same hideous green to wear by his side.
For reasons further a mystery to me, I was wearing it now.
"You alright, Paine?"
Rikku had come outside to join me on the lawn outside the school hall and she looked guilty—perhaps for leaving me alone the entire evening, perhaps for convincing me to come at all. Though I didn't say so, I didn't blame her for either. I'm sure she genuinely thought I'd enjoy myself. I know that I myself hoped I might...
"What time is it?" I asked, avoiding the obvious answer to her question. She told me it was almost midnight. "We should be heading home soon."
"Almost everyone's gone home already," Rikku informed me. "You've missed a lot out here. I would've found you but I didn't know where to look. Lulu said she hadn't seen you…" She trailed off. "They're winding down inside. I was going to ask Auron to dance the last dance with me."
I raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.
"There's no one left to judge," she continued, sensing my disapproval. "Anyway… about Baralai— give him a chance, won't you? He's trying his best."
I was surprised that she'd bring him up now but I didn't show it. "I know he is," I said. "…I am too."
Rikku smiled. "Yeah. I'm going inside. If you're staying out here, don't be long, okay?"
I nodded and she skittered off, soon to be replaced by Baralai, exiting through the same door she'd just entered. I couldn't help but think the two must be connected.
"Evening, Paine," he said simply, guiltily.
I walked up to him and clasped his hand. "Evening, 'Lai."
His smile was weak, half-hearted. "You look amazing, Paine."
He did too, but I didn't return the compliment.
"Your date gone home already?" I asked instead, and he shifted his weight anxiously.
"I never actually agreed to go to the dance with LeBlanc," he admitted.
I should have been glad, of course, but it actually made me kind of mad.
"Then why did you tell me that you did?"
He continued to shift. "Because I knew that you didn't want me to," was the sheepish reply. "I thought… I hoped that you'd change your mind and ask me if you thought that I was going to take LeBlanc up on her offer. I never thought you'd bid me good riddance!"
"And I never thought you'd elbow your way in and have my back against the wall!"
Baralai's gaze dropped and he grinned at the floor. "I knew it was a bad idea," he said, "But I really wanted to go with you, Paine."
I'd wanted to go with him too.
I really had.
His hand still held mine but only weakly now. I knew he was ready to drop it the moment he sensed that that was what I wanted.
…I squeezed his hand tight.
Fin